“ALL HAIL PRINCESS MAUD!”
A loud chant of this roared from the crowd gathered in front of Canterlot Castle. The chant turned into a screaming cheer when the giant castle doors opened. On a chariot carved from finest stone, sat Maud. She wore a dress which barely looked any different from her regular frock: the only difference was that there were frills at the bottom. She also wore a slate-grey tiara, with an amethyst embedded in its center.
She gazed out at the crowd with an emotionless expression. She looked idly up at the banner above her head, which bore her emotionless face. (The painters for the banner couldn’t get her to pose in a smile.)
Nearby, in a booth above the rest of the crowd, six mares watched the parade. Unlike the crowd, out of these six mares, only one was waving.
“HI MAUD! HI! IT’S ME! PINKIE! LOOK UP AT ME!” Pinkie screamed from the booth.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Fluttershy asked the other occupants of the booth. “She seemed awfully reluctant to become an official princess."
Rainbow Dash snorted. “You could tell? She could be excited, miserable and enraged all at once, and nobody but Pinkie would ever know! Besides, ponies would have found out eventually anyways.”
“I’m worried about Maud.” Twilight said with a frown. “Being a princess can be incredibly stressful. I just hope she’s up for the challenge.”
“Darling, she blasted her way through several tons of rock. I think she can handle a stack of paperwork.” Rarity said, patting Twilight on the back.
“What I can’t handle is this blasted dress! Thing’s so itchy it’s like a porcupine’s dancin’ in it!” Applejack growled, scratching furiously at the dress Rarity had made her for the occasion.
Meanwhile, Pinkie quieted down. “I don’t think she can hear me…” she said miserably, watching the slow chariot travel down the road. Then she came up with a bright idea. She pulled a megaphone out of her fancy hat, and switched it on. Then she screamed into the megaphone, “MAUD! IT’S PINKIE! LOOK UP AND WAVE AT ME!”
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Meanwhile, in Saddle Arabia, a horse sat up straight, and prodded his ear with a hoof. “العسل، هل سمعت شيئا؟” he called over to his wife.
“انها على الارجح مجرد خيالك، عزيز.” His wife replied. The horse shrugged, and looked back to his newspaper. He could have sworn he heard a voice…
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Maud looked up to where the deafening screech had come from. She raised a hoof and waved lightly.
Pinkie squealed. “Did you girls see that?! She waved at me!” she squeaked to her friends.
“WHAT?!” Applejack yelled over.
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As the parade continued, Maud looked around at her new subjects. Ponies young, old, male and female were waving and cheering for her.
“Pwincess Maud?” came a voice, and Maud looked down to see a small filly with a paper and quill in her mouth. “Can I have yo’ autogwaph?” The filly mumbled around the objects in her mouth.
Wordlessly, Maud took the paper and quill, and wrote her name in blocky print. Then she hoofed it back. “Thanksh!” The filly cheered before rushing back to her mother.
Still expressionless, Maud looked to her other side. Then she noticed something. In the back of the crowd, a shadowy figure. Maud squinted her eyes for a bit of a better view. As she looked, she saw the mysterious mare reach into another pony’s purse with a hoof, subtly pull out a glinting piece of jewelery, and stow it away into her saddlebags. This all happened in barely a second, and the mare who had been pickpocketed was none the wiser.
Without warning, Princess Maud leaped off of the chariot. Cries came from the crowd as the princess glided over them on her wings, and right into the thief, tackling her.
“PRINCESS!” a pegasus guard cried, darting down. “Are you all right?!”
Then the guard saw that Maud held down a small, brown-coated mare, under her hooves. “This mare has been stealing from others.” Maud said simply. She then reached into the mare’s saddlebag and pulled out the necklace she had seen moments ago. She held it out to the mare who had been stolen from. “Is this yours?” she asked.
The victim nodded, her eyes welling with tears. “That’s my grandmother’s necklace! I don’t know what I’d do without it! Thank you, THANK YOU, Princess Pie!”
“My name is Maud.” Maud stated blandly as she handed back the necklace. Then she looked to the guard. “Hold her down and bring her into custody.”
“Yes, ma’am!” The guard said, taking Maud’s place and pinning the pickpocket to the ground.
Maud trotted back to her chariot, and noticed that the crowd had gone silent. Only as she reached the chariot and crawled back on did the crowd’s cheers start up again, a dozen times louder than before. Maud remained expressionless as the chariot rolled on.
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“Your majesty?” came a voice as Maud stepped off of the chariot at the end of the parade.
Maud looked around the palace garage before she spotted the one who had spoken. It was a pink mare with glasses and a messy blonde mane, who trotted over, grinning. “I’m Word Twirl.” The mare said quickly, holding out her hoof. Emotionlessly, Maud shook it very briefly.
“I’m your PR manager.” Word Twirl said. Maud looked blank, as she always did. “Public Relations, that is.” Word Twirl said, chuckling nervously.
“Go on.” Maud said simply, as she walked off.
“Well, as you know, I’m the one who manages your public image,” Word Twirl said quickly, walking alongside Maud. “and I must say, that little stunt you pulled out there with the thief? That was GOLD. Pure, unadulterated PR gold. The public’s gonna LOVE you for this – your approval ratings are going to SKYROCKET!”
“That’s nice.” Maud said, entering a hallway of the castle. Word Twirl followed her, still chatting.
“I mean it, a few more stunts like that and you’ll be locked for LIFE! I mean, even now, the public wants Maud Pie t-shirts, Maud Pie coffee mugs, Maud Pie hats, Maud Pie mane dye, Maud Pie lunchboxes – I even have a prototype of the in-development ‘Hug-me-Maud’ plushie!” Word Twirl pulled out a plushie, which Maud looked at. It wore a wide grin, and its stubby little plush arms were open invitingly.
“When you press its cutie mark, it’s talks!” Word Twirl chirped, poking a button on mini-Maud’s flank with her hoof.
A high-pitched recorded voice which sounded nothing like Maud squealed out, “Let’s go to the gala!”
Maud stopped walking, and Word Twist stopped with her, eagerly awaiting Maud’s response. Finally, Maud simply stated, “Rocks.”
“Your majesty?” Word Twist asked, smile dimming just a bit.
“Have it list the different types of rocks. Igneous, metamorphic, sedimentary. Have it talk about what differentiates them from each other, too.” Maud said, still emotionless, as she began walking again.
Word Twirl’s smile returned in full force. “Oh, an educational toy! Brilliant, your majesty, BRILLIANT! That’ll boost your public image even further! The new lines will be recorded-”
“It’s too expressive.” Maud continued onward, not reacting to Word Twirl. “Make its voice like mine.”
“Um… yes, your majesty.” Word Twirl said, nodding. “As soon as possible. In any case, I should also inform you that in an hour, there is a royal luncheon going on. You should go there – it’s being held specifically for you.”
“Will there be rocks?”
“I – I’m sorry?”
“The luncheon. Will they be serving rocks.” Maud stated, turning her head to Word Twirl.
Word Twirl’s face grew confused, if only for a second, before returning to its enormous smile. “Well, it wasn’t scheduled… but if you wish it, princess, it shall be so! We shall find the finest rocks in all the land! Only the best for your consumpt-“
“That won’t be necessary.” Maud said, looking forward again. “Just any rocks will do. I saw some nice pieces of granite out in the front courtyard.”
“Um… yes, your majesty. I’ll get right on that.” Word Twirl said, nodding before rushing off. Maud just plodded onwards, stoic and silent as ever.