Chapter Seven – The Thin Line between Love and Hate
Ten Hours and Fifty Five Minutes Later
I gave a swift glance at the clock. It was 10.55 am. She would be here soon. Bringing a hoof to my muzzle, I tried to suppress a yawn.
I hadn’t slept a wink the night before. The thought of my appearance exposing my fatigue was horrifying. However, I must admit, for a mare with a tendency to stay up until the early hours working on projects, I’d learnt to hide my tiredness very well. Make-up does wonders for covering up one’s occasional baggy eyes.
Today, however, was very different. When I would usually stay up all night to finish a dress, at least the morning after, I would have an overpowering sense of achievement. But, when that said tiredness was due to an inability to sleep, I didn’t know what to feel. I had just laid awake all night, watching the ceiling intently, thinking. I would have liked to consider it a deep, meaningful trail of thought. However, it was quite the opposite. It was a singular thought, just one.
Was this the right thing to do?
I had finally reached a point in my life, one which I had only envisioned in my wildest childhood dreams, only to question it. Was moving to Manehattan what I wanted? I was pretty sure it was, but nothing could rid me of a small, niggling feeling. It continued to hack at the back of my mind, insisting I should reconsider my position on the situation. Anytime it became too prevalent, a quick shake of the head would usually discard the annoyance. But, it always managed to wriggle its way back.
Three, slow, heavy raps echoed against the front door to the boutique. Only one pony could have such a boisterous knock. I sighed contently, trotting over to the door. The shop doorbell chimed sweetly.
“Howdy, Rarity.” Applejack smiled, tipping her hat.
“Good morning, darling,” I spoke timidly, allowing the farmer inside. She stabbed her hooves into the welcome mat, brushing them clean. If she hadn’t done so, I would have certainly commented on her lack of common courtesy. She knew me too well.
“Good mornin’ my flank! It’s blowin’ a gale out there,” she complained, slipping off her saddlebags and shaking the excess snow from her coat. Her cheeks were flushed from being peppered with sleet. I pulled back the curtains, peaking out the window.
“It most certainly is.” I nodded, gazing out at the swirling winds of white. Only Applejack would be so stubborn to travel out in this storm.
I moaned, turning back to the earth pony. “You know you didn’t have to walk all the way across town in this weather.”
She laughed, poking a hoof around in her saddlebags. “It’s alright, sugercube. I promised to help ya pack anyways.” She produced a strange shaped bottle from the bag, placing it down carefully. “There ya go, some martini mix courtesy of Sweet Apple Acres.”
I floated the bottle over to inspect the label. “Oh, Applejack, you didn’t have to do this.”
“Ugh, well, consider it a leavin’ gift then,” she said, turning away from me.
I frowned. “Oh, yes … thank you.” I didn’t have the strength to think about tomorrow just yet. All I could do was try and forget about it for now.
“W-why,” I began, scuffing my hooves against the tiled floor. “Why don’t we have a glass?”
She gave a goofy yet playful smirk, as I stood there awaiting her answer. “Ugh, gee, Rare, it’s a little early t’ be hitting the hard stuff,” the earth pony spoke, raising an eyebrow towards the clock, “but … I’ll bite.”
I breathed heavily, relieved she hadn’t found the notion inappropriate. “Oh, g-great!” Our hooves clacked as Applejack accompanied me to the kitchen. “We are … celebrating after all.”
I groaned to myself knowing how pitiful of an excuse it was to start drinking. It was becoming a bad habit of mine over the past few weeks. How pathetic. After pouring us two glasses, I pressed a stopper in the bottle top.
“Enjoy.”
“Cheers,” Applejack said, nodding approvingly before taking a sip. “So … whatcha got left t’ pack? I can drink and work at the same time.” She winked at me, leaning against the counter.
I could feel my brain scrambling for an answer. “I, ugh …”
“T’ be honest, Rare, looks like ya done most of the work already.” She gave a confused expression, while scanning the barren kitchen.
It was true, the whole house was barren, and it looked like it had been ransacked. Only boxes and bare walls surrounded us. Nopony would have guessed that it had housed many a dress and fashion show in its earlier life.
“Being honest, Applejack, I have,” I whispered, placing my glass down.
“Huh, then w-why did ya invite me over, if there’s nothin’ t’ pack?” She raised an eyebrow at me, scratching her mane. I blushed, hoping she wouldn’t notice.
“Well, there is one thing.” I frowned, before leading the farmer to the changing room in the front room. She fell in line behind me, staring deep in thought. The rail curtain lit up in a blue aura, as I swept it aside with magic. The changing room was dark and musky, inside only a purple, gem encrusted chest.
I pointed a hoof at it, looking to my companion. “There.”
“This here chest?” Applejack said, walking inside to take a closer look. The lid creaked as she peeked inside.
“Yes. I-I …” My mouth felt dry as I struggled to talk. “I can’t seem to conjure up the strength to pack those away. I thought maybe, maybe you could do it for me?”
Applejack tried to look at me reassuringly, but I could tell she had something on her mind. She coughed nervously, clearing her throat. “Ugh, Rare, I don’t mean t’ be rude, but … this here is jus’ a pile o’ junk.”
Her blunt honesty made me chuckle. She was never one for sugar-coating things. However, it was more the fact that she was absolutely right; to many a pony the contents of that chest was indeed a ‘pile of junk’.
“It would seem that way, wouldn’t it?” I shuffled over to the farmer, we both now looking inside. The assortment of clutter brought a filly-like smile to my muzzle.
“Is this some kinda trick? Cos’ I don’t get it,” Applejack said, unsure of my intentions.
I levitated the chest up, trotting back into the boutique. “Oh, heavens, no. Why don’t I explain?”
Applejack followed gingerly. My magic began lifting the items inside onto the floor, while I sat down on my chaise longue. I placed them all down gently, spreading them about the floor. Applejack smiled when I beckoned her over.
“Sit,” I said, patting at the red fabric beside me with a hoof. She nodded, before accompanying me. “This ‘pile of junk’ is my memoirs I’ve collected over the years from Ponyville.”
Applejack gulped, looking at the floor. “Gee, I’m mighty sorry. I didn’t realise —”
“Oh, it’s alright, darling. These items just have more of a sentimental value than an actual value.” I was lucky if items would amount to anywhere near five bits, had I decided to sell them.
“Alrighty then.” The earth pony looked about the items, still listening intently. “So, why do I have to pack them again?”
I coughed, leaning back. “There’s too many memories here, Applejack. If I hide them away in a box, I feel like I’m packing away the memories as well.”
Applejack turned to look at me, her nose scrunched up in thought. “But ain’t ya just movin’ them t’ ya new place? Just unpack em’ there.”
I could see her point. There wasn’t much logic behind my dilemma. My stomach churned, groaning through my flesh. My heart felt like a stone in an endless abyss of deep water.
“I’m scared,” I breathed.
While I moped at the floor, Applejack continued to stare, silent. I could imagine the words sinking into the farmer’s brain. “Of what, leaving?”
I smiled, weakly. “Yes, terrified actually.”
She gave a hearty laugh. “No offence, Rarity, but if ya can live in Canterlot, ya can live anywhere. And Canterlot is a crazy place t’ live.”
“I didn’t ‘live’ there, though,” I moaned. “I went to university there, that’s different.”
A warm hoof wrapped around my shoulder. I was surprised, but didn’t move away. “Ya gonna be fine.”
I blinked the moisture in my eyes away as best I could. Applejack always knew how to make me feel better. She never had to try hard to comfort ponies. With a single utterance, you would feel lifted by that sweet, earthy twang. I murmured in agreement, my eyes not leaving the floor. Applejack’s coat brushed against mine when she leaned across, reaching for something. My chest heaved slightly, as I looked off in another direction.
“What this?” she asked, grabbing a thick, purple folder beside me. Her sudden divergence off topic made me roll my eyes.
I waved a hoof over the folder. “Open it.”
The earth pony obeyed, flicking open the cover. A collection of dust floated around us, before settling slowly.
Applejack smirked, turning towards me. “A photo album?”
“A photo album of Ponyville,” I corrected.
“Oh, right – hey, this one’s of the Summer Sun Celebration,” she said, shuffling closer to me. I peered at the album, despite knowing the photo to which Applejack was referring.
The bright sun was beaming down onto the patch of green outside town hall. Each pony was squeezed into a tight huddle, trying to get in the shot. Twilight and Spike stood beaming in the centre. On the right, Pinkie looked as if Rainbow Dash had cracked a joke or prank just before the flash went off. Applejack and I were on the left, a hoof around one another, smiling brightly.
“Yes, I do love that one.”
“Me too,” she said, turning the page. “And this one!” Applejack laughed, pointing to picture of a cider-guzzling Rainbow Dash during cider season. I giggled, remembering how Fluttershy had helped the pegasus fly home that day.
“Ya remember when we had t’ ‘disaster-proof’ Ponyville?” Applejack laughed harder, poking a hoof into my side. I remembered, like only yesterday. There wasn’t a memory, good or bad, from my time in Ponyville that I truly wanted to forget.
“Oh, yes, and you and I had to tend to the dam. Twilight is so such a worrier!” My chest relaxed, and I sighed deeply. My mind had truly been thrown off course.
Applejack closed the album, turning eagerly to face me. “Oh, gee, yeah! Ya not remember when she didn’t write the Princess a friendship report? That was worse!”
“No, no, not as bad as when you decided to pick all the apples in Sweet Apple Acres!” I snorted a laugh. Applejack groaned, hitting me playfully.
“Coming from the mare who turned all the streets gold!”
“What,” I retorted, flicking my mane, “it wasn’t my fault. Besides, even if it had been, I consider it an improvement.”
“An improvement, like that vintage brooch you wanted from The Traders Exchange?” Applejack spoke, her tone dripping with sarcasm.
I scowled at the earth pony. “Yes, it was improvement! Unlike that ghastly pie tin you wanted, which was anything but an enhancement to Equestria.”
“Hey!” Applejack shoved into my side again. “Ya know … I always wonder how we get along so well.”
My cheeks turned an alarming shade of red. “I-I know. Opposites attract, I suppose.”
I bit down on my tongue. Had I really just said that? My behaviour was becoming progressively more idiotic and weird by the second. Judging by my companion’s piercing stare, Applejack had also noticed this change in personality. I glanced at the floor, my mouth dry like sandpaper.
“We sure as sugar are,” Applejack answered, awkwardly. I welcomed the unsettling silence between us. It gave me a brief moment to remember how terribly anxious I was. My method of simply trying to forget the matter was far from effective.
Applejack proceeded to inspect the memoirs scattered around the sofa. I stared at her, not in a strange, disturbing way, but softly. How did a pony like me come to have such amazing friends? Applejack – she was amazing. I didn’t like to admit it, at least not aloud, but she was so caring. She hadn’t given a second thought about trudging through a blizzard to my aid. Of all the ponies in Equestria, she wanted to help me!
Why?
Over the last month all we had done was argue. It was tragic, because afterward she would give me this remorseful glare. Watery and focused, her gaze would meet mine in what I could describe as dreamlike. It broke my heart. No matter who started our arguments, it was me who felt the crush of guilt in the end.
“Applejack,” I said, mustering a small smile.
She fumbled with my 2nd place Sisterhooves Social medal. “Huh, yeah?”
“There’s an empty box over there.” I pointed across the boutique. “You can pack them all way in that.”
I got up and wandered over to the only remaining shelf covered in clutter. Applejack nodded humbly, before attending to her assigned task. We both fell silent.
While sorting some threads into a box, I listening to Applejack pack my memoirs. Her rowdy clangs and clatters echoed around the boutique, reminding me how it was nothing more than a hollow shell. I noticed the earth pony stop, while I continued to pack.
From out the corner of my eye, I saw she was holding the album. She was looking at that same picture from earlier, the one taken outside town hall. The book was a precious memoir, and I could understand her curiosity to peruse through it further. I’d never shown it to anypony before. It deserved to be admired by fresh eyes. So, why not by a pony featured within many of its pages?
She huffed loudly. There was a heavy clunk, when she threw the book down into the box. Could she be less boisterous, maybe?
“Rarity,” she muttered. I continued to face the shelf, eyeing up a nice spool of gold thread I wanted to keep. Hopefully, she hadn’t spotted me watching her.
“Yes, darling.”
She sighed heavily. “Don’t ya feel bad?”
I frowned at my box of threads. “Whatever do you mean?”
Her agitated movements, combined with the sudden unsettling silence, made my coat tingle. Oh, no, what had I done now? I itched at my neck, while averting my eye to the floor.
“Feel bad fer leaving Ponyville,” the farmer said sternly. Her gaze was like a crushing weight upon me.
“U-ugh, well, of course I feel bad.” A tear tried to escape from my left eye, but I captured it swiftly with a hoof. “Well, to some extent.”
Applejack groaned, stepping away from her packing duties. “Whatcha mean ‘t’ some extent’?”
“I just mean, I am really happy to leaving also.” My smile didn’t waver the farmer, as she continued to glare at me.
“Yeah,” she mumbled, sulking.
“I get a new life in a new city, with a new job, new home, new experiences –”
“New friends,” she spoke, her tone dryer than a Dodge Junction tumbleweed. I winced.
The farmer’s sudden interrogation was charging at me full throttle, despite my attempt to take the reins. Why was she mad? I could only assume she was, judging by the piercing scowl.
“P-perhaps.”
“Oh, I understand.” She groaned, turning her back on me.
“And what is that supposed to mean?” I spoke, the intonation raising in my voice. Of all the time to have this conversation, Applejack had to choose this inopportune moment. Why was she on my back? I was starting to think she just enjoyed taking my emotions for a ride.
“Nothin,” she said, trying to end the conversation.
I stomped a hoof. “What is it, tell me?”
She snapped back, “No, Rarity. It don’t matter!” I furrowed a brow. The earth pony keeping her attention on packing the cardboard box.
What in Equestria was wrong now? Something was definitely on the mare’s mind, and I was going to find out. “Yes, it does. Tell me the truth,” I said, as comforting as I could muster.
Applejack stopped, speaking from over her shoulder. “Nothin’ … I jus’ knew this was gonna happen.” Her tone lathered with frustration.
“What was going to happen?” I gave a snort, trying my best to understand.
“Ya leavin’,” she spat, spinning to face me. I didn’t expect the sudden explosion of anger and volume. “Ya abandonin’ us!”
My chest heaved. I couldn’t breathe. What! How could she even say that? The silence loomed over us, the tension making me want to run away. I couldn’t deal with this pressure – not now. I didn’t think my self an angry pony – but that Applejack – she always brought it out of me. It was almost like the pang in my heart coincided with obliteration of my patience.
“Abandoning! How can you – I can’t believe you!” There was a vulgar bang, as I slammed the box down on a workbench, my coat prickling.
The earth pony bared her teeth, practically timberwolf like. “It’s the truth, ain’t it?”
“The truth? You of all ponies would know that it hurts.” I jabbed a hoof in her direction. “Stop wielding your honesty like some kind of weapon!”
“Watcha talkin’ about? I’m just sayin’ what everypony is thinkin’.” Applejack marched at me, seething. I didn’t move.
“Well don’t! For once, can you just smile and nod, instead of complicating everything?” That stupid mare and her honesty. Could she not keep her muzzle shut? Ironically, this was something I was finding a very difficult task myself.
“Celestia’s sake. For somepony suppose t’ be generous … ya sure are selfish!” she barked.
I was practically seeing red. My stomach dropped like it was tied down with the full weight of a hay bale. All emotions merged into an explosion of fury. “How dare you say that to me?”
I took a step forward, my legs slightly wobbling, as if I was trotting on fresh ice. Every one of my senses were overwhelmed, blanketed by my pure sense of fury. My process to conjure any reasonable trail of thought was gone.
It was very accurate to say that, in that moment, I hated Applejack. I hated her.
“No. I am not selfish,” I spoke, harshly, giving the farmer not a second to respond. It was my turn to talk. “I have helped everypony in this town on multiple occasions … everypony! I have sacrificed everything to make my business work.”
Applejack didn’t move, and to my surprise, absorbed every word of my verbal attack. She just stared, adjusting her hat for brief moment. Then, she was back to listening. Not that she had much choice in the matter. I was making it very clear I wanted her to hear these words.
I continued to shout, “I would say I’ve done a lot of generous acts and made a lot of ponies happy, whilst living in Ponyville. Don’t you think I deserve some happiness?”
“And that is leavin’ everypony ya love behind for some childhood dream?” Applejack said, the level of resentment in her voice unwavering.
I stomped a hooves, hard. “Yes!” I spoke, still seething. “I wouldn’t expect a pony whose dream is to pick apples on a muddy farm for the rest of her life to understand.”
Biting my tongue, I turned away in disgust. I needed a minute to compose my wrath, or I’d surely speak words I truly didn’t mean. Not that I could imagine saying anything worse, at this point.
The earth pony stirred behind me, making the room echo her hoof steps. “I have – had dreams, Rarity. But, that don’t mean I get t’ fulfil them.”She didn’t shout, it was practically a remorseful whisper. Her voice sounded soft and forgiving. I didn’t understand. Why wouldn’t she fight back?
“I think you should leave,” I breathed, not turning around. I couldn’t look at her.
She didn’t speak. It felt like an age, as she walked slowly towards the front door. Each step echoed louder and longer than the last. I was frozen, unable to even blink. The door hit the shop bell, making it ring gently.
For a moment there was silence. Applejack walked out of the boutique.
Sixteen Hours and Fifty-Five Minutes Later
Cold. Why must it be so cold?
I buried my muzzle down into the new season, silk scarf that was wrapped so perfectly around my neck. Flakes of white continued to latch onto the pristine garment. They were small evacuees, and I was their vestal, whisking them away on far wide travels. With a breathy huff, I brushed them off. My hoof and scarf left damp and icy. I wasn’t going to let my clothes be assaulted by this beastly weather.
The train let out an almighty cloud of charcoal coloured steam. Loudly, the engine wheezed and hissed, making me jump. A dark haze swallowed the station, me along with it. Five figures appeared before though the smoke, the mist curling and dispersing around me.
“Rarity?” a voice called out. My eyes watered from the dry air, while I squinted to see.
I answered, clearing my throat, “I’m here.”
The smallest figure ran out of the dark curtain, clutching a purple suitcase. “Here’s the last of your luggage.”
“Thank you, Spike.” I said, nodding appreciatively at the dragon. He placed the case at my hooves, grinning bashfully. My other friends approached, all with their lips pursed into weary, fake smiles – all except one. An orange earth pony was absent.
Where was Applejack?
“Ooo, steamy.” Pinkie waved a hoof into the air.
Twilight frowned at me, as if she could see my internal despair. My eyes shifted to the station floor. The pounding in my chest was unbearable, jittering each breath. I thought was going to be sick.
“Where is she?” I spoke, hard-heartedly. Each pony exchanged fretful glances. There was a painful silence, apart from the constant flap of wings, as Rainbow hovered above.
“She was a no-show,” the blue pegasus said, bleakly. I groaned, thankful for Dash’s brutal honesty. Even though I knew exactly why Applejack hadn’t shown up.
Fluttershy nodded. “We don’t know where she is.”
Perfect. Applejack had ran off, and it was all my fault. As if I wasn’t feeling guilty enough already. At least nopony knew why she had disappeared.
“Yeah, we looked all over Sweet Apple Acres. You don’t know where she is do you, Rarity?” Twilight asked, before checking the time of the station clock.
“No,” I lied. The train left in two minutes, I wouldn’t be able to talk to her in time anyways. Did I even want to talk to her? I didn’t really know.
There was a sharp whistle blast from the other end of the platform. “All aboard!” the station conductor yelled.
My friends stared towards me, watery-eyed. Fluttershy had already shed her tears. I was doing a good job containing mine, surprisingly.
“Well, this is it.” Twilight sighed, stepping next to me.
I raised a hoof. “Yes, it is.”
The alicorn gave me a gentle hug. “Have a safe trip.”
I smiled at Twilight then at Spike, who was practically hiding between her legs. He was looking anywhere but at me.
“Goodbye, Spikey-wikey.” I spoke, stooping down to wrap my hooves around his cute, scaly head. He buried into my coat, sniffing.
“Bye, Rarity.” He wiped his eyes with a claw, forcing a content expression.
Fluttershy trotted over, on the verge of bawling. I explained we could have a spa day soon in Manehattan. She sobbed hysterically, trying to croak out some audible words. From what I could fathom, she couldn’t wait to visit.
“Bye-bye,” she breathed, before Twilight consoled her with a hoof.
Rainbow hovered over, touching down hard. She smirked playfully, then proceeded to give me a short, strong embrace. A powerful hoof beat on my back, her hug purely athletic like. I almost lost my balance.
“See ya, Rarity.” Rainbow Dash said, as casually as possible. As she turned away, I could see through her act to remain composed. Her eyes were coated in a moist glaze.
I looked to my last friend, the spring gone from her step – literally. Pinkie plodded over, mumbling something I couldn’t hear.
“Goodbye, Pin—” The pink mare tackled me in a rib-crushing hug. I could barely move, her weight pushing me into the floor.
“Oh, our little Rarity leaving the nest,” she wailed, swinging me back and forth. “I will miss you so much!”
My chest was being deflated like a balloon, as I spoke, “Pink-ie.” I almost collapsed in a pile, as the earth pony unlatched me from her grip. Steading myself, I stared at the mare.
“Oh … sorry,” she chirped, stepping back to give me room.
I gasped, clutching my breast. “It’s quite alright.”
The baker hopped on the spot, grinning from ear to ear. I smiled in return. Pinkie’s happiness was infectious – I would miss it. I looked at the others, realising they were tending to a distraught Fluttershy. Now was my chance.
“Pinkie,” I whispered, inching closer to the hyper mare. “Can I ask a favour of you?”
She shook her head crazily. “Yes-siree!”
I levitated an object out from my luggage, Pinkie gawking curiously. It was a brown envelope, marked with the boutique’s seal. I slipped it discreetly in Pinkie’s direction.
“Will you take this to –”
“Applejack?” Pinkie said, raising an eyebrow.
I nodded, hoping that this plan would work. I didn’t want to leave Ponyville with bad blood between Applejack and I. This was the only way I could apologise, without worsening the situation. I was a coward, really.
“Yes, Pinkie. If you can?”
“Sure.” Pinkie whipped up the letter, stuffing it into her bubble-like mane. Celestia knew, what else she had in there. “Only … if you know where she’s hiding? She must be real good at hide and seek.”
I groaned, speaking as quietly as I could into her ear. “I do, listen closely, and don’t tell anypony.” She nodded sternly, gesturing the pinkie swear.
“Go to Sweet Apple Acres. Near Apple Bloom’s clubhouse, on the private part of the farm. To the west, there’s a grassy hill, go over that. You’ll see an old cornfield that doesn’t get harvested much. Go straight through that cornfield, and make sure you go straight, it’s easy to get lost.”
Pinkie didn’t move, absorbing my instructions. “Keep going, and you’ll find her.”
“You can count on me,” she said, saluting. I hopped onto the carriage step, my suitcase in tow. There was another gigantic blast of steam, as the train shuddered. I mouthed a ‘thank you’ to Pinkie.
“Goodbye, everypony!” I called down, my mane ruffling in the breeze. They all trotted to the end of the platform, waving and yelling at me. The train’s deafening whistle drowned out their goodbyes.
I smiled contently, poking my muzzle out the side of the carriage. A tear rolled down my left cheek. Now, I could cry. Moving further and further away, I waved back at my friends, and my home, for the last time.