//------------------------------//
// Trotter and Hooch 
// Story: Pony World Problems 
// by shortskirtsandexplosions 
//------------------------------//

	There was no hearing the school bell from the sheer noise of weeping, sobbing, wailing children.  One by one, they limped out of the school building in single-file as their parents and older siblings arrived early to escort them home.  Older Ponyvilleans nuzzled and hugged their foals, patting their backs in order to help shake the sobs loose.

"Come on now, Apple Bloom," Granny Smith muttered as she joined the thin group of families trotting slowly home down the dirt roadways.  "I'll bake you somethin' super sweet to get yer mind off of it."

"I-I just don't understa-aa-aa-aannnd!"  She sobbed, clinging to Big Macintosh's backside and burrying her face into his massive shoulders.  "Mrmmmmfff—How could a single pony bleed that much?!"  A hiccuping spasm.  "And the letters from his children he'd n-never reeeea-aa-aa-aad!"

"There there..."  Granny Smith reached over to nuzzle her.  She then glared back at the school building.  "That's enough homework for the day, darlin'."

"Eeeeyup," Big Macintosh growled, teeth barred as he too glared.

As the last of the families trotted off, Shining Armor and Flash Sentry stood in the doorframe, blinking steadily.  Flash Sentry bore an undying wince, and he hid his blushing face behind his helmet.

"Huh..."  Shining scratched his head, then placed his helmet over his skull.  "Well, I can see that the curriculum here isn't the same as the schools in the Crystal Empire."

"Maybe..."  Flash Sentry fidgeted.  "...m-maybe I should have stopped at the part where we had to put Stu's intestines back in."

"No, n-nonsense!"  Cheerilee wheezed.  She teetered a few feet away, leaning against the school building with a sickly smile.  "It w-was... most... urp... informative!"

"I'm glad somepony agrees with me," Shining said with a nod.  He turned towards her.  "Nevertheless, I'm sorry for the unfortunate turn of events.  Would you like us to buy you a bite to eat in recompense?"

"Ohdearohdearohdear—!"  Wide-eyed, Cheerilee galloped a crescent circle and barreled straight inside the school building, where there emanated a loud, wretching echo.

Flash winced all the harder.

"Well..." Shining Armor cleared his throat as he slipped his helmet back on.  "I do believe our work here is done."

"I think we should have just stuck with the apricot conditioner."

"Lieutenant, if those children won't learn the horrible ways of the world from us, just where will they learn it from?!"

Flash Sentry fidgeted, his eyes darting along the horizon.  "... ... ...Whinnypedia?"

"Nnnngh..."  Shining Armor trudged forward, head hung low.  "Perhaps if we're lucky, Nightmare Moon's foalish doppelganger will appear out of nowhere and we'll get to hang somepony from the gallows..."

"Captain, sir!"  Flash Sentry flapped his wings and pointed.  "Two o'clock!"

"Really?" Shining muttered, fumbling for his watch.  "I know the schoolfoals were let out early and all, but—"

"I mean ahead and to the right, sir!"  Flash squinted.  "Trouble!"

"Trouble?!"  Shining Armor raised his head with a bright smile.  "There is a Goddess!"

Across the road, a teenage filly pawed at an oak tree, looking worried and anxious.

Both guardstallions galloped towards her, crossing the distance between them.  "Ma'am!" Shining Armor panted.  "What seems to be the trouble?"

"The trouble is Shelby," the filly muttered with a depressed sigh.  "I can't seem to get to her."

"Tell us where she is and we can help!"  Shining Armor placed a hoof on her shoulder.  "Is your friend Shelby stuck in a well?  A cave?  An abandoned mine shaft?"

"It's my cat."  The filly pointed straight up.  "She climbed up the tree and she won't come down."

Shining Armor blinked at the spread branches of the oak tree, then squinted at the young mare.  "You named your cat 'Shelby?'"

She frowned.  "Well, I certainly wasn't going to name her 'Concepción!'"

"Very well then."  Shining Armor nodded.  "About what time did your cat—the alleged Shelby—disappear within the foliage of this tree?"

"Uh... like... ten minutes ago."  The filly blinked.  "I chased her here.  It was bath time, you see."

"And could you provide an apt description for Shelby?"

"She's... sh-she's a cat."  The filly pointed.  "And she's right up there."

Shining did his best to compose himself.  Fighting a sigh, he placed a reassuring hoof on the mare's shoulder.  "Do not fear for the worse, madame."

"I'm not afr—"

"I promise you, on behalf of the Royal Equestrian Defense Ministry, that we will bring your feline companion back to you without harm to its life or limbs.  With professionally trained guards such as ourselves constantly on call to protect harmony in any circumstances, we extend our loyal dedication to all creatures, no matter the size or the—"

Fwoosh!  Flash Sentry levitated in front of the filly with a black cat in his grasp.  "Here you go, ma'am!"

Shining Armor's mouth hung open. He turned, blinking at Flash Sentry.  "Lieutenant?  What...?"

"I... uh... I saved it."

"You did?"

"Yeah."  Flash shrugged, nodding towards the tree with his helmet.  "I just flew up there and grabbed it."

"... ... ..."

"Erm, Captain, if you wish, I could go and put it in an even higher tree."

"No... no."  Sighing, Shining waved and turned away.  "Just... do your duty, Lieutenant."

Flash smiled and hoofed the kitty cat over to the filly.  "There... not a scratch on Shelby!"

"Awwwwww..."  The filly smiled and petted the frowning fuzzball.  "Thank youuuuu!"

"Always a pleasure to help the whiskers by the oak," Flash said with a wink.

"Saves me the trouble of asking my dad to get her down!"  The filly trotted off, balancing the cat on her flank.  "He's already done it five times this week.  I was minutes away from fetching the old ladder from the house myself."

"So long!"  Flash waved her off, smiling pleasantly.  "Give Shelby a nuzzle for me!"  He exhaled, then turned towards Shining.

Shining stared off with a dull expression.

Flash gulped and spoke with a hopeful smile.  "Look on the bright side.  Maybe the tree bit the cat and in a few hours we'll have to battle a farmstead full of oak zombies."

"I'm starting to have the most devastating epiphany."

"And what is that, Captain?"

Shining Armor tilted his head up, staring into the sky with sparkling eyes.  "What if... my beloved Twily likes to lie in her monthly reports?"

"Oh, I don't think it's very likely."

"What makes you say that, Lieutenant."

"Well, she's a Princess."

"So?"

"Princesses don't lie."

"That's categorically untrue."

"Really?"

"Lieutenant, I married one," Shining grumbled.  "Despite everything Cadance has said to coddle me these last twelve months, I know for a fact that I've gained weight during our stay at the Crystal Kingdom."

Flash Sentry glanced at Shining, fidgeted, then glanced at him again.  "Well..."  He smiled.  "Look at the bright side."  He pointed.  "From the look of things, it all went to your front half."

Shining's head swiveled to glare at Flash.

Flash gulped, flapping his wings.  "Want me to fetch that cat and stick it on the highest r-rooftop, sir?"

Before Shining could respond...

"Help!  Helppppp!"  A peach-colored mare with auburn hair was galloping around in an erratic pattern, her voice warbling in the afternoon air.  "Oh please, will somepony help us?!  Hellllllp ussss!"

Flash gasped widely.  With a smile, he hovered over and nudged Shining several times.  When the Captain looked up, the Lieutenant pointed eagerly at the hysterical pony, barely containing his grin.

Shining's ears perked up.  Her reared his hooves, then went charging across the street.

"Madame!  Fear no more!"  He skidded to a stop in front of her, waving a forelimb.  "The Royal Guard is at your beck and call!"

"Oh... Oh thank Goddess!"  The mare instantly swooned, holding a hoof over her forehead.  "Somepony who can save us!"  She sniffled, on the verge of weeping.  "Something terrible... h-horribly awful has j-just happened!"

"Please, just try to calm down, ma'am," Shining Armor said.  "We're here to help."  He cleared his throat.  "Can you tell us your name?"

"Roseluck... my name is Roseluck."  She choked on a sob, eyes watering.  "And my friend is in trouble!  But... b-but I fear that it may be too late to saaaaaaave herrrrrrrrr... ohhhhhh ho ho hooooo..."

"Can you show us where she is?" Flash Sentry asked.  "I promise you that we'll do whatever is in our power to save your friend!"

"Alright, I'll take you to her!"  Roseluck stumbled off, tears flying with each galloping stride.  "But do not be surprised if she is already deceased by the time that we arrive!"

"Blessed Luna!" Flash stammered as he glided after the mare.  "Her poor friend sounds on the virge of death!"

"Yes!" Shining grinned while in full gallop.  "We can only hope!"