Chapter 8: Rules to be broken
“Oh hey, look a Fourth wall! I’m gonna break it,” Said Pinkie Pie, right before being knocked out by the back hoof of a royal Pegasus Guard.
“Why did you do that? It’s not like she was going to be important anyway, and you don’t even know who she is,” Said general Featherback, astounded at his subordinate’s actions.
“Sorry sir, Author’s orders. Not even a cameo, he said. And she was threatening to break the Fourth wall, after all. We can’t have that, now can we,” Replied Anonymous Pegasus #2 “I believe we have her criminal record on file. She got off mostly because she pleaded insanity, and let’s face it, we believe her. I’m pretty sure her name is ‘Pinkamena Diane Pie’, kinda weird name, if you ask me,”
The general, face-hoofing, replied “You didn’t have to clobber her, you know,” No sooner were these words out of his mouth, than he realised exactly what the reply would be.
“You didn’t have to clobber him,” He said casually, indicating his comrade with a shrug and nod that caused a dangerous looking shift of weight in the package known as Anonymous Pegasus #3 “So we gonna dump and run?”
“No, you’re going to carefully put him down, then take her downstairs into the basement, but only the basement made specifically for this fic, stay away from any others there might be,” replied Featherback, unloading his back and flapping his wings slightly “And once you’ve done that, find somepony in charge to help us out, and see if they know our yellow friend here. Oh, and we’ll probably need a medical team to treat both of these ponies. Great back hoof, by the way,”
‘I’ll go down myself, thanks!’ said Pinkie, awakening and doing her own formatting ‘What? I always do my own formatting.’ All she got was blank looks from the two stallions in the room. “Fine, I’ll let Jaysteeny do the formatting,” she conceded. “Oh, hey! Is that Fluttershy?”
Without waiting for an answer, she rushed over to the butter yellow Pegasus and stood over her, knowing full well that her timing was going to be perfect. Fluttershy’s eyelids fluttered open, looked suddenly bewildered, and calmed down upon seeing the pink pony. A familiar face that didn’t scare her.
“Oh, hello Pinkie. I just had a most frightening dream. I was told to represent all of Pegasus kind in a weird inter-universal sport called golf. Doesn’t that sound just so…”She paused to think of the word, but the train of thought terminated at that station, and quickly derailed from there, as she realised she was in sugar cube corner, and not her cottage. “…H-how did I g-get here P-Pinkie,” she stammered, growing suddenly afraid that her dream was real, and no more courageous about it. About half-way through the ensuing gush of words, Fluttershy regretted asking at all.
“Some nice royal guards bought you in here, or at least I thought they were nice but one of them kicked me in the head for no reason, why did you do that anyway royal guard? But one of them really was nice because he was really careful when he put you on the floor, and I don’t know about the other one because he hasn’t woken up yet. I tried to break the fourth wall, but then I realised by talking about it, I’ve already broken it! Isn’t that funny,” Said Pinkie, leaving the three pegasi in the room wondering how she did that without taking a breath, but being trained for surprise, fear and ruthless efficiency, Featherback moved the conversation along before she could speak again.
“I’m sorry for Anonymous Pegasus #3’s actions. I should have realised he would be frightening to you,” He spoke in a voice rivalled in softness only by the mare he said it to.
“Oh, i-it’s okay, really.” She responded positively, doing quite well to keep her fear from entering her voice. “I get scared all the time. But everypony always says to me ‘Fluttershy, stop being so wimpy and learn to be assertive’ so I’m going to be assertive. No, thank you. I’m sure Rainbow Dash would be happy to compete in my place, though,” Pinkie looked shocked, and suddenly sprang into the air gasping and hung there for several seconds, defying once again not only physics but also the Author’s wishes to move this story along.
“BUT FLUTTERSHY!” She shouted suddenly “If you become assertive for your entire appearance in this fic, then your image will become permanently modified and besides Rainbow can’t compete because she has to clean up unforeseen weather complications and another OC can’t compete, because Jaysteeny is fresh out of names and it would be weird for a pony called anonymous to compete, so don’t you see you HAVE to compete!” Featherback could sort of see the reasoning, but only barely, and there wasn’t the faintest trace of logic, but he went with it anyway.
“Uh, yeah…What she said…I guess…” He said clueless
“Oh, um…Well, would you like to compete Pinkie? I don’t know any other ponies that have as much energy as you, and all the other ponies Jaysteeny can think of, despite his awesomeness, already have important things to do, or would be incompatible with the position.” Fluttershy had a well-constructed argument, but Pinkie’s rebuttal was immune to such mere circumstances.
“Well I can’t compete, I’m not a Pegasus, duh. And besides, I have to help out with catering for the event with Mr & Mrs Cake and the Apple family,”
“Wait, how do you know ANYTHING about the event? We haven’t told anypony, even the ones involved in supplying the event, anything about what’s going on yet!”
“Duh, I had to go destroy a portal to Equestria and force Jaysteeny to include me in his fic, then I started giving him some ideas and then we worked together on how he could use my plot in his fic, without making a single plot joke, but then after he left I decided I’d put a few in any way!” Jaysteeny saw what Pinkie had done there, narrowed his eyes and growled low in his throat. His eyes then flicked to the word count. 1,037 which means it’s time to wrap the chapter up.
“Well, this has been roughly 4 or 5 minutes of mostly dialogue, so I think that means we have to have some sort of semi-resolution-cliff-hanger. Are you sure you won’t change your mind, Fluttershy?” All eyes in the room, and several outside of it, turned to the shy pony, and away from a now twitching pink pony.
“I…I think…” she began, but she never got to finish her sentence, because at that moment, there was an explosion of magical energy, taking the door off its hinges and knocking all the ponies off their hooves, startling and confusing them. Then the Author grinned like a Cheshire Cat, knowing that he had annoyed the smeg out of all of his readers. Again. For like the 6th time this episode. Meh.
(Authors notes) Well, this is the last chapter I wrote with both hands, and I'll write a good five or six more until I heal, but I promise you: it can ALWAYS get wierder. And there is something next chapter disagreeing with last chapter, so I'll change it next Monday unless I forget. Yarr, more accidental references ahead, mateys. Now I know why not to do AN when I'm about to go to sleep, then finishing them early in the morning, after having a dream where I'm in an epic battle with this guy and this martial artist girl, and I'm rambling. I've forgotten what needs to be said, so as always, GOODBYE, PEOPLEZ!