You know what? It’s almost been four full seasons but with each day, Ponyville has it’s own chaos and it just grows on you. The Crusaders trying for cutie marks, Twilight bucking things up or monster of the week shows up. It’s grown on me!
That being said, I’m still all for a normal pony live where the only worries are work and the bills and such, I don’t think the Hero’s life is really for me, but somepony has to make sure time doesn’t get out of hoof. I’d rather peaceful one that you can live until you grow old and die of old age, something Poor Celestia and Luna won’t have.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
SLAM!!
Buck you too, Alarm Clock!
Even in ponyland, the alarm is still a flankhole and needs to die! Like seriously, whoever invented this thing universely is gonna die, if already dead, I will burn their grave and spit on it.
You know, I still reach for clothes at this time still, even after a year in a place where we are all nude! No Gloves or shoes or anything like in Sonic or something.
Time: 8:30….uh oh! Late for work!
RUN BOLTY! RUUUUUUUUUN!!
“Lightning Bolt, Please report the office ASAP!” Rainbow Dash’s voice came
“Why am I getting the sudden sense of Déjà vu?” I muttered to myself
I entered her office and yeah, this is going to be fun…
“Lightning Bolt, why were you late?” Dash asked
It would be a real dick move if I said…
“My alarm didn’t go off” I lied through my herbivore teeth
It actually did go off in the first line! Well the first one after the monologue thing, I should really discover what the buck it is. It’s been 40 chapters and I still don’t know.
“And you expect me to believe that?” Dash said in a boss-like tone (Not the LIKE A BAWS tone)
“Yep” I said cheekily
“Well don’t let it happen again! You’ve been a help this last year especially with the world-saving helping us out, so I don’t want to get rid of you. Don’t let it happen again!” Dash said to me
“Sorry, Boss” I said sort of sincerely
I was shown the door and back to work.
The thing about work is that sooner or later, it gets tiresome and boring, the kind of boring that makes you want to go an adventure, the kind that makes you want to look like a kick-flank hero. You know? That kind of boring.
“So Bolty, you didn’t get in trouble this time?” Kicker asked
“Nope, not at all, still got the touch” I said
“So do I, for tonight, one mare or stallion shall be honored in their beds by Cloud 'motherbucking' Kicker!” CK said dramatically
“So who’s on the list?” I asked
Just so you know, the motherbucking is actually true!
“Ummm, hang on…” CK said after pulling a parchment from out of nowhere
“Any day now” I said impatiently
“Apparently I’m up to Derpy Hooves” CK said
“Wow, and here I thought you’d do a stallion tonight” I said
“Well it’s not my fault there’s no freaking stallions in this town” CK pointed out
“Yeah, every stallion is literally taken, I’m with Firefly, Big Mac is dating Cheerilee now, the Doctor is with this slut named Lindsneigh Lohay” I said
“Yep, No sticks or balls to fetch anymore” CK lamented sadly
That is a weird way for dick and balls...sort of....
“Well if you must know, mare on mare action is very popular with bronies” I mentioned
And I really should of seen Rainbow Dash coming at this point
“Lightning Bolt! Will you shut your flank up and start working?! You too, Cloud Kicker! We needed Rain YESTERDAY!!” Dash shouted
“Yes Ma’am!” We replied in unison
No respect! No respect at all!
Oh and Rain? In this town! THE WORLD IS ENDING! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNN! FLEE! FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES! NOPONY IS SAFE!
One work shift later…
Did I just go to work? Onscreen? That explains why I am so tired…
Knock Knock!
I answered the door to a Very flirty Firefly, well 667th time lucky? Believe me, you don't want to know what happened the last time.
“Bolty! You, me the bed! I feel it this time!” Firefly said
“Okay! I feel it too!” I replied
No, really this is how it always starts! Now this time I REAAAAAALLLLLYYYY was feeling it! Today is the day!
Yes…
“Nothing will stop us, Bolty! Not even the end of the world!” Firefly said
“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH HEEEEELLLPPP MEEEEEEE!” screams came
“Ignore them Firefly” I said
“MY BODY IS IN SO MUUUUUCCCCHHH PAIIIIIIIIIN!! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP! DISCORD IS BURNING THE VILLAGE” More screams came
“Still ignoring them” I said
And we did it…oh yes we did it! WE FINALLY DID IT!! AW YEAH! WHO’S THE STALLION?! ME! LIGHTNING BOLT BEEEEEEEYYYYYAAAAAATTTCCCCH!!!
“Yes…yes…take that Firefly…take it hard” I muttered
“Bolty, get up!” CK said from above me
I woke up and I saw Cloud Kicker above me which means this was all a dream…I think…
“You’ll be late to work, Bolty!” CK warned me
“Wait didn’t I get sex with Firefly?” I asked
“Uh, no!” Kicker answered
“And no Work has been done onscreen?” I asked again
“Nope” Kicker replied again
“Celestia-bucking damn it” I cursed
So this was all dream, no sex, no work! NOTHING!!
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU---!!!