Finally, finally off that death trap. At least now things can go back to being at least somewhat close to norm-
“... Well, he’s a new one. Certainly very...”
I mean, I don’t even know how to begin to describe this Pokemon. It’s some sort of weird mish-mash of animals. Each limb is different, and there doesn’t seem to be any discernable pattern or reason… “Chaotic.”
“Why, thank you very much,” came a very familiar voice from the being. “It’s nice to know that somepoke knows how to appreciate a handsome draconequus when they see one!”
... Brian? Is… Is that Q? Am I dreaming? Please, for the love of God, tell me this isn’t a dream…
Well, if this is a dream, brah, I don’t wanna wake up.
It took a moment to realise that Crystal was jabbing me in the shoulder with her paw, not even looking at me as she also gaped at the strange creature. Still, the growing pain helped me find my voice. “Kuh… Q?”
The monster’s eyes flickered just just a tiny fraction of a second, giving us all the conformation we needed. “Holy shit it’s Q! Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohm-”
Crystal started to hyperventilate as she chanted to herself, and I wasn’t in a much better place myself. “OhmaigoshI’mtotallyyou’rebiggestfan! Yougottasignthisforme, please!”
A strange smile crossed his face as he said, in that always bemused tone of voice that was Q, “Sign what now?”
Crap! Brian, I have nothing for him to sign! Find something, quick!
Right there!
Thanks!
“Sign Crystal!”
Before I could even register what I just said, I had grabbed Crystal, holding her in my front legs as I pushed her towards Q.
“W-what?! Fluffy, you put me down right this frelling second! I am not some thing that can be-”
“Oh, how amusing. So tell me, Fluffy,” he said, using his talons and paw to make quotation marks. “Where am I supposed to sign her, exactly?”
“Yeah! Where do you think he’s going to-”
Brian, quick, gimme somewhere to sign!
Her chest!
“Her chest!”
... What the actual fuck, Brian?!
I was under pressure! You gave me no time!
“What?! Glenn, you put me down right this frelling second or I swear to God I will personally tear your-”
I hereby proclaim, being in a sound state of mind, and in the presence of these witnesses, give my word of honor that I did not drop Crystal on her butt on purpose to shut her up or to interrupt her.
Okay, so my arms were on freaking fire, and I couldn’t hold her any longer, and I just so happened to drop her in the middle of a rant. Give me the benefit of the doubt, alright? I’m honestly amazed I was able to hold her as long as I did without giving myself a heart attack!
“Her chest, you say?” Q said, grinning widely. “Oh my! Are you certain I should be signing it in public, though? It wouldn’t do to be arrested for public indecency, after all. Still, how could I deny an avid fan’s request? Let’s see n-”
“No! If you’re signing anyone’s chest, it’s Fluffy’s!” Crystal exclaimed, grabbing me before I could escape. “Better yet, sign his stupid butt!”
“H-hey! That’s not fair!” I yelled as she swung me about, tail-ward to Q. I tucked my tail even tighter to my body as I started ranting about the injustice of the situtation.
“That is not fair at all! You don’t even have a chest!”
”I what?!” Crystal’s eyes flamed in rage.
No, literally. I could see actual flames on the inside of her pupils. “Are you calling me flat?!”
Woah! Tread lightly, dude. Tread lightly…
“What?! No! I mean, yes, but no! I not, you, that… AUGH! For the love of God! You’re a friggin Pokemon! You don’t have a chest right now!”
Crystal and I stared at each other for several moments, each waiting for the other to act. Wisp, having been off to the side, apparently too overwhelmed from our reaction to Q, asked timidly, “B-but she does have a chest… It’s right there, isn’t it? W-with your lungs, and your heart, and… stuff?”
We glanced to the blue mare, who was pointing at her chest, which was perfectly smooth, aside from what looked like a small drool stain. Crystal blinked, then had the decency to blush a little as she set me down. I barely had a chance to sigh in relief before she decked me in the schnoz with a paw. “Pupule!”
“Ow! Hey, come on!” I tried to reason with her, rubbing my now-throbbing muzzle. “I was very specific with my wording! It’s not like I asked him to sign your boobs or anyth-”
Okay, lesson learned. Shutting the frell up now.
“Oh-ho, a tropical island girl, are we?” Q laughed, snapping his talons as a Hawaiian-style shirt appeared on his torso, and a lei around his neck. “I dare-say you two will be so much more fun to play with than those other two. You’d think they were born with a stick up their livers or something.”
As he started to walk away, I finally took the time to look around at my surroundings. After several seconds, I had only one thought.
Hey, Brian?
Yup?
I’m going to need you to get me a pair of sunglasses… The biggest friggin pair you can find, and I don’t even care how horrible they look.
Yeah. I’ll uh, get right on that…