//------------------------------// // An Unexpected Success Story // Story: Works Every Time // by Forthwith //------------------------------// A mysterious mare in a shadowy cloak skulked through the hallways of Canterlot Castle well after midnight. She wore an uninspired pair of brown saddlebags which brought nopony to mind and left no impression. The shadows seemed to love her, or perhaps the light languished in her presence, for no face could be made out underneath her hood, not even in the better lit halls. Teleporting, for this mare was a unicorn, would not do; teleports could be traced. No, instead she moved from shadow to shadow, seeking refuge in every nook and cranny available. Spotting a door which she knew did not squeak, she dashed inside and began counting. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. The sound of armored hooves echoed faintly, right on time. The royal guard, whatever other failings it had, was always punctual. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. The sound of hooves had all but vanished, but their owners would still be able to see her if she left now. Twenty-nine. Thirty. Thirty-one. Almost time. Almost. At the count of forty, they would be out of earshot. Fifty-eight. Fifty-nine. Sixty. It was definitely safe to leave now. She had four minutes to make it through the next hallway before the next round was made. Plenty of time, by her reckoning. She slipped out the door, quickly and soundlessly as always. A column, then a vase, and then a doorway kept her form hidden from any stray onlooker. She dashed around the corner. She was so close now. “Halt!” Ponyfeathers! “Who goes there?” the second guard shouted. They always traveled in pairs. The sound of ironshod hooves galloping toward her thundered through the halls. Even if she dealt with these two, the racket would bring others. But this time, this time she had come prepared. Last time had been too close for comfort, so she had a distraction. A distraction that was guaranteed to work every time. The mare turned, the glow of her horn passing unseen beneath her cloak, but its raspberry glow leaked out. Her saddlebags opened, and she lobbed a bouncy ball toward the guards. She smiled as she looked on. She could just make out what they were saying as their heads moved in sync with the ball’s bounce. “I want it.” “I need it.” The mare took her chance to dash away, silently whispering her apologies. There was no telling how long it would take a pegasus and an earth pony to catch a bouncy ball when they would be fighting over it; they could be at it all night. Correction, when they were fighting over it; the melee had already begun. It was a loud brawl, and there was no doubt it could be heard a long, long way away. The mare slipped inside an old, forgotten, anonymous room. It was not so abandoned as to be dusty – which would leave hoofprints – but nopony paid it anymore attention than to make it look presentable. That had been the first thing the mare had checked, for it was here that she stored a terrible secret. A most terrible, presumptuous, assuming secret that should never see the light of day. It was wrong. It was oh so very, very wrong and stepped far, far beyond what could ever possibly be considered appropriate, but recent experiences including a bed and a few scandalous fiction books had awakened her to its sweet siren call, and she could not resist. Crossing the room quickly, she opened the bottom drawer of the only desk in the room. Next she pried open the false bottom – her own addition to the room – to reveal what she had come for: her forbidden texts. She sighed, happy that her mission was almost complete. All she had to do was find someplace else to keep them, but that would be a task for tomorrow. For now, she needed to escape, and hopefully she could escape fast enough to allow her to continue her work tonight. “Spread out!” The mare barely managed to suppress a shriek as she took her papers and wedged the drawer’s bottom back in. It felt like it had not closed properly, but there was no time for that. The guards either would not notice or would think nothing of it. “Find the intruder! And for Celestia’s sake, don’t let anypony else look at that infernal thing!” The mare bolted out the door and came face-to-face with a pair of pegasus guards – a flying pair of pegasus guards. Horseapples! I didn’t hear them at all. She quickly reached into her saddlebags and tossed out another bouncy ball. Running away at full gallop – a rather slow full gallop for somepony of her height – she readied another bouncy ball in her magic. Behind her, she heard the same words as before. “I want it.” “I need it.” It would be wrong to say a thunder of hooves echoed through the hallway. It would be very wrong to say that. There was a thundering, but it was not of hooves. Nopony could ever work up enough of a lead to reach a proper gallop before somepony else would tackle them. Shining Armor was among the crowd, chasing the best thing in the world: a bouncy ball. And there was only one. It could not be shared. He was willing to fight for it, as was everypony else, unfortunately. A blow to his head knocked him over and sent his helmet skittering across the hall. It also had disrupted his telekinesis, and just after he had finally claimed his prize too. The ball was sent whizzing down the hallway as his magic failed, only to come bouncing back as yet another pair of guards joined the fray. But nopony else would ever possess that ball. Shining would not allow it. Not even the princess. Princess Celestia! Horseapples! How am I going to be able to– Princess Celestia’s horn glowed with all the intensity of the sun, momentarily paralyzing everypony. And suddenly, that bouncy ball did not seem so special. “Ugh…” Shining moaned. A few guards joined him in chorus. Rubbing his head with his magic, he asked nopony in particular, “What happened?” “Cadet Armor,” Princess Celestia said, “I was hoping you might tell me that. Who cast a want it, need it spell on this” – she turned to the ball held in her magic – “bouncy ball?” She cocked her head ever so slightly to the side. “I – uh…don’t know. What’s a want it, need it spell?” “Hmm?” hummed Princess Celestia, almost as if she had not been paying attention. “Ah, the want it, need it spell is a love spell bordering on dark magic.” “Dark magic!” Shining shouted, eyes widening. “Bordering on. It shares many of the fundamentals in spell design, but it ultimately is not of the field. It places a compulsion upon anypony who sees the spell target to obtain the target at any cost. In theory, it is quite safe, but in practice, the results are” – Princess Celestia looked over the crowd of guards and miscellaneous ponies still recovering – “rarely so.” Shining turned to look over the crowd as well. There were well over four dozen guards at the least. No small number of maids had been swept up in the rampage as well, and Shining could make out the young Duke Fancy Pants with his fiancee Fleur Dis Lee. He had few doubts about what the two of them were up to together at this time of night. “Cadet Armor,” Princess Celestia said. Shining turned his head back and saw the ball suspended in front of him, obviously being offered up. When Shining had taken it, Princess Celestia continued, “I am placing you in charge of the investigation.” Me? Shining snapped to attention, eager to work his first big case. “In the meantime, I shall see if there are any other ponies who require my aid tonight.” “Yes, Your Majesty.” Once Princess Celestia had walked off, Shining addressed the crowd, “Does anypony here know anything about this?” One pegasus guard groaned and raised his hoof, supported by an earth pony guard. “We saw the intruder. I think. It’s…kind of hard to remember.” The earth pony took over, saying, “Brown cloak. Judging by the curves, probably a mare. Brown saddlebags too. Probably.” Well that only left half of Equestria to investigate… “Do you remember anything else?” “Um…” “Yes! The ball glowed, remember?” “Oh, right! Yeah, definitely. She was definitely a unicorn.” Still not very useful. “Do you remember where you saw her? Or when? Which way was she headed?” “The…hallway leading to the observatory? Maybe?” “That sounds right. I think we broke a flower pot somewhere nearby. You know, probably.” This is going to be a long night… “Sir!” Shielded Strike, a pegasus guard and an acquaintance of Shining, said, flying toward him with a few loose pieces of parchment. “We found something!” Finally! Not showing his ecstatic relief, Shining asked, “What is it?” Landing, Strike passed along the papers. “We found these in a desk in an unused room. No guarantee that they’re related, but they were under a false bottom that wasn’t properly closed.” “Excellent. Pass on my thanks to everypony for me,” Shining said as he glanced over at the papers. It took him all of two seconds of speed-reading before he decided he needed to slow down and read them carefully. ‘–was amazing, and everypony was happy. Nopony could believe it had taken this long – the signs were obvious – but at last Princess Cadance and the now Prince Consort Shining Armor were married.’ “Oh buck,” Shining mumbled to himself. Only Princess Celestia’s supposed to know we’re dating… ‘There were cheers as the happy couple passed back out the hall, Cadance suspended in Shining’s magic. They were on their way to their carriage which would take them straight to their honeymoon at Rainbow Falls. ‘Unbeknownst to them, a sinister figure laughed in the shadows with mad glee. It was all going according to plan. So long as the princess didn’t learn of her evil scheme, there would soon be a new Cadance in the world.’ Shining turned to the next piece of paper, throughly confused. ‘And yet there was one little filly who was happier than anypony else today. A filly who had just gained a sister. ‘And an aunt.’ Oh no, Shining thought. Please no. ‘That little filly dared to approach Princess Celestia who had married the happy couple and tugged at her leg. ‘Princess Celestia looked down to her and asked, “What is it?” ‘“I…um…can – can I call you Aunt Celestia now?” ‘Princess Celestia smiled. “Of course, Twilight.”’ “Oh, come on!” Shining shouted. “I thought the hoofwriting looked familiar! Why is it always you?” The door to Twilight’s tower burst open, and she jumped to her hooves in fright from her reading pillow. “Twilight Sparkle!” Shining shouted. Twilight dropped her muzzle to hide her gulp. There should be no way for anypony to connect her to what happened last night. There simply could not be. And yet Shining was here and mad all the same. “G-good morning, Shining. What’s got you s-so upset?” A few awfully familiar pieces of paper fell to the ground in front of Twilight. Oh no! “These are what have me upset.” “O-o-oh? W-what are they?” Twilight cringed as Shining shouted, “Don’t even try that! You know very well what they are. We found these at the scene of the cri – disturbance last night. Do you have anything to say for yourself before I go tell Princess Celestia you were responsible? Again.” “I…” Twilight’s gaze fell to the floor. “No.” “Ugh! Why is it always you? Why can’t you just – just–” Shining sighed. “I don’t understand why the princess lets you get away with half the stuff you do. Do you know that the guards take bets on what you’re going to do next?” Blushing and looking away, Twilight whispered, “Are – are you serious?” Shining’s magic pulled Twilight’s head toward him, forcing her to look him in the eyes. “Yes. Did you know there’s a joke going around? ‘We should disband the investigation department. It’s always Twilight Sparkle.’” “What?” Twilight shouted. “That’s not fair! It’s not always me. It’s not even statistically likely to be me. I–” Continuing in a whisper, Twilight finished, “I’m sorry.” Taking a deep breath, Shining said, “I’d appreciate it if you meant it this time. Why did you cause such a problem last night anyway? Please tell me it’s not because of these.” Shining’s eyes fell onto Twilight’s writing. “It’s… It is…” “Ugh. I don’t even care anymore. I need to go report to the princess now and tell her that my little sister was up to no good again.” Eyes widening, Twilight gasped. “You’re not going to show her these, are you?” “Of course I am. They’re evidence.” Twilight ripped the papers from Shining’s magic and held them close. “Please don’t! Please! I – my life would be over if the princess ever saw these. Please, Shining.” The two of them held each other’s gaze for a minute, Shining scowling and Twilight silently begging for mercy. “You have fifteen minutes,” Shining said. “That’s how long it will take me to walk to the throne room. If you get there first, you can confess to her yourself” Shining took the papers back with a surge of telekinesis before Twilight could respond. “When a case is over, the evidence is archived, and nopony will have any reason to look through it.” Twilight teleported to the base of her tower immediately, resisting the temptation to teleport blindly through the castle as she bolted toward Princess Celestia’s throne. I need to learn a scrying spell so badly! I could be there in seconds that way! The hallways whizzed by as Twilight galloped at the fullest speed available to her. What ponies she could teleport past, she did, but they were few and far between this early in the morning; there were just too many ponies in the halls right now. Practically every other second, Twilight would bump into somepony in her mad dash, and she would shout back a terse apology. Then on the stairway, she missed the fourth step and fell flat on her face. Not missing a beat, she teleported herself upright and continued galloping, rubbing her sore face with her magic. It felt like her nose was bloody, but it mattered less and less with each passing second, and it barely had concerned her at all to begin with. She simply whisked the blood away. Barreling through the line of ponies waiting for open court to start and rooting the guards posted at the door to the ground, Twilight burst into the throne room and found Princess Celestia talking to her assistant Silver Scroll. Throwing herself at Princess Celestia’s hooves, Twilight cried, “I’m so sorry, princess! I did it! Deal with me as you see fit!” A stifling silence fell over the court as Twilight trembled before Princess Celestia. Silver Scrolls cleared her throat, and Princess Celestia said, “Are you referring to the incident last night, Twilight?” “Yes!” Twilight squeaked, still not daring to look up. “I see. Well, I believe that puts our conversation to rest, does it not?” “Indeed, Princess,” Silver Scroll said. “I’ll begin making the appropriate preparations immediately.” Twilight heard the sound of hooves departing, but she still could not bring herself to rise to her own hooves. However, the choice was taken from her. Princess Celestia’s wing pulled Twilight’s head up from the ground by the muzzle. Locking eyes and smiling as always, Princess Celestia said, “Twilight, please go to your room and relax. I need to cancel our lessons for the next two days, but I shall come see you after that. We will talk then, alright?” Twilight gulped. “O-okay.” This was going to be a long two days. Celestia knocked on Twilight’s door. “Come in!” Twilight squeaked. Sighing inwardly, Celestia stepped inside and found Twilight curled up in a blanket not far beyond the door. Her tail poked out the front, and if Celestia was not mistaken, she was rubbing it. Oh, dear. That is never a good sign. “Please accept my apologies for making you wait, Twilight.” Twilight just gulped. “If you would follow me, we have a busy day ahead of us.” Nodding silently, Twilight shed her cloth cocoon and fell into step next to Celestia, her gaze never leaving the ground. Well, I suppose she has the right to worry. I do have a cruel and unusual punishment in mind, but she needs the experience. Celestia led Twilight back outside and down the step. They traveled through the castle halls toward that room. Celestia tried to help Twilight relax with a few normal, friendly questions, but nothing was working. She seemed determined to tie herself in a knot over this, even more so than she usually did. Perhaps I have missed something important about this? Hmm… I should ask Shining Armor later tonight if he left anything important out of his report. Stopping in front of the worst door in the entire castle, Celestia lowered herself to Twilight’s level and asked, “Are you ready to take responsibility for your actions?” Getting a shaky nod, Celestia drew herself back to her full height. Immediately after she opened the door, her eyes were momentarily blinded by a bright flash of a camera. Somepony was trigger happy, it seemed. Soon after, dozens followed suit. Cameras have to be one of the greatest inventions in centuries. Celestia sighed inwardly. I just wish ponies would find better uses for them than blinding ponies. Looking down at Twilight, Celestia found her rubbing her eyes, implicitly agreeing with Celestia’s opinion. “P-princess, w-what is this?” “This is a press conference, Twilight. These ponies all want to speak with you.” “I-I understand.” Twilight took a couple deep breaths. “Where do I have to…sit?” That last word had been uttered with all the meaning of ‘be condemned’. Celestia paused for a second and then gestured toward a high chair – an unfortunate necessity of seating a filly at the same table as herself – next to her own chair. There were a few other notables already present and waiting at the table, including Shining Armor to Twilight’s right. After a brief scan to assure herself that nopony was missing, Celestia sat down and called the meeting to order. “Greetings, everypony,” she said, her voice carrying to every corner of the room as always. “I am pleased you all could attend this afternoon, and I hope you enjoyed your lunches.” A general chorus of approval emanated from the crowd. It will not help much, but hopefully they will be gentler on Twilight with full stomachs. “Excellent. Then without further ado, we will begin fielding any relevant questions.” Silver Scrolls took over and selected the first questioner from the numerous raised hooves. “Quick Note from the Manehattan Times. Twilight Sparkle, I was wondering what gave you the idea to develop such a spectacular breakthrough in peacekeeping technology? Especially for a filly so young.” “I…uh…um… Princess, what is he talking about?” Celestia felt her smile fall a tiny fraction. Of course nopony told her. Why would I ever have assumed otherwise? Making a mental note to have words with a select few ponies later, two of whom were present in this very room, Celestia whispered back to Twilight, “I sent a bouncy ball and the want it, need it spell to Police Commissioner Bastion in Manehattan. He has been making liberal use of it.” Twilight’s eyes widened, and she uttered the cutest silent gasp of the century. Smiling a little wider, Celestia gently nudged Twilight back toward the crowd with a hoof. “You have a question to answer, Twilight. Just speak normally, and they shall hear you.” “I… Well, you see…” Twilight tapped her forehooves together and looked down at the table. “I just…thought of it? Yeah, nothing special. Um…next question?” Twilight looked to Celestia, and she gave her nod of approval. “Right. Next question,” Twilight repeated with a marginal increase of confidence in her tone. “Newsworthy from the Appleloosan Paper. I know that your invention was designed for the police to use, but have you considered its use in the military? Tensions with the buffalo on the southern border have been growing in the past few years, and Appleloosa has been right in the middle of it all. A charge by enemy forces could be broken with ease like this.” “What?” Twilight said. “I don’t want to fight anypony!” Oh no. “Does that mean the crown intends to do nothing as the buffalo push us off Equestrian soil?” Before Celestia could interfere, Twilight said, “Nopony should be fighting! Or warring, I guess. Ponies get hurt!” Another reporter stood up and asked, “Then what about your own seizure of power?” Out of the corner of her eye, Celestia could see Twilight freeze in place, a look of horror on her face. “Surely,” the reporter continued, “somepony was hurt during that.” “I – I just – I didn’t – only Shining…” Yet another reporter spoke out of turn, asking, “What about the rumors that Princess Celestia is grooming you to be the next princess? I heard that was just a staged practice session. There’s even been talk that you might be awarded the title of archmage in the future.” “What?” Twilight shrieked. Enough is enough. Princess Celestia cleared her throat, drawing everypony’s attention. There was no shortage of upset faces who no doubt thought they were finally going to get a direct answer to that question. “Twilight Sparkle is my personal student and nothing more. Any additional responsibilities she takes on or titles she receives in the future would be the direct result of her own actions and merits. Please try to keep your questions relevant to the topic at hoof.” The crowd quieted – slowly – and Silver Scrolls called on the next reporter. “Howdy, I’m Applecore from the Ponyville Express. We’ve been wondering if your fancy magic thingy works against giant monsters and the like. See, Ponyville’s right next to the Everfree Forest, and we get all kinds of problems coming out of it besides the wild weather – especially those darn timberwolves.” Celestia sighed to herself as Twilight continued to mumble incoherently into the table. She probably did not even hear the question. I suppose I should give her some time to recover. Just as Celestia was about to answer for her, Twilight said, “The want it, need it spell only works on beings with magic, such as ponies. It would not work on, say, a housefly, but it should prove effective against timberwolves.” Pausing and then smiling more genuinely, Celestia said, “Thank you for bringing this problem to our attention, Applecore. I shall see to it myself that Ponyville receives additional protection against the Everfree. Next question, please.” “Quick Story from The Daily Spark.” Celestia turned her gaze toward Silver Scrolls, who looked as ashamed as she should be. All of the yellow journalists were supposed to be filtered out today. “Has anypony ever told you you have your mother's eyes?” Immediately, before Twilight could say anything, Celestia cast a spell to hide the glow of her horn and then held Twilight’s jaw shut with a gentle application of telekinesis. Every answer to that question was the wrong answer. “Quick Story,” began Silver Scrolls, “Princess Celestia directly requested relevant questions.” The mare in question visibly clicked her tongue. “Next question.” “Inkwell from Equestria Today. I heard that during a test run of your invention a few nights ago, several ponies were injured.” Celestia heard Twilight emit a high pitched eep which, while adorable, was troubling. Celestia placed the tip of a wing on Twilight's withers for a few seconds until she stopped shaking. “Obviously when used against ponies committing serious crimes, such injuries are of relative unimportance, but the commissioner has expressed his intent to use it in riot suppression as well. What then? What happens when a number of mostly innocent ponies are injured?” “I – um – more magic? Healing spells and…and such.” “A followup question then. Our medical system is already overburdened. There are not enough unicorns and zebras with the relevant special talents to meet demand. Do you really think purposefully increasing the number of injuries in Equestria is a good idea?” “I – I don’t have the data to – to answer that. I guess the most direct solution is to” – Twilight turned aside and coughed, half-mumbling the rest of her answer – “make more unicorns.” Another reporter – a pegasus mare speaking out of turn – asked, “Does that mean you favor unicorn domination over Equestria?” Celestia fought off the urge to facehoof – a habit she had picked up from Twilight and indulged in only when alone. And there it is. There is always somepony who asks that. And now Twilight will say… “What?” Twilight shouted. “Of course not! Why would – I just meant that a higher sample size of unicorns would produce more doctors.” “So you’re saying that only unicorns can become doctors then.” “That’s not what I said at all!” Twilight stomped her hoof ineffectually against one of the legs of her chair. “That was in the context of healing spells which you need unicorns for!” “So you’re just forgetting the zebras then. Typical. Unicorn magic is the only real magic, after all.” “Urgh! No! There are not many zebras in Equestria. They don’t bear the same statistical weight when multiplying!” Fighting the conflicting urge to sigh and to laugh, somewhere in the back of her mind, Celestia was very, very glad Cadance had been the one to give Twilight the talk. “What? Are you suggesting zebras can’t multiply as well as unicorns?” Twilight facehoofed for Celestia and said, “I request somepony with at least half a brain to talk to.” Coughing to cover up her brief snort of laughter, Celestia said, “Allow me to apologize for my student. What she meant was, ‘would you please not twist her words?’” Sinking into herself under Celestia’s gaze, Twilight half-whispered, “Yes. That. Sorry.” The pegasus sat back down with a huff, nary another word escaping her lips. After a pause, Silver Scrolls said, “Next question please.” “Los Pegasus Times, Wellspring. What was your primary motivation for your invention? To please or help a family member? Maybe your brother? Or perhaps another important pony in your family?” I wonder if that is a second accusation of my alleged foaling of Twilight today, or if it is an attempt to obtain confirmation of Cadance’s and Shining Armor’s relationship. “Princess,” Twilight whispered. “Am I allowed to say…say…what was it? Ah, can I say no comment?” “Of course, Twilight. If you are not comfortable with any answer you could give.” Although I would hope you would be willing to tell me later. “No comment.” After a moment’s pause, Twilight added, “Sorry.” After the press conference was over, even before the reports had stood up to leave, Twilight had fled the field of battle; there was no other way to describe what just had happened. A thousand and one emotions were fighting for dominance. There was no doubt it had been one of the worst experiences ever. Besides the ones that were actually relevant or off-the-wall crazy, the reporters had asked so many personal questions that, while probably unintentional, had poked at some of her shameless fantasies and had made her squirm under the pressure. Please, oh please don’t let the princess have noticed. And yet, somewhere in the back of her mind, that shameless voice insisted that maybe those fantasies were true. Maybe Princess Celestia did have some grand plan for her future or something even better. Everypony else seemed to think so. But that had not happened to any of Princess Celestia’s other students. Twilight had checked. They all did something a pony would consider appending ‘the great’ to their names for – mostly. Some might be better described as ‘the terrible’. But none of them ever became princesses – or princes. Or had Princess Celestia as an aunt. Or as a second mom. And Twilight was just a boring old unicorn with no giant crisis to resolve, with no monsters to fight, and with no scientific problems to solve. Maybe I’m already on my way to becoming Twilight the Terrible… It even has alliteration. I should just start working on my evil laugh now. What else do I need to be a good – er, bad villain. I need an evil laugh. I need an evil scheme. I need an evil theme, which includes an evil name. I need an evil lair. I could be Eternal Twilight, bringer of the endless time between day and night. Maybe set up a lair in a sky palace and cover the world in clouds. But how? Even if I were the most magical pegasus in the world, that would take a lot of effort. I guess I’d need evil minions to do that, but I don’t want evil minions… I don’t really want minions of any kind, evil or not. I– A knock came at the door. Twilight stopped to consider exactly what she just had thought, and she blushed almost instantly. “Come in!” Twilight called out, surprised at how level she had managed to make her voice. When she saw who was on the other side, she said, “P-Princess Celestia! I – should I not have left? Was the – the press conference not over? I’m sorry. I guess everypony is mad at–” “Twilight,” Princess Celestia interrupted, smiling as always, but it seemed a bit wider this time. “The meeting is over. You did well for your first time.” “R-really?” “Yes, Twilight, you did. It may not seem like it to you, but I have seen ponies do far, far worse. Excellent work. “But that is not why I am here. I want to know how you are feeling. Is there anything you want to talk about? I know my first time with the press was quite exhausting, and I would have loved to talk to somepony after.” A question crept into Twilight’s mind before she stomped it out of existence. That kind of question belonged in her imagination, and there it would stay. Blushing, she said all at once, “No thanks, Princess, I’m fine. Thank you.” “Are you sure? I have nothing to do for the rest of tonight, so you need not be concerned about taking up my time.” “No, really, I’m good. Thanks, but no thanks. I’m totally fine. No problems here.” A moment of silence passed before Princess Celestia said, “Very well, if you insist. Instead, how about we continue our magic lessons?” Looking up and gazing straight into Princess Celestia’s eyes, Twilight said, “I’d love to!”