//------------------------------// // [FIXED] Episode 24: The CMC...Are A Pain In The Flank. // Story: The Life of a Wanted Changeling Season 2: Debt to a Doctor (Comment Driven Story) // by Down with Chrysalis //------------------------------// You shiver with foreboding at your apparent jinx. DFV: So you felt it too? That is...unsettling You: What? What is it? DFV: Something powerful enough to cause even a weakling such as you to feel it's presence...Something wicked this way comes. You: Ya? I figured as much, Ponyville just seems to be a beacon for all things unholy and evil. I'll just deal with it like always. DFV: Agreed, you best keep Night Shade close, keep her safe You: Don't I always? Besides, I'm starting to get a little creeped out about how much "Caring" you seem to be showing towards her. DFV: Should a mother not care for her child? You: Well it wasn't that long ago that you were referring to her as a tool in order for me to take vengeance, so ya, no mother of the year awards for you. DFV: I've always wanted her safe, even if my reasons have changed since I've been trapped in your feeble mind. I do care for her greatly. You: Sure you do (sarcastically) DFV: I DO! And if you want to continue caring for her yourself, then you should get those girls away from that bridge! You: What are you...(see's CMC on bridge with bungee cords around them) CMC: CUTIEMARK CRUSADERS BUNGEE JUMPERS YAY!!! You: Whoa! NO NO NO NO!!! (you grab them all before they jump) cut that out CMC: Awwwww You shiver with foreboding doom at the apparent laughing jinx you swore you heard a few moments ago. So you felt it too? That is... unsettling You flinch at hearing the dark whisper and mentally respond, What? What is it? Something powerful enough to cause even a weakling such as you to feel it's presence... By the pricking of my hoof, something wicked this way comes... Yeah? I figured as much, Ponyville just seems to be a beacon for all things unholy and evil. I'll just deal with it like I always do... Running around like an imbecile before I need to bail you out? the DFV scoffs, Regardless, you better keep Nightshade close, keep her safe. Ignoring her insult, you respond, Don't I always? Besides, I'm starting to get a little creeped out about how much "Caring" you seem to be showing towards her. Should a mother not care for her child? Well, it wasn't that long ago that you were referring to her as a mere tool of vengeance, so ya, no mother of the year award for you anytime soon. I've always wanted her safe, even if my reasons have more-or-less changed since I've been trapped in your feeble mind. I do care for her greatly. Sure you do, and I'm the king of Equestria. you snark. I DO! And if you wish to continue caring for her yourself, then you should get those girls away from that bridge! What are you- You stop and your eyes widen in shock when you see the Cutie Mark Crusaders on the edge of a bridge with bungee cords around them. "CUTIEMARK CRUSADERS BUNGEE JUMPERS YAY!!!" "Whoa! NO NO NO NO!!!" You yell as you rush over and grab all four of the fillies before they could splatter themselves. "Cut that out!" "Awwwww..." the four say in disappointment. With a roll of your eyes, you go look for a tree with decent shade to relax under. You found a suitable tree a few seconds later, but before you could relax you hear... CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MAD SCIENTISTS!!! YAY!!! "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MAD SCIENTISTS!!! YAY!!!" You look over at the CMC and Nightshade in horror and see them wearing labcoats while being surrounded by jars of chemicals. You think, WHERE IN THE NAME OF LUNA DID THEY GET THOSE CHEMICALS!? And is that... IS THAT LIQUID NITROGEN! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND OWNS LIQUID NITROGEN! Sweetie Belle is about to put her hoof into the liquid nitrogen, so you desperately dash over there just in time to you slap the bottle away from the girls (sadly, this resulted in an early winter for an anthill nearby). You glare at the fillies with disappointment as you say, "That would have to be the most dumbflank thing I have ever seen, and trust me when I say I've seen and done alot of dumbflank things!" The time I slept though the "Fake Being a Parent" lesson comes to mind. You think to yourself in a deadpanned tone. The fillies give ashamed looks as they look down and say, "We're sorry." You sigh in relief as you say, "Good... now let's go somewhere where you won't be near any dangerous chemicals. Also, you better return all this equipment back to the rightful owner. Okay?" They nod their heads and say, "Okay!" They walk away with the chemical equipment in hoof (hopefully to return the equipment) as you sigh and are about to go after them to make sure they don't cause anymore trouble, when you see... And later you come across a sad looking Pinkie Pie. You: ummm Hey P: ... You: Do you need something? P: ... You: OK then, well I guess I'll P: Why? You: Huh? P: Why did you accuse me of being a murderer? You: Oh well because...(You have no good reason) P: I mean, what was all that about yesterday? You: Uhh... P: I mean, I know you don't like me very much for some reason, but why would you say such a hurtful thing? You: Well, I guess I was just... overreacting? P: Overreacting...OVERREACTING!!! You get a little scared P: You made me confess that I was gonna skin ponies and make them into cupcakes. That's not funny! That's...I don't even know what that is! You: Umm... P: It was all kind of silly in hindsight, but everypony heard me say that, and the flower didn't bloom! You: Oh... P: It bloomed for all your "lies" but not that obvious one...Now some ponies think I'm gonna make them into cupcakes (starts sniffling) You: I'm...I'm sorry... I just got carried away. P: I could never do such a thing, to anypony or anything... So why didn't the flower bloom? (starts crying) Is there a part of me that was telling the truth? (Starts Bawling) You: (thinking) Luna Dang It! Why do I keep making Mares cry? Grrr...curse you conscience and your real world consequences. Time for operation hug first, be enemies again later. Sigh. You hug her and pat her on the back and keep telling her how sorry you were. You: Hey Hey, I'm pretty sure that you were just confused P: But I am confused... You: Er...More so than usual, I must have convinced a part of you that what you said was the truth and that you somewhat believed it. That's why the flower didn't bloom. P: (Sniffles) I guess that makes sense, I mean the alternative would be that all your lies were the truth and that you were actually Equestria's most wanted and IE the meanie pants the Hooded Offender in disguise... You gulp P: But then again, Nopony can beat Contra without the 30 lives cheat...although that colt Button Mash almost did once... You: Grrrr...Listen, how can I make this up to you. P: Oh there is one way you can (she says in a conspiratorial whisper with half lidded eyes) You: (In your head) Oh Sweet Tartarus, please don't let this one be hitting on me too! P: A PARTY!!! You: OH THANK GOODNESS! Oh Wait...No... P: You come to a party of mine where you apologize for what you did to me and so everypony can get to know you and your daughter better! You: umm...Is there anything else I could possibly do? Pinkie Pie gets a serious scary face on P: COME...TO...THE...PARTY!!! You: Yes maam! P: Great! See ya tonight. lalalalalalala(bounces away) DFV: Oh thank the Darkness she's gone, that one unsettles me... You: You're telling me. A sad-looking Pinkie Pie sitting by herself and sniffling. Your gut tells you to ignore the Pink psycho and the DFV encourages you to revel in her sorrow, but your conscience won't shut up. So you decide to go and try to cheer her up before chibi-Nightshade and evil looking Luna pop up. "Ummm, Hey..." you say hesitantly. Pinkie doesn't seem to notice you. "Do you need something?" Pinkie just continues to sniffle. "OK then, well I guess I'll-" "Why?" she suddenly asks, head still looking down. "Huh?" "Why did you accuse me of being a murderer?" "Oh well because... Yeah... I have no good reason at the moment..." you respond sheepishly. "I mean, what was all that about yesterday?" "Uhh..." Pinkie turns towards you, "I mean, I know you don't like me very much for some reason, but why would you say such a hurtful thing?" "Well, I guess I was just... overreacting?" "Overreacting...OVERREACTING!!!" Pinkie yells causing you to get a little scared. "You made me confess that I was gonna skin ponies and make them into cupcakes! That's not funny! That's... I don't even know what that is!" "Umm..." "It was all kind of silly in hindsight, but everypony heard me say that, and the flower didn't bloom!" "Oh..." you respond guiltily. "I mean, it bloomed for all your "lies" but not that obvious one... Now some ponies actually believe I'm gonna make them into cupcakes..." she sniffles, "I'm... I'm sorry... I just got carried away." "I could never do such a thing, to anypony or anything... So why didn't the flower bloom? Is there a part of me that was telling the truth?" Pinkie then starts bawling as you think in anger, Luna Dang It! Why do I keep making Mares cry? Grrr... Curse you conscience and your real world consequences! Time for operation hug first, be enemies again later... You hug Pinkie, pat her on the back and say, "Hey Hey, I'm sorry. I'm pretty sure that you were just confused..." "But I am confused..." "Er... More so than usual. I must have convinced a part of you that what you said was the truth and that you somewhat believed it. That's why the flower didn't bloom." Pinkie calms down and says, "I guess that makes sense, I mean the alternative would be that all your lies were the truth and that you were actually Equestria's most wanted, IE the meanie pants the Hooded Offender in disguise..." You gulp nervously, but Pinkie doesn't notice as she continues, "But then again, Nopony can beat Contra without the 30 lives cheat... Although that colt Button Mash almost did once..." You briefly growl in annoyance at the thought of noling ever realizing your video game greatness before you say, "Listen, how can I make this up to you?" "Oh there is one way you can..." she says in a conspiratorial whisper with half lidded eyes... Oh Sweet Tartarus, please don't let this one be hitting on me too! Although imagine how much of a legend I'd be if I somehow got all the Deadly Six at onc-BAD BUG, NOT NOW! "A PARTY!!!" OH THANK GOODNESS! Oh Wait... No... "You come to a party of mine where you apologize for what you did to me and so everypony can get to know you and your daughter better!" "Umm...Is there anything else I could possibly do?" you say half-pleadingly. Pinkie Pie suddenly gets a serious scary face on as she says with emphasis, "Come. To. The. PARTY!" "Yes ma'am!" you blurt out in panic, but as soon as you said that you hear something that makes you freeze in horror... CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ANARCHISTS!!! YAY!!! "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ANARCHISTS!!! YAY!!!" You yelp in panic and scream, "OH NO THEY DON'T" You run to where you heard the fillies and scream back to Pinkie, "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO MAKE THEM SAY THAT! I SWEAR! I BLAME BAD PARENTING! Wait, that would be blaming me... I BLAME THE MEDIA BLAMERS!" Pinkie waves at your retreating form before she hops away while chanting "lalalalallalal..." 45 MINUTES LATER After running around Ponyville looking for the foals, you see them standing near a crate of fuse bombs and Molotov Cocktails while wearing different outfits. Nightshade is wearing a purple longcoat along with white make-up with blackened eyes and red paint smeared on her mouth, Sweetie Belle has a black cape, a black hat, and a Guy Fox mask, Scootaloo is wearing a red hooded jacket with a white Anarchy "A" sprayed on along with a whitish-gold mask, and Apple Bloom is just wearing greenish-gray robes. They are about to start hurling explosives at the Ponyville Library when you dive in just in time and tackle the would-be bomb-throwing anarchists. "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR BUCKING MINDS!" you scream in worry. "But Mistah Tennant, books cause reading, reading makes knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, so that means books are evil!" "There's only one sane solution: BLOW IT UP!" Nightshade adds. "I'm doing this cause I hate homework." Scootaloo comments. You facehoof in exasperation and say, "Look, just take off the dumb outfits. Your not gonna blow up the library. I'm already in enough deep trouble with Twilight, I don't need blowing up my home added to the list." You mutter that last part to yourself. The fillies sigh and take off the outfits, and Nightshade rubs off the make-up. You send them to sit and stare at a tree in time-out. As they do this, you look at the box of explosives and think, As for this stuff... You look around, before you stuff them into your potion sash You never know when explosives will come in hoofy... "3 Fuse Bombs" Added to the Potion Sash "5 Molotov Cocktails" Added to the Potion Sash With that you walk over to the fillies to berate them A FEW HOURS LATER You took them to the park, but for the past couple of hours you've had to stop them form doing the most idiotic things like mercenaries, mobsters, and muggers. But it seems they've finally ran out of energy, as now they're just relaxing on a bench watching the clouds. You took this time to relax and try to answer an important question... Stop the presses, Nightshade and the CMC aren't doing anything dangerous right now. They're just lying in a field together, watching the clouds roll by. You take this moment of silence to compose yourself and try to answer a very important question. Is there a way to avoid being skinned alive by all the mares crushing on you? Taking a page out of the evil Twilight Sparkle's playbook, you try to get your thoughts organized. You sit down and start writing things down about the mares you know. Applejack- PROS: Well-toned legs. Like ridiculously well-toned legs. I want to feel them wrapped around Moving on. CONS: She will not hesitate to slaughter the real me where I stand. And she's possibly a blood relative. Rainbow Dash- PROS: She's pretty, I'll give her that. The hair color is actually kind of cool. And she's really athletic. I wonder how flexible she can be in MOVING ON, BUGZE. CONS: She wants me dead, too. And there still might be something to my filly fooler taunts. Vinyl Scratch- PROS: She actually likes the real me, but the girl is slightly insane. Wow, what does that say about the mares I know when the one that offered a three-way with me the first time we met is only slightly insane? Anyway, she seems to be down for anything. Maybe she'd let me BAD BUG! CONS: Slightly insane is still insane. She seems to be down for anything, which could backfire horribly. Octavia- PROS: She's really a more insane Vinyl Scratch, for both good and bad. Dedicated to me, but to the point of creepiness. You're deluding yourself. The DFV snaps you out of your thoughts. Where did that come from? Look at your list, fool. Oh, "The real me!" The first two like this Tennant character you're playing, and the last two favor the Hooded Offender. Maybe you should find one that likes Bugze? That actually sounds like you know what you're talking about. But... they're all Bugze. The Offender, Tennant, they're both me. Aren't they? Before the DFV can respond, the words on your page flash. Oh buck me, did I write this in the Doctor's notebook? Oh my. And he's immortal, too. You will literally never live this down. Shut up! A thousand years from now, he'll have a new assistant, and he'll tell them about the time some fool sent him a list of potential romantic conquests. Shut! Up! Is there a way to avoid being chained to a basement bed by one of these mares crushing on you? Taking a page out of the evil Twilight Sparkle's playbook, you take out the notebook and pen from the Inventory and start writing down what you know about the mares in an attempt to get your head straight. Applejack -PROS: Hard worker. Good cook. Well-toned legs. Like ridiculously well-toned legs. I want to feel them wrapped around Moving on. CONS: She will not hesitate to slaughter the real me where I stand. Not that smart (and that's me saying that). Possibly a blood relative. Rainbow Dash -PROS: She's pretty, I'll give her that. The hair color is actually kind of cool (only 20% cool, but still...). And she's really athletic. I wonder how flexible she can be in MOVING ON, BUGZE. -CONS: She wants me dead, too. And there still might be something to my fillyfooler taunts... Vinyl Scratch -PROS: A good DJ and she actually likes the real me, but the girl is slightly insane. Wow, what does that say about the mares I know when the one that offered a threesome with me the first time we met is only slightly insane? Anyway, she seems to be down for anything. Maybe she'd let me BAD BUG! -CONS: Slightly insane is still insane. She seems to be down for anything, which could backfire horribly. Plus she seems like a flirt and not serious. Octavia -PROS: Talented classical musician, attractive in that refined way, genuinely likes the Hooded Offender due to "him" saving her life and isn't just another crazed fanfilly, would jump at the chance to jump on my GAH! THERE'S FOALS NEARBY! -CONS: Dedicated to me, but probably to the point of creepiness- You're deluding yourself. The DFV snaps you out of your thoughts and you mentally snap, What do you want? Look at your list, fool. Oh, "The real me!" The first two like this Tennant character you're playing, and the last two favor the Hooded Offender. Maybe you should find one that likes the incompetent insect? That actually sounds like you know what you're talking about. But... they're all Bugze. The Offender, Tennant, they're both me. Aren't they? Before the DFV can respond, the words on your page flash. Oh buck me, did I write this in the Doctor's notebook? Oh my. And he's immortal, too. You will literally never live this down. Shut up! A thousand years from now, he'll have a new assistant, and he'll tell them about the time some fool sent him a list of potential romantic conquests- Shut! Up! And their Companions, not Assistants! MEANWHILE ON THE TARDIS The Doctor looks at his psychic paper and comments, "Huh? Now what could Bugze have sent me this ti- BWAHAHAHAHAHAH OH THAT'S BLOODY BRILLIANT! BWAHHAHAH!" The Doctor falls over in a laughing fit as Derpy walks over to the Doctor and asks, "What's so funny Doctor? Did Bugze tell another really funny joke?" The Doctor looks over to Derpy, barely able to hold back laughter, and says "Oh no no no Hahhaha... He... hahahah... Oh just bloody look." The Doctor hoofs over the Psychic Paper to Derpy who looks at it confused while the Doctor waits for her to laugh as well. Derpy just gets a confused look as she asks, "Why am I not on this list?" "Bwahahahahh-wait... What?!" BACK TO PONYVILLE After that...embarrassing realization. You notice that Pinkie's party for you is about to begin (by that, you mean a rock was just thrown at you head that had the words "Party time" on it, so you guess it was time for the party). You decide to worry about the Doctor now having blackmail on you for the next few centuries later, as you have to get to that party. You call over to the CMC and Nightshade and head towards Sugarcube Corner... AT SUGARCUBE CORNER You and the fillies walk into the restaurant. All the lights are off and you can't see a stinking thing. You wave your hoof in the air to find a light switch while thinking, This is weird, I thought that rock said it was party ti- Suddenly the lights turn on and a bunch of voices shout, "SURPRISE!" You jump back in fright pointing a hoof at them, shouting, "IT'S A TRAP!" You hear the CMC and Nightshade giggle next to you, and you start to blush in embarrassment. The party goers seem to have ignored your outburst, and have already began to mingle. You cough a few times and think awkwardly, Okay... I"m at my own party... What the hay do I do now? What do you do?