“Um...” Maybe I should try just telling the truth instead of running this time, I thought. I certainly couldn't outrun Dash, but she wouldn't have an easy time transporting me against my will. “I was brushing a leaf off your face.”
“Uh huh.” She sounded incredulous. “Mind telling me why I'm in this bush? I've got a splitting headache,” that made two of us, “and I can't remember much from last night... you didn't happen to see a gray coated, blond maned Pegasus nearby, did you?” she queried, staring at me intently.
I was in luck, it looked like Rainbow didn't remember much from last night yet. Traumatic amnesia, though, is usually temporary. I had to think quick. On one hand, I could make something up, we'd part ways amicably but later she would remember or be reminded that she had been trying to apprehend me and dislike me some more. Especially if she remembered the Soren trick I pulled on her. On the other hand, was Dash. No literally, she was still on my hand. The other option, though, was man up and come clean, explaining why we were here and why her friends wanted me captured. What would happen from there was her call.
“I haven't seen any gray Pegasi today, no. As for why we're in the bush, that's a longer answer.” I broke eye contact, looking off to one side. Our faces were still only inches apart, and it was more than a little strange. “First, though, can I have my arm back?” I indicated it by giving it a slight tug.
“Oh, sure.”
I felt her slide off of my arm and sit up. In my haste to make my bid for freedom, I had forgotten that Dash seeing more of me than my face could pose a problem. There was no time to correct my error.
“Whoa. Dude,” a very surprised Dash said. Points for observation, she hadn't missed the half foot elephant in the room. “I'm flattered, really, but I don't swing that way.”
I hastened to cover up as her words sunk in. Didn't swing that way? Connecting what I thought were two dots, I hesitatingly put my thoughts into words. “That would explain why you called me Pinkie Pie earlier when you kissed me...”
Dash went from amused at my apparent interest to doing her best Big Macintosh impression in no time at all. Her face was crimson, like a freshly picked apple.
“H-how did you know I dreamed about kissing Pinkie!” she stammered. “Are you some kind of dream spy?”
Well, my life was over anyway. Might as well dive in with both feet. “I didn't know about your dream until just now. All I knew is that you said the name 'Pinkie Pie' and then kissed me in your sleep, but now I know the whole truth!” I was reveling in the freedom that only death row inmates have. “Dash has a crush on Pinkie Pie!” I did my best impression of a schoolyard taunt.
I received a hoof to the chest for my efforts.
“Oof!” I grunted at the blow, clutching at the impact site. Never taunt a girl wearing steel horseshoes. I'm pretty sure she bruised a rib.
“You dummy! I didn't mean I was into mares! I mean, Pinkie's cute and all, don't get me wrong...” Rainbow seemed to realize that she wasn't making her case very convincing. “I like colts! I just don't like...” she looked at me with a hint of mild disgust, “xeno colts.”
“What do you mean, xeno colts?” I asked. My devil-may-care bravado had been replaced with complete confusion.
“What do you mean what do I mean? You're obviously a xenophile,” she said, waiving a forehoof indicatively at what my hands were hiding.
“I am not! It was just... really intimate,” I parried.
“Oh please,” Dash rolled her eyes. “So you're saying that all it takes to make you excited is a kiss and a hug? It doesn't even matter who or what it's from? That's silly.”
“No it's not. It's a natural reaction,” I defended myself.
“If it's a natural response, then wouldn't it be the same way for me?” she countered.
“How do you know you wouldn't react the same way? I bet you would.” If I couldn't prove my innocence, I would just take the focus off myself.
I didn't mean to turn it into a competition.
“I would not! Watch.” With that, Rainbow Dash pounced me, knocking me flat on my back. Her front hooves were planted firmly on my chest as she planted her lips firmly on mine.
My eyes went wide, but she didn't notice; hers were closed tight. She leaned into the kiss, and I had no choice but to lie there and take it. I couldn't pull away because the ground prevented it, and my hands were occupied covering something that certainly wasn't pulling away.
I closed my eyes and saw the images from my dream rushing through my mind's eye. Her contented smile as we washed the dishes. Hiding her face behind a hoof in embarrassed gratitude as I served dinner. The feel of her coat and the sound of her sigh as we lay in front of the fireplace. All of it came back to me with her kiss. I knew it was a dream, but... every dream starts somewhere.
The kiss had started off as just a pressing of lips, but as it wore on, Dash seemed to be getting more enthusiastic. She took her hooves off my chest one at a time, slipping the shoe off each with their respective back hooves. They both landed with a muffled thud, hard steel impacting soft soil. The first hoof to return found its way back to the ground, insistently pushing one of my arms aside. Its fetlock tickled the side of my chest. The next hoof to return resumed its former perch on my chest, but it did not stay put.
Rainbow ran her free hoof along my chest. It wasn't an entirely new sensation. Rarity had been doing something similar the day before, but Rainbow's hoof was entirely different. It still felt like the world's largest fingernail on the edge, but the sole of her hoof was much, much softer than Rarity's. Even the prim and proper Rarity had been unable to hide the callouses from walking around on the ground. Between flying most of the time and wearing shoes, Rainbow's soles were left as soft as the clouds they were used to, and her exploratory hoof caressed my chest like a warm summer's breeze.
I brought my arms up, taking her head in my hands. I felt her tongue flick lightly over my lips, a request for more. I pushed her away gently, and she broke off. Her eyes opened, staring into mine. She couldn't make up her mind about where to focus, though, and her gaze flicked back and forth between my eyes, as if searching for something.
Still panting slightly, catching her breath, she whispered, “You might be onto something here.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but she cut me off with a ferocious kiss. Her eyes were screwed shut as she focused on the feelings of my lips against hers. I ran my hands through her mane and over her ears, and I could feel her twitch every time I brushed a sensitive spot. The restless hoof ceased its wandering, electing instead to press down firmly to hold me still, as if I were a prize in danger of being stolen away.
It wasn't long before I felt her tongue against my lips again, but this time it didn't hesitate at the gate. The writhing muscle forced my lips apart, questing for a taste of the mouth they guarded. As soon as she had gained entry, Dash wasted no time in surveying her conquest, running her tongue to the back of a set of molars and slowly working her way forward, examining each and the mouth around.
Though it had caught me by surprise, this second kiss was no less pleasant than the first. Dash's initiative and aggression were new to me. And I was liking it. In her movements, Dash's wings had spread a bit from her sides. This had happened earlier when she stood up, but, unlike before, she was making no effort to refold them. With every shift of her weight and plunge of her tongue, her wings rose a little higher.
Suddenly, she stopped moving entirely, completely frozen and eyes wide with shock. Her tongue was still inside my mouth, resting on one of my canine teeth; a terrifying thing to a natural prey species, canines are purpose built for rending flesh. Her breathing picked up pace. It went from slow and heavy to quick and shallow. Dash was scared. Huge, beautiful blue wings framed her figure, having finally spread to full extension as her fight-or-flight reflexes took hold.
I let go of her, hoping she would calm down. Almost as soon as I had, her tongue started moving again. It glided over my incisors as Rainbow's eyes slid shut. Her breathing had slowed, but it was still faster than it had been. She sounded... excited.
Not content with letting Dash do all the work, I started fighting her for control of my mouth back. My tongue ran along hers, under one side. Dash shivered and pulled her tongue back reflexively, and then I was in. Her mouth was like nothing I'd felt before. It was almost the same as a human mouth, but with a couple notable differences. The strangeness of her teeth struck me first; there was a small gap where canines should be. I later found out this is where a bit could be fitted, but at the time I just knew that Dash's gums were ticklish there. Her cheeks tightened into a grin under my hands, and I could feel the stuttering of suppressed laughter in her breathing. My attention was pulled away, though, when I felt Rainbow shifting her weight.
Her front hoof pressed a little harder on my chest for an indiscernible reason. Indiscernible, that is, until I heard the thump of a horseshoe hitting the dirt. It was followed shortly thereafter by its twin. That second hoof, though, did not rejoin its twin off to my side. Instead, it found its way to the opposite side of me, inside of pastern to outside of my thigh. Rainbow Dash was straddling me.
My higher brain functions began returning to me; their clamoring warning finally reached the forefront of my mind. They said to me: “It's been fun, but things are getting out of hand. You should probably put an end to this.” Another voice was still calling to me, but that voice spoke from between my legs and used no words. With a great effort of will, I resolved to listen to the voice of reason.
The matter was taken out of my hands in a mere matter of moments, though, as a voice came ringing out from nearby. Or maybe “squeaking out” would be more accurate.
“Rainbow Dash?” came the meek voice of Fluttershy. “Are you around here?”
At her voice Rainbow Dash's head was instantly away from mine, eyes wide and ears at attention. Lucky for the two of us, Fluttershy most likely didn't know which bush we were in. She might not even know for sure that we were here.
“I thought I heard your voice, and Twilight said this was the last place she saw you...” Fluttershy mumbled. I could hear her hoof falls now, crunching the leaves on a path that would take her straight past Rainbow's and my hiding spot.
“I've gotta go,” Dash whispered under her breath to me. She had misjudged her volume, however. A yellow head and pink mane poked into the brush we were hiding in.
“There you are, Rainbow. I've been...” Fluttershy trailed off as her eyes took in the scene. As she took in more of the scene, her eyes grew wider and wider. Rainbow straddling me. My arms around her neck. Her wings at full-mast. Something of mine at full-mast. Dash's tail raised over her back. The stray saliva around our mouths. The horseshoes on the ground.
As quickly as she had arrived, Fluttershy suddenly retreated, blurting, “I'm so sorry I didn't mean to interrupt anything so I'll just be going now, OK? Bye.” The sound of her retreating wing beats told us we were alone again.
Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. “I've just remembered something I have to do,” she began as she quickly stepped off of me and to the side, trying not to meet my eyes. “Just so you know, I didn't like that at all. Don't get the wrong idea.” She was betrayed by her tail and wings. Dash tried to steal a glance in my direction again. I was still staring at her, though, and I met her gaze immediately. When she realized I'd caught her looking back at me, she quickly turned away and sprang out of the bush with a jump and massive beat of her wings.
I lay there for a moment, still slightly stunned by recent events. It was time to start putting two and two together again, and get the blood back to my brain where it belonged. This way, it could keep me out of trouble instead of getting me into it.
Twilight Sparkle, for all I knew, was still hunting me with unknown intentions. I'd seen the spell she was using to try and capture me in action, and it was not a terribly “I want to be your friend” spell. Well, maybe it was, in a sense, but not the kind of friend that I'd be comfortable as.
Rarity was likely still incensed at me for tricking her into picking up a crotch-smeared doll of her friend with her mouth. Help was unlikely from that direction.
Rainbow was probably as confused as I was about where we stood. She would probably get more confused if she remembered last night, too.
Fluttershy was... I didn't know if I could handle trying to explain what had just happened to her, since it, in fact, had been exactly what it looked like.
That left Pinkie Pie and Applejack. But I still had no idea where Sugar Cube Corner was, or where Sweet Apple Acres was, for that matter. It was still fairly early in the morning from the look of the sky, and this bush was proving to be unusually warm. My quest, I decided, could be postponed for a couple hours as I caught up on some sleep. It turns out that concussed sleep is not terribly restful.
I would soon find out that sleep in a Pinkie Pie-accessible place is not terribly restful, either.