Living The Dream

by Kickass222urmom

I'm not gay!

....

[*GROAN* Thank God we passed out! I don't want to remem... where are we?]
<...I don't know.>

I opened my eyes to see a white ceiling... where am I?

I was on my back... in a bed... with something on me. Yes, I'm confused as hell right now.

Something moved slightly on my chest.

I looked down and saw Tovy. He had his forelegs wrapped around my waist, and his head on my chest. He was asleep, and had a large smile in his face...

<{[AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!]}>

I brought my hooves up and pushed him off of me and literally flew out of the bed.

I landed a few feet away and twisted to see Tovy, a large blush on his face.

"WHAT THE HELL DUDE?!" I yelled, in total freak out mode.

He gulped, his blush growing larger, "I-I'm sorry.... it's just... you looked so cute asleep...."

I waved my hooves in front of me frantically, "Whoa! That doesn't mean you have to kidnap me!"

He shook his head, "I didn't kidnap you Lance. You passed out and I didn't know where to take you. So, I brought you to my house..."

[WHAT DID HE DO TO US WHILE WE WERE ASLEEP?!]

"Why were you on me like that then?!" I yelled, backing up to the door.

He gulped again, "I... I just wanted to hold you... and... cuddle up to you... and..."

"No! Just no! Listen to me Tovy! I don't go that way, I'm married! To a mare!" I yelled as I stomped my hooves against the hard wood floor.

He winced at my words and hung his head, "I'm sorry."

I sighed, trying to stay calm, "Listen Tovy, I'm not that mad, but still, you shouldn't have done that."

He looked up, "You're not mad?"

I shook my head, "No, I'm kinda pissed, but not mad. I'll forgive you, this time."

[KILL HIM!]

He smiled happily, "Really?!"

I shrugged, "Yes, really. Just don't do it again."

"I won't, I promise!" He said happily.

I gave him the best smile I could at a time like this, "Good."

I then turned and walked down the hall and to the front door.

Once I stepped out, I heard Tovy running towards me.

"Wait Lance, one more thing!"

I spun around, "What do you-MMMGGGGHHHHH!"

Tovy ran up and planted a large kiss on my lips. He then jumped back, "See ya Lance!" Then he closed the door, leaving me standing there, eye twitching.

[....]
<...>
{....}
[....]
<...>
{....}
<{[WHAT THE FUCK!!!]}>

"AHHHHHH!!! FUCK!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as I slammed my face into the dirt and began to shove dirt into my mouth.

[HE KISSED US!]
<THAT WAS SICK!.
[I NO LONGER WANT TO LIVE!]

I rubbed the dirt around on my lips, still screaming out random cuss words.

I then jumped up and yelled, "I NEED TWILIGHT!"

*BZZZT*

I appeared at the door to Dali's house and pushed it open. Inside, I saw Twilight and her mother sitting on the couch, talking.

I ran up to Twilight and picked her up in a tight embrace, holding her like you would a baby, "Sorry Velvet! But I need your daughter for a very important matter!"

Velvet raised an eyebrow, "Which is?"

"TO PROVE I'M NOT GAY!" I then flew down the hall and into our room, where I saw Night Light looking at one of my books, "YOU GOTTA GET OUT NIGHT LIGHT! TWILIGHT'S ABOUT TO PROVE I'M NOT GAY!"

He looked at me strangely, "What do you-OOF!"

I picked him up with my hind legs and carried him to the door. I dropped him and grabbed the door, "Sorry Light! But this is important!"

*Slam*

I then held Twilight out in front of me and smiled, "You know what time it is?"

"What time is it?" She asked, confused.

I smirked, "It's...." I flew towards the bed, a determined look on my face, "... Adventure time!"

[Nice one Lance!]
<HEY! When I use it, it's bad. But when he uses it, he's awesome! WHY?!>
[Because he used it at the right moment.]
<Damn it, damn it all!>

I trotted down the street, watching Nova and her coltfriend walk and talk.

I don't like her coltfriend. Yeah sure, he was five, but come on!

No, I'm not jealous, I'm only.... oh who am I kidding! I'm jealous! BUT WHY?!

I was keeping my distance from the pair, trying to stay out of sight. But, I could still hear them, kinda.

Nova was telling him about the Wonderbolt's, but he didn't seem that interested.

When Nova asked him a simple question, he turned on her and yelled something about her shutting up, plus a few other things.

Nova yelled back, telling him that she only wanted to know who was his favorite.

Then, he did something that sent my anger over the edge. He slapped her and told her not to yell at him like that again. (They're still kids, what the fuck? Oh wait... he's older than they are... shit.)

Before he could make another move, I yelled out, "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSE TO HIT FILLIES!"

He looked up in time to see me flying towards him, hatred in my eyes.

I slammed into him, knocking him to the ground. I grabbed him by his mane and held him up in front of me, "YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO TREAT FILLIES WITH RESPECT!"

I then slammed my head into his, instantly breaking his snout. I then drug him across the ground to one of the trash bins and slammed him into the side of it. I lifted him up and put his head between it and the lid. I then began to slam the trash bins lid into his head, yelling at him about how to treat a filly.

Once that was done, and I could see that he was barely conscious, I lifted him up and dumped him in the trash bin.

I spat on him and glared, "Now you're where you belong, with the trash." I slammed the lid shut and let out a ragged breath.

I looked over to Nova, to see her standing a few feet away, smiling slightly, "Thank you Spark."

I trotted over to her, "He shouldn't have hit you."

She wrapped her forelegs around my neck and gave me a tight hug, "He was a jerk, always been one. I just thought I could change him. Guess I was wrong huh?"

I chuckled and returned her hug, "You can't change ponies like that."

She broke the hug and smiled, "Want to come over and play with me and Star Chaser?"

I smiled happily, "Yes! Can we check out the maze?"

She nodded with a grin, "Yes, I've been wanting to go in there for a while!"

"Let's go!" I yelled, racing ahead.

I wonder if she'll go out with.... Why did I just think that?

I'm confused right now...