Chapter 7: Cuteness
Tempora fell back on her haunches in surprise as a face appeared upside down on her balcony.
“Heeeey there good-looking," Maximilian rumbled, swinging down from the sill. Maximilian, or to his close friends and lovers, Max, made a dashing pose at the open double doors of the balcony.
“How did you-“ Tempora started but then shook her head. “Max, you never cease to amaze me.”
“Tempora, my love, the world wouldn’t be the same without you. Literally," Max laughed, stroking her mane and looking into her eyes.
“I was about to head off to a meeting with the ‘Royal Wedding Planners’, yes in capitals, darling," Tempora sent Max a long suffering smile.
Max rolled his eyes.
“Okay, I see. I’m glad we had this talk," he said casually, walking towards the balcony.
Tempora paused mid gait and turned back around.
“What talk?”
Max shrugged. “I thought I would have to talk to you about Discord but you seem to have come to your own conclusions, there’s no need for me to say anything at all.”
Tempora smiled weakly.
“Was I that transparent?”
“Yep. That and I was eavesdropping for about ten minutes prior to this.”
Tempora’s eyes widened.
“Eavesdropping?”
Max grinned, lacing his fingers behind his head.
“Putting that aside, I really would like a favour.”
Tempora cocked her head.
“What sort of favour?” She queried suspiciously.
Max darted forward and whispered in Tempora’s ear. She flicked her tail.
“They’re not going to like this," Tempora muttered, twisting her muzzle in disapproval.
“They’re not meant to like it. Okie dokie. You going to do it?”
Tempora sighed.
“Okay but you’re going to make it up to me," she growled, heading out the door.
“I always make it up to you," Max called back after her as Tempora sported a faint blush.
“Indeed," she mumbled. They better get married soon.
———
After some heavy exploring Discord and I had headed back to my house. When we arrived, there was no sight of my father. Seriously, that man was a ghost. I looked around for him, planning to explain why we were going to keep Discord. Yeah I know it’s his house but dang it he owed me, after pulling the two-days-I’m-married stunt. We searched for a while but I still couldn’t find a trace of my Dad, so I just went ahead and got Discord situated.
I gave him a quick shower because seriously he was starting to stink. I sniffed my armpits. Okay, me too. Even during the shower Discord was looking a little sleepy so I quickly rubbed him down with shampoo, hoping it wouldn’t mess with his fur too much and washed him off with lukewarm water.
After a combination of towels and sitting in front of the oven as a bad substitute for a hairdryer, he was all dry and I tucked him in my bed as a temporary measure before we could find another for him. Thinking about it, I headed down to the basement to find a spare mattress but with a flash of light, Tempora made herself painfully known in front of me. At least I guessed that it was Tempora, this was going to be awkward if it wasn’t.
I was still trying to regain my vision as she talked.
“Harmony," she began but I cut her off, okay it was Tempora, time to launch into my speech.
“Look I know I haven’t been the best step-son but you can save it, I’m sticking with Discord," I spouted stubbornly.
There was an awkward pause when I realised I was talking to a wall. I turned in surprise to see a decorative version of Tempora. She looked completely different with sparkles and light dancing in her mane and hair that floated in an ethereal breeze. I just gaped at her as she stood awkwardly.
Tempora cleared her throat, shifting her hooves and acted as if nothing had happened.
“I know and I’m sorry about that-“ she paused gathering breath “-I still think what you’re doing is wrong but I admit that there are all shades of grey in the world. Until Discord becomes a threat, he is your responsibility," she announced, looking at me with steel in her eyes. I gulped but refused to back down. I spotted Discord peeking down from the upper floor, he must have woken up from all the noise. I waved at him to assure him everything was all right. He disappeared again.
Tempora sighed as she caught a glimpse of Discord.
“But I can see you have already taken him under your care. Know this though, if anypony comes under harm as a result of Discord, it will be on your head," she intoned stonily. Her expression gradually relaxed to something more tender.
“That is what I say as the ruler of Equestria. What I say now is as a mother. Be careful, step-son," she mumbled as she nuzzled the side of my cheek. I was surprised to feel a wetness coat my cheeks. I took my hand away from my cheek looking at the tears coating my fingers.
“I don’t want to lose anypony anymore. Listen. I once gambled with Destiny and I lost one I loved dearly.”
She paused and took a shuddering breath.
“I don’t want that to happen to anypony anymore. Please, please, be careful," she whispered as she wrapped her wing around me again.
I stood frozen, I didn’t know what to say. Arguments I had prepared for this occasion died in my throat as Tempora looked at me with desperate eyes. I could only nod dumbly.
“Thank you," she croaked, then inexplicably an aura surrounded herself and she straightened her pose. I began to realise that the aura was her royalty, her air of command. It surrounded her like some impenetrable armour.
“Farewell. There are preparations to be made," she parted but then hesitated, the armour cracking a little.
“Perhaps we could talk later? I would like to get to know my step-son," she posed hopefully. I could only nod again. We appraised each other for a while and I spotted what looked like a spiral galaxy on her flank. Come to think of it, all ponies here I’ve seen had a marking on their flank. Strange.
Tempora gave me one more regretful glance. I caught sight of her horn lighting up before she disappeared in another flash.
I blinked away the afterimages burned in my vision and let go a breath I didn’t know I held.
“Perfect," I muttered, heading to the kitchen to brew myself some strong coffee.
I tapped my fingers on the table thinking about the jumble of things that had happened so blazingly fast. One day I was a happy guy, going to school, doing pretty well on grades and coming home to a semi-stable family situation with a only slightly-crazy Dad. I wonder when it got to the point when the world started getting crazier than my Dad. I chuckled. Naw, nothing could be crazier than my Dad.
The kettle whistled with a shrill shriek and I quickly poured some bad instant coffee. I gulped some of it down and plonked myself down onto a seat. I took another sip of coffee, feeling the ache deep in my muscles and bones. I hadn’t moved around that much since… well since ever. I stretched, feeling bones and sinew crack and shudder around my frame. Ooooh, that felt good.
I sighed, relaxing in my seat. I spotted my Dad’s paper on the table. Only, it wasn’t the paper he read this morning. Strange.
“Royal Wedding this Week - Queen Tempora Marries an Inter-dimensional Alien!” I read out loud, my mouth quirking in amusement.
I chuckled at that. Inter-Universal more like. I froze, thinking that over.
I’m getting way too used to weird stuff that happens around my Dad! It’s taken me sixteen years of my life to realise that?!
I shook my head doggedly.
Oh well, better see if my Dad needs some help with the wedding prep.
Bringing my coffee with me, I opened the door and was promptly scared out of my wits.
——
Celestia and Cadance woke up around the same time. Celestia knew they did that because of something, something, alicorn, her Mommy said so.
Cadance rubbed the sleep out of her eyes with her hooves groggily blinking at the other two fillies. They both noticed that Luna was still in her bed. Cadance knew that Luna slept longer because something, something, night princess alicorn, thing. She supposed that made sense. Night time is sleepy time for everypony. So Luna has night time on her body so she sleeps more. Made sense.
But there were things to do.
Cadance clambered out of her bed, dropping to the floor of their combined rooms with a small thud. Her bed was pink, her favourite colour. Their room was pretty big. It was pretty high. Cadance heard Mommy say that it was for their wings because they might fly later. Cadance was excited, flying would be so fun!
She trotted over to Celestia who nodded at her over the bed.
Time to give Luna the traditional wake up call.
“One. Two. Three!” They whispered together, then simultaneously licked Luna’s cheeks at the same time.
“W-Wha- my f-face!” She yelped leaping to her hooves in an instant.
Celestia collapsed in a fit of giggles, holding her sides as she rolled with laughter.
“Celestia!” She yelled, stomping a hoof. It made a soft ‘poomf’ on the satin bedsheets. Cadance giggled too.
“Cadance!” Luna growled, sitting down in a huff. Luna’s expression turned into a pout.
“It’s not fair, you two always do that to me!” She grumbled, crossing her hooves and glaring down at the both of them.
“That’s fine," Celestia teased, trotting nonchalantly to the door. “You would have missed out on meeting the nice hoo-man.”
Cadance frowned.
“I don’t think that’s how you say it.”
Celestia cocked her head.
“Then how do you say it?”
Cadance screwed up her face in concentration as she tried to remember what her mother said about the, uhm, hoo-mans? She groaned.
“See? You don’t know either!” Celestia declared triumphantly. Cadance rolled her eyes.
“Doesn’t make you right!”
“Does too!”
“Does not!”
“Does too!”
“Does not!”
Luna rolled off her bed and pushed the two arguing sisters apart.
“Let’s go already, you two!”
Cadance and Celestia glared at each other for a moment longer before blowing raspberries at each other and trotting off.
Luna stopped suddenly, causing all three of them to collide in a bundle of fur and feathers.
“Owww, Luna why did you stop like that?” Celestia moaned, clutching her head with her hooves. Cadance’s eyes were still busy spinning.
Luna’s face was split in a massive grin.
“I know, we should surprise the ‘hoo-man’ as he opens the door!”
“Good idea, Luna!” Celestia agreed, nodding in approval.
“I like it," Cadance said as she shook the last vestiges of dizziness from her head.
“Yeah!” Luna chirped bouncing down the hall. “What could possibly go wrong?”
Three minutes later.
“Maybe we should knock?” Celestia proposed but Cadance shook her head.
“But then it wouldn’t be a surprise, wh-“
Cadance was interrupted when the door suddenly opened.
A foot almost dove towards them but paused in mid-air, only inches from Cadance’s muzzle. Cadance looked up to see the ‘hoo-man’ balanced precariously on one leg and holding a cup in his other. He was losing the battle against gravity so in mere moments he tripped back and fell, spilling the contents of the cup all over himself.
Unfortunately, the contents were scalding hot coffee.
——
“AHHHHHHHHH!!!” I screamed as burning hot coffee soaked into my shirt. I quickly stripped off my shirt and flung it across the room.
“Hot!” I yelped, turning to look accusingly at the three little girls.
They looked both shocked and sheepish at the same time.
I looked at my chest, which was already going red.
“Uhm," Luna started and the rest tumbled in.
“Sorry!” They all yelled rushing over to hug me. Which would be fine if, you know, I didn’t have burns on my chest while they did so.
“AHHHHHHHH!!” I yelled again as they clung to me.
“Sorry!” They repeated, jumping away. They did it so fast that Luna actually bucked me in the face in her effort to get away. I was flung back into a prone position. They looked at each other and approached me, trying to help me up.
“No, no. I’m fine," I groaned, tears of pain clouding my vision. I sat up and felt something trickling from my chin.
“He’s leaking!” I heard Cadance exclaim.
I was going to be killed. By cuteness. What a way to go. I thought as I tried getting to my feet. I felt hooves pushing me back down.
“I’m fine, girls, just give me a moment," I said, trying to get up again.
“No, no. Mommy said you should lie down when you’re hurt or sick," Celestia ordered as Luna and Cadance sat on my arms.
“Stay still," Celestia mumbled, approaching from the left side.
I really didn’t like where this was going.