Pinkie Pie's 4th Wall Breaking Variety Show
By Alex Warlorn and MANY OTHER writers. Add your own scene!
"HI EVERYPONY!" Pinkie Pie waved at the camera. The studio was cleaned up, and the walls repaired, with the banner reading 'Pinkie Pie's 4th Wall Breaking Variety Show' proudly strung across the wall.
"It's great to be back! Sorry about the next chapter taking so long! The author ran into some big snags but things are back up to speed again." Pinkie Pie then huffed and put her hooves on her hips, "Geeze. Why does my show not have a trope page yet? I mean, the variety show is…what's that word Twilight taught me? Oh yeah, esoteric that only fans of the Pony POV Series can fully enjoy it, and yet my show's forbidden to have entries on the trope page since we're non-canon. So shouldn't the variety show have a trope subpage or something? Ah well. First let's get this one out of the way. Okay what-if machine, I know you're going to show something I'm not going to like, but the sooner the show it, the sooner we can get back to the fun times, so let me have it!"
The What-If machine flickered on, the screen showing an Alicorn of Twilight Sparkle, grinning as she clapped her hooves.
"This is perfect! After Rainbow Dash came back as a ghost, all I need to keep my friends with me forever is to make sure when they die of old age to have a strong will and to have a regret so powerful that it prevents them from entering truth death! And then make sure they never ever resolve the regret that weighted so heavily on their hearts that they couldn't rest in peace! And with the golem bodies I've built for them, they can interact with the world no problem. I'll have my friends with me forever!"
"Princess Twilight Sparkle, you must stop this!" Suddenly before Twilight Sparkle was a pink pony with a blond mane and blue eyes. Her cutie mark was a yellow star with three smaller blue stars. But the confusing thing was the large black wings on her back and a small sword and scabbard on her hip. "You can't hold your friends prisoner past their time."
Twilight blinked at the surprise guest, but figured this was some superstitious religious fundamentalist who had nothing better to do with her time but make a nuisance of herself to people she didn't know.
"Who are you? And trap them? I convinced my friends to stay with me! And release them to what? Utter oblivion?"
"My name is Starlight. You think their loved ones aren't waiting for them beyond?"
"There's no scientific proof of an afterlife! And besides, why would I want my friends submitted to some arbitrary moral system they didn't chose that condemns innocent ponies to endless suffering?"
"...There are so many things wrong with that combination of words that I don't know where to begin! Where the buck did you get the idea that 'innocent ponies' are sent to Tartarus for trivial arbitrary reasons? You bloody think ponies go to hell for skipping church to take care of their sick grandmother or something?! That's not how it works at all!"
"As if you would know."
"I would! You're messing with things you don't know all the rules for!"
"It's impossible to know everything, but I'd say I have a grasp of the rules that matter. That's a very poor grim reaper costume, couldn't you find a dime-store skull mask?"
"Twilight Sparkle! Haven't you considered that there is a REASON spirits move on?"
"There's a reason flames die out, but that's no reason to let your campfire burn out in the middle of winter."
"UGH! You are missing the point! Regrets are NOT A GOOD THING! They're meant to remind us, OF OUR MISTAKES! Unless faced, resolved, or let go of, they just get larger, and larger, AND LARGER until they devour you from the inside out, and you end up becoming something hollow! The system you've set up for the spirits of your friends is unsustainable!"
"You're just being a sore loser that all your precious dementia turned out to be a thousand year old con-game. Now if you mind, I have things that ACTUALLY MATTER to take care of-"
"Twilight." Rainbow Dash trotted in, a sick look on her face. "I...I don't feel so good... I...I just wanted to tell you before I died that-"
"NO! Remember Dash! If you tell me what you resisted dying to tell me then you'll really die!"
The loyal pegasus swallowed sickly, "Ah-Alrigh it's...I can't...but it's...I . . ." The golem body fell over. Rainbow Dash's spirit however, stayed on her hooves...having seen her spirit for the first time in months...there was a gapping black hole in her chest.
"Oh no." The pink pony whispered in fear, "It's already happened."
Rainbow Dash screamed out in agony, her spirit broke down, then reformed itself, while bile spewed from her mouth and covered her face, until it shaped itself into a mask resembling a pony skull with a pair of lightning shaped horns. She quadrupled in size before their eyes and her wings became longer and skeletal. Her hoofs became cloven, which she stomped on the floor so hard the entire castle shook. Her cutie mark now instead of a cloud had a skull instead.
"RAINBOW?! Can you hear me?! Are you okay?"
It let out a feral roar at her.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!" Twilight snapped at Starllight.
"I didn't do anything! This is your doing!"
"DON'T BE ABSURD!"
"You won't let Rainbow let go of her regrets! This is the end result!"
"Impossible...it's just impossible, therefore...this can't be happening .. ."
"Twililght . . ."
"RAINBOW!? How do you feel?" Twilight trotted towards her friend.
"No! Don't get close!"
"Shut up, I'll figure out what you did to Rainbow in a minute. Rainbow, are you feeling? Do you know what that witch did to you?"
"Twilight...all this time...I wanted to tell you...so badly...so dearly...it tore my heart in two that you wouldn't let me tell you...but it doesn't matter now...because we're going to be together forever."
Twilight looked relieved. "That's good. And yes we are."
"That's because I'm going to eat you right now."
"Yes that's-WAIT?! WHAT?!"
Starlight moved like lightning, pull Twilight Sparkle out of the way of the beast's jaws.
"R-Rainbow . . . n-no!"
"Stay still. This isn't an enemy you can fight."
"THAT'S NOT AN ENEMY! She's my friend you thug!"
"Your friend wouldn't try to eat you." She drew her sword, holding it like her hoof contained magnets or something. "Herd Them, Dōro No Uma Sutā!!!"
The little sword changed shape into a much larger weapon, possessing the curved edge of a scythe.
Moving at speeds Twilight didn't think were possible for anypony sans Rainbow Dash, and cut along the creatures side.
"RAINBOW!"
Twilight tried to catch the pony hurting her friend with her magic but she was moving too fast.
The monster flapped its wings, causing a spray of bone needles to fire at Starlight, but spun her weapon to deflect them at speeds Twilight knew were supposed to be impossible for a pony. Any living pony.
Starlight knew she was lucky, this creature was a newborn, it hadn't had a chance to learn and test its abilities yet, it was running on pure instinct, she had the advantage.
She raced behind it, but its tail whipped around her, and began to crush her bones. She used her scythe to cut herself free, making the creature cry out MORE. This time it kicked her, slamming her into a wall, leaving an impression.
It turned around towards Twilight, the center of its fixation, the object of its tethering to this plane of reality. Twilight didn't move, couldn't move. Her entire world having turned upside down.
Then its giant head fell off, hitting the floor with a thug. Starlight stood on the creature's back panting. Then creature's headless body fell on its side. It began to glow blue and tiny bits of it floated upwards. Despite Twilight's best efforts, nothing could hold them to her.
"YOU MONSTER!!! YOU KILLED RAINBOW DASH!!!" Twilight snarled firing a laser right at Starlight's head which she deflected.
"No I didn't idiot! She was already dead! I purified her!"
"I don't care about your mumbo-jumbo horseapples!!!"
"Twilight . . . it's alright."
Twilight turned to see Rainbow Dash . . . whole . . . glowing with blue light, more transparent then she had ever been as a ghost before, a look of peace and serenity she hadn't seen on her face since she died.
"RAINBOW! You're alright!"
"Yes I am. . . . I think I'm finally coming home."
"W-what?! NO! YOU CAN'T! YOU! YOUR-"
"I've let it go Twilight . . . I'm free. Ya know? I think I was a little bit scared of what was waiting for me . . . but I know I'm not now. Twilight . . . I know everything you did was for me, and everypony else . . . thanks. Oh yeah, and-" She leaned down and whispered in Twilight's ear. She gasped, blushed, and looked at Rainbow who smiled warmly at her. "See ya later Twilight Sparkle, don't worry, I sure we're gonna meet up later . . . and you're awesome Twilight." She vanished.
"No . . . n-no!" Twilight whimpered, fell to her knees and cried. Starlight wanted to comfort her . . . but Twilight had been holding back many spirits from moving on, she had a lot of work to do.
The what if machine flickered off.
Pinkie Pie stared at the blank screen, "Ooookaaaaay. I don't know if that was creepy, cool, sad, or heartwarming." She shook her head. "Maybe I should throw the what-if machine a party, then it would stop showing just stuff that doesn't leave you in a good mood later!"
The entire studio shook as an explosion was heard outside.
"Oh right!" Pinkie Pie smiled. "Remember what I said last episode? It's okay if you forgot! I saved it on PoniVo!" Pinkie Pie took out a remote and pointed at the camera. A green bar appeared at the bottom of the screen with a little line going backwards, the scenes from before going backwards until it stopped at the end of the last episode broadcast (minus the black and white 'post script.').
Still smiling, Twilight ignored Trixie and looked at Pinkie Pie. "Think you'll need any help cleaning up around here?"
"Nah, I got it," Pinkie said as she hopped over to the camera. She took a firm grip on the cord and called after Twilight, "Besides, I need to unplug this, we'll need all the footage we can spare when we do the episode with you fighting all the monsters from Tartarus at once!"
"Yeah, I guess I - Pinkie! Monsters from Tartarus? Wait, WHA-"
Pinkie fell back, clutching the unplugged power cord, and the screen went black.
There was a clicking sound, and the camera was again in the present.
"Well," Pinkie Pie look embarrassed, "When I made that announcement, I forgot that the camera Can't leave the studio them's the rules. And we can't host past the maximum capacity for guests in the studio the fire department says, and the entire legions of Tartarus apparently count as too many. Too bad. I had some really epic collection of boss music chosen, naw, not One-Winged-Alicorn, EVERYPONY does that one." The entire studio was shaken by an explosion again.
"Stunning-Brightly-Special-Flare-Technique-Trixie-Shall-Never-Do-Again-Fire!" A magnificent pattern of purple lights and blue lightning shinned through a window.
"STAY AWAY FROM MY COFFEE SHOP YOU FREAKS!"
"Now Coffee Swirl, just because they're evil doesn't make them freak," Fluttershy's voice said through the window.
"GET'EM CERBERUS!" Fluttercruel added.
"Twilight dear, weren't you supposed to be fighting all the monsters of Tartarus by yourself all at once?" Rarity's voice was heard.
"I AM! CELESTIA SAVE ME I AM!!!"
"No need to shout my faithful student."
"Did you see that TOTALLY AWESOME MOVE I just did? I don't know if I'll ever be able to pull off that again!" Rainbow Dash predictably said.
A pony skull was knocked through the window, bouncing a few times with an 'Ow!' before landing on the floor.
Pinkie Pie trotted up to it. "Howdy."
"COWER BEFORE ME MORTAL! I SHALL DESTROY YOU! BEG AT MY HOOVES AND I'LL GRANT YOU A QUICK END!"
"You don't have any hooves."
"Oh! . . . Well then you are doomed! Doomed! Bwahahah! Hey! put me down! Don't you know a fearsome undead pony pirate when you see one-HEY!" Pinkie Pie threw him out the window.
"By the way Bronies, there's a SECRET I want to share with all of you!" Pinkie Pie sneaked up to the camera and leaned foreword then put her hoof to the microphone and whispered, "This episode is 'semi-canon.'" Pinkie Pie leaned back and pulled out a large beanbag seat and sat down.
"I dunno what that means either. But apparently there really WAS a break out from Tartarus. But The Princesses and the Guard took care of the giant Pain Monster that escaped, but other monsters escaped too. But the big giant battle in Ponyville apparently is non-canon, so that's where the 'semi-' part comes in. Don't worry though!" Pinkie Pie took out a clipboard. "We got a list! Twilight loves those! It has the name of every monster that escaped Tartarus! That way we can be sure we didn't miss any! . . . " Pinkie Pie looked closely. "Heeeeey, what's this name at the bottom? Looks like it got smudged . . . T . . . Ti . . . can't read anymore. Oh well, I bet it's just 'Tim The Enchanter' or somepony like that! . . . OH! There's a posted note! 'Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! See you ponies in two years. Ha!' Hmmm . . . that might be trouble . . . but I'm sure we'll handle it. This isn't a grim dark story after all."
Pinkie Pie took a deep breath. "Well, I suppose I could point the camera outside the window like I did with Rarity and Rainbow Dash with that extra-special distance lens . . . but Twilight said some of the beasts in Tartarus are so ugly that they shouldn't be recorded. But I'm sure she was just exaggerating. . . . I'll let you guys write, I mean decide what I do next! Just remember the rules!" Pinkie Pie then did her best Twilight Sparkle impersonation.
1. What you put in the comments appears in the story.
2. Nopony besides me can see beyond the fourth wall or interact with it and I can't spill the beans about us being out-and-out fiction to the others.
3. The camera can't leave the studio.
4. The characters can be from any generation, toy or comic but they have to be from “My little Pony”
5. Everything that happens here is non-canon (well, except for the Tartarus break out thingie).
6. Keep the number of characters in the studio a manageable size. Seriously. Don't let it overload. TERRIBLE THINGS will happen if you do.
7. Have Fun!!!"
"They're coming at me all at once! Why are they coming all at -ME- ALL AT ONCE?" Twilight Sparkle's voice outside shouted as she fought all the monsters of Tartarus at the same time.
-
"Is this alright, darling?" The camera view rose and turned around, showing Rarity with her horn glowing, the white unicorn having come inside. She quickly waved a hoof to the camera and checked her mane in the studio monitors, making sure it hadn't gotten mussed during the skirmish outside.
"Perfect!" said Pinkie. "Just aim it out the window there!"
Now the studio monitors showed the broken, cratered street outside, with an alarmingly large black dragon just down the road, roaring and spitting flames as it trampled a gazebo. "What did Twilight say that one was called? Smog the Inconsiderate? Oh dear, he's coming this way!"
Pinkie searched through a pack for in-case-of-dragon supplies, tossing aside a rubber chicken and a pair of glasses with fake mustache. "It's too bad you can't levitate a whole bunch of big boulders, and send rock monsters to beat that dragon up!"
Rarity rolled her eyes. "Me, engage in such brute combat? Not in a thousand years. Oh!"
On the monitors, Shining Armor trotted out of an alley, with his horn blazing bright and a glowing translucent sledgehammer the size of a house floating over his head. Pinkie fumbled for a remote and turned up the volume... Rarity tried not to think about how that was supposed to work... so they could hear him say, "Roll for initiative, punk."
-
Rarity's hoof collided with her face. "Did he really have to say that? I can understand a little banter, but he's a grown stallion!"
Pinkie gave the fashionista an odd look. "He's carrying around a sledgehammer as big as Sugarcube Corner and trash-talking an army of demons...and your first reaction is to critique his line?"
Rarity hmphed, "Just expecting a little professionalism, Pinkie---OH! Look at that technique!" she awed, grinning.
The monitors showed Shining giving the army of monsters merry hell. Crowds were sent flying left and right as he swept it across the ground; sometimes he went for a vertical strike, bringing the full weight of the hammer down on his foes. Others were launched into the air by an expanding shield at their feet...and swatted into oblivion as Shining swung the hammer like a baseball bat.
"Yerrr OUT!" Shining taunted his foes as they were banished back to Tartarus, Major League-style.
During the display of hammer-based brutality, Shining had never stood still for more than a few seconds. He just kept moving, kept running, right towards the titanic black dragon (who was merrily snacking on skyscrapers while Twilight took potshots with her own magic....and also throwing other monsters. She was fond of the Fastball Special.)
Rarity stared at the monitors. She saw the leigions of twitching, cringing monsters strewn in Shining's wake; some were trying to crawl away. She saw Shining himself smash the hammer into the ground--instantly crushing some sort of succubus-mare into the pavement--and pole-vault into the air, right at the giant dragon.
Pinkie smirked. "I'd say he's earned the right to a cheesy line or two, Rarity."
-
Twilight, meanwhile, was attempting to use some banter of her own. The key word being "attempting."
"All right you dragon, let's stop dragon this out, or I'm gonna have to spank you," she began. "And then I'm gonna send you to bed with no supper, and if you try to get out, I'll..."
Shining interrupted her. "Twily, they're called 'one-liners' for a reason. Sometimes..." he backhooved a weird-looking robot pony that was trying to sneak up on him. "Less is more."
-
Twilight stuck out her tongue, simultaneously hip-checking what looked like a moderately-large crab and sending the enemy crustacean flying. "Fight first, quip advice later!" She barked, back-flipping over a charging skeleton-griffon. At the apex of her flip, she flared her gossamer wings out for more air-time and angled her head down, aiming her horn at the undead beast.
"Calcium Drain! Liquid State!"
What was unquestionably milk was magically siphoned from the bony griffon even as it tried to take to the air. Within seconds--before Twilight had even touched the ground--her target was drained of the vital calcium, and crumbled to dust in mid-air.
Twilight touched down with a smirk, a basketball-sized orb of milk floating by her head. (She also, unknowingly, happened to land right on a small mob of demon-mock-Breezies, squishing the evil wasp-ponies underhoof instantly).
"Sorry, fella; but I just had a bone to pick with you," Twilight quipped to the pile of dust, then conjured up a gust of wind to disperse it.
"...Better, a little bit," Shining commented, ducking a tail-swipe from the black dragon. Without even looking, he zapped his hammer with a bolt of magic, then slammed it into the ground. The impact produced a quickly-widening fissure in the earth, cracking the ground into a pit.
A crowd of monsters fell screaming into the abyss. "But what the hay are you gonna do with that blob of milk? Is it even safe to drink?"
Twilght shrugged, then side-stepped an odd steampunk manticore before melting it to slag with a fire spell that recalled a welding torch. "Don't know. Might be useful if we run into demonic cookies, though. Now, I believe you have a dragon to get rid of?"
Shining blinked. "Oh, right!" He spun on his hooves, dashed forward, and used his pole-vault trick again to launch himself at the dragon.
Meanwhile, the crab Twilight had hip-checked still flew through the air. The sea-beast thought it had gotten off easy: sure, getting rump-bumped into the sky wasn't the most dignified way to end a fight, but at least he wasn't suffering anything ironic or painful, right?
These were the Medium Enemy Crab's thoughts as gravity reclaimed him, and he fell into a giant vat of boiling-hot butter.
-
The dragon cackled and opened wide as the pony flew towards him, ready to chomp and swallow him whole, but Shining shielded himself with seconds to spare, and the bubble wedged itself in the dragon's open maw! "This is great!" he called back to Twilight. "It's been ages since I got to charge to the rescue."
Twilight chuckled. "My hero. I had no idea you were so strong, BBBFF!"
Shining Armor grimaced. "Neither did I, before Chrysalis."
The dragon squeezed harder, fangs crackling the shield, then shattering it... a hair too late to catch Shining Armor before he backflipped out and landed, hooves spread on the ground. The massive hammer flew over and pounded one of the dragon's hind feet. The dragon roared and hopped up and down on his other hind foot, and the hammer whacked that one too. "Enough of this banter! Take me seriously!"
"If you say so," said Shining, and the hammer whirled and slammed the dragon in the jaw, knocking him flat.
"So, is that whole hammer one big shield spell?" asked Twilight, grinning as she trotted over to his side. "Or did the Mighty Thorse drop by and loan you his?"
-
"A little of column A, and little of Column B." Shining Armor answered his sister cryptically.
-
As the fight continued on outside, Pinkie made sure to write check marks next to all monsters' names on her list that were being defeated and sent right back to Tartarus.
"Let's see that is a check for Hook beard the undead pirate, one for Pyramid Cranium and another for that weird tongue knight named 'The Lick King'."
*Boom* Pinkie looked up to see 'Smog the Inconsiderate' laying unconscious after a blow from Shining's humongous hammer.
"And another for the dragon. Wow, Twilight and Shining are really doing an super duper job out there. However, they still have a long way to go."
Pinkie unfolded her checklist which rolled around the studio TWICE and stopped halfway to Sugar Cube Corner.
"A VERY long way to go. Good thing she has lots of friends to help her. I would help but somepony has to host this party!"
-
"Shining, look out!"
Shining turned around to see that a golden robotic lobster had somehow managed to avoid his hammer and get pretty much right on top of him. Fortunately, Rainbow Dash, who had shouted to warn him, tackled the robot out of the way, while struggling to lift it.
"Man, this lobster is really heavy!" She complained. "I'll let you handle this."
She flew out of range of the hammer, allowing Shining to do a mighty uppercut-like swing (that somehow led to the hammer construct igniting) to trash the robot.
"Thanks for that!" Shining called to her.
"How did you even miss that?" Rainbow asked. "That thing was huge!"
"I dunno. I guess I must have failed a spot check."
-
Meanwhile...
"I'd better get set up for the 'We sure bashed a lot of monsters' party!" said Pinkie cheerfully. She placed a couple of chocolate-iced cakes on a table, turned around to get the paper plates, and squealed, nearly jumping out of her hide. "Oh no, this is terrible!"
Two stone statues now stood right in the middle of the studio floor, with long crooked horns and wings. Each of them held a wing swept forward, obscuring its face.
The camera fell. "What, what is it?" cried Rarity. "Oh... I must say, if those are party decorations, they're in rather poor taste."
"They're not decorations," whispered Pinkie ominously, staring bug-eyed at the two statues. "The statues are.. alive!"
"That sounds... bad."
"Nah, it's okay. They can only move when nopony's looking at them."
Rarity cringed. "How does that make it okay?!"
Pinkie scowled at the statues. "We have to watch them every single moment. We can't even blink, or..."
Rarity gulped. "Or?"
The studio lights flickered. When they came back on, the cakes were missing, and the statues now wore smug, mocking grins on their muzzles, along with a few cake crumbs.
Pinkie thrust a hoof at them dramatically. "Or, they'll eat all of our snacks!"
-
Pinkie Pie picked up a letter as Rarity finished putting a large vanity mirror in front of the weeping alicorn statues. She read, "Due to the convoluted nature of time in the Forth Wall Breaking Variety Show Studio, some events may not have happened yet in spite of happening happened already. Since in particular since the break out from Tartarus was supposed to have happened BEFORE the royal wedding, and could be why the battle of Ponyville against the Tartarus escapees is not canon, in spite the ponies involved clearly remembering the wedding. Also, in some cases in Tartarus, the EVIL PART of a creature's soul after they've self purified, may itself be sent to Tartarus, while the rest of them enters Elysium. Those who begin to develop corrupt identities from magical substances, like Witch-Weed, are particularly susceptible, and do not imply the good half of that person's soul did not go to Elysium. Gee that was boring to read. Rarity! Are you dressing up the evil statues?"
"They could use some refinement dear."
Outside Ponyville was in the midst of the biggest disaster to hit it since -- well, in the last two or three weeks, actually. No sane or rational pony would be out on the streets.
So of course three fillies were out in the middle of it all.
"Scootaloo, ya SHORE this is a good idea?" Applebloom said as she watched something like a giant anthropomorphic flower chase a shrieking Lily into the house she shared with her friends. As it came running back out, shrieking as the three furious mares chased it with an economy-size spray bottle of weedkiller, she said, "It seems kinda dangerous out here right now, even for Ponyville."
"Aww, don't be so chicken, and no smart remarks." Scootaloo scowled at her smirking friends. Past them, they could see a furious Berry Punch wheel and buck what looked like a penguin with a crown through a stone wall. Scootaloo ignored it to say, "We're sure to get cutie marks in monster-fighting when we help Rainbow Dash save everypony -- HEY!" She glared at the giant bipedal cat-woman who held her up, licking her chops.
"Scootaloo!" Sweetie cried, and Applebloom said, "Let go o' her, ya nasty ol' monster!"
The catwoman sniffed in disdain.
"Bah, more pony brats," she spat. "Just like last time, when Rep turned on me," she looked downhearted for a moment before saying, "and took away my Witchweed potion!" She snarled at the CMC. "I want it, I NEED it, you'll shoe me where to get some more, or else I just found a new scratching post!" She popped the claws on one hand in a menacing fashion.
"Uhh...' Sweetie Belle said, "O-okay, we'll help you. But what does it look like?" She cringed back as the monster snarled at her, but then it frowned, brow furrowing in thought.
"It's been so long I forget," she rumbled. "It was made from flowers of some sort, brightly-colored flowers..."
As she spoke the three fillies caught sight of a small patch of familiar blue flowers behind her against the edge of the Everfree Forest. They looked at each other and nodded.
"Oh, witchweed," Scootaloo said. "Why didn't you say so? There's a whole patch of it over there." She pointed her hoof at the blue patch of Poison Joak. The fillies tried covering their smiles, but not fast enough.
"Oh, so that's Witchweed?" Katrina hissed. "Okay, so why don't YOU three try it out!" And with a fanged grin she snatched up all three the three hapless fillies and hurled them into the Poison Joak. It exploded into a cloud of pollen.
Katrina grinned -- a grin that was replaced with a look of rising horror as she saw what came out of the cloud.
Moments later, confused ponies saw a shrieking giant catwoman fleeing wildly from a yellow and crimson timber wolf with a flames on the inside that strangely didn't burn or hurt the beast but let it breath fire, an orange griffin with huge muscles that would make Big Mac whimper, and a snow-white royal changeling, all three of them looking oddly youngish and yelling, "YAY! CUTIE MARK CRUSADER MONSTERS HUNTING MONSTERS CUTIE MARK!"
-
"My worse fear has come to pass!" Rarity lamented watching the studio monitors at the transformation of her little sister, she summoned her chaise longue and dramatically fell upon it.
Pinkie Pie blinked, looking to Rarity. "Uh...that's only temporary... I mean, poison joke normally IS temporary . . ."
"Good...but isn't there supposed to be some sort of warden if Tartarus is a prison?" Rarity asked.
"Yeah, I wonder why he's not doing anything..." Pinkie muttered, tapping her chin. A letter appeared next to her out of nowhere. "Huh? Hmm... 'I'm Busy Preventing Anyone Else From Escaping And If I Came With An Avatar, I Might Accidentally Level Ponyville Due To Being One Of The four Most Powerful Beings In Creation. So I Sent Pandora Since Shining Knows Her."
"Hey Shining!" called Pandora, coming out of a dimensional portal leading the O&O personas Shining's group used and the hero cast of Legend of Cadence, dressed like the game's version of Celestia.
Twilight blinked. "You know Pandora?!"
"I'm a weirdness magnet okay! I'm about to team up with two imaginary versions of myself!"
Pinkie blinked. "That was odd..."
Rarity sighed. "Could this get any weirder?"
A dimensional portal opened up and a much more beautiful version of Chrysalis lacking her holes and resembling a grandmother more than the sociopathic Changeling ruler they knew poked her head out blinking. "...Oh...Doctor Kabuto, I think you tore a hole in the fabric of reality...again..."
A ditzy, absent minded, but kindly looking version of Professor Kabuto (his eye piece being attached by a headband instead of surgically grafted to his skull) poked his out. "Oh my! That was supposed to be a toaster! Oh well, it's better outcome than when I accidentally allowed that traitorous Hercules become a living weapon of mass destruction."
"We didn't know he was a backstabbing traitor and coward at the time."
A small, surprisingly happy Sweetie Belle poked her head out of the portal and blinked, looking at Rarity. "Rarity? Did Chryssy teach you the beauty of love and sharing it like she did me?" she asked in a tone of complete child-like innocents instead of brainwashing.
Pinkie blinked while Rarity lay fainted on her couch. "...We're in the middle of watching a big battle with the forces of Tartarus and this in noncanon and multidimensional, so the universe will be safe unlike that comic...want to come and eat some cake while we watch?"
The kindly looking Chrysalis gave a big smile. "Oh I haven't had cake in so long! Our Celestia has been destroying every recipe she can find!"
"...You're definitely from a mirror universe..."
A ghostly image of a wolf pup barked behind Pinkie Pie.
"Oh right, I'm not supposed to know about universes crossing over might damages them yet am I?"
The wolf growled.
"Alright fine." Pinkie Pie gave the wolf the copy of the My Little Pony Comic that covered the Reflections story arc, which the wolf promptly ate. The visitors to the studio wondered who Pinkie Pie had been talking to.
Meanwhile in Ponyville.
"Hi! Would you like to be changed into a changeling?"
"No." Said Lilly.
"Hi! Would you like to be changed into a changeling?"
"No!" Said Rose Luck.
"Hi! Would you like to be changed into a changeling?"
"No!" Said Daisy.
"Sweetie Belle!" The muscle bound and large orange griffin that had been Scootaloo chastised, "Are you going to ask that of everypony we meet or help?"
The giant yellow and red fire breathing timber wolf that used to be Applebloom whined like a dog in confusion at Sweetie Belle's action.
"Sorry girls," Sweetie Belle genuinely apologized, "I just want to form my own hive. I don't know WHY I want to form my own hive, I just know I do. And neither of you wanted to be changed into changelings, so I have to keep asking." The royal changeling said, as she explained what her new instincts were telling her to do.
A squad of five goblins in yellow helmets wielding clubs came into view of the three monsters.
"Which one do we attack?"
"Not the big muscle griffin."
"And I'm not going near that fire breathing wolf tree thing."
"Okay! So we attack the white pretty bug thing!"
"Yeah! Let's attack that one!"
"We're standing right here ya know," the griffin that had been Scootaloo said.
"Who cares! The Goblin Code is never retreat, and never surrender, unless we're losing, or it turns out our enemy is stronger than us. Then we retreat with our noses between our legs and beg for our lives without shame."
"That's one messed up code."
"We're also taught beauty is bad. Slavery is legal in our culture, and giving is against our most fundamental beliefs. So yeah, our cultures couldn't be more alike, which is why you must be destroyed."
Sweetie Belle asked, "Well, would you like to be changed into changelings?"
"YEEEEAAAAGH!" The goblin attack force let out a war cry.
"Is that a yes?" Sweetie Belle asked feeling elated as the squad of nearly a half a dozen goblins leapt on her at once.
Five minutes later Sweetie Belle was lovingly patting a set of five slimy cocoons. "There there my little ones, feel your new mommy's love." She looked at the timber wolf and griffin. "What?"
"Sweetie, that's just plain freaky!" The griffin said.
-
In a quiet corner of the studio, Twilight Sparkle was multitasking... resting on a floor mat and eating a couple of Pinkie's sugar cookies with lemonade, while browsing through an Ogres and Oubliettes rules manual, and keeping an eye on the studio monitors too. The unicorn smiled to herself. "Not my usual reading material."
"Oh yes," said the voice of Pandora. "Isn't it wonderful, trying new things?"
Twilight gasped, trying not to choke on her lemonade. The Spirit of Imagination was with Shining's party on the monitors, cheering them on as they battled the giant cloud monster Arabus, but she was right here, too!
Pandora slid through the air gracefully, hovering on Twilight's other side. "I could feel you burning up with curiosity, Twilight Sparkle. I like that!"
Twilight smiled, a bit flustered. "Forgive me. I'm not used to used to being this close to a draconequus. Without, you know, being in a fight for my life or sanity... No offense!" Her gaze fell on the monitors again. "How is Shiny doing that? I exhausted my mana and had to take a breather, but he just keeps at it."
Pandora snapped her fingers, and the studio became the set of a quiz show, with Twilight behind a podium and Pandora wearing a flashy formal suit and waving a microphone. "Do you really want me to just tell you? Isn't it more fun to keep guessing?"
Twilight blinked. "You did this?"
"You didn't buzz-in," Pandora chided her.
Twilight groaned, hit the buzzer on her podium, and repeated, "You did this, didn't you?"
An invisible audience cheered and a bell went ding-ding-ding! "It's true," said Pandora somberly, as the studio poofed back to normal. "I made your brother's life hell by not keeping an eye on my wayward children. Twice! And even after all that, he was such a good sport about the whole thing... so I Inspired him. And now he's having the time of his life, doing things he never imagined he could before."
Twilight felt a chill down her spine. "He's not going to hurt himself doing that, is he?"
"Hey, I'm doing my best here! Third time's the charm?"
Twilight glared. "If he does, I am so going to... I don't know what, but you're not going to like it!"
Pandora smiled at the monitors, noted the Cutie Mark Crusaders having their fun, and wiggled her fingers again.
-
"Guys! Guys!" Applebloom said in a growling voice, having figured out how to speak as a timber wolf. "Ah think we oughta spend more time fighting th' monsters than fussing over Sweetie," she gulped at the sight of Changeling Queen Sweetie Belle cooing to the five slimy cocoons, "making some more changelings."
"Okay," Scootaloo said as the three mutated CMCs looked around Ponyville's embattled main square. They saw a blob of Smooze try to affect Derpy Hooves, turning her cruel and surly, and failing miserably as she just laughed at the silly thing. It whimpered and shriveled up into dust. They saw a porcine princess with a magic mirror, a large octopus cursing weakly as it dragged itself over dry ground with its tentacles. "Then which one do we start with?"
Before any of them could respond, a loud and gravelly voice spoke behind and above them.
"WHAT ABOUT ME, YOU VERMIN?"
The CMC spun to see a giant formed seemingly of solid diamond. A crown shone on his head, and he grinned smugly down at the three transformed fillies.
"Okay," Sweetie said, "which one are you supposed to be?"
"WRETCHED CREATURES!" The giant boomed, "KNOW THAT I AM LAVAN, KING OF THE LAVA DEMONS, AND ONCE USURPER OF THE POWER OF THE PRINCESS PONIES!" He stomped his foot and the earth beneath cracked open, allowing magma to ooze up. "NOW THAT I AM FREED FROM TARTARUS, I WILL TAKE THE POWER OF YOUR WRETCHED PRINCESSES AND MAKE MYSELF LIKE UNTO A GOD ONCE MORE!"
"Beg pardon, Mister Lavan?" The giant stopped and frowned down at Scootaloo. "But are you actually made of diamond, or do you just look like it?"
"INSOLENT CREATURE! YOU DARE SUGGEST THAT THE MIGHTY LAVAN IS COMPOSED OF INFERIOR RHINESTONES OR EVEN CHEAP GLASS?" The CMC flinched back as the heat of his words, and breath, poured over them. "FOR THAT ALONE YOUR DEATHS WILL BE DREADFUL BEYOND BELIEF! MY MATCHLESS FORM IS COMPOSED OF THE PUREST DIAMOND IMAGINABLE!"
"I thought so," Scootaloo aid with a grin. She took to the air and shot off in the direction of the Ponyville library. Along the way she snatched up a pair of mad scientist monkeys who were preparing to use their cobbled-together (from some of Pinkie's odds and ends) mind control device on Shining Armor where he battled some of Lavan's lava demon flunkies. They shrieked as she hurled them at the library door. Their shrieks stopped suddenly along with a sound of crashing wood. Scootaloo darted inside and came back out with Spike in her claws.
"Hey! What's going on -- wait, is that monster made out of diamond?" Even as Scootaloo dropped him to the ground, Spike began to grow, his gaze fixed on the monstrosity with a maddened hunger. He began to stomp forward, almost skipping through Lavan's magma as he grunted, "Spike hungry! Spike WANT!"
Scootaloo dropped down by her friends, who stared in horrified fascination as the ravenous dragon consumed the shrieking diamond giant.
"OWWWW! NO! NOT THE LEGS, NOT THE LEGS!"
"Uh, Scootaloo," Queen Sweetie said, "what will we do with Big Spike when all this is over, and we have a rampaging dragon in Ponyville?"
Scootaloo sw how both her friends glared at her.
"Okay, okay," she said in a huff. "So my plan has a FEW drawbacks."
-
"GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU OVERSIZED--ARGH!! THAT WAS MY WRITING HAND!!"
The three transformed fillies looked up, and found Lavan--now bereft of his right leg and left arm--hopping away from Big Spike, each impact shaking the ground. Despite the diamond giant's obvious desperation to flee, Spike easily kept pace...while strolling casually after Lavan, gnawing on a severed arm as it were a lollipop. He looked back at the CMCs with a big, happy grin and waved a massive claw before finishing off the arm...and tackling Lavan, continuing his eating binge.
*CHOMP!* "NOOOOO! MY LEGS!! I NEED THOSE FOR MY CARDIO CLASS!!!" Lavan wailed.
Spike merrily chowed down, and produced a giant salt-shaker from nowhere to season the would-be king.
Applebloom tilted her head, her wooden neck creaking. "Should we...y'know, help him? He's a bad guy, but Ah'm not sure if he deserves ta get...well, eaten."
Scootaloo waved a talon. "Ah, he'll be fine. Not even Big Spike has an appetite like that. ...I think."
Sweetie Belle perked up. "If there's anything left of him, do you girls think I could turn the little pieces into Changelings? Ooh, rock-Changelings! Maybe I can make elemental drones!!"
Applebloom side-stepped. "Ah'll say it again: that is just plumb creepy."
Sweetie Belle stuck out her forked snake-tongue.
Meanwhile, Katrina sneaked behind the trio, making use of a stealth-spell and--to fool the Timberwolf- and Griffon-fillies--scent-masking potion. (The second was more for the tree sap she'd gotten covered in running from her would-be victims than her smell). Her feline teeth shown as she prepared her magic. "You three brats won't get rid of me that easy...what shall it be...? Aha! How about a shrinking spell?! Let's see you little monsters terrorize me when you're the size of fleas!"
She prepared the spell, aiming it at the trio.....
Rarity's eyes burst open as she sat up on the couch like a jack in the box. "SWEETIE BELLE!" She looked at the monitors in the studio at what the evil of the cat-wman witch was about to do.
The next anypony knew, Rarity had applied a flying kick to Katrina's head.
-
A pony screamed as several semi-coporeal figures chased her through the streets, their ghastly wails cutting through the air to chill the hearts of all who heard.
"GET DOWN!"
The pony reacted more on herd instinct than actual thought, diving into a slide at the force of the command, just as a small explosion thundered. Behind her, the spirits from Tartarus were struck by something, their forms bursting apart. Coffee Swirl fluttered down in front of the mare, still holding the blunderbuss he'd taken from an undead pirate. The barrel was still smoking and the tip crusted with burnt salt.
"Come on, follow me." He flew, so as the gun wouldn't impede his movement, through the street with the mare following closely. Eventually, he reached his coffee shop, which had that ponies that hadn't been near enough to their homes when this whole thing had started huddled inside. Outside, Fluttershy was directing several animals at the task of carving a circle around the building.
As the latest pony dashed inside, the butter-yellow pegasus turned to the redish-brown one. "My critter friends did what you asked, but... how is this supposed to help the ponies inside?"
"You two really need to read The Dresden Fillies books." Swirl pulled a pin out of the vest he wore as part of his job, held it in his teeth, and pricked the side of his leg so a drop of his blood fell on the circle line. "Try and cross it, just with a hoof."
Fluttershy blinked a few times, but obliged... only for her hoof to hit an invisible wall right at the circle's line.
"What the buck?!" Fluttercruel took over, looking at Coffee Swirl. "How did you do that?"
"A circle infused with my will, in the form of that blood I used, as long as I can stay alive, it'll stay intact. A wizard would use magic, but I'm not a wizard."
"And Twilight doesn't use it because..."
Swirl wingshrugged. "I don't think she believes in it. Anyway, I've got more ghosts to bust." He looked inside his place of business, then called to a certain blonde pony. "You're in charge while I'm away, okay?"
Lily shot straight up. "WHAT?!"
"Crash course in leadership, Lily," Swirl said, loading more salt packets into his stolen blunderbuss. "You'll do fine."
Lily's eyes shrunk to pinpricks. "WHAT!?!"
"Glad that's settled, see you in a little while." He flew off, the Flutters following with their animal companions.
Back in the shop, Lily was rooted to the spot, almost afraid to turn around and face the ponies she was now in charge of. "...what."
-
"Thanks for saving us Rarity!" Sweetie Belle cheered.
"You're welcome Sweetie Belle, I know violence isn't lady like, but I wasn't about to let ANOTHER WITCH lay another claw on you."
Rarity and the temporary changeling hugged.
"So Rarity . . . would you like to be a changeling?"
"Sweetie Belle!"
"No no no!" Sweetie Belle waved her hooves. "It's okay! Listen! If you were a changeling, you could experiment with dress designs before you make them, you could even see how they look on different ponies without having the to model for you! And you could save so much time and bits on make-up, and styling your mane! And you could taste the love of ponies on how much they truly love your dresses to better make them! It's win/win!"
-
Nearby and ignored by the mutated CMC and the shocked Rarity, Katrina dealt with the aftereffects of her botched shrinking spell.
"Rotten ponies!" She yelled up at the equines. They ignored her. Little wonder, as she was currently the size of an average mouse. Her voice sounded ridiculously squeaky as she yelled, "I'll get you yet! JUst let me figure out how to get back to my normal size, and..."
She froze as something nearby let out a familiar sound. The low and playful purr of a cat that just discovered both a new toy and dinner at the same time.
A drop of drool splattered down on Katrina.
Moving with infinite slowness, she turned and saw a large white-furred cat looking down at her.
"Now, now, cousin," she said, backing away from it. The cat followed, stalking her with glee in its eyes as she said, "Remember, we're both cats, we should be above this..."
Opal just grinned, and Katrina felt utter terror.
Sweetie and Rarity stopped their argument over the benefits of magically-induced species changing at the sound of a faint shriek and a loud yowl. They looked around and saw Opal chasing after something in the grass as she vanished around the corner of a house.
"What was that?" Sweetie said. "It sounded familiar, somehow." As she spoke she idly raised a temporary magical shield that deflected a wild magic blast. It struck a nearby male human sorcerer who was using his wand to command the ponyquins from Rarity's boutique to fetch her collected gems out for him. He went head over heels and collided with the statue in thw town square, sliding down with a groan.
"Oh, nothing dear," Rarity said. "Just Opal playing with another poor mouse. If we weren't being beset by the hordes of Tartarus I'd stop her, but right now we have more important concerns. Speaking of which," she yelled at Sweetie, "What makes you think I would ever become a Changeling?!? Father and mother will be SO upset with you, little sister!"
-
Sweetie Belle cringed, then turned thoughtfully mischievous. "Well, mom and dad wouldn't have to know right away!" The little white changeling queen wreathed herself in pale green fire and emerged looking just like her usual filly self.
Now Rarity was the one taken aback. "That's.. that's not the point. Sweetie, you're just dodging the issue."
"What issue? There's nothing *wrong* about being a changeling. Do we still have to argue about that? Why can't I decide who I want to be?" Sweetie considered her still-blank flank, rubbing her chin with a hoof, then focused her magic again and painted a cutie mark there: a large eighth-note with a small crown centered on the stem of the note.
"Because you're trying to be something you're not. Besides, what's going to happen when that poison joak wears off, young lady? What's going to happen to your 'swarm?' Is that fair to them?"
"Relax, big sis," said Sweetie Belle in an ominous tone. "I've got it all figured out." She reverted back to her changeling form and spat slime on the ground, shaping it into another cocoon with her magic. "While I'm asleep in there, I'll be cured of the poison joak and turn into a real changeling at the same time."
-
Twilight looked to the heroic Chrysalis and alternate Sweetie Belle. "...Is your Sweetie Belle...you know?"
"Not yet. I'm under age..." the alternate Sweetie Belle pouted.
"You see, unlike what you've told me of your Chrysalis," said the good Chrysalis. "Me and my Changelings are symbiotic and fully public, and there's laws stopping under aged ponies from converting. Sweetie does want to be a royal Changeling like her alternate self, of her own free will, but she's only a foal. "
Chrysalis then snarled at a picture of a rather bulbous, fat looking Changeling moving around on spider-like legs. "I take it that's your Queen Cocoon?"
"I...I think, I never saw her...you two don't get along either? I thought..."
"Moralities aren't flipped between our world's, dear, it's personality traits. Our Cocoon was an ambitious conqueror. Though she admittedly did develop into a better queen towards the end, but the Changelings still needed a peaceful ruler rather than a warhungry conqueror..."
"...Wouldn't that mean our Cocoon started out good and turned evil?" asked Twilight.
"...Yes...I suppose it does..."
Pinkie tapped her chin. "Our universe has a 'convince them they were wrong and get them to repent means they can go to Heaven..."
Pinkie pulled out a scroll and began writing on it. "I think a certain Changeling General would like a second chance here..."
"I'll go hold her off while you do that," the good Changeling Queen replied.
-
Rarity blinked. Then blinked again. "...What? Oh, that does it; young filly! You will NOT be doing any more of this 'Changeling Royalty' nonsense!" Sneering, the fashionista cast a blue bolt of magic that zapped Sweetie's cocoon into vapor. Not a single drop of slime was left.
Applebloom and Scootaloo cringed at the mare's aggression; they'd seen Rarity fight, but never outright disintegrate something. Sweetie gasped, looking horrified. "B-but…Rarity! I was just finishing my cocoon!" She whined.
Rarity stomped a hoof. "Don't 'but Rarity' me, young filly! You will only remain a Changeling until the Poison Joke wears off or we get rid off all these monsters, whichever comes first. And neither will I become a Changeling....even though that bit about the dresses does sound nice," she added, getting a dreamy smile.
Seeing Sweetie's smug look, Rarity got back on topic. "Hmph! That's final, young filly. If you try to...'convert' yourself behind my back, no dessert for six. Months."
Silence fell over the three fillies. Sweetie's defiance had evaporated.
Rarity smirked in triumph. "Hmm. Now that we're clear, you three make use of those transformations and help fight these ruffians! You may even get your Cutie marks for iiit!~" She added with a wink.
Spirits restored, the transformed fillies ran off into battle, sending a trio of thuggish-looking birds flying as they simply crashed through their foes. As Rarity went to follow them, she spotted a small blob of Smooze weakly oozing by. Its color was faded, they eyes were red with tears, and it evil tones were whimpering about a grey pegasus who'd laughed the rest of it into oblivion.
Rarity gagged at the hideous thing, and stomped on it as hard as she could. When she lifted her hoof, there was nothing but a pile of grey dust that blew away with the wind. "Vile thing...hmm, I wonder: if the Poison Joke turned those three into monsters, would it do the same for anypony else...? No! It's too dangerous!" Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Spike in his adult form, eating the last of what looked like a considerable amount of gems.
"Then again, even a dragon can't fight too well right after eating that much...and I wouldn't want my Spikey-Wikey to get hurt...."
"Hey girls! Look at this!" Applebloom barked--literally barked--as she trotted up to her friends, grinning from ear to ear and covered in honey. She found Scootaloo and Sweetie were idly finishing off another crowd of goblins. Sweetie had trapped them with her slime like fly paper and set them up in a neat formation (ignoring their threats and trash-talk), and Scootaloo had rolled her bulky form across the ground at the impromptu bowling pins.
There were two goblins left: a 7/10 split. Scooaloo slammed into the one on the right, turning at the last moment to hit her target from the side. She impacted hard enough to dislodge him from the ground and send him flying...but her angle was off, and he missed his friend entirely. He hit a tree instead. Sweetie electrocuted the last one with a quick bolt of lightning. She looked ready to spit up some slime on him, but stopped herself; she remembered Rarity's warning.
Scootaloo flew over, landing with a great thud. "What's up, Applebloom? ...And what's with the honey?"
Applebloom shrugged, rustling branches and creaking her wooden joints. "Fought some weird b.ee-things. Don't worry, Ah took care of 'em. But check this out!" Giggling, she craned her head around and picked something off her back with her mouth, holding it gently by its robes. "Luk phemiliar?"
Katrina gulped when looks of recognition flashed across the faces of the monster-fillies, followed by smirks. She waved a paw at them, trying to be casual. "Um...h-h-hi there, k-k-kiddies. No h-hard feelings, right? I mean, t-t-t-transforming like that is c-cool, and; um…ohpleasefortheloveofallthatisholydon'teatme!!!
-
As Katrina fled like a frightened cat from the Crusaders...right into a wall formed by Shining Armor.
The Crusaders turned their attention elsewhere, finding a woman in a red robe hunched over like she was old. They prepared to pounce.
"Wait!"
The trio blinked. "Yeah?"
"I...I'm sorry..."
Apple Bloom blinked. "Ya are?"
"Y-Yes...centuries in Tartarus and now seeing this world you ponies have made...I want to repent."
Scootaloo raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Yes, and it was seeing you three brave little fillies fight to protect your town that convinced me of it. How can I ever repay you, my little ponies?"
The three looked at each other with a blink. "...Don't suppose you can help the other two of us find our Cutie Marks?"
"Oh, my dear, that's a simple feat."
The three's eyes widened. "What?!"
"I have some magic that can do that, my dears."
"But Twilight said that didn't work..." Applebloom said with a blink.
"Twilight's not an incredibly ancient mage, my dear, I know many spells she doesn't."
The three didn't notice the witch was solely leading them a bit aside now that she had them hooked, off to the outskirts of the town.
"The trick is to create the right situation, want me to try?" she asked.
"Yeah!"
Scootaloo looked sheepish. "Can you help me with...well..."
"No need to say it, dear, I can make your heart's desire come true."
"...Please do..."
"Alright dears, here we go."
Applebloom found herself going through a day on the farm. She lifted a broken limb twice her size, and found a tingle on her flank, looking back to find an epic weight Cutie Mark for super strength.
Sweetie Belle found herself in front of Canterlot, singing a song extending her feelings and wishes to a certain Changeling Queen, earning her Cutie Mark saving her soul.
Scootaloo?
"Mom? Dad?"
The witch removed her hood, revealing a black haired human woman with wrinks and a few grey streaked in her hair. As the Crusader's began to show signs of aging, Somnambula's appearance became young again.
Looking around the area, one would find some of Ponyville's citizens having been lured into similar illusions. However, unlike Princess Gaia's, there were no good intentions here.
She turned to a trio of ugly humans women. "Hydia, can you and your daughters make sure no pony disturbs me? Once I'm at full power, I can put on a real show."
"I think we can," Hydia hit her daughter's on the head. "See! Why can't you be more like her?! That's a REAL witch."
"We got into Tartarus mom..."
"Yeah, for helping me in my plans! Not for any misdeeds of your own!"
-
Pandora had taken to running all six of the studio cameras herself, so she wouldn't miss a moment of the battle. "Ooh, what a plot twist... Woohoo, go Shining! ... How about a rack zoom here... ooh, and this touching moment should have a closeup and multiple angles... what's this?"
"What's what, Miss Pandora?" asked Pinkie, happily bouncing upside-down through the live Escher painting that Pandora had made half of the studio into.
One of the monitors floated to the fore, showing Rarity leaping into the field of poison joke and rolling around. "Typical. She crushes a filly's dreams, brings her down to plain old boring earth, and then she expects *her* dream to come true. Well! If she wants a dragon's heart so badly..."
Rarity stumbled back towards Ponyville, feeling like her head was stuffed with cotton. "Where am I?" She glanced down and blinked at her drab white coat and the slate-grey lock of her mane that she could see. "That's not right."
Then she crested the top of a hill and saw all the giant monsters rampaging through Ponyville, buildings on fire and goblins running wild in the streets. "What..." Everything sharpened into focus. "What are those beasts doing to MY city?!" snarled Rarigreed. "I'll make them pay back every bit it costs to clean up this mess!"
She glanced at a fallen tree nearby. "Mine." A burst of magic animated all the loose wood and rocks into a towering two-legged form which approached her and saluted. "Nice work, if I do say so myself. But one isn't enough... I want more golems. But I don't have enough magic to make many more golems." Rarigreed flashed a smile that would have turned the head of every noble at the Grand Gala. "I'll just have to take some."
-
The entranced ponies of Ponyville stood unmoving, lost in the dreams that Somnambula's magic created for them. Among them stood a snow-white changeling princess, her eyes wide as she spoke to someling that existed only in her head.
"Oh, Chryssy, I'm so happy you decided to become good!" Sweetie Belle said. "And you're going to be my other big sister? Because Rarity was actually always a changeling princess too? This is the best day ever!"
"That's right, horse," Somnambula said with a sneer as she watched Sweetie and the others turning old and gray, feeling their life and youth restoring her own magic. She reached under her robes and took her magical crystal out, seeing an entire rainbow of colors play across it as it absorbed the ponies' magic. She failed to notice how Hydia was backing towards her. "Give me your life, and let me remain young and powerful!... Hydia, what's the problem?"
"You got any spells to handle giant wood golems?"
"What are you talking about --" Somnambula turned and choked. Hydia hurried to hide behind her, and Reeka and Draggle both dashed to hide behind their mom. Walking towards her with many a creak and groan was a giant tree-man. And beside it was another of these dratted ponies. The witch gulped. "What do you think you want?"
"That crystal for starters," Rarity said, her eyes aglow with greed as she stared at the magic Sonambula bore. "And then, I want you has-been villains out of MY town!"
"Hydia!" Somnambula shrieked. "My illusions don't work on golems; do something!"
"I sure will!"
Somnambula turned and saw the three witches vanish from sight as they dove behind a nearby house.
"Cowards!" As she yelled, Rarigreed charged forward and snatched at her crystal. Somnambula yelled and fought to hold on to it. But as she did, her grip on the enthralled ponies slipped. They shook their heads and noticed saw the fight.
"Rarity!" Sweetie stomped forward, glaring at her big sister. "You got mad because I ended up in the Poison Joak, and then you go and do it!"
"Not now, dear!" Rarigreed said as she tried gripping Somnambula's crystal. "Your big sister is -- OW!" She snapped at the witch's hand as she jerked her thumb back from Rarity's eye, "Your big sister is busy getting the magic power she needs to defend Ponyville!"
"You still lied to me!" Sweetie stomped one forehoof. Behind her, Scootagriff and Applewolf chased after the three witches, who fled with many a shriek back towards Somnambula. "I wouldn't lie to you if you were MY little sister!"
"Well, I'm NOT your little sister!" Rarity lashed out with her magic as Somnambula struck with an illusion of helplessness. Rarity shrieked as the magics twisted and bent. She vanished into a green cloud, and when it evaporated?
"Oh, darn!" Little Fillygreed said, now even smaller than the unchanged Sweetie Belle.
"Hah!" Sweetie reached out with her magic and picked the unicorn filly up. "Now I AM the big sister! Hey, watch it!" She glared at her two friends as they rushed into her. All unnoticed, Somnambula snatched up the crystal and used its power again. "I... Chryssy! It''s great to see you again! And look, now I've got a little sister!"
The mutated CMC and Rarity all fell back into the witch's clutches. Somnambula cackled as they stood, lost in their illusions. Hydia and Draggle joined in; they did so love a good witchy cackle, and it's been millennia since they'd had one.
"Wonderful! No thanks to you three...." Somnambula scowled at Hydia. "Wait, where's that hefty daughter of yours?"
"She ain't hefty, she's fat," Hydia shot back. "I saw her chase off after some cowardly yellow pegasus, saying she was gonna use that pony-to-lizard spell I taught her from the Necronomicon..."
"No, ma, it was the one from 'De Vermis Mysteriis''," Dragglle said. "I remember, Reeka loved using it in the old days to get snacks -- OW!" She rubbed her head where Hydia had clouted her.
"Don't call me 'ma', it makes me sound old!" Hydia said. "Now where is Reeka, anyway?"
Their answer came with a wild scream as the pudgy witch fled past, running faster than she ever had before. Knowing they wouldn't like whatt they were about to see, the remaining witches turned and looked. Rising above the houses of Ponyville was a large yet somehow lovely yellow dragonness with pink crest running from her neck down to her tail.
"SORRY!" She somehow whispered in a booming voice. "I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE ANYPONY! BUT WHEN THAT WITCH CAST THAT SPELL..." She looked down at herself. "AHHH! I'M A DRAGON!" She ran off blundering through the village right towards them, with monsters and ponies alike scattering in every direction.
Somnambula summed up their entire situation in one word.
"Run."
Hydia sighed. "Now who's the coward?" she asked, looking through her robes. "Ah! This should work!"
She produced a magic potion and dropped it on the house next to her, causing it to reassemble into a gigantic monster. "Hold her off!" she yelled, the monster standing between the dragon and its master, giving the three mages time to fall back, Somnamubula luring her targets along with her. "Hurry up and get your power up to snuff! I've only got so many monsters I can throw at a dragon without a cauldron!"
Silver Spoon, watching nearby, growled. "...We need Applejack..." she said, not liking leaving her friends, but knowing AJ's illusion piercing powers were needed and running off to find her.
-
In her dream, little Rarity found herself before a mountain of snacks. "Cake! Chocolates! Mmm, so delicious!" She stuffed herself for hours and never got a tummy ache. "All of the candy in the world is mine!"
Princess Rarity wore an oversize robe and held a scepter in her little hooves. All of the ponies of Canterlot bowed low. "I hereby abolish naps, and spinach, and everything else boring or icky! Playtime... shall last forever!!"
The scene changed again, and Rarity soared through the moonlit clouds, not on fake magical wings, but with her own in her glorious dragon form... polished ivory scales and royal purple frills, with elegant horns and three perfect giant jewels set in her forehead, mimicking her cutie mark. Another glided alongside her... Spike the grand wyrm, charming and devastatingly powerful, everything to make a dragoness' blood boil. He steered closer, leaned his head to kiss her...
Rarity the little filly gasped and opened her eyes, struggling against the witch's spell. "Eeww, what was that?"
Somnamubula tisked and reinforced the spell. "Your dreams are... complicated. Don't you worry dear, I'll get you fixed right up."
-
Pinkie Pie turned from the monitors, "Uh-oh, battery is running low! I need to replace the battery! Be right back everypony!" Pinkie Pie reached and turned off the camera.