“What is this.” Maud asked emotionlessly.
“Your mail, princess.” Word Twirl stated, smiling. Next to her sat a massive sack, overflowing with envelopes.
“Who could send me that much mail.” Maud asked in a tone that wasn’t a question, crawling off of her bed and walking over.
“Suitors, of course!” Word Twirl said happily.
“…Suitors.” Maud said blandly.
“Yes! Gentlestallions who wish to court you - to win your heart!” Word Twirl clarified, smiling.
“…No thanks. I’m not in the mood for love.” Maud stated, trotting back to her bed and reopening her book.
“But – but – You must get married, Princess!” Word Twirl said, her voice uncharacteristically desperate. “I mean, it’s tradition! The darling prince and the beautiful princess!”
“And how many other princesses of Equestria currently follow this tradition?” Maud asked, glancing over.
“…well, currently only one.” Word Twirl said, looking down at her hooves. “…but that’s all the more reason for you to be the second!” She cried as she looked back up. “I mean, the press' shipping ratings alone would absolutely skyrocket!”
“I’m sorry, but I really just don’t feel like it.” Maud said, going back to her book.
“Oh, pish posh! Come now! There’s surely a stallion in here which you like.” Word Twirl chirped, trotting back to the bag and rummaging through it with her snout. “Let’s see… Ah, here’s one!” Word Twirl cried, tearing an envelope open and coming back over with a letter clutched in her teeth. “This one’s named Silver Streak. He’s simply dashing, your highness!”
Maud looked at the stallion’s included picture. “No.” She said.
“Right! Okay! Plenty more apples in the bobbing-barrel!” Word Twirl sang, plucking out another envelope and opening it. “Ooh, Steel Skin! This one looks hardy!”
“No.” Maud stated as soon as she saw the picture.
“All good! All good!” Word Twirl said. Pulling out and opening another envelope, she gasped. “Omigosh, Princess, this one’s PERFECT for you! He’s an earth pony, he enjoys rocks, and he even has your surname; he’s named Humble Pie! He’s your soulmate!”
Maud looked at the provided picture for a moment. “He probably has my surname because he is my uncle.” She stated without changing her tone.
“Oh.” Word Twirl paused, looking more closely at the letter. “Oh, why… so he is. My mistake; this one isn’t a suitor’s letter after all. But it doesn’t matter! I’m going to find the perfect stallion somewhere in here, if it’s the last thing I do!”
Maud blinked. “But I already-“ she began, but Word Twirl cut her off.
“Ooh, now this one MUST be perfect…”
XXXXXXXX
Two Hours Later…
XXXXXXXX
“This one?”
“No.”
“This one?”
“No.”
“This one? Please, please tell me it’s this one!”
“No.”
“AAAUUGGH!” Word Twirl finally cried, throwing her hooves in the air. “That’s it! I give up! I’ll never find you a special somepony! We’ve gone through every single one of the bloody envelopes, and you haven’t even given one of them a second thought! I give up! Finite! The end! AUUUGGHHH!” Screaming again, she flopped over onto her side.
Eventually, she got back up, looking back to Maud, who had gotten considerably farther in her book. “Ahem…” she said, clearing her throat. “Deepest apologies, Princess… I got a little… carried away.” She said sadly, looking down at her hooves.
“It’s quite all right.” Maud said, looking at Word Twirl. “In fact, if you’d given me a spare moment, I would have told you that I already have a special somepony.”
“You DO?!” Word Twirl cried, looking up with a huge grin on her face. “Who is it who is it who is it WHO IS IT?!” she squealed as she bounced in place.
Wordlessly, Maud levitated a picture out of a pocket of her frock (she had recently gotten the hang of levitation) and showed it to Word Twirl.
It showed a tan-coated stallion, with a brown hat and a stalk of wheat in his mouth. His eyes looked to the camera with a bored expression, and he had some impressive sideburns.
“Oh.” Word Twirl said, after a few moments of inspecting the picture.
“Oh what.” Maud stated.
“Well, it’s just…” Word Twirl giggled. “Forgive me your majesty, but I thought, with the way you turned all those stallions down… I thought you might be romantically attracted to ROCKS!” She giggled. “But, that was just me apparently.”
Maud looked at the picture. “Oh. My mistake.” She said. “This is my father’s picture, not my boyfriends.” She returned the picture to her pocket and picked out another, checking it this time to be sure. Then she showed it to Word Twirl. “This is a picture of me and my boyfriend.”
The picture showed Maud hugging a large rock.
Word Twirl abruptly fell over backwards, all four legs sticking up in the air. One of them twitched.
“His name is Tom.” Maud said blandly, looking at the photo. “I found him, miserable, after his previous girlfriend dumped him and broke his heart. Fortunately, me and him have had a nice, stable relationship ever since."
Maud looked over at Word Twirl. “Hey… Word Twirl.” She stated. “Y’alright.”
XXXXXXXX
It was a few days after the suitor incident, and a little over two weeks after Maud became princess. All seemed peaceful in Canterlot Castle. Sunlight streamed through the windows in gentle shafts, flickering down upon the Princesses. The five royals sat at the table eating lunch and chatting (with the exception of Maud, of course, but nobody expected her to talk.) By now, Celestia had recovered, and was sane enough to join the others at lunch, much to everyone’s relief. Also, Cadence was still there, due to plot holes blocking up the train railways back to the crystal empire.
Pesky things, those plot holes.
“Your majesties.”
The relative tranquility and murmur of high-pitched voices was interrupted by the deep, baritone voice of a stallion. The five looked over to see a solar guard, standing in the doorway.
“Yes?” Celestia inquired, tilting her head.
The solar guard looked around, before glancing down and scuffing a hoof on the floor. He was unnaturally nervous, which was worrying in itself: the solar guards nearly never showed any emotion, even in front of the princesses. “Um…” the guard mumbled quietly.
“Speak freely.” Luna stated to the guard.
“Well... it’s about the Changeling… the one in the dungeons, that the, um, royal bodyguard captured.”
Instantly, the atmosphere grew more tense, regarding the hostile enemy which was currently in the dungeons. “What happened?” Twilight asked cautiously.
“Erm… well…” The guard stuttered. “It’s… difficult to describe. You’d best all come with me… that is, if it’s all right.”
With a glance at each other, the princesses all got up, and began to follow the guard away, and into the depths of Canterlot Castle…