Rainbows and Mirrors

by Feenkatze


Part 1 - Alone

Fluttershy sighed, gazing down at her hooves passing each other, over and over, by a will of their own. The air was warm; it was late spring and promising to become a cheerful and bright summer. Soon, this year’s baby birds would leave their nests and learn to fly, and she would watch and cheer for them, just like she always had since she’d moved here. It was the time of year that Fluttershy looked forward to the most.

This year was different from the years before. Spring was not only on the outside, for her to see and enjoy; it was also happening inside of her at the same time, and its entrancing and invigorating hooves had finally reached her very heart. It hadn’t been until some days ago that she’d realized it, but Fluttershy was hopelessly in love. It had taken control of her every waking thought: whenever she closed her eyes, she saw a soft, red coat that her hooves felt the sudden need to brush through, an unkempt blond mane falling over a muscular neck and, of course, dreamy, green eyes she felt like sinking into whenever she found the courage to take a quick glance at them.

Yes, Big Macintosh was strong and handsome; but more than that, his calm and gentle nature was what she was falling for. They were a perfect match, she just knew it. If only … um …

When Fluttershy looked up, she found herself in front of the Golden Oak Library, home of her dear friend Twilight Sparkle, and after a moment of disorientation she remembered why she’d come here. More briskly than she would’ve expected of her timid self she knocked on the door. The tapping of little feet reached her ears and announced the prompt answer. As the door swung open, she was met with a pair of big reptile eyes looking up to her.

“Hi Fluttershy. Come in!” Spike said, stepping aside in order to let her enter. “What brings you here?”

“Oh, hi Spike. I came to return a book, if that’s okay …”

“I’ll get Twilight for you; Celestia knows that pony needs a break from her work …”

“Um, you don’t need to. I-if she’s busy, I could always -”

But before Fluttershy could finish her sentence Spike was already on his way upstairs.

“Twilight, Fluttershy wants to see you!”

“Give me just …“

“She’s waiting!”

Fluttershy could hear her friend groan, before a second later she appeared in a door upstairs.

“Hey, Fluttershy, nice to see you!”

“I hope I’m not interrupting …” Fluttershy stuttered while Twilight Sparkle walked down the flight of stairs.

“It’s quite alright – I’ve got to admit it feels good to stretch my legs for once – I kind of lost track of time over those multi-inductive transformation spells, you know how fascinating they can be.”

Fluttershy, who had no idea what her friend was talking about, nodded.

“So, how can I help you?”

“Oh, I just wanted to return this book.”

Fluttershy reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a large tome bound in green leather. On its spine, bold yellow letters spelled the title, “The Big Book of Birds.” It was quite heavy, and she struggled to pull it out of her bag.

“How did you like it?”

“It waf vewwy intwefting,” Fluttershy answered through the book in her mouth. A purple aura wrapped around it and took it from her, and it floated across the room, shelving itself where it belonged. “Thanks for the suggestion, Twilight – I only hope I’ll be able to see some of those beautiful tropic birds for myself one day.”

A quill came to life and hovered above a checklist. “Let’s see … Baking Muffins for Dummies … The Mare from the End of the Street … ah, here it is.” Twilight checked the returned book off on her list. “Glad I could help. So, how are you doing?”

But before Fluttershy was forced to think of an answer, they were interrupted by a knock. Dutifully, Spike dashed past them to answer the door.

Fluttershy’s heart jumped like a baby bunny as standing in the doorway was, of all ponies, Big Macintosh.

“Howdy.” His deep, syrupy voice sent shivers through Fluttershy’s whole body.

“Why hello Big Mac, come on in,” Twilight smiled. “Are you doing the deliveries today?”

“Eeyup.” The stallion of Fluttershy’s dreams passed the door, a big package swaying back and forth on his back.

“How’s it going at the farm?” Twilight asked. “I guess Applejack not coming herself means she’s busy?”

“We’re doin’ just fine Twilight, thank you. Just have an awful lot to do with cutting down wild growth this year.”

He acknowledged Fluttershy with a nod when he walked past her, and her cheeks spontaneously ignited. Fortunately, Twilight was too busy to pay attention to her; she opened the package and counted the apples, apple pies, and jars of applesauce inside, going through another checklist.

“Thank you so very much. It was nice to see you – just tell your sister not to overdo it!”

“Eeyup.”

It wasn’t until after he had left that Fluttershy remembered that she needed to breath. As she gasped for air, Twilight noticed her with worry.

“Are you feeling alright?”

“Y-yes … w-why wouldn’t I …”

“If you say so.” Twilight turned towards the package again, lifted some of the deliveries with her magic and levitated them into the kitchen. “Nice of Big Macintosh to come by, wasn’t it?” Twilight remarked, leaving the room. Spike took a lug of apples himself and hurried to catch up with her.

“Mhm,” Fluttershy mumbled.

“Spike, would you mind putting all these things away? The kitchen is your territory, after all.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“Well,” Twilight continued from the kitchen, “I can certainly understand why half the mares in Ponyville seem to have a crush on him. He’s quite sweet, isn’t he?”

Fluttershy found herself unable to respond. Did Twilight know?

“It’s ironic, actually,” Twilight said, coming back. The noise of crashing pans and a suppressed scream came from Spike in the kitchen.

“Ironic? Why’s that?”

“Well,” she began, but hesitating at first. “I guess it’s not really a guarded secret, even if he doesn’t talk about it much. Big Macintosh isn’t actually into mares, he’s into stallions.”

Fluttershy’ legs suddenly turned into jelly. She eeped and, before she knew it, had landed on her rump. Twilight’s words echoed from one wall of her head to the other.

“He’s … into stallions?” she yelped.

“Fluttershy?” A worried look appeared on her friend’s face when Fluttershy didn’t respond. “Is that a problem? I mean, I’m into stallions, right, so in all honesty I don’t see what the big deal is.”

Fluttershy, only managing to regain so much control over herself, did the only thing that she was capable of at the moment: she got up and ran out of the door. The weather outside was still lovely – but inside of her, it had changed into a furious storm.

Twilight never saw the tears running through her coat.

Fluttershy woke up on her sofa. The sun was shining onto her forehead through the half open curtains, a warm, comforting touch. A glance at the clock told her it was noon. Yawning, she rubbed her eyes with her hooves. Her sleep hadn’t been particularly pleasant and part of her was glad to be awake. Most of her wasn’t.

It had been three days since her talk with Twilight, and she’d spent them hiding away in her cottage. On the first day, she’d cried her eyes out. She didn’t recall much more. On the second day, Harry the bear had gotten to know of her misery and had come over to comfort her. He’d bear-hugged her as tightly as he had dared, but even that hadn’t helped. Now that the third day was over, she’d calmed down, and just asked herself one question over and over again:

Why did it have it to be him?

Of all ponies she could have got a crush on, it had to be the gay one. Not that she could blame him, of course; if anything, the big mistake had been on her part, as she had just assumed that he was straight. Fluttershy could’ve lived with observing Macintosh from afar, dreaming of him in secret and hoping that one day he would notice her. But knowing that he just wasn’t able to ever feel the same way about her – about any mare? She couldn’t even fantasize about him now without feeling guilty.

The harsh noise of impatient hooves rapping on her door finally snapped her out of her thoughts. She considered if she should see who was there – actually, she rather just hoped that they’d go away.

“Fluttershy! I know you’re in there, dang it. Talk to me!” It was Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy’s ears twitched; her friend was worried to death, she couldn’t just ignore her. So, finally, she forced herself onto her legs and swayed towards the door.

“Um, I’m sorry, I was asleep …”

“It’s the middle of the day, Fluttershy! What’s going on with you?”

“I’m fine …”

“No, you’re not. I hate to say it but you look horrible, and you haven’t shown yourself for days. I can’t watch this any longer!”

Fluttershy winced, and her friend’s features softened. “Look, I want to help you, okay? You know that, whatever it is, you can tell me.” Rainbow gave her a reassuring smile. “And I promise I won’t laugh or anything.”

Fluttershy nodded softly and pushed the door open for her to enter. Even if talking was just about the last thing she felt like doing, having Rainbow worry about her just made her feel even more awful than she already did. Their friendship was a very special one; it had been ever since they’d first met back in flight camp. She still didn’t understand how it had come to that; Rainbow was so cool and athletic and popular and everything else Fluttershy wasn’t. Why would she even bother?

But still, Rainbow had always been there for her. Even though great empathy was among the traits that she wasn’t known for, if there was anypony Fluttershy would entrust with her heart and soul, it was her.

Readying herself, Fluttershy settled on the sofa again. She could sense Rainbow Dash’s weight on the padding as the mare sat down beside her, and a hoof comforted her head, petting her slowly. Fluttershy found a certain peace in that, her mind just tracing the slow movement of the touch.

“Okay Fluttershy, let’s talk.”.

Fluttershy nodded. “I kind of, um … there is … this is about B-Big Macintosh.”

“Did he say something rude to you?” Rainbow’s eyes flashed fiercely for a moment, and Fluttershy could feel her tensing up next to her. She quickly shook her head.

“No, it’s not like that!”

“Good for him!” Rainbow Dash relaxed slightly and went back to petting Fluttershy, sighing. “So let me guess … you have a crush on him?”

Fluttershy blushed and nodded.

“And? What happened?”

“I-I found out about him.”

“What? Does he have somepony else?”

“No. He’s gay.”

For a second Rainbow seemed like she was about to laugh in spite of her promise; deep inside her eyes, however, was sympathy.

“Wow, that sucks. I know how you feel, trust me. Just don’t let it get to you like this, okay? I’m not saying that you’re wrong to be sad, but if you do nothing all day but think about him that won’t make it better. Do you know what I mean? You’ll get over it eventually. I mean, it’s not like he’s the only pony on this planet, right?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Fluttershy sniffled. “Nopony will ever love me anyway.”

“Now wait just a second! Because that’s you talking serious crap. You must be the nicest and cutest pony I could ever imagine.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m serious. Look …” Rainbow Dash shook her head as if trying to dislodge some thought. “If you wanna know the truth, I kinda might have had a little crush on you some time ago.”

Fluttershy looked up to her friend, not believing her ears. The pegasus had let go of her and just sat there, blushing.

“Yeah … secret out. I mean, I wasn’t trying to pursue that or something, okay? Because I’d really rather have you as a friend. But it still counts, right?”

“Don’t worry, it’s alright,” Fluttershy ventured. She didn’t want Rainbow Dash to feel uncomfortable because of her. Still, she wasn’t quite sure how to feel about this news – she certainly hadn’t expected it.

“You won’t take this too seriously, will you?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I mean, we’re still friends, right?”

“We’ll always be friends.”

Fluttershy turned towards her friend and, fighting down her insecurity, hugged her tightly.

Rainbow Dash stayed, and soon they were chatting just like they would on any other day. Fluttershy had to admit that it felt good to have somepony to talk to; to just have Rainbow around and pretend that nothing had happened. At the same time, though, she couldn’t help but wonder how her friend really saw her. Was this the reason why she’d always cared about her that much – a simple crush? If so, Fluttershy must have disappointed her gravely, never returning those feelings. She was a waste of time.

“Um, Fluttershy? Are you listening?” Rainbow asked, and Fluttershy snapped out of her thought.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t hear my super awesome story about how Spitfire totally flew over the Trotlantic Ocean all on her own?” Rainbow Dash was trying her best to sound huffy, Fluttershy could tell, but there still was a hint of worry in her voice.

“I’m fine, where were we?”

“I was just getting to the part where she fought the black thunderstorm.”

“The one that almost ripped her into pieces? Oh, my.”

“Exactly. So as I was saying, Spitfire fought the storm with all her will, knowing all too well that she had to make it out of the impact zone or her strength wouldn’t last long enough to …”

Fluttershy tried to listen, but her thoughts kept drifting away. She knew the story anyway.

No, Rainbow didn’t think of her as worthless. She’d told her that so many times that by now that Fluttershy believed it herself. When she was afraid and self-conscious, Rainbow always gave her courage – that was, in fact, how they had first met.

Fluttershy was sitting in a quiet corner of a cloud, just outside the training fields, crying.

She came here frequently, usually after class, when she had embarrassingly failed another exercise. Today had been an especially bad day; it had been the final day of their obstacle flying unit, and the teacher had wanted to see each student do a complete run of the course – with the whole class watching. Not a surprise that Fluttershy had been the laughing stock; she could barely keep herself in the air when she was concentrating, but being the center of attention? So, in the end, she’d run off to where nopony would find her. Or so she thought.

Fluttershy hadn’t noticed the filly approaching her, too distracted with her own misery, until a flash of rainbow colors caught her eyes. Looking up, she encountered a smile.

“D-did you come to make fun of me, too?”

The other filly shook her head. “You shouldn’t let them bully you like that. I know the whole flying business isn’t easy for you, but that doesn’t mean you’re worth less than everypony else.”

Fluttershy sniffed. “That’s easy for you to say; you do the course in ten seconds.”

The filly puffed her little chest. “Flat,” she added. “But that still doesn’t change a thing. I’ve noticed you; you’re always nice to everypony, and they treat you like some sort of punching bag. That’s just not fair. I mean, you try your best, don’t you? Who could ask for more?”

Fluttershy looked up in wonder at the filly. She wasn’t used to acts of kindness.

“I know you have a hard time, but don’t worry; I can take care of them for you if you want. Name’s Rainbow Dash by the way.”

“I’m F-Fluttershy …”

“Cool. So, Fluttershy, I know we just met, but do you wanna be friends?”

She smiled as she remembered that moment. Nopony had ever wanted to be her friend before. Rainbow Dash had kept her promise; the next day, when Fluttershy showed up in class, she had stood up against the bullies and made them stop their teasing. From that day on, she had never failed her. And it was obvious that she still cared about her.

“Fluttershy!” the present version Rainbow Dash woke her from her thoughts. “You’re not really listening, are you?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I meant to listen, I was just …”

“It’s okay. I can go if you want to be alone.”

“No! I mean … please stay with me.”

Rainbow smiled. “Alright. And I think I know just the thing to cheer you up: a picnic! The weather’s great and I know that Pinkie’s dying to plan one anyway; she must’ve been talking about it for weeks.”

“Oh … I don’t know …” Fluttershy wasn’t too comfortable with the idea of leaving the safety of her cottage yet, even though she didn’t want to disappoint Rainbow.

“Come on; you can’t stay in here forever. I bet you we can get the whole gang together this afternoon – it’ll be fun!”

Fluttershy hesitated. Of course, Rainbow Dash was right. And these ponies were her very best friends, weren’t they? They always had a good time together.

As scary as the outside world was, as long as Rainbow was there watching out for her, she could take it. So, finally, Fluttershy nodded her agreement.

Fluttershy was glad that Rainbow had convinced her to come. It was a beautiful day; everything shone bright in the sunlight and a soft breeze helped putting up with the heat that came with the summery weather. As she lay down on the checkered blanket and looked up, it felt as if she hadn’t seen the sky for months.

The voices of Applejack and Pinkie Pie reached Fluttershy’s ears, the two being absorbed in a discussion about the proper way to make apple pie. Rarity was lounging on the sofa that she’d brought with her and was probably asleep after a night of hard work – Fluttershy couldn’t tell through the opulent sunglasses that masked her eyes.

Rainbow Dash settled down next to Fluttershy and reached for a bowl of cookies that Pinkie had brought. Her head eclipsed the sun, so that the border of her mane was illuminated in rainbow colors, while her dazzling smile moved closer to Fluttershy.

“Want one?”

“Oh, thank you.” Fluttershy sat up and took the cookie hoofed to her, nibbling at it with growing appetite. It was delicious and, like everything Pinkie baked, very sugary. Fluttershy’s stomach made a quiet growl. She hadn’t really eaten much the past few days.

“Those are good, eh?” Rainbow pushed over the bowl so that Fluttershy could help herself. With watery mouth she nodded and grabbed another one. Again she was glad that she’d agreed to go.

Some minutes later, the last member of their group of friends appeared. Twilight panted, hurrying up the path that lead here from Ponyville.

“Sorry I’m late, everypony. I had to reschedule what I’d scheduled for today and that took more time than I had scheduled.”

“Don’t fuss over it, sugarcube,” Applejack reassured her, “we’re happy you could make it on short notice. This wouldn’t be the same without you.”

The others agreed. Twilight smiled and put down her saddlebags, settling with the rest of them. Pinkie continued explaining to Applejack her way of telling if a cake was ready, which apparently involved a broken alarm clock she’d inherited from her grandma, a spoon, and a deck of playing cards, and it didn’t take long for Twilight to voice her doubts about the scientific credibility of the method.

Fluttershy for her part just enjoyed hearing her friends talk. The thought of Big Macintosh felt somewhat distant out here; it was hard to be lonely in the circle of her closest friends, especially on such a magnificent day. Fluttershy closed her eyes and sighed, making a mental note to thank Rainbow Dash for setting this up. It was such a relief to know that she could feel happy again.

She must have dozed off, because when Fluttershy opened her eyes again, all the cookies were gone, and the sun had progressed on its journey across the sky. Twilight was packing a basket, and as soon as Fluttershy stood up, Applejack pulled away the blanket she’d been lying on. Rainbow Dash was standing a bit aside with Pinkie and Rarity, laughing about something Pinkie was saying.

Fluttershy yawned and stretched her neck. “Is the picnic over?”

“I’m afraid so.” Twilight stepped beside her. “But it’s been fun, hasn’t it?”

Fluttershy nodded her silent agreement.

“Well …”

Applejack folded the blanket and went to stuff it into her saddlebag.

“So, I wanted to talk to you, Fluttershy. I’ve been a bit worried after, you know, how you ran away the last time we saw each other.”

Fluttershy shifted on her hooves; she wasn’t sure what she should say to reassure Twilight, but she could never tell her about Big Mac – it was still too fresh for her to talk about it to anypony. Rainbow Dash was only an exception because … well, Fluttershy couldn’t name a reason, she just somehow felt a lot more comfortable about sharing her private matters with her.

“What can I say,“ Twilight went on, “I was surprised, to put it mildly. I’ve always thought of you as an open-minded pony, Fluttershy, so it was hard to believe that you have such an issue with homosexuality. There’s a bit of a problem with that – I don’t want to judge your views, but I also have to hold on to what I think is right. Do you understand what I mean?”

Fluttershy blinked: what?

Applejack, who had overheard their conversation, barged in. “Just to get this straight, Twilight, she ain’t standin’ alone. Now don’t get me wrong, Ah wish no harm to nopony but, what them fillyfoolers and coltcuddlers do, it just ain’t natural.”

Heads turned towards them.

“Okay, I think we have a misunderstanding here …” Fluttershy tried to object, but nopony seemed to listen to her.

“Actually,” Twilight insisted, “I think it’s perfectly natural. Homosexuality is documented in over 1500 species, not only ponies.”

“Quit it with your fancy numbers. It’s not healthy – where would it get us if-n everypony started fillyfoolin’ ‘round? The love between a mare and a stallion is still unique. It gives our families integrity, and a reliable family gives us strength; that’s how it’s always been and always will be.”

“Seriously? You, of all ponies, should know best that strong family bonds can correlate with a number of things other than that – what about friendship? What about the love between siblings? Or would you say that your family is weak just because it’s not centered around a married couple?”

“No, but that’s a special case. The Apple family’s been strong and healthy for centuries, and we put up great efforts to keep our traditions alive. That’s how we manage to always stick together, and it’s also why in our family you won’t find none of ‘em gays.”

Fluttershy gulped – poor Big Macintosh.

“You’re not making sense, Applejack. Some mares like other mares and some stallions like other stallions, and that’s got nothing to do with tradition, it’s simply who they are. You can’t take it from them.”

“Rarity, you’re on our side, right?” Applejack requested. The pony in question lifted her sunglasses.

“Why would I be, dear?”

“Don’t you think it’s uncouth and all that?”

“It appalls me, Applejack, that you believe me to be so narrow-minded. Can you not see that love is a beautiful thing, regardless if shared between ponies of the same or the opposing sex?”

Twilight gave Rarity a thankful smile.

“No, Ah just see how it’s messin’ everything up! Think about this: if Rainbow here was that kinda fella – no offense sugarcube – how could Ah know she’s not into me? It would be so weird! What if she’s got lewd thoughts about me? What if she’s staring secretly?” Applejack casually lay a hoof around her friend’s neck; Fluttershy seemed to be the only one noticing Rainbow grimacing.

“But she’s your friend! Surely her sexuality wouldn’t change anything between you, would it?” Twilight questioned.

“It would creep the hay outta me! And now excuse me, Ah got business to get back to.”

Twilight grunted as Applejack stamped off.

Rarity patted her back. “Twilight, dear, don’t let it ruin your day. It was wonderful to catch up with all of you.”

Fluttershy was still frozen on the spot. She knew she should say something, but the whole situation felt so awkward to her that she didn’t manage to get out a single word.

“Well, I’ll be on my way, then,” Rarity announced. “Those dresses are not going to make themselves.”

Twilight nodded. “Yes, of course. Take care!”

Pinkie turned towards Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. “You staying any longer?”

“I don’t think so,” Dash mumbled.

“Okie dokie lokie! See you later then!”

They parted, only Rainbow Dash staying with Fluttershy until their friends were out of hearing range. Fluttershy wanted to explain herself, wanted to tell her friend how it was all a misunderstanding.

“I’m sorry, Fluttershy, I never knew it’s like that; guess I shouldn’t have been all rambling like stupid, but still, I can’t change what I am. This is kinda not so cool, you know.”

“But …”

“No, Fluttershy, I don’t want any buts or ifs. It doesn’t matter. Don’t worry, I’d never want to be with you anyway.”

And with that the pegasus darted off, leaving Fluttershy alone.