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// Dr. No 
// Story: X in Equestria 
// by RoseluckyCinor 
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Open Human Tryouts

Twilight, head-coach, and Rainbow Dash, Assistant to the head coach, sat side by side in the Ponyville library. The Library had had all the books removed and instead of the wooden tree floor, she’d had it replaced and put down a wooden basketball court. It hadn’t been Twilight’s call either. Spike, in a moment of pure brilliance, had it done. Spike hadn’t been seen since.
Regardless to where Spike was, Twilight was content with her actually brilliant plan. She realized that having a mostly pony team, with a demon thing and Gabe Newell, she would lose in a second against whatever Michael Jordan had put together. Of course Twilight didn’t know how humans got to Equestria, and frankly, she didn’t care. All she knew was that they were the answer to beating Jordan. It was like fighting water with water or something. And if there was anything that writing about Friendship had taught it, it was that you shouldn’t look for any other way to resolve your problems besides immediately counter-attacking.
So she’d decided to have open tryout for the team. She’d even put out a sign! The sign did say ‘No Ponies Allowed’ which struck them as mean and hurtful. They wondered why their Princess had so quickly scorned them. They cursed the day that the skies had darkened under her bitter rule. There was one pony though who would not be swayed by the sign. She knew what she wanted and she was going to get it. By strange circumstance she was the cutest mare in all of Equestria and also the best and if you don’t like that fact you can try to ignore its pure truth. The pony who walked into that tryout room was Roseluck.
Roseluck was a creamy young mare. Her red and pink mane shone like the setting sun, scattering rays of brilliance into all who saw it, and shattering the hearts of all lusty ponies, mare and stallion alike. Her tail was swishing as she walked through the door, eyeing the two mares behind the coaching table with her marvelous emerald eyes. Twilight was the first, and only, pony in the room to be upset by Roseluck’s entrance. She snorted in disapproval.
“You’re on the team!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, feeling strange feelings she hadn’t felt before. She was sweating, feeling warm and bothered. The same way she got when she needs an ice cold bucket of juice infused with electrolytes. Rainbow Craved electrolytes. Roseluck smiled a seductive smile. Truly Roseluck was beautiful because she didn’t know she was beautiful.
Twilight raised a hoof. “Who’s the mare in charge here?” she asked the assembled crowd of two ponies. RD shrugged while Roseluck was still approaching the table. “I am the one who decides,” she said firmly, resigning herself to lay back in her seat and grumble. Roseluck finally got to the table, her cute little head resting on the top of it and staring at the mares. It was adorable to see, you really should have been there. She was so cute, eyes sparkling in the harsh neon glow of Basketball lighting. Twilight frowned.
“Honestly, our team is overburdened with ponies. We’re all really short! That’s the issue here,” Twilight explained earnestly, hoping to get her out here. Roseluck wasn’t convinced. Her eyes started to water.
“But I’ve never been on a sports team, Twilight,” she said, voice wavering as she spoke. Twilight bit her lip. The whole time Dash had been staring but trying hard not to look like she had been staring. So she decided to fill the non-awkward non-silence with talk.
“I don’t know, Twilight. Roseluck’s pretty tall.” Roseluck looked over happily. Twilight stared openly at Rainbow Dash.
“She’s just the same height as all of us. We’re all the same size.” Neither of the two were offput by Twilight’s true remarks on Equine height.
“Twilight,” Dash tried to reason, “if she can beat a human one on one can she be on the team?”
“Uh, sure,” Twilight said awkwardly, “I mean I guess why not?” Internally she knew that Equestria would be doomed soon. Luckily they were in luck and a human walked through the door at that moment. Twilight sighed in relief.
The human was about medium height for a human, had short cropped hair, and a nice suit. But there something wrong with him. The Librarian just couldn’t place it at all. He strode to them, making the trip shorter than Roseluck had. The three ponies watched him anxiously, but it was Rose who spoke first.
“I’ve never seen a human this close up before,” she said softly. She placed her cheek against his knee, rubbing her soft fur and chubby cheek into his leg and purring softly, just like she would if a semi-professional fanfic author came up to see her. But in that case he might expect hugs from her, or an awkward kiss or something like that….
The librarian was having none of these shenanigans with Roseluck or her affection towards those who obviously loved her when no one else would appreciate her as much. She picked up the clipboard with important Basketball Documents and a pen in her magical grasp. 
“So Human,” she began, “What is your name?”
“No.” Twilight looked at the man with hidden anger. Pure, vile hatred veiled in her eyes. 
“Really?” she asked. “Really you’re just not going to answer?” The man shrugged nonchalantly and nodded. 
“My name is No. Dr. No.”
“No doctor no?” Rainbow asked. “That’s a little… uh.” Twilight cut her off. 
“It’s good enough for me! Medical history?” No scratched at his chin. 
“I can’t… think of anything really.” Twilight started to grin.
“That’s what I’m-,“ she started to say before being interrupted.
“Oh,” No said, “I have prosthetic hands. But I didn’t think about mentioning it.” No laughed a little. “I’m a doctor, you see.” Twilight did not see.
“That doesn’t add up,” She said, doing the mental math. Rainbow at a young age had decided mental math wasn’t for her, and was doing mental naps instead. “Like… How could you put the new hands on if you didn’t have hands at the time?” Dr. No shrugged.
“Luckily I had two working feet.”
Twilight turned to Rainbow Dash, who was on the very of taking a very real mental nap from all the boring talking.
“Rainbow, can people with no hands play Basketball?” Dash nodded, not even bothering to pick up the rulebook that Fluttershy had acquired. “Well okay.” Roseluck looked at Twilight happily, a big smile on her lips. “But… you have to one on one… uh, one of our other tryouts.” No nodded and strode in front of one of the hoops. He bent low at the knee, clearly awkward in his suit and tie attire. Roseluck furrowed her brow in rapt attention, grabbed a ball, and took her spot at the center of the court.
Gingerly Roseluck started to roll the ball towards No, using her hooves to pass it as if she were playing Soccer. Twilight blew her whistle. 
“Rose,” she called, “you have to dribble it.” Rose nodded and took herself and the ball back to the center of the court. She rolled the ball behind her and started to use her tail to bounce the ball against the court. With her tail, she was able to get a little bit of leverage and found she could control the ball just fine.
“Twilight!” she yelped, “I’m doing it!” 
“That’s great, Rose,” Twilight replied sadly. Ponyville was doomed.
Roseluck started to advance on No, the ball a blaze of bouncing behind her batting bushy behind. When she got nearer to No she started to run around the man. Rose was a short pony, and No a tall man, she could easily run under the inseam of his pants and she did so. Scooping under his legs, grabbing the ball in her tail before leaping into the air towards the waiting net. 
No grabbed the ball easily from the mare and held it in his robot hands. Without thinking the ball exploded from too much force. Rainbow sat up from the sound like a gunshot. 
“That’s amazing Roseluck! You’re on the team!”