Twilight paced back and forth in her guest room. Across the floor, once ordered sheafs of paper lay strewn like a fresh carpet, a few scribbled grades becoming increasingly illegible as Twilight trod upon them for the hundredth time. Across from her, Discord slumped lazily on the couch, his eyes following her the way one might a particularly garish wagon rolling down the street.
“You know, dear, none of your students are going to pass at this rate.” He reached over and plucked up one report that had been reduced to confetti. “Though I suppose this would make a passable report on chaos theory.”
“Discord, just… not now. Okay?” She managed a strained, wan smile that promised an ocean’s worth of maternal fury beneath. “Pandora’s missing, Skyla’s missing, and nopony has any idea where!” She gave a sharp huff, flicking another stack of papers against the wall. “I told Shining to step up security! I’ve sent him papers on reforming the crystal guard! Why does nopony ever listen to me!”
“Because, darling,” Discord cooed, reaching out and massaging between her wings. “If everypony listened to you, they’d go just as crazy.”
“I’m not crazy!” She snapped, flaring her wings in anger before melting a bit into his rubs. “They’re all crazy. If they’d just listen to me, none of this would happen.”
“And I suppose if they’d listened to you about Nightmare Moon, then you never would have had to befriend those pesky mares and wind up ruining my fun.” He stopped to tap his chin. “On second thought, maybe everypony should listen to you.”
“Hush.” She whipped his nose with a wing, before taking a deep breath. “She’s my little girl, Discord, and she always finds her way into trouble. It feels like the minute I look away she’s in another mess.”
“Sounds almost like another mare I know,” Discord teased. “Or maybe all the mares I know.”
“I… but… oh stars.” Twilight’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Was this what my parents felt like every day? Oh stars, I’m a horrible daughter.” Tears started to well up in her eyes before Discord booped her on the nose.
“There you go again, worrying too much. You’re far from perfect, and that’s why we all love you.” He gave her a pat on the head. “Now, as much as I adore your crazy schemes when you’re frazzled, I’m afraid I have to play the adult this once.” He pouted. “You know how I hate doing that.”
“I’m well aware.” Twilight sighed again and scrubbed her hooves across her face.
“Don’t worry, darling, I’m sure she’s fine.” Discord smiled broadly, and struck a pose. “She does take after me, after all.”
Twilight managed a small smile, but a sincere one. “You’re right. Wherever she is, I’m sure she’s fine.”
“I’m sensing some sort of subtext in our surroundings.” Cupcake said as she shoved a rusted wire mockery of Pandora’s childhood bed against the filthy ruin of her door.
“Oh really?” Pandora shot back, her eyes flicking about frantically as she tightened her grip on her fire axe. Another unearthly moan cut through the rusted metal of the walls, and the door rattled threateningly. “What gave you that idea?”
“Well the giant purple vag-” Cupcake began, before Pandora cut her off.
“I know what they look like! I know what the buck they look like!” The door gave an inch, and there was a glimpse of twisted lavender flesh writhing on the far side. “I figured it out the first time they tried to eat me!”
“Have you considered having a talk with your mother?” Cupcake asked.
“No! I am never talking about this ever! With anypony! Not even with you!” The door gave another inch, and with a terrified shriek Pandora swung wildly at the growing gap, her attacks greeted with spraying sparks and a moist gush of ichor. “It’s bad enough that this place is going to live on in my nightmares forever!”
“Have you considered that perhaps that’s the point?” Cupcake commented, helping shove the bed back harder against the failing door. “If this entire place is based off your inner demons, then maybe you have to confront them?”
“No! I’m already being attacked by… by things!” Pandora hissed, backpedaling as the door’s top half caved in, treating her to a horrifyingly clear look at her assailant. “Do you have any idea what’s going to be down there? What… what could down there?”
“Down there?” Cupcake crawled on the bed, trying to prop the top half of the door back up into its frame. “Boss, do you know where we have to go?”
All color drained from Pandora’s face.
“I do.”
Twilight lay on her back, the sun and her husband having both dropped off hours ago, staring silently at the ceiling. The silence might have been an oppressive were it not for Discord's deep snores. Just the same, she was so lost in her thoughts that she almost missed it when it happened.
The familiar tingle of chaos magic crawled across her spine, as well as the tiniest hint of something familiar. The smallest tinge of herself. She sat bolt upright and raced to the bathroom just as the scrying spell took effect.
“Pandora!” She cried, as her daughter’s face swam into view. “I was so worried, where are you?”
“I… can’t really answer that, mom.” There was something strange to her aspect, a distance to her gaze and a depth to her expression that looked alien on her face. “Myself might be the right answer.”
“You’re in… yourself?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What, like, botched teleportation, or chaos magic? Oh, you didn’t…” She stopped as Pandora held up a paw.
“No, I mean…” She trailed off.
“Metaphorically.” Cupcake offered from somewhere out of sight.
“Yeah, that’s a good word.” Pandora smiled, the expression wan and pale in a way Twilight had never seen on her daughter. “Thanks Cupcake.”
“Honey, what’s wrong? You don’t seem like yourself.” Twilight reached out a hoof, trying to feel her daughter’s face on reflex.
“I don’t feel like myself, and maybe that’s a good thing.” She took a deep breath, and looked Twilight in the eye. “There’s some stuff I still have to do, but… I’ve seen some things, things that made me think about our... relationship.”
“You mean the giant purple v-” Cupcake began.
“We are never to speak of those again!” Pandora shrieked, momentarily regained of her old intensity.
“Giant purple-” Twilight almost asked before Pandora cut her off.
“Something we’ll discuss later, mother. Like never. Ever.” Pandora took a calming breath. “Look, I’ve got things under control, but… I wanted to call. This is something I have to do, by myself, but… I know you worry. I know, and I don’t think about it, and I just wanted to say… sorry.”
“Honey…” Twilight wasn’t sure what to do. For all her independence, it was strange to see Pandora stand her ground and assert herself like his. “You’re scaring me.”
“The last few hours have been pretty scary, so maybe that’s appropriate.” She shook her head. “Skyla needs my help, and we’ll have time to talk about this later.” She lingered for a moment, then smiled. “And mom, I love you.”
The scrying spell ended abruptly, leaving Twilight somehow more worried than she’d been before.
“That was sweet of you.” Cupcake commented as Pandora dropped the shard of broken mirror. Around them, the pseuo-Ponyville was just as decrepit as ever, but the malignancy of the decay was gone. Now, everything simply seemed old.
“It was something I had to do.” She shivered from head to hoof, quickly shaking out her mane. “Thanks, Cupcake, for pushing me.”
“Just doing my job, boss.” Cupcake took a moment to dust herself off and fix her mane. “You still going to have nightmares?”
“No.” Pandora turned and stared at the husk of Golden Oaks. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Then maybe it’s time we saved Skyla.” Cupcake suggested.
“Uuuuuugh.” Pandora groaned, her old theatrics returning. “I can’t even have a powerful, personal revelation without that slut screwing it up. Come on, let’s save old princess bubblegum.”
“Because she’s pink.” Cupcake observed.
“Precisely.” Pandora sighed. “Yeah, that one needs work too.”
The two of them set off, the black tower easy to find without the omnipresent fog and nightmarish horrors. In fact the journey bordered on anticlimactic, the two simply walking up to the sheer wall that was its base. Pandora began to approach, when that loud, buzzing voice blared out.
“YOU SURVIVED THE INCOMPREHENSIBLE. THAT THIS IS ITSELF INCOMPREHENSIBLE POSSESSES A TROUBLING SYMMETRY.” Before Pandora could fire off a quip, it continued. “REGARDLESS, OUR OBJECTIVES ARE NO LONGER AT ODDS. I AM NO LONGER RELEVANT TO YOUR AIMS.”
“I…” Pandora paused. “What?”
“YOUR PRINCESS SKYLA IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE. I WILL PROVIDE CONVEYANCE, AS THIS WILL PROVE LESS DISRUPTIVE FOR MYSELF.” A large rectangle emerged from the glossy surface, awaiting the two to stand upon it.
“Seriously?” Pandora stared askance at the ride. “You seriously expect us to believe you’re just going to give us a ride?”
“YOU SEEK TO TROUBLE ME ON THE WAY TO YOUR GOAL, SO I WILL INSTEAD GIVE YOU ANOTHER WAY TO PURSUE YOUR GOAL. THIS IS LOGICAL.” The voice said.
“I think it’s telling the truth.” Cupcake offered.
“Hmph, fine.” Pandora stepped onto the platform along with Cupcake. “This whole place is insane.”
“CORRECTION, IF ONE PERCEIVES ALL REALITY TO BE INSANE, THEN BY DEFINITION ONE IS INSANE INSTEAD OF REALITY.” The voice said.
“Shut up before I drown you in chocolate milk.” Pandora grumbled.
“THAT WOULD BE LOGICAL.” The voice announced, and said no more.
The rectangle lifted them up into the sky, racing away from the tower. Below the two, more vistas swept past, each one holding a new poignancy after their experience in the faux Ponyville. Pandora idly dangled her hooves over the edge, while Cupcake sat beside her.
“You know, Cupcake, I don’t get it.” Pandora finally said, watching a desert of broken glass glitter away below. “Why Skyla? If this place cares about some stupid wedding, then I’m Equestria’s most popular princess.”
“I dunno, boss. I guess we’ll just have to find out.” Cupcake shrugged, seemingly unaffected by the sights below her.
“Maybe there isn’t an answer,” Pandora mused. “Look at this place, it’s completely insane.”
“Even you have your reasons.” Pandora glanced at Cupcake, then chuckled.
“I suppose you’re right.” She settled back down, content to watch the journey ahead.
It was a while before a destination started to become apparent. It was a large, squat building made of solid slabs of iron. Chipped paint adorned its surfaces, while dozens of figured moved into, out of, and across it. As their rectangle approached, a few glanced up, but most simply continued about their business. As they set down and stepped off, Pandora drew in a breath.
“Mortals! The great and mighty Pan-” Whatever else she’d planned to say was lost as a mighty blast of crimson light punched her clean off her hooves. For a moment, she sat smouldering on the ground before she picked herself up. “Oh, it’s you.”
“Yeah, it is.” Said the black maned mare, or possibly her sister. Where the original had been more or less normal, the new mare was covered in geometric lines, her hind legs and wings replaced with mechanical prosthetics. “I should probably thank you, that other body was garbage, but pride dictates you gotta die.”
“You can try.” Pandora grumbled, sweeping the scorch marks off herself like a stain. “I spent half of today nearly getting eaten by things I’d rather not think about. I doubt you can do better.”
“Watch me.” The mare replied, again hefting the massive device she’d blasted Pandora with before. She let fly another blast, but this time Pandora was ready.
“I know it’s supposed to be lightning in a bottle, but…” Pandora whipped out a glass bottle, and caught the laser beam in it, quickly corking it up. “I suppose this’ll do. Catch!”
“Son of a-” The mare dove clear of the returning bottle, just as it smashed on the ground where she’d stood. A blinding flash, and all that remained of the spot was a bright gold pool of molten iron.
“Tia!” Boomed a voice over a scratchy intercom. “What the hell are you doing? This isn’t a registered combat area!”
“But, I… You let me have the princess!” Tia whined back at the blaring PA. “It was implied I was using her as bait!”
“Maybe implying flies in the other districts, but here we do things by the book. Now disarm and stand down!” The PA cut off with a click, barring further discussion.
“But… I…” Tia howled in rage, kicking the ground hard enough to dent it before rounding on Pandora. “This isn’t over draconequus. Mark my words, I will destroy you like you destroyed me!”
“So, like hitting the ground wrapped in a ball of fly paper?” Pandora asked with a smirk.
“I…” Tia paused, and a dangerous glint entered her eye. “Actually, yes, exactly like that.” Somewhere nearby, machinery ground to life. “Bon voyage~”
“What are you…” A sharp roar cut the air, and a blazing rocket tore into the sky.
“Why do I feel like that’s a bad thing?” Cupcake asked.
“You wanted to bring your princess home?” Tia sneered gleefully. “Congratulations! She’s going back on the express! One-way, of course.”
“Oh, I am going to wreck you so hard for this someday.” Pandora grunted, before grabbing Cupcake and snapping her paw.
Instantly they were surrounded by howling winds fit to strip flesh from bone. Cupcake held on for dear life while Pandora merely stood atop the rocket like it was nothing. Before them, the gap of the rectangle they’d entered through loomed large and black, an almost poetic inversion to its appearance before. Within seconds, they’d passed through it, and back into the empty non-vacuum of space.
“You got a plan, boss?” Cupcake shouted over the howling cacophony.
“Never do, my friend!” Pandora laughed. “I never do!”
Riding a rocket loaded with her worst enemy back to Equestria, Pandora had to admit there were worse endings to adventures. She quickly pried off a panel, and took one look at the circuitry within. Screwing her face up in concentration, she surveyed the layout before finally deciding not to tamper with it. Instead, she turned her attention to the planet itself. Already, it loomed up ever larger, the curve of the globe disappearing as the mountains became visible against the landscape.
“Might I suggest doing something?” Cupcake offered, while Pandora rubbed her chin.
“I’m thinking!” Pandora waved a paw dismissively as she studied the land before them. “I’ve got it!”
First, she snapped her paw to conjure a pack of umbrellas, frowning as the rocket exhaust lit them on fire. Instead she conjured a whole pack of sails and masts around the rocket, along with a second set of rockets to push it the opposite way. She then really got rolling, snapping her fingers rapidly to conjure up a flurry of cotton candy clouds, managing to sugar coat herself and Cupcake as the gooey clouds clung and tore at the speeding missile. Snapping faster than a pair of maracas, even giving herself an extra pair of paws to snap with, she unleashed a hailstorm of flans, puddings, and every thick and gooey confection she could manage. Even working a quickly as she could, she only barely amassed a mountain beneath them before they slammed into it at a sizable fraction of mach 1.
What followed would be known as Custardpocaypse, and would go down in the legends of rural Equestria for eons to come.
“Well.” Pandora paused to cough up a dessert plate. “Any landing you can walk away from.”
“Skyla.” Was all Cupcake managed as she gasped for air.
“Crap!” Pandora rushed over to where the sizzling rocket was quickly sinking into a bog of caramelized sugar. Conjuring up a nice, hefty prybar, she wedged it against the plates, and gave it a mighty wrench. With a pop and a screech, the panel flew off, revealing Skyla entombed in a glass canister within.
“I never thought I’d say this,” Pandora muttered, “but, don’t worry Skyla, I’m coming!” She slammed the pry bar down into the glass and smashed it to bits, reaching in and pulling Skyla out. The fluid wasn’t even done dripping off her before Skyla began to cough, her eyes blinking in confusion before focusing on Pandora.
“Pandora,” she hissed, eyes narrow with venom, “what. did. you. do?”
“This!” Pandora announced, before promptly dropping her in the sea of filthy custard. “You’re welcome.”
Cupcake, fittingly, applauded.