The kitchen table had eight stacks of papers on them.
Each stack had its own little label, carefully pressed onto a wooden nameplate. One stack for each of her five closest friends, one stack labeled ‘other princesses’, and one stack labeled ‘aaaaaaaaaagh’ in the worst possible hornwriting in the history of ever. Rainbow Dash’s stack took up six separate piles, easily beating out the next contender in the form of Princess Celestia’s stack, which was only a mere four piles large.
That was about as far as she’d gotten before she’d given up trying to count in terms of precisely measured stacks. The rest had been piled in a thoroughly disreputable manner in the vague stacks bearing their names, in much the same way that the newspapers, magazines, and broadsheets that now arrived at her doorstep by the pile would be organized. Which was to say, not in the least bit organized and making her begin to seriously rethink her stance on burning things like that.
Regardless, the pile was getting bigger every week that had passed since her ill-considered ‘press conference’ with Sweetie Belle. Granted, the Foal Free Press had just purchased their own building near the middle of Ponyville and was now employing actual trained journalists in their relentless pursuit of the truth. Truth here meaning things that ponies enjoyed reading without actually hurting anypony close enough to care, as Editor-In-Chief Sweetie Belle was cunningly aware how important it was to be inoffensive to the locals.
Which included being nice to her and NOT running one of the brand new stories which had taken over the headlines seemingly from coast to coast of Equestria. While the exact content of the headlines varied wildly, the theme was almost as cartoonishly similar as the last one of these she’d mocked. Nothing but headline after headline after byline after third-page lurid think-piece about her and just who she was supposedly in love with.
Though Twilight was not one to attempt to quantify differing disaster situations by comparing them with one another, she was pretty sure this was worse than them following her mundane life. No longer did press reporters exult over her choice of hayburger topping or sandwich filling. Now they endlessly and gleefully fed nation-wide speculation as to who the next “Prince” of Equestria would be. Stallion, mare, or otherwise.
Twilight wanted to bang her head against the desk, but the last time she’d done that she’d broken her favorite writing desk. Apparently, her earth-pony magic was finally coming in, and she would need to be more careful with her furniture. Alas, it would not be the last piece of furniture that would suffer from her displeasure at this new turn of events. Six doors, four coffee tables, and one very unfortunate sofa had also been obliterated by her moments of unthinking frustration. Thankfully, Mister Davenport had known an excellent carpenter, (and had replaced her sofa at a good price.)
It was maddening. What was worse was Princess Celestia had only regarded the new developments with intense laughter. Princess Cadence had been worse, making sly suggestions of her own before Twilight had fled the room in terror that she might actually be serious. Her and Big Macintosh? Granted, Big Macintosh was a fine stallion, and he’d make a loving husband someday, but that was plain absurd. He got nervous around anyone with even the merest hint of an official title.
A cursory glance at the stack as she hauled the new stuff grudgingly into her ‘news room’ had suggestions of equal absurdity. Mayor Mare was married for pity’s sake! Flash Sentry was… She didn’t even really want to go there, though she would looooove to know who’d been taking pictures in the Crystal Empire that day so she could have them banished to the moon for reminding her of that whole debacle. She'd probably banish him too, come to that. And why in Equestria these papers from the Crystal Empire were obsessed with the idea of her becoming some kind of third-wheel for Cadence and Shiny were just a shade too close to insane for her to not wonder at the mental states of the writers.
And then there had been the Discord stack, which blessedly had been completely poofed out of existence by an incredibly irate Discord wearing a yellow and pink sweat-shirt. Twilight had elected not to ask him about the sweatshirt, but she had sent him a thank-you basket. She’d even gotten a thank-you card in return. It’d had a lot of bad puns on it, but it was still nice.
But that was the crazy stuff. The completely non-sensical, the creepy, the weird. That, she could all dismiss without worrying too much about it and move on. It was everything else, the other few suggestions that came dangerously close to some of her own confused hopes and dreams that really got under her coat. Stuff like- “Another load, Twilight?” asked a humorously weary Spike as she slammed the pile down on the table. He looked quite dashing in that bowtie, and had taken to wearing it when he wasn’t doing anything around the castle.
Fortunately for her, Spike had been her anchor during all of this hard stuff. Blessedly, it seemed even the lurid writers of the Equestrian gossip scene weren’t about to suggest she get into a romance with an underaged dragon she’d been raising since he was a baby.
Plenty of suggestions that she was brutally enslaving him for her own ends as some kind of lethal pet though. But Spike had actually taken to outright liking those letters. Apparently, the idea that he was so dangerous as to be considered some kind of evil-villain level pet made him feel cool. He even had a scrapbook for his news-clippings now, which made Twilight oddly proud of him. At least he was taking interest in something other than comic books.
He grinned at her and reached up to squeeze her shoulder. “It’s not all bad, Twi. I mean, at least they’re not interrupting your study time anymore to try to take pictures of you!” And that was absolutely true, even as she wished he didn’t look so cheerful about that. No, now they were trying to grab pictures of her whenever she went out to spend time with her friends. Especially if she got within six inches of ANY of them for anything beyond casual conversation.
They’d all been understanding, of course. Dash had taken it best, using the opportunity to drive media frenzy about herself of course. She enjoyed the attention, though it had taken only Applejack wearing a very specific hat to keep her head from getting too big about it. Rarity had taken it upon herself to be Twilight’s official ‘media manager’ when she wasn’t busy at the boutique, doling out boilerplate messages to the paparazzi to throw them off the trail of whatever they might be doing that day.
She glared at the papers, headlines pouring over the wrapping twine. She’d taken to leaving hefty tips for poor Ditzy who had to deliver the pile of the things once a week. The headlines were getting sappier and sappier, spinning nonexistent tales of unrequited love and heartbreak. It was far past the ‘annoying’ stage and had skipped straight to outright smoldering anger. She needed something to get them off her back for a while. She needed-
This time, the idea came to her slowly. Not some lightning bolt from the blue, but a slow and cunning and nasty idea. The last time she’d managed to get them off her trail by hurling a massive spate of nonsensical questions at the entire industry and forcing them to all look like fools. But this time, they were going off of absolutely nothing BUT speculation. She couldn’t just blind them with science, she needed something craftier than that this time.
She needed to - as the princess had put it - confuse them. And as for that, she was pretty sure she knew exactly what to do. “Spike,” she began with a slow smile. “Would you be so kind as to send some notes to the girls? And I’m going to need you to take a letter to Celestia.”
~~~~~~~
Everything hinged on two things.
She needed to be believable, and she needed to make sure somepony reported on it. The first was hard, the second was even harder, but she had a plan, oh yes. She knew where they would be looking and knew what they’d be looking for and so she would give them exactly what they were looking for… to a point, anyway. She wasn’t about to start randomly kissing her friends on the lips; she was much more of a lady than that.
So she had to go about this in a bit more of a subtle way. Trying to go straight to the press wouldn’t get her anywhere; she needed to shut this nonsense down, not add to it. There was only one solution for that, but in order to pull it off… she’d need the cooperation of some very special someponies. Someponies who might not be terribly thrilled about the idea.
“Y’all want us to what.”
That wasn’t even a question. The ‘what’ had been so flat, Twilight could have stacked books atop it. “I know this sounds crazy,” she began, then stopped and pinched just below her eyes on her snout. “Okay, it is crazy, but I’m not going to put up with this anymore. I can’t just randomly assign myself to somepony, or I’ll create a political firestorm. There are pathetically few ponies I can…” She hesitated, gulped, and tried her best not to let her nerves enter into the equation. “Be with, so to speak, without riling up somepony somewhere.”
“But what about that guardspony, what’s-his-name…” Rainbow Dash began in a casual voice, only to… “Brad Splash, or somethin… like…” She gulped and slowly trailed off, likely because Twilight was giving her the best evil eye she could. “Right. Not an option. Sorry, Twi.”
Rarity spared a scathing look for Dash before cocking an eyebrow at Twilight. “This seems like quite the gamble, Twilight. I realize you’ve been flustered lately, but doesn’t this seem a bit… rash?” She nervously tapped her hooves together. “I mean, it’s not like being considered for a Princess’ consort isn’t the sort of thing I wouldn’t… I mean…” She trailed off herself into distant mutters that Twilight was quite glad she couldn’t hear.
She took a moment to size up the table. Applejack looked like she was still trying to process her plan. Fluttershy was hiding half under the table. Dash looked amused, Rarity’s cheeks were steadily growing redder, and Pinkie Pie looked… Pinkie Pie was eating cupcakes and looking oblivious. Right, like she’d care about something silly like romance.
The other two ponies she needed the assistance of had written back to her with vague indications of support, though she got the impression from Celestia’s letter that she didn’t expect this to end well. Twilight really did not care how it ended, so long as it ended with the end of these stupid news reports. She was not going to wait a century for this nonsense to die down. It would end today, if she had her way about it!
She crossed her hooves over her chest and steeled herself for the onslaught of opposition. “I never said this was reasonable, Rarity. But then, dumping an entire storm front onto the unicorn hills because of a grass fire isn’t exactly low-key either, but that doesn’t make it any less necessary.” She blew out an exasperated breath. She was going to be calm, cool, collected. She was not going to go off on a rant like a hormonal teenager. “I am tired of having to dodge cameras every time I want to come visit you girls. My life has been changed enough in the past year. I am not going to lose what little I have left to look forward to on a daily basis.” Okay, maybe she was going to rant like an old maid instead.
And all at once, every single set of eyes looking at her softened and a lot of the hostility ran out of them. “Alright, alright, Sugarcube,” Applejack said soothingly, reaching over to grasp her forehoof and squeeze it. “We get it. How can we help ya?’
Twilight took a deep breath and forced her best smile. Once this was over, she swore to Celestia’s butt that she was going to take everypony she loved on vacation. Somewhere nice and warm where she could throw on a disguise spell and blend in for a while. Las Pegasus maybe. “Like I said. There’s only one way I’m going to get these stories to end. They need to think I’m in a relationship now.” Then a slow smile spread across her face. “But I know how that ends. They’ll just obsess over what’s going on in that relationship. So we’re going to do what Celestia suggested in the first place.”
All eyes locked on her, and she could not suppress a slightly mad giggle. “We’re going to confuse the dickens out of them.”
~~~~~~~
Rainbow Dash was first.
Only because her stack was the biggest, and not because Twilight had been looking forward to bringing her this thing anyway. Nope. No other motive there. When the package had arrived - two weeks late - she’d wondered at the astonishing good timing of it showing up after Tirek had blown up the library. But given the source of the package, well... Twilight had long wondered just how much of Daring Do’s books were fiction and how much were fact.
Whatever. She had bigger things to worry about than ridiculous coincidence; she needed to get this task done so she could hurry over to the Boutique. Dash herself was… napping. Of course she was napping and not ready and waiting for her to get this absurd little plan of hers underway. She was napping very adorably atop a little cloud puff she’d dragged to the ground, and if Twilight wasn’t so bloody busy today…
Grr! Why did Dash have to be so calm? This was nerve wracking. If this whole plan of hers went wrong, she’d end up with an entire nation of gossiping busybodies trying to figure out her motives rather than the peace and quiet she wanted. And Dash was slacking off on her end of things! Whatever, adaptation and improvisation had always been necessary when dealing with a crisis, so she’d just have to do those things.
She cleared her throat on approach, but Dash did not budge. So instead she slipped in much closer, hoping that physical proximity would do what noise had not. No dice. Dash was really deep into it. She got within touching distance and spoke quietly. “Dashie, can you wake up for a second?” She kept her voice low, hoping that the use of Dash’s most hated nickname might rouse her to full wakefulness.
Instead Dash cracked open an eye, leaned in, and kissed her.
Somewhere behind her, Twilight could hear a faint gasp and a rapidly snapping camera. Twilight herself could only find herself stunned and unable to react much to that, except to wonder why the kiss had tingled. “Morning to you too, Egghead.” She half whispered with a sly, devilish grin on her face. “Did you like that?” There was a subtle, suggestive tone in her voice and… and Twilight could see exactly where she was going. Ugh. Dash and her love of attention.
Still, in for a bit… “You are incorrigible, Dash” She growled softly and was rewarded with a pair of rosey cheeks for her efforts. The subtle click of a camera in the background at least told her the plan was working. Time to pour on the good stuff. “I brought you a little special something. Just because.” She couldn’t keep the real enthusiasm out of her voice as she hoofed over the wrapped book. As exasperating as Dash could be sometimes, it was always wonderful to see someone take as much joy in a new book as she did.
Dash looked a little puzzled, but unwrapped the package with gusto. At first, her brows knit in confusion until she cracked open the cover and spotted the all-important signature, and her eyes went as wide as teacups. Twilight couldn’t keep the grin off her face as Dash’s mouth worked silently. “I gotta run, but I’ll see you later, Dashie.” And off she ran at top speed. That little scene ought to be enough to make a few someponies’ heads explode!
~~~~~
“Hold still, Darling.”
Twilight bit at her lip, but did as she was told as Rarity slowly worked the needle through the fabric to pull the two scraps of cloth together. Rarity was also awful, awful close to her… almost pressing against her body as she tugged the sewing shut. “Really, dear. Thank you ever so much for taking a few moments to help me with this project for Princess Cadence.” Rarity’s glittering smile and arch tone nearly made Twilight giggle. “I was going absolutely mad trying to find somepony who could help me visualize things properly since poor Fluttershy has been so busy lately. There, all done.”
Rarity’s magic flicked the seemingly random assortment of cloth off her body in a single pull and settled the bizarre creation onto a ponyquin. “Why couldn’t you just use one of those?” Twilight asked, eyeballing the blank white eyes of the oversized dolls Rarity often used to show off her work.
Rarity tisked. “Much as I do like my little darlings here for my showroom, nothing can substitute for a living and breathing pony. And since you move and stand in much the same way as Princess Cadence does, I can make certain there’re no flaws in the design which might cause her discomfort.” Rarity giggled softly and nudged her body against Twilight’s. “Besides, I do sort of enjoy ordering around a princess once in a while. Even if she refuses to be called one.”
She stuck her tongue out at Twilight, and Twilight returned the gesture before laughing. “I’m never going to feel like a Princess, Rarity. It’s just too… weird, I guess.” She shook her head, hopping down off the dais. She’d done what she needed to do here, assuming all the right pictures had been taken. She really ought to hurry along. “I suppose I ought to get going then; you’ll want to finish that dress.”
“Twilight…” Rarity’s voice tripped over itself, hesitant and quiet. Twilight turned around, feeling vague surprise. Was Rarity having second thoughts about this? “Maybe I could help you feel like a princess sometime? You know, actually give you a taste of the full royal treatment.” Rarity’s smile was tremulous but very warm. “I think it would be good for you, with all the stress you’ve been under lately.”
Twilight considered that, then put on a warm smile of her own. “I think that’d be fabulous, Rarity. I gotta go catch up with Fluttershy first, before she completely loses her nerve. We’ll talk more about it later!” And off she went again, hoping that her hurried flights across town weren’t sending the wrong message.
~~~~~~~~~
Levitating the last block into place, Twilight stepped back to regard the new stone enclosure with a certain amount of satisfaction. Whoever the heck had decided to ship this thing without sending somepony to assemble it was going to get a nasty letter from her later. “Oh, Twilight.” Fluttershy’s voice quietly gushed, her hooves pressed into her own chest. “Thank you so very, very, very much. I was so worried I wouldn’t get this up before winter…”
Twilight shook her head and smiled. “No problem, Fluttershy. I’m just glad I could help.” She leaned in and nuzzled her cheek to Fluttershy’s, unable to keep a smile away from all the blushing she was doing. “Are you sure you don’t want me to put up the wooden bits too?” The pile of boards and insulation was rather daunting looking, if she said so herself.
But Fluttershy just shook her head. “No, I can get Discord to help me with that. But he says he can’t build things with stone.” She shrugged her shoulders and Twilight couldn’t help but shrug back. Discord was confusing at the best of times.
Then Fluttershy went stiff as one of those wooden boards. “Ohmygosh, I almost forgot!” She squeaked and skittered off toward her house. For a moment, Twilight wondered if maybe she should just call this one a lost cause and go… but Fluttershy was back moments later with a bundle of vibrantly colored flowers in her forehooves. “Theseareforyouthankyousomuchtalktoyousoon!” she blurted out all at once before dashing back inside with her cheeks as bright red as apples.
Twilight took a deep inhale of the flowers and nearly staggered at the incredible range of scents. She’d never smelled - or truth be told, seen - any flowers like these before in her entire life. Where had Fluttershy gotten them? The Everfree Forest? They were beautiful.
A little niggle of worry crawled into her skull, and she banished it just as quickly. She’d worry about the meaning of these later, when she’d gotten her life back.
~~~~~~~
The sun hung low in the distance, sending a riot of colors through the treetops of Sweet Apple Acres. The leaves glowed in the warmth of the sunset, and Twilight half wondered if every morning and evening was like this here. She had never really spent a great deal of time on the farm, despite her close ties with Applejack. It just wasn’t her sort of scene, really. “Bit fer your thoughts, Twilight?” Applejack’s coat and mane were both shiny and wet from a fresh washing, a daily ritual for the hardworking farmpony.
Twilight tilted her head and shook it slowly. “I really wish all this nonsense wasn’t necessary. I’d never even thought about what I was going to do for a mate before, and now I’m worried I’ll never be able to do it without frightening the good ponies off.” She dropped her head into her hoof and huffed out a breath. “Why does everypony have to be so obsessed with seeing me married or whatever?”
Applejack chuckled richly. “Cuz they think they’re bein’ helpful without knowin’ what they’re doin wrong. Works the same in a big family.” She leaned against the wooden fence next to her… and the next thing Twilight knew, the faint weight of Appleajck’s hat was weighing down her mane. “I know how ya feel if it helps some.”
Twilight blinked at Applejack, who had a faint smile on her face. “Folks’ve been askin’ when me n’ Mac were gonna get special someponies so we could start on the next generation. Nevermind me an’ Mac ain’t got the time for that right now.” She shook her head slowly and laughed. “But the questions ain’t gonna stop, so I suppose we’d best be thinkin’ of what we’re gonna do. But I’ll tell ya what, Twi.” She poked a hoof into her chest firmly. “Don’t let anypony tell you who you oughta love or not oughta love. You find somepony you love, you go after ‘em. Ya hear?”
Twilight couldn’t help but smile at that. “Thanks, AJ.” She pulled off her hat and redeposited it on Applejack’s head, where the thing belonged. ”And nice thinking on the hat thing, that should be more than enough.” She kept that one to a whisper, and Applejack just grinned back at her.
“Well shoot,” AJ muttered. “An’ I was hopin’ t’ get some sugar like Dashie did.”
Twilight blushed. This was getting ridiculous.
~~~~~~~
Pinkie Pie was technically the last on her list, though there was one last game to play before she could call this one a night. Pinkie was last for reasons that would’ve been obvious to anyone who knew her, but Twilight still needed her to complete her set. Moreover, she needed her to be at her absolute Pinkiest or else none of this would come off as genuine. So she steeled her nerves and sat down in front of Sugarcube corner as evening began to swallow Ponyville. The shop’s windows were already lit up by candle and lantern light, and all around her the business of the night began to come to life.
Pinkie appeared a few moments later as Sugarcube Corner officially ‘closed’ for the day, and somehow she had found the time to change into a slinky purple dress with fishnet socks. It was… unnerving, to say the least. Especially since she’d also done her mane up quite nicely and had applied a generous dollop of makeup as though she were getting ready for a night on the town. Which, given Pinkie Pie, she might very well run off to do as soon as they were done here.
“So, what’d you have in mind, Twily?” Pinkie cooed in a spectacularly husky voice that sent a little nervous twinge up Twi’s spine. Surely Pinkie hadn’t decided to take this seriously. Had she? Pinkie giggled faintly. “I mean, we gotta put on a good show, right? So how about it?” She waggled her eyebrows at Twilight, still faintly giggling under her breath. “I mean, you could sweep me off my hooves, and we could go upstairs and-”
“Pinkie!” Twilight burst out then threw her hooves over her mouth. Pinkie was laughing and it was getting really hard not to start laughing herself. “Do you want to give-” She stopped, and realized this was exactly what she’d wanted. She wanted to give everypony the wrong idea.
Pinkie winked at her. “I suppose we could go back to your place. I’ve got this cute little teacher outfit I made for you. It was supposed to be for Nightmare Night but I bet it’d be fun to-” Twilight shoved her hoof into Pinkie’s mouth, but was unable to do much but muffle the ridiculous suggestions that were now coming out of her head.
Twilight started laughing, and Pinkie followed along with her. She collapsed against Pinkie with helpless giggles and a soft foreleg hugged her close. After all of this stress with the press, she really had needed this. If only she had looked up to see the look in Pinkie’s eyes…
~~~~~~~
Princess Celestia poured the tea.
The cheap little tea set sat proudly in the middle of her table, a grave insult to the opulent surroundings of Twilight’s castle. But this was the first tea set she’d shared with the Princess when she came to Canterlot, and she was not about to give it up for all the fine glassware in the universe. No matter how much guff Rarity gave her for it. “It’s a cunning little plan, of course.” Celestia spoke with a faint note of pride in Twilight, which was more than enough to reinvigorate her in spite of the long and busy day. “But you may not have considered all the possible consequences again.”
Twilight snorted. “I spoke to all of my friends. They were all pretty dismissive of any possible problems.” She sighed softly. “Even Rarity was pretty sure that she could handle any scandal, and that was more than enough for me.”
Celestia nodded. “I suppose so. Still, not what I am concerned about.” She sipped her tea out of the chipped blue cup and smiled faintly. “Rarity’s been buying your tea again, I see. And do I detect some of Pinkie’s cinnamon sweetie cookies?” Her eyes sparkled, and Twilight hid a grin. Celestia was legendary for her discerning taste in sweets, but even she was incapable of resisting Pinkie’s best.
Twilight shook her head. “Everypony’s been so kind to me lately, after all this nonsense with the press. I don’t know how I could’ve made it without any of them, and especially you.” Celestia’s smile became much warmer at that, and Twilight grinned. “And don’t give me any of that nonsense about me doing this all myself. I’d be absolutely lost without your letters.”
Celestia’s cheeks colored a little, and she busied herself with her teacup for a moment before speaking. “You have done so much more than I ever could’ve hoped for, Twilight. I’m proud to have been your teacher.” She beamed at Twilight, setting down her cup. “Things have been calming down in Canterlot lately for myself. Perhaps I can place Luna in charge for a time, and we could finally tackle that research project you proposed to me before you left for Ponyville.”
Twilight sat straight up. No way. She couldn’t possibly… “You mean…” She groped at the words, and Celestia’s smile turned into a cheeky grin. “Oh, sweet Celestia, Yes!” She exclaimed, then double facehoofed. Celestia hated it when ponies used her name like that. The absolute last thing she needed now was to put the Princess in a bad mood...
But Celestia was just laughing happily. “Oh, Twilight,” She cooed warmly in a voice that was suddenly far too close to have not moved. “You can yell my name anytime you like. With you, it’s not annoying at all.” There was a gentle… something there that Twilight couldn’t immediately identify. A warmth of sorts.
Twilight looked up and smiled at the bright eyes and gentle smile of her mentor. “Thanks, teacher,” she half whispered and leaned against Celestia. Thank goodness the day was over. Hopefully, this would be the end of this romance nonsense and she could get back to her normal life.
~~~~~The Next Monday~~~~~
The Equestrian newspaper stack was back to telling stories from all ends of the continent. Only a few back-page mentions of the highly confusing relationship dynamics she’d thrown into the millworks of the Equestrian Press showed any evidence of her former problems with the press. The princess had said it would be months, if not years before anypony felt ready to start speculating again. Hopefully by then she’d have this whole thing settled.
Of course, it wasn’t going to work out that way.
It started, of course, with notes. A note from all of her friends. And Celestia. And Luna too. The notes from her friends were puzzling enough - warm words of admiration for her strength through hard times alongside subtle suggestions of things they could go do together.
Applejack wanted her to attend a tasting of their Apple brandy, Rarity wanted her to come with her to Manehatten to see Coco. Pinkie was going to a baking competition and it’d be so-much fun if a princess could join her, and Rainbow Dash was going to be doing a special training session with the Wonderbolts and needed a partner… and Fluttershy? Fluttershy wanted to go out to dinner with her. Out to dinner. Fluttershy. Just the idea of the poor shy pony willingly putting herself into a vibrant social situation was enough to break her logic circuits.
The notes from Celestia and Luna were worse, though. They were full of casual language and familiarity and… and other stuff. Stuff that made her blush and stare in frank astonishment. Luna was making rather arch suggestions about the important qualities of all of her friends as mates while Celestia was suggesting they go on vacation to Los Pegasus together this summer. Just to enjoy some together time, like they used to. Never mind that they’d be staying in the Royal Suites together… alone…
Twilight sunk her head into the desk. She was all too sure what had happened, and she just KNEW that in her zeal to bring an end to the speculation she'd created a monster. “So to keep everypony else from shipping you,” she muttered to herself, glaring at the stack of notes. “You ended up shipping yourself with everyone else. Great.”