I sat in Zecora's hut, looking around at the sparse, strange decoration. The mare herself was absent for the moment, leaving me alone under the...creepy masks hanging on the walls.
I'm not sure what it was about them, but the way they snarled and grinned just seemed too alive. I shuddered and drew my knees to my chest, trying to avert my gaze and failing miserably. Stop looking at them...
I gulped and took a deep breath, resting my forehead on my knees. Come on, keep it together... I squeezed my eye closed and grit my teeth, unable to shake the feeling of something watching my back. The hairs on the back of my neck refused to lay down, and my skin felt like it was about to crawl off my bones and scuttle out of the hut.
When did I get so neurotic? I shouldn't have been falling apart like this. I never had before, even my time in the cave left me mostly sane...if sanity was killing yourself to spite someone who hardly knew you existed.
So maybe I wasn't sane. But that begged the question: just how crazy was I? A quick glance up at the glaring masks sent a spike of dread through my spine.
Crazy enough to try talking to inanimate objects?
"Stop looking at me," I demanded, glaring right back up at the masks. As expected, nothing happened. I rolled my good eye and returned my gaze to the floor. Yes. I AM crazy enough to talk to a mask. "So Wilson, what do you think's gonna happen to me?"
"You mean before or after Celestia silences the press and has whatever you publish burned?" I jumped with a terrified yelp, squirming back towards the wall opposite the masks. A look up to the pair saw the grinning mask looking down at me with laughing scarlet and piss-yellow eyes, a single snaggletooth poking from the lips.
I scowled. "What the Hell do you want?" I groused, trying to will away the embarrassed flush in my sunken cheeks. When did I get so jumpy?
"Just to help you, just like I said!" The mask took on a mock-hurt expression. "Do you really trust me so little?"
"I trust you as far as I can throw you," I scowled up at the possessed ornament, shakily standing and crossing my arms.
"Well, I ne-!"
"If you don't want to find out just how far that is, start talking. Why'd you just leave me earlier?"
Discord narrowed his eyes, looking at me like I'd just asked an unbelievably stupid question. "I'm Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony. Do you honestly think me being present would help you earn Applejack's trust?"
...Oh.
I am not a clever man. "I suppose not..." I sighed and drew my hand down my face, taking a deep, cleansing breath and looking back up at the mask. "Then why're you here?" I may be an idiot, but Discord wasn't. He had a reason for this.
The mask flashed a brilliant white for a split-second, and when I blinked the spots from my eyes, Discord was standing directly in front of me. "I'm curious. You want to write an article? A book, detailing your time in our fair land?" I flinched slightly at the venom in his last words, but nodded nonetheless. "And yet you aren't trying to get back at the ponies directly." Discord furrowed his eyebrows, tapping his chin. "Explain."
"I want justice, not revenge." I scowled down at the ground, unwilling and unable to look the trickster in the eye. "If I try to fight them directly, I'll be painted as a villain." I smiled, a sick, twisted little thing, and looked up at Discord. "I'm sure you know how well that goes." From his glare, he did.
"A valid point...but that didn't stop you from almost murdering Rainbow Dash." Discord's glare deepened. "Fluttershy's closest and oldest friend." What does that have to do with anything? "No, you have another reason..."
I shrugged, arms out at my sides. "Believe me or don't, I honestly couldn't care less."
"Aha!" Discord pumped a fist in the air, grinning almost too wide for his face. "You don't want to be a monster for the same reason I stay a good little colt for Celly." A furred digit from his lion's paw pressed roughly into my forehead, almost knocking me over. "You, my friend, have at least one little pony you want to keep safe and sound."
I rubbed the tingling spot furiously, glaring at Discord with everything in me. "That's ridiculous. I hate them. I just don't want to go down to their level."
"Oh? You mean you don't like Applejack? The mare who saved you? The mare who nursed you back to health? The mare you ran straight to when you wanted your problems fixed?"
I shivered, a strong chill running from the crown of my head to my feet. "She broke my ribs, almost took my leg, did take my eye, and locked me in a barn like an animal." I scowled, glaring hatefully at nothing. "I only went because she's the element of Honesty. She'll have the most credibility. Nothing more."
"Oh, but of course..." Discord narrowed his eyes in thought, steepling his fingers together. "With all that, why would you care? Truly, the ponies would deserve whatever you can dish out. So why hold back?"
I rolled my eyes, ready to repeat myself. However before the first word left me, Discord held up a talon. "Yes yes, I know, justice. Be honest with yourself for once, boy! What's stopping you?"
A second chill, radiating out from the still-tingling point in my forehead, preceded my next word. "...Nothing."
"And there comes the epiphany..." Discord clapped his hand on my shoulder, grinning widely. "And remember, Jeff! I'll be helping you every step of the way." The draconequus turned on his heel walking towards the door. "Oh...And by the way..." A thick, black mound of fabric materialized in the air a foot from my face, almost falling to the ground before I snatched it out of the air. "Put some clothes on, it's embarrassing."
"My name is Jason," I muttered, but he was already gone.
-----
The cloak was heavy and itchy against my arms, but it settled well over the improvised toga. I reached back and gripped the hood, pulling it up over my head. Instantly, I felt better. The dim hut immediately seemed clearer, the masks less frightening. The door creaked open behind me, causing me to turn in a grand swoop of my new cloak. That. Is. Awesome. I grinned at Zecora's uneasy expression, chuckling. "You find what you needed?"
Zecora blinked at me, slowly entering the hut and setting her saddlebags down on the ground. "...You had best remove your cloak; I don't find this a funny joke."
I raised an eyebrow, giving her own cloak a pointed look. After a moment of awkward silence, I sighed and pulled the hood back. "Better?"
She instantly relaxed, exhaling as if she'd been holding her breath. She nodded, searching through the bags until she found some strange herbs. "You said that we should speak as friends...some calming herbs will aid such ends."
"Right...sure." I moved aside, letting Zecora move around the cramped space. She set a kettle over the pit in the center of the room, starting a fire under it with a wave of her hoof.
What? I pushed the question out of my head. Fucking magic...
"While I put on a choice brew, tell me what you plan to do." I blinked at the striped mare, taking a moment to decipher her speech.
"Well...I originally planned to publish my story, but the more I think of it, the more I think it's a stupid idea." I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Those seem to be the only kind I have, these days." I closed my good eye, letting myself deflate and slouch. "There's no way for me to win here. I just want out of Equestria. I want to get as far away as I can...maybe live in some forest." I snorted, a bitter smile on my face. "Maybe find a better cave."
"I always did take you for a fool." Zecora said, shaking her head.
"Well what would you do?!" I shouted, throwing my hands in the air. "I don't exactly have a lot of options now, do I?"
"Perhaps you could live under zebra rule..." She answered calmly, breaking up the herbs and tossing them in an empty teapot.
"I just...what?" I blinked. "Wouldn't they treat me the same way?" Aesthetics aside, zebras couldn't be that different from ponies. "Besides, I'm an outcast in Equestria and I speak their language. How am I supposed to fit in if I sound like I'm screaming gibberish at everyone?"
"A dumb dog can learn tricks, if one is willing to teach." Zecora smiled, eyes forced into a squint by her smirk. "Even a fool couldn't find 'speak' out of reach."
"So I'm a dog now?" I asked, expression and tone flat. "You sure know how to make a guy feel special." Zebras...well, why not? "Thanks anyway," I shook my head and stood, pulling the hood over my head. "I'll...see you around." I stooped under the doorway and out into open air, making my way back to Ponyville.
-----
The ponies ran into their homes even quicker than usual as I approached, but I put it out of my mind. First, Sugarcube Corner...Then Fluttershy. I had some business to take care of.
Getting through the streets was easy. None of the ponies dared approach me, and few even spoke above hushed whispers as I passed. Either the cloak is even more badass than I thought, or word about what happened with Rainbow Dash spread...probably both. Nonetheless, after a few dead-ends, I found my way to the bakery with little trouble.
I knocked against the doorframe as gently as I could while still making sure I was heard, before entering. Remembering Zecora's reaction to my hood, I reluctantly pulled it down. "Is Pinkie Pie in?"
A rapid scuffling of hooves against wood signaled the retreat of at least one pony, though to my relief there was still a full-figured pale blue mare behind the counter. Trembling and obviously terrified, but present. "I-I-I'm af-f-fr-"
"Afraid, yes?" I nodded, rolling my hand to urge her on.
"N...No. She's not." She took a deep breath, calming herself slightly. "Can you p-please leave? You're scaring the customers."
I looked around at the empty tables, before returning my gaze to the mare. I kept my face schooled into absolute neutrality, but one traitorous eyebrow raised in response.
"Y-yep! Scaring the customers...which we have...right now!" She added with a tight, strained grin when I didn't budge.
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to call up any patience I had left. "Look...Cup Cake, right?" Her eyes widened. "I don't care about you. I don't care about your husband. I don't care about your kids. I just want to talk to Pinkie, and then I'll leave. Quietly. Probably forever. Alright?"
"...Promise?"
I rolled my eyes and nodded. "Yes. I promise."
Cup Cake turned towards the stairs, partially obscured by a rack of pastries. "Pinkie! Somepo-....Something's here to see you!"
"Tell 'em to leave!"
Cup Cake's pupils constricted in terror, her forehooves dancing slightly across the floor. "It's very important!"
"I said no!"
I growled, walking towards the stairs. "I tried to be polite. I tried to be the good guy. Well you know what?" Cup Cake tried to step in front of me, but I pushed past her. "FUCK IT!" I stormed up the stairs, marched over to a door painted frosting-pink, and twisted the handle. As expected, the door was unlocked.
Do any of the doors here even have locks?
I stepped through, to an expectedly girly bedroom. I ignored the drooping, half-inflated balloons littering the floor, and walked over to a pony-shaped lump under the blanket. "Pinkie Pie, I need to talk to you."
"Go 'way..."
"No." I scowled, crossing my arms.
"Leave me alone!" A pink foreleg jutted out from under the blanket, swiping at nothing.
"No. Now come out and look at me, or I swear to every god that's listening that I will pull you out myself."
"..." The lump shifted for a moment, until a dark fuschia mane popped out, looking as if it was ironed straight. One baby-blue eye peeked out, locking onto me and widening before she gave a faint squeak and dove back fully under the blanket.
"Oh, fuck this..." Huh...that seemed to be turning into a catchphrase. "Don't say I didn't warn you." I reached down and grabbed two handfuls of blanket, heaving and pulling it up and away. Pinkie scrambled to grab hold of it, but where I had twisted and wrapped it around my hands, her hooves slipped and fumbled clumsily over the fabric. In no time at all, I'd untangled the pony and tossed the blanket to the floor. "Now sit down, shut up, and listen. I'm not gonna hurt you, okay? I just want to ask a question."
Pinkie remained silent, forelegs over her head. I sighed, turning and sitting on the bed. "Good God, if I'd known you'd be this difficult I wouldn't have bothered."
She flinched when I sat down, but didn't move much besides. "What do you want?" Where before she'd sounded morose, she sounded scared half to death.
I would've felt bad for her if I cared.
"Answers." I answered, my voice just as dead and monotone as always. "I've been in and around Ponyville for three years, and the first time I saw you was in Canterlot. There's no way that could happen through coincidence. You were avoiding me. I want to know why."
"...Pinkie Sense."
What. "What."
"R-right before you came, my Pinkie Sense said there was a doozy coming...And then it said something scary was about to happen."
I felt my eye twitch violently. "You..."
"And every time you came, my Pinkie Sense said all kinds of bad things would happen! Things would fall, it'd say somepony would get hurt really, really badly..."
Twitch. "You...based your entire opinion of me...on a few twitches and hunches." My voice was still monotonous, but only just. "And did you not think, even for a second, that I was the one getting hurt?"
Pinkie curled up, trembling. "I'm sorry..."
"Those things that were falling? Rocks. Eggs. Rotten fruit. Rocks. The 'somepony' getting hurt really bad? Rocks. Hitting my head." A faint shudder ran through me. "And lightning."
"I'm sorry!" Pinkie repeated, close to yelling.
"Look at me." I turned, looking fully at Pinkie. She didn't move. I reached down, prying her forehooves off her head. "LOOK AT ME!"
She slowly looked up at me, eyes wide and hyperventilating. Her breath came in quick, shallow, panicked breaths, and her pupils were constricted to pinpricks. I leaned down, closing my eyes, and pressed my forehead to hers.
"All of this..." I whispered, "everything that happened...Every scar, every miserable day...all of it could've been prevented." I pulled back, opening my functional eye. "But you were so much less than what I needed you to be."
Pinkie sobbed, but didn't move to cover herself again. I reached out and gathered her, pulling her into my lap. "And you know the funny thing?" I propped up the distraught mare, resting her head on my shoulder. One hand steadied her, the other ran through her mane.
"I'm sorry..." It was barely a whisper, but with her mouth so close to my ear, I could hear it easily. I ignored it anyway.
"For some reason, when I think of everything that happened, I still can't put your face to it. I should hate you. I want to hate you. You could've helped me...but you didn't."
Another, louder sob.
"And even though you absolutely don't deserve it...I forgive you."
Pinkie remained silent for several seconds, aside from hiccups and sobs. Finally, she answered with a near-silent, "why?"
"It's for me...not for you." I answered, scratching Pinkie's ear. Personalities aside, ponies are very soft. "I'm going to leave Equestria. And I'm never going to see you again. Any of you." I reluctantly slid her off my lap and stood, my business concluded. "I'm going to hopefully have this conversation with all of you. I don't want to take all of...this...with me when I leave." I turned to walk out, but a fetlock wrapped around my wrist stopped me.
"Wait!" I turned, seeing a disturbingly desperate, imploring look in Pinkie's eyes. "Don't leave yet..."
I raised an eyebrow. "And what, exactly, is making me stay? I've said my piece."
"...Please?" Oh dear God...
I huffed, a combination of a frustrated groan and exasperated sigh. "You're like a demon...a foul, tempting, adorable little demon." I sat down on the bed, and Pinkie immediately clambered back onto my lap. She looked at the thick black cloak wrapped around me, and grimaced.
"It's all...scratchy. And black."
I nodded, a frustrated scowl on my face. "And so it is."
"Take it off."
