//------------------------------// // Mareami Vice // Story: Pony World Problems // by shortskirtsandexplosions //------------------------------// Ponies scattered in all direction, fleeing and shrieking under lamplight. Shining Armor followed a series of enormous footprints. At last, in the moonshadow of the great beast, he skidded to a stop and let go of Flash Sentry. "Alright, Lieutenant!" The stallion snorted, dragging a hoof through the grass as his horn glowed against the sweaty canvas of night. "This is it! Do or die! If that hydra wants to chew on any ponies, he has to go through us! Do you understand me—?!" "Vile hydra!" Flash's voice hollered from above. "Have at you!" Shining blinked. "...Huh?!" He glanced up. Flash Sentry hovered in place, kicking and bucking and striking with his hooves. "Rnnngh! Raaaugh! Yaaaugh! Take this! And that!" Clank! Cl-Clank! Clack! Whack! "And one more to grow on, ya freak!" "Lieutenant!" "I'll send you back to Tartarus in a hat box so your Momma can wear you on Sundays!" Shining hollered above the roaring and bedlam. "Lieutenant!!!" Flash glanced down, panting and sweating. "What?! I'm giving it the thrasing of its life!" Shining pointed. "You're beaking up a freakin' flagpole!" Flash blinked. He looked up at a bent metal staff in the ground, its Equestrian flag waving in the evening breeze. "Eheh... I—HIC!—knew that." Suddenly, four sets of reptilian eyes loomed above him, along with four sets of jaws. "Hooooboy." "Lieutenant, get down!" All four hydra heads roared in Flash's face. The pegasus yelped and rocketed earthward from the concussive breaths. Whump! "Ooof!" Shining awkwardly caught him, wincing. "Rrrrgh... I didn't mean like that!" "Sorry, C-Captain! I was just—" "No more sorries..." Shining Armor cracked his jaw while hissing through clenched teeth. He and Flash Sentry stood their ground against the lumbering beast in the center of Ponyville. "Only blood and sweat and tears! Tears of victory!" Shining spat as his horn glowed bright as the sun. "Because we'll have kicked this creep's sorry butt into next year!" "Yeah!" Flash snorted. "And written a heroic song about it!" "HIC! Heck y-yeah!" "It'll bring back Rod Stallion's career!" "Let 'em have it, Captain!" Flash howled. Shining Armor reared his head back, preparing to fire a burst of magic. Just then— ZAAAAAAAAP! Each hydra head gasped as its entire hulking body was wrapped in a ribbon of rainbow light. Shining and Flash stumbled back with a double-take. The monster whimpered like a giant infant. It tried to get away, but the rainbow beams wrapped tighter, encasing it as if with a prismatic cocoon. Out of nowhere, six ponies with rainbow mane and coat designs floated down, in the center of which was Twilight Sparkle in all of her lavender glory. With alicorn wings spread, she glided around and around the beast, shooting it several times with sparkly princess magic. Zaaaaaap! Z-Zaaaaap! Zaaap! Pew Pew! Shining Armor's jaw dropped as he watched the hydra lift into the air, encased in a translucent magical bubble. Within seconds it was being launched clear across the continent, landing far beyond the most distant mountain ridge. "Aaaaaaaaaaand..." Twilight Sparkle touched down, striking an adorkable pose in the moonlight. "That's a wrap!" "Smashing!" "Yeeeeeeha!" "Weeee!" "Awesome!" "Yaaaaay!" In a FLASH of light, all of the other mares lost their rainbow highlights, appearing around Twilight and nuzzling her close. "Once again, the power of friendship saves the day!" Twilight said with a grin. "I couldn't have done it without you, girls!" "Awwww shucks, sugarcube..." "We were just following your lead, darling!" "Twilight was charging her laser the whole time back from griffon town! Heehee!" "Whatever—so long as we whooped that hydra before it did something it could be proud of!" "Heehee..." Twilight smiled. "I'll say!" She turned around, blinking in Shining Armor's direction. "Oh! Hiya, B.B.B.F.F.! Thanks for holding the fort while the girls and I were away!" "Uhhhh..." Shining drooled. "Uhmmm..." "Whew..." Twilight trotted over and nuzzled him. "It's a good thing we showed up just now, who knows what damage that terrible monster would have done! And to think... it's been over eightteen months since a hydra ever even came near Ponyville!" "Uhm..." Fluttershy bit her lip and hid behind Rarity. "Eightteen months, two weeks, and three days." She squeaked. "I counted." "Though, I have no doubt you would have held it off if we took a little extra time to get here." Twilight winked at Shining. "Isn't that right, big brother?" "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Shining teetered. "Sure!" "Shining Armor?" Twilight sniffed, sniffed, then leaned forward with a squinting expression. "Have you been... drinking?" "Uhm..." Shining stifled a belch and droned, "Maybe." Twilight blinked. Then blinked again. "Great!" She beamed, wingtips fluttering. "That means you must have had a pretty swell day looking over Ponyville! I'd be celebrating too!" "Heh heh heh..." Shining Armor cleared his throat. "Bet you don't get tired of those?" "What, good days in Ponyville?" Twilight giggled, raising a dainty hoof. "I certainly wouldn't live anywhere else!" "I meant celebrations, but, whatever..." "Awwwwwww... thanks for the invitation, B.B.B.F.F." She leaned in and nuzzled his chest. "But the girls and I have had a long... long day." "Uh huh..." "And we just have to go hit the hay so we can write a report about our meeting with the griffons tomorrow. Y'know... super important Princess of Friendship stuff." "I bet." "But it was so nice seeing you!" Twilight gave him a peck on the cheek and patted his head. "We should get together again sometime! Crystal Empire, perhaps?" "You... d-do love your train rides!" Shining said with a nervous twitch. "Heehee!" Twilight began trotting after her lurching, yawning companions. "You know me so well! Nighty night, Shining!" Flash Sentry smiled bashfully. He raised a hoof. "Hiya, Princess. It's so good to see—" Twilight trotted right past him, presently engaged with a yawn. "—a princess walking off to get her beauty sleep! Yup! Uh huh." Flash dusted his armor off and gazed towards the night sky. "Ahem. Aaaaaaaand I think I'm done here." "Well..." Shining Armor took a deep breath, surveying the upturned clumps of earth and hydra footsteps still lingering around them like the foggy traces of a dream. "One way or another, I suppose we can find solace that the job of protecting Ponyville was still accomplished." "Mmmmm..." Flash Sentry teetered, eyelids heavy and exhausted. "Mmmmhmmm." Two ponies trotted out from behind a bush. "Is... is it safe to come out n-now?" "No more worries, citizen." Shining Armor smiled. "The hydra is gone now, thanks to your Princess Twilight Sparkle." "Hey... heeeey!" One pony pointed at him. "You! It's actually you! I can't believe it, dude!" Shining grinned. "Ah... so I gather you've been to the Crystal Empire before—" "DJ-P0N3!" The pony grinned. "Wow! I really love your mixes, Vinyl!" "... ... ..." Shining sighed long and hard, his face stuck in a bittersweet smile. "You're right, Lieutenant. I guess we are done here." Flash slumped against him, fuzzy cheek propped atop his shoulder. "Zzzzzzzzzzz..." Shining gazed at him, then rolled his eyes, grumbling.