//------------------------------// // Chaos drops by // Story: Warhammer vs Horse // by Fiddlesworth the bear //------------------------------// Chaos Lord Firaeveus Carron was sitting at his unholy throne on his ship when a cultist slowly and nervously approached his majesty. “M-my great lord Carron...w-we found a strange planet filled with tiny, squishy, killable creatures. The planet seems to be called “equestria” and has already been visited by disgusting emperor worshipping guardsmen.” the cultist nervously said. “Mmmmmm. Very good indeed. We shall land there and kill all of them in the name of Khorne. Now get out my sight.” Carron said as he shot the cultist in the foot. “MY SPLEEEEEEN!!!” The cultist yelled as he was dragged away by some bloodletters that were licking their lips. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was a sunny day, the grass was shining, the sun was swaying in the wind, the birds were swimming, and the fish were singing. Fluttershy was tending to some bunnies or something when a what appeared to be a massive shimmering portal appeared in the sky. “What in the name of friendship is that?” Fluttershy questioned. “It’s a chaos warband coming to kill us all you dumbass.” A rabbit said. “Prepare the planetary defences!” an owl yelled as he pressed a button labeled “bear cavalry”. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A drop pod crash landed into the planet’s surface. Carron waltzed his way out while a bunch of cultists followed along. “S-sir, we crushed a bunch of large furry creatures.” a cultist explained. “Cool.” Carron said as he executed the cultist. “WHAT IS THIS VILE CREATURE I STAND UPON!?” Carron screamed. “I believe it’s grass sir.” another cultist said. Carron shoves the cultist into his gun and shoots him off into the distance. “THIS GRASS OFFENDS ME! DESTROY IT ALL!” A battalion of cultists wielding flamethrowers and multi meltas charged out of the drop pod orgasmicly screaming “KILLL THEEEMMM ALLLL!!!” As they were burning the grass a single cultist was stabbing the ground, not seeming to care that he was being burnt alive yelling “GRASS FOR THE GRASS GODS!” --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Somewhere, in the deep dank depths of the warp. “That’s the shit.” Snoop God said as he rolled up the grass previously stabbed by the cultist. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “U-um, excuse me b-but this is my forest and y-you can’t just go around killing all these innocent blades of grass.” Fluttershy whispers. “YOU DARE APPROA-” but before Carron could finish his sentence a Champion of Nurgle waddles out of the drop pod. “Hey, wait. It says that we should try converting them before killing them sir!” The Champion said with a charismatic smile. When the Champ got done speaking Carron shot him in the head. “Good shot! Maybe next time!” the Champ said with true sincerity as he flicked a band aid in the hole where half of his head once was. “What are you planning on doing to me?” Fluttershy stammered. “Oh don’t worry little horse, now do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior-” But before he could finish he started violently coughing in fluttershy’s general direction and she immediately caught almost every disease known to man. “Plaaaggguuuueee.” Fluttershy said as she slowly walked off into the distance. “I think it worked guys!” The Champ said. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile in Ponyville. The mane six, or at least most of them, were sitting around a table in Rarity’s house as she showed off her new fashion design. It was interrupted by the door getting kicked down and what is left of Fluttershy slowly limping in. “Well howdy Fluttershy, yer smile looks as golden as mah cotton fields! How y’all doin on this fine and country day?” Apple Jack said. “D-death.” Fluttershy said as she puked acid all over Apple Jack, dissolving her into nothing. “What did you do to my brand new table!” Rarity screamed while attempting to clean the puke and Applejack off of it with stain removal. Instead of answering Fluttershy just tied a noose and hung herself in the doorway. Before any of them could help help her Spike yelled “Hey gang it looks like there’s trouble a’ brewing!” “No please, stop! It’s horrible!” A citizen yelled as a changer of ways was tearring signs out of the ground, flipping them the opposite way, and placing them back where they were. “Maybe we should help them gang!” Spike said as he turned around to see Rarity conversing with a daemonette about fashion. “That dress you made, it is quite beautiful and sparkly.” The daemonette said. “Why tha-” Rarity attempted to say. “But not as glorious as the one I made.” The daemonette said as she flashed the most amazing and bedazzled dress anyone has ever saw. The dress was so much better than Rarity’s that she took a cheese grater and rubbed it against her head until there was no more eyes to look at the dress. Then she bled out on the floor. “NOOOO RARITY! I’ll do ANYTHING to bring you back!” Spike screamed. “Annnnyyyttthhhiiinnggg? The Nurgle Champion said, brushing past Fluttershy’s hanging body who was annoyed that she wasn’t dead yet. “Yes, anything!” Spike said. “Good.” The Nurgle Champion then happily took a “pocket guide to Nurgle” out of his back pocket and started yelling “Romeo oh Romeo! Where art thou’ Romeo?” They all stood there awkwardly as nothing happened. The Nurgle Champion stands there, embarrassed for a few moments before shooting Spike. “You didn’t see anything.” Then he leaves the house. All that’s left of the mane six flee in terror to the mayor’s house to warn her of the imminent dangers. “Mayor! Mayor!” Snowflake yelled in terror. “Hey dude not cool, that was my line before the author decided he’d rather use a better character than me!” Rainbowdash added. “What’s wrong guys?” The mayor said. “There’s a bunch of assholes outside doing bad things!” Twilight said. “Did they kill anyone?” The mayor asked. “They only killed Rarity and Spike!” Pinkie pie said. “Anyone else?” The mayor said. “Well, they killed a lot of grass.” Twilight said. “THOSE BASTARDS!” The mayor yelled. “Pinkie pie, you know what to do.” --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “KILL THEM ALLL!” Carron yelled. Out of the horizon they were able to see a figure emerging with a large object. “Sir I think they have sent us the cavalry!” A cultist yelled. “Thanks.” Carron said, then german suplexed the cultist into the soft dirt, instantly burying him and planting a cultist tree that would bear heretical fruit three months from now. Moments later all they heard was “It’s party time!” Pinkie pie yelled. Then a single cannonball teared through the entire battalion of cultists. Before they died they all yelled in a single chorus “MY SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN” It was a symphony of beauty and, grace. One of those moments in life you refuse to forget no matter how much alcohol you drink. Some say it was so loud, so touching, so beautiful that they say it reached the golden throne of Terra itself, and they say a miracle happened that day for when that sound graced his ears, the emperor, entombed in his throne as he was, still managed to shed a single tear of happiness at what he heard that day. “on...dang it. Send in the reinforcements.” Carron said as another drop pod launched out of the previous drop pod, and smashing its way into Pinkie Pie turning her into Pinkie puddle. There was a short pause of silence as every citizen of ponyville watched in awe. Moments later the entirety Legio Mortis plodded out of the drop pod. “RETREAT TO THE FOOTBALL STADIUM SIZED METAL BOX BOMB SHELTER WE BUILT JUST IN CASE SOMETHING LIKE THIS WERE TO HAPPEN AGAIN!” The mayor yelled as they all fled into the big metal box. “....BIG...METAL….BAWKSES!?” Carron yelled as a noticable vein jutted from his forehead and numerous amounts of sweat beads dribbled from his eyebrow while blood poured out of his mouth as he gritted his teeth impossibly hard. Carron then picked up the big metal box and lobbed it into the sun. Such was his contempt for metal boxes.