Pandora was a draconequus of many talents. She could shapeshift, fly, teleport, conjure, and even abjure if she really put her mind into it. She was trained both in fine Canterlot manners by her mother, and the joyous mysteries of chaos by her father. In many ways, she was the most remarkable creature in all Equestria.
“I can’t believe this.” Pandora muttered sullenly, giving a desultory tug at the dress she’d been squeezed into. All the powers of a demigod, and here she was being dressed up like a child. “I bet Skyla doesn’t even want me there.”
“Pandora, you shouldn’t be so hard on your cousin,” Twilight chided, fussing gently over her daughter’s look. “I know you two don’t always get along, but this isn’t just an important night for her. Tomorrow could go down in Equestrian history, and ponies will write about how even noble Pandora made an appearance.”
“Hmph.” Pandora flicked her tail, settling into the last minute adjustments. In all fairness, the dress was a lovely shade of purple, and it made her already slender figure look absolutely ravishing. If histories really were going to be written about tonight, at least she was going to look the part. “I still don’t see why it’s such a big deal.”
“Pandora, in all the years of the alliance between Griffonia and Equestria, there has never been a marriage between the royal families.” Her fussing slacked off as she began to recount the volumes of history she’d accrued over the years. “Despite the demonstrated existence of hippogriffs and even the recognition of inter-species unions by Tyr Windhelm in the fourth century, old taboos have dominated the relations between noble houses. It wasn’t until Prince Varkus proposed to Skyla last month that the prospect was even truly entertained!” Twilight smiled fondly. “It was so courageous of her to accept! She could well solidify griffon-pony relations for centuries to come!”
“I’m sure the disgusting amount of fanfare didn’t hurt any.” She stopped to grunt as Twilight gave a chastising tug on her corset.
“Don’t be petty, it’s unbecoming.” Twilight gave another rib-crushing tug on Pandora’s dress.
“You sound like aunt Rarity,” Pandora grumbled, wincing as the dress cut into her ability to breath.
“And you sound like your father,” Twilight quipped back, finally releasing Pandora from her silken torment. “There, that should pass muster. Now, please, if you love me at all—”
“—don’t start any trouble or make a mess.” Pandora finished, squirming slightly to see if her dress could achieve anything resembling comfort. “I know, mother, you can count on me.”
“Thank you.” Twilight smiled and hugged her daughter close, despite said daughter being half-again as large as herself. “Don’t worry, we’ll do something fun after it’s done.”
Pandora immediately perked up. “Oh! Can we visit aunt Pie’s bakery?”
“...less fun.” Twilight amended, earning a groan from Pandora.
“Alright.” Pandora gave one last wriggle and sighed. “Am I free to go?”
“Yes, you are,” Twilight answered with a roll of her eyes.
Pandora didn’t need to be told twice. Like a particularly slippery bolt of lightning, she slid out the door and made a beeline for the exit. In her wake echoed the startled yelps of passing waitstaff as a river of eager draconequus rocketed past. It didn’t take her long to get outside and find the pony she was looking for, given that said pony was the only one who didn’t jump a foot in the air as she whizzed up.
“All done, boss?” Cupcake asked. True to form, the brown earth pony didn’t even flinch at Pandora’s approach, instead opting to survey her antics with her typical dour stare before returning to her tea. Around her, the rest of the open air cafe froze for several seconds, before awkwardly going about their business.
“Uuuuugh, yes.” Pandora snapped her paw, conjuring up a haphazard purple throne for herself. Her dad had taught her the trick, though she’d found his own design a bit bland. Flopping into it, she rolled her eyes dramatically. “I swear, twenty two years and she still treats me like I’m a little filly.”
“I wonder why.” Cupcake deadpanned, taking another sip from her tea. “Your aunt was nice enough to offer me a position catering the wedding.”
“Fantastic. Now I’ll forever associate your cupcakes with this vomit-fest.” Pandora pulled a face. “I’ll need you to learn to bake something else. I’m thinking crullers.”
“I’ll get right on that, sir.” Cupcake hoofed over a page of her newspaper. “Perhaps cookies. I can bake gingerbread Skylas for you to bite the heads off of.”
“Yes! Exactly! Now there’s a treat I can get behind.” She lifted her paw to her lips, and whistled, a few of the crystal flagstones cracking under the sound. “Waiter! Can I get some service over here, or do you not serve royalty?”
“That depends on one’s definition.” Pandora’s hackles stood on end, and she twisted her head around excorcist-style to glare at the speaker. Behind her, a neon pink pony snorted in distaste while the griffon beside her took a half step back. “Must you make such nightmarish displays in public?”
“I could ask you the same, Skyla. That fur makes my eyes bleed.” For emphasis, Pandora’s eyes did in fact leak blood, only for her to wipe up the tears and lick them off her paw. “Mmmm, ketchup!”
“Ugh. Varkus, dear, meet Pandora, Equestria’s resident draconequus.” She said the word the way one might pronounce the term ‘pustule.’“Here to grace us with her… antics.”
“It’s uh, a pleasure?” Varkus glanced nervously between Skyla and Pandora, clearly uncertain where decorum ended and his fiancee’s distaste began. “I’ve never met a draconequus before.”
“Well, can’t say I’m surprised,” Pandora said, her demeanor warming at the prospect of a first impression. “The best things in life are often rarities.” Admittedly the line was stolen, but she wasn’t going to waste fresh material just yet. “Have a seat!” She snapped her paw and a plush divan with red velvet cushions appeared from the ether. Her eyes flicked to Skyla, and her distaste returned in full. “Oh, and I suppose you’ll want a throne.” She snapped her paw again, and a bright pink toilet appeared beside the divan. “Is porcelain good enough? Or don’t you touch the royal rump to anything less than diamond?”
“I’m sensing some—” Varkus began, before Skyla trod right over him.
“Oh, very funny Pandora. I was hoping you could put aside your crass vendetta for a day or two. Clearly I overestimated you.” Giving a dainty sniff, she shot a glare at the toilet. “Guest or not, I refuse to play these games with you.”
“Princess Skyla can’t take a joke, typical.” Pandora snapped her paw again, dispelling both of the seats. “You know, maybe if you played a game once in a while, we might actually get along.”
“I’d prefer you just learn to mind your station.” She flipped her mane dismissively. “Come along Varkus. We’ve a wedding to prepare for.”
“Oh, uh, yes, Skyla. Pandora, it was, uh…” He groped awkwardly for an adjective, before realizing Skyla was leaving without him. With a panicked squak, he took off after her, leaving Pandora to slump back into her seat.
“What a gigantic tool.” Pandora sulked, briefly shooting a glare at the rest of the cafe patrons who were staring in shock. “Oh, what? She is and you know it. And where’s my damn menu?”
“You really shouldn’t let her get to you like that, boss,” Cupcake muttered, having watched the whole exchange in silence. “You know she’s going to tell Twilight.”
“Mom knows she’s a whiny little nag. At most I’ll get a speech.” She snatched her menu from the waiter’s grasp, glancing over it with an irritated intensity. “So long as I don’t set anything on fire for the wedding, it’ll all be forgiven in a week.”
“So you’re not planning to set anything on fire during the wedding?” Cupcake asked.
“...no. I’m not.” Pandora sighed, finally handing back the menu. “Gimme a mocha, extra chocolate.” She steepled her paws in front of her. “Don’t get me wrong. I’ll think of something, but it’ll have to be… subtle. Something that really shows everypony what a prissy brat she is.” She started tapping her chin. “Maybe I could make her vows leak ink, watch her throw a fit in front of everypony. Oh! Maybe I could make Varkus’ vows leak! Ohhh, chewing out her new hubby in front of everypony!”
“Assuming she wouldn’t have the presence of mind to hold her tongue,” Cupcake pointed out.
“Hmph, you’re right. She can’t realize she’s being watched.” With a snap of her paw, Pandora produced a clipboard, pencil, and appropriately studious glasses. “First we have to figure out just where she thinks she’s safe. Maybe the bathroom?”
“Or you could bide your time for the perfect opportunity, preferably one that won’t end in your exile?” Cupcake took another sip of her tea. “Just a thought.”
“But I’ve been patient!” Pandora threw her implements in the air, where they promptly grew wings and flew away. “Every year it’s the same. Oh, let’s all fawn over prissy little Skyla, and her prissy kingdom of prissdom. You know, I don’t think she’s done a single useful thing since I’ve known her!”
“As opposed to your own exploits of infamy and renown,” Cupcake said.
“Hey, I saved that town! Shady Hollows would be nothing but zombie ponies if not for me!” She nodded assertively. “Who else would have realized that zombies can’t swim in chocolate milk?”
“Of course, boss,” Cupcake said. “And leaving that ancient idol out where it could get knocked over was completely their fault.”
“Completely,” Pandora agreed, glancing away as a flush heated her cheeks. “Anyway, Skyla’s had it coming for years now. Her wedding would be the perfect opportunity to finally settle the score.”
“If only everypony didn’t automatically assume you had it out for her.” Cupcake simply sipped her tea as Pandora instantly fell into a sulk.
“You’re right, they’d blame me no matter how clever I was.” Pandora reached over and absently took her mocha, snapping her paw and conjuring a pile of bits onto the waiter’s platter. She sipped it and winced, snapping again to plop in a bar of solid chocolate. “Not sweet enough.”
“Excuse me?” Both mares looked up as a newcomer approached their table. She was an unassuming tan pegasus with a short cut black mane. Despite her demure approach, her posture exuded confidence and control. “You don’t care for Princess Skyla?”
“Maybe I don’t,” Pandora replied, setting down her cup of coffee flavored chocolate with purposeful slowness. “You got a problem with that?”
“Maybe I do.” The mare replied, slipping into a seat beside them. However, as she did so, she gave Pandora a surreptitious wink. “I can’t imagine how anypony could hate such a perfect princess.”
“Maybe she isn’t so perfect,” Pandora offered, guarded curiosity on her face. “I think the people deserve to know what she’s really like.”
“That’s some big talk. You’re gonna need proof to back it up.” The mare glanced at Cupcake for a moment, sizing her up before turning back to Pandora. “Then again, I doubt anypony would believe such a vocal detractor.”
“Are you saying that I’d need a third party?” Pandora asked, her eyes beginning to glitter with mischief.
“That’d be a start.” The mare glanced up, looking at some pony across the cafe. “I have to go, but you really shouldn’t discuss things like that in public. You might just upset somepony.” As she left, one of her wings shifted, dropping a scrap of paper onto the ground.
“Well that was convenient.” Cupcake muttered, reaching down and picking up the paper. “Kind of cliche too.”
“I liked it. Gutsy.” Pandora took a slurp of her chocolate. “Nice to know I’m not the only one who sees through her act.”
“And that this totally isn’t some sort of setup,” Cupcake added.
“Oh hush. So is there a secret message on there?” Pandora reached over and snatched the scrap for herself.
“Address, time, and it’s written on a receipt for a vinyl recorder,” Cupcake said. “I wonder what it could possibly mean..”
“It means, my friend,” Pandora declared, ripping up the paper into confetti gnats, “that the game is afoot!”
“Joy.” Cupcake said.
The time on the receipt was just after sunset, when the last glow of dusk still lit the sky. Clad in a dark brown overcoat and heavy fedora, Pandora slipped from shadow to shadow, Cupcake following at her usual pace. After a few minutes, Pandora held up her paw and hissed for silence.
“I didn’t say anything.” Cupcake said.
“I just said shhhh!” Pandora hissed again, eyes shifting between the shadows. “This was the time, right?”
“Yes,” Cupcake said.
“And the place?” Pandora asked.
“Yes,” Cupcake said.
“Then where is she?” Pandora grumbled, glancing at her wrist before remembering she didn’t wear a watch. With a snap of her paw and a quick scribble of a marker, she rectified the situation.
“She’s here,” Announced the mare they’d come to meet. With barely a whisper of noise, she darted down from a nearby rooftop, running clean down the wall of the building instead of choosing to fly, likely because of the hefty pack affixed to her back. “Maybe if you kept it down to a dull roar you’d hear her.”
“I don’t do quiet.” Pandora huffed, lifting a paw to snap a few party cannons into existence, before thinking better of it. “So what’s your angle? What have you got against Skyla?”
“Me? Nothing but a paycheck.” The mare shrugged. “Wedding goes up, so does my bank account. Figure slander’s the easiest way to do that.”
“I’ll buy that.” Pandora folded her paws in front of her. “So where do I come in?”
“Everybody knows draconequui are some of the most magical creatures in the world,” the mare said. “Well, I need a little magic. You get me in, I get you your disaster. Everybody wins.”
“Seriously?” Pandora blinked, before letting out a snort of laughter. “You just need in? Done.” She snapped her paw, and the mare disappeared with a flash. “Easiest vengeance ever.”
“Boss,” Cupcake began, uncharacteristically uncertain in her tone, “I’m not sure that was a good idea.”
“Probably not, but don’t worry.” Pandora lifted her fedora and winked at Cupcake with an empty eye socket. “I’m keeping an eye on her.”
“I’m serious,” Cupcake continued, starting to chew her lip. “When was the last time you heard a pony use ‘everyone’ like that?”
“What do you mean?” Pandora tilted her head. “It’s a normal term.”
“Yeah, but…” Cupcake shook herself. “You ever get a vibe from somepony? Like there’s something off about them?”
It was Pandora’s turn to shoot Cupcake a deadpan stare.
“Okay, wrong girl to ask, but. Look, boss, I really don’t like this.” For one of the rare instances in her life Cupcake shot Pandora a pleading stare. “Please, call this off.”
“I… fine.” Pandora huffed and readied her paw. “But when this goes hooves up because of you, it’s my turn to lord it for once.” She snapped, and suddenly they were surrounded by a heart shaped hellscape of pink. “Ooohh, I’m gonna be sick.”
“Where’s the mare?” Cupcake asked, surveying the room.
“I saw her move into the bedroom.” Pandora reached up onto a shelf and collected her eye, dusting it off before popping it back in her head. “Probably just digging out Skyla’s diamond dog porn.”
“Well, we should hurry and--” There was a crash from the bedroom, and the two shared a momentary glance before rushing in.
Within, there was a scene of total bedlam. The once immaculate bed lay in disarray, the rest of the room covered in stuffed animals and broken picture frames. Beside the window, the mare stood, her bag open on her back, revealing some sort of winch system within. The entire apparatus whined noisily as it’s cable spooled out the window, the mare turning to grin at them as she held the motionless body of Skyla as though she were about to fly off with her.
“Unhoof her!” Pandora declared, snapping her paws and flashing a massive squeaky hammer into existence. The gesture was about as intimidating as one would expect, until one noticed the squeaky bit of the hammer was clearly solid iron.
“I’d love to, but...” the mare gave a pump of her wings and hopped out the window. Pandora and Cupcake rushed over just in time to see a distinctly bizarre sight. As the mare dropped to the street below, the cable to her winch reached straight up into the sky, lifted by some sort of rocket. Without a sound, a massive shape swept over the city, intercepting the cable. In an instant, the mare was rushing back up, passing just close enough to finish her one liner as the shape carried her and Skyla out into the night. “...we’ve got a flight to catch!”
The two could only stare dumbfounded as she raced off to the horizon.
“That did not just happen,” Pandora said.
“As a matter of fact,” Cupcake corrected, “it did.”