“Pffft! Those punks were nothing! I've fought off ten times as many goons in my sleep! Not to mention knee-deep in swamp water and covered in leeches!”
“Those certainly weren't leeches launching explosives at the Great and Powerful Trixie's house!”
“Oh please, girl. They weren't after your shack! It was just... y'know... in the way! Pony collateral! Happens all the time. Hey, want a stick of gum?”
“Stop calling it a 'shack!' The Great and Powerful Trixie slaved day in and day out to earn the bits to build herself a home from nothing! When was the last time you ever felt yourself at the end of your rope?!”
“Pffft! You kidding? I live on the edge every dayum Tuesday! All I've got on me is a spirit of adventure and the clothes on my back! Only half of that seems to make a difference in this town! Why, if it weren't for the profits earned from my books, I wouldn't have the bits to feed myself in between quests!”
“I fail to see what your bumbling adventures have to do with Trixie! And where in Luna's name are we?! It smells in here!”
“That, my little pony, is the smell of victory! We've just escaped with our lives intact, and we each have the opportunity to kick flank and spite evil for another day!”
“... ... ...this is cesspool, isn't it?”
“Correction—was a cesspool! Now it's a subterranean gravel repository converted into a secret safehouse for members of the Lunar Code!”
“Lemme guess... you are one such member? Pffft! Don't make Trixie laugh...”
“You been living under a rock, girl?”
“In this town, it most certainly isn't hard.”
“I'm the one and only Daring Do! Savior of artifacts the whole world over! Adventurer and entrepreneur! Not to mention really dang sexy!”
“Hmmmf! Well, that is most certainly a matter of opinion, and a very adolescent one at that!”
“Wow. I bet you were a lot more pleasant to talk to before you decided to sit on a radio antenna.”
“I'll have you know that the Great and Powerful Trixie is no stranger to adventure and prestige, herself! For months... years, I've traveled the plane, showing off magical feats that would put the finest sorcerors and magicians in Canterlot to shame!”
“Oh really...”
“Without a doubt! And I would have become the most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria if I hadn't decided to roll into her asenine town of Ponyville!”
“Hey, speaking of which, how's the lil' champ doing, sunshine?”
“I think she's been listening to the two of you for the past minute and a half,” Maud droned.
“Guhhh...” Rainbow Dash sat up, her head bandaged and her body aching. She blinked at the dimly-lit surroundings. She and the other three equines were inside a tiny cave lined with crates of old, dusty supplies and mining equipment. A torch dangled overhead, illuminating a lone table with the lunar crest on it. “Please tell me I'm in Tartarus...”
“No.” Maud bliked. “Dredgemane.”
“Ughhhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow groaned, rolling her eyes back. “Fine. Fill me in.”
Swooooooosh! Daring Do slid into view, striking a pose. “'Evil had reared its ugly head! Death and destruction surrounded Daring from every angle! With seconds to spare, and with the sheer adrenaline of survivalism on her side, she swooped up her unwitting companions and stole them swiftly to her allies' secret underground sanctuary, so that they could strategize a way to usurp their adversaries and restore balance to the Lunar Code!'”
“Yeah, uh...” Rainbow frowned. “Can I get the abridged version, ya melon fudge?”
Daring opened her mouth—only for Trixie to rush up and grab Rainbow by the collar of her suit. “You owe the Great and Powerful Trixie a home and a wagon!”
“H-hey!” Rainbow's voice cracked as she shoved the unicorn off. “Hooves off the threads! I paid for this with my last ounce of dignity!”
“Hmmf! Well, you should have drawn some from the bank!”
“And what do you mean a home and a wagon?! Last I checked, Romulus tore your shack up and nothing else—”
“It is not a shack!” Trixie hissed. “And Trixie is still waiting for wagon reimbursement from Ponyville, you air-headed ignoramus!”
“Unnngh...” Rainbow rubbed her aching skull. “You're still on about that?”
“Of course Trixie is still 'on!' If Trixie had her way, she'd... she'd...” The unicor folded her forelimbs beneath her cloak, huffing. “Trixie doesn't know!”
“Want me to write a smexy revenge story for you?” Daring leaned in with a smirk. “Ahem... 'A wrongly persecuted mare tips over into the dark side! Egged on by the demons of her past and bound by a personal vendetta, she runs into the nearest Curiosity Shop and buys a pendant granting her the shadowy powers of a corrupt alicorn!'”
“Stop encouraging her!” Rainbow sputtered.
“Hrmmmm...” Trixie tapped her fuzzy blue chin. “...that's not all that bad of an idea, Trixie thinks...”
Rainbow stomped her hooves, shouting past Trixie. “What kind of a Lunar Code agent are you?!”
“Who, me?” Daring slicked her mane back, smirking. “Only the awesome kind!”
“Yeah, well, there's more to life than kicking flank and being awesome!” Rainbow growled. She stood still, blinking. “Celestia on a bike...” She slumped back, muzzle pale. “I-I must have hit my head h-harder than I thought...”
“You were mumbling in your sleep,” Maud droned.
“Mrmmmff... oh yeah?” Rainbow rubbed her head, sighing. “About what?”
Maud said, “Something to do with swimming through freckles and nuzzling your cheek up somepony's fuzzy orange thighs until you kissed—”
“Okaaaaaaay!” Rainbow Dash stood up, slapping her hooves together and pacing across the hollow abode. “So, let's talk about how screwed we are. Not only is Romulus here, but so are Don Canter's goons.”
“Trixie demands to know what you are even talking about!” The magician glared across the cave. “Who are these strangers and why have they invaded Trixie's life?!”
“You know, all crud aside, I'm super-crazy sorry that your existence got totally dumped on like this,” Rainbow said. “I came to this town to find something, which is what brought me to you. As for Romulus, I would have gotten a handle on him if—” Rainbow glared at Daring. “—somepony hadn't decided to drop in and start showboating!”
“Hmmm? Sorry? What was that?” Daring rubbed her hoof against her chest and smiled. “I couldn't hear your goddess-awful whining over the sound of my saving your petite hide.”
“Girl, you couldn't save your way out of a paper bag!”
“Spoke like a true kitty cat.”
“And stop calling me 'petite!'” Rainbow Dash howled. “Honestly! What universe do we live in where—like—that's a thing?!” She glanced aside at Maud, raising a hoof to their heads and comparing. “I mean, look! It's not like it's actually—” Her forehead lingered a good inch below Maud's. “Awwww poop.” She stared off, ears folded as her head slumped. “Forget I said anything.”
“Obviously those Manehattan Mobsters followed you from Fillydelphia!” Daring said, winking. “So careful who you point hooves at!”
“Uhhhh... News Flash? I wasn't the only pony who showed her face around Neigh York!” Rainbow sputtered. “A certain somepony else was there too, Miss Yearling, if that's who you really are!”
“Oh please.” Daring folded her forelimbs with a smirk. “That's just a ruse! A double! My 'Clark Canter,' without the eyeglasses, if you will.” She tilted the brim of her pith helmet. “In reality, I'm the same adventurer ponies all across the kingdom read about! Not so publically, however, I lend my services to the Lunar Code! Because—what's a dangerous life it not made even more dangerous by entangling oneself in secret societies?! Heheheheh...” She sighed proudly. “But honestly, though, I'm a real renaissance mare.”
“How Noir could ever shake hooves with a pretentious windbag like you is beyond me.”
“Just how much do you know the sarosian, anyways?”
“For your information, I saved his life.”
“How many times?”
“What is this?! A competition?”
“You tell me.”
“Girls,” Maud droned. “Stop fighting. The rocks.”
Trixie rolled her eyes. “It's always about rocks with you! Be more specific!”
“The rocks that brought them both here.”
“Just one, actually,” Rainbow said.
“Just one?!” Daring blinked.
Rainbow squinted at her. “What, you didn't know that?”
“From the way Noir worded it, it sounded like there were multiple shards here!”
“There's only one, Einstallion.”
“Pfft. How do you know that?”
“She has a sample,” Maud said. “We brought it to Trixie so she could help us find where the rest of it is. Trixie is a rock sorter.”
“Yes, and now that we're all someplace safe—relatively speaking—then maybe we can start over again without accidentally giving Trixie an aneuryism!”
“Hmmm... Trixie would appreciate that very much.”
“Now...” Rainbow sighed. “Where's my saddlebag? If we're gonna start over, I gotta have my piece of the chaos rock again.”
A pink hoof handed the backpack over. “Here ya go, Dashie!”
“Thanks, Pinkie.” Rainbow grabbed the satchel. “Now, what I'm about to show you may be really—” Her eyes bulged and her mane hair stuck on end. She spun about, gasping. “Pinkie Pie?!””
“Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie grinned wide.
“What... wh-what are you doing here?!” Rainbow sputtered.
“How did you get here?!” Daring gaped. “This place is supposed to be secret!”
“Oh! That!” Pinkie bounced in place. “I just took a right at the outhouse!”
Daring teetered. “Uhhhhhh...”
“Oh great Luna,” Trixie whimpered. “Now there're two miscreants from Ponyville!”
“But... that... how...” Rainbow's eyes twitched.
“So super cool of you to show up during my vacation home to Dredgemane, Dashie!” Pinkie hopped over. “Have you met my sister, Maud?”
“Your... s-s-sister?”
“Yeah! I've talked about her lots, remember?” Pinkie leaned in, rubbing cheeks with the mare. “Squeeeeeee! We have so much to catch up on, it's criminal!”
Maud blinked from where she was being cuddled by a flouncing cloud of fuchsia. “I'm surprised you didn't notice before. She and I have very similar personalities.”
“... ... ...” Rainbow plopped down on her haunches. “I think I wanna be unconscious again...”