Appledash
"On your marks!"
Blades of grass came loose from the earth as Applejack scraped a determined forehoof across it. Twin puffs of breath blasted from her nostrils, and her green eyes narrowed.
"Get set!"
The apple was dead ahead of her, its red skin shining in the sunlight. She imagined what it would be like to take a juicy bite and had to stop herself from salivating.
"Go!"
And then no sex was had ever.
LUS Quest
Once upon a time, it was a beautiful in Equestria and Twilight Sparkle was a purple unicorn. She was very good at magic, but like all of us, she sometimes made mistakes.
On this particular day, Twilight was very tired from having stayed up all night reading Princess Celestia's very long reply to her latest friendship letter. She was to be subjected to a test on the particulars of her mentor's ennui and angst re: the white alicorn's immortality.
"Hey Twilight Sparkle, my name's Rainbow Dash and I am a cyan pegasus who says 'awesome' way too much!" said the speedster who had just crashed through Twilight's window.
"No," Twilight replied. "You are a type of superhero whose special power is to be fast!"
The speedster was very sad about not being able to trick Princess Celestia's personal protege. It took its vaguely defined self and committed sudoku, which is to say it played some really boring game with numbers until the speedster died.
Twilight left her library to go buy some apples at the market. The magically inclined mare walked down the street thinking about maths and science.
"Hey!" said the purple-maned mare. "Who are you?"
"I could ask you the same thing!" replied the magician. "Why do you look like me?"
"Why are there two more of me?" asked Ponyville's librarian. "I don't remember using the mirror pool! How can this be happening?!"
Just then, Pinkie Pie bounced up behind Shining Armour's sister. Ponyville's premiere party pony, wearing her usual enormous grin, said, "You're a murderer, Twilight Sparkle! We're all the Pinkie clones you killed last week, back from the dead! Thanks to trace amounts of your magic and some ridiculous technobabble, we've even made a bunch of clones of you!"
"That's not how magic works!" Twilight shouted.
"Oh, silly Twilight, did you learn nothing from that time you failed to rationalise my Pinkie Sense?"
"We called discontinuity on that episode... of our lives! Its message was too easily interpreted as pro-religion, and you know how much neckbeards hate religion!"
and then flamewar