Flutterwing trotted in the door of the cottage, humming a merry little tune.
“Honey? Where’s your brother?” asked Fluttershy, curious about his sudden disappearance.
“Oh. He got in trouble or something. He has to have a student-teacher conference with dad.”
“Oh,no...” Fluttershy said, facehoofing. “What did he do this time?”
“I don’t know. It was something he wrote. She said she wanted you to stop by as well. It’s Mrs. Petunia.”
“Oh, dear.” she sighed. “Take care of the animals while I’m gone, please?”
“Yes, Mommy!” Flutterwing said, giving a small salute. Fluttershy smiled and gave her a small hug before trotting out the door. No sooner than it had closed, Flutterwing turned around, seeing all the critters, especially her squirrel friends, staring at her with a look of curiosity she’d never seen them have before.
“Uh...” started Flutterwing, suddenly feeling uneasy.
***
“Thank you for joining us, Fluttershy. Please, have a seat.” said Petunia, pointing to an empty chair next to Anacrusis, whose head was bowed down in shame.
“So...what’s this all about?” asked Trey, as Petunia grabbed a small stack of notebook paper, a small, uncomfortable smile coming across her face. She handed them over to Fluttershy, as Trey gave her a confused look.
“This...story, shall we say...” started Petunia, unable to keep a calm demeanor. She fidgeted in her chair, almost as if she had ants in her pants...if she wore pants. “Is...definitely not school appropriate. I...he...showed it to me today, saying this is the story he and Twilight had been working on.”
“Oh...my...” said Fluttershy, starting to fidget herself. “I...here.” she finished, giving Trey the stack of papers. “I...I’m gonna go.” she said, promptly excusing herself. Her legs wobbled, almost as if they were made of jelly. Anacrusis hung his head even lower.
“That bad, huh...Was it my prepositions? Were my sentences not varied enough?” he asked, staring at Petunia, his eyes glazed.
“I...I’m not sure how to answer that. The writing was immaculate. The subject matter is...juicy. I mean...moist. Unsavory. That’s what I meant.” she said, fidgeting again as Trey started reading.
Stargaze, a young, orange pony with a bright blue mane, stood outside her door awaiting that lovely sound she had grown accustomed to. Canus Major, the constellation, adorned her flank, creating an almost perfect mirror image of the current night sky. A small, cool breeze swept past her, making her mane flow in the wind. She shut her eyes, listening closely for the silent clopping of his hooves.
“Your mane always did smell very nice.” a voice said behind her. She jumped, startled. She breathed a small sigh of relief upon seeing who it was.
“White Knight! You gave me a fright!” she said, putting one hoof over her heart. He, a white pony with a lustrous black mane, gently trotted over to her, giving her a small kiss on the cheek. She giggled, staring deep into his dark blue eyes.
“Sorry.” he stated, giving her a small mischievous smile. “Shall we?” he asked, pointing towards her front door.
“Yes. It’s been far too long.” she said, stepping into the hall.
“Indeed it has.” he added, closing the door behind him. “It’s been nearly a month. Surely your love for me hasn’t diminished?”
“Oh, of course not, darling!” she said, turning to face him. “Quite the contrary.” she finished, throwing herself upon him in a passionate embrace, small, silent sobs wetting his neck. He gently smiled. “I’ve missed you...”
“I’ve missed you too, dear. I’ve missed you too.”
Stargaze broke the embrace, looking back at him with her glazed, bleary eyes. She gave him a genuinely happy smile before tenderly giving him a small, passionate kiss. He closed his eyes, leaning into her, as they gently trotted towards the bedroom. The closer they got, the more hurried and frantic their pace became, as their loving embrace soon turned to a lustful fervor. White Knight hastily kicked the door closed behind him as they both fell on the bed, laughing a small amount. Stargaze gave him a small, naughty smirk as she undid his tie, kissing her way down his neck. She gently rubbed her hooves along his side, a small, tender caress that sent chills down his spine. White Knight wasted no time, however, as he continued giving her what was now a sloppy affair, gently sliding his free hoof up her inner thigh, gently touching her-
“WHAT???” shouted Trey, confused.
“Sorry.” said Anacrusis, softly.
“You see what I mean, Trey?” asked Petunia, who had begun sweating a little bit.
“Yes. Well written indeed.”
“And the subject matter.”
“Oh, of course. Inappropriate. Anacrusis...” he said, turning his attention towards his son, who was cowering in anticipation. “Where did you learn about this? This doesn’t get taught until later this year.”
“I saw it on TV.”
“...uh...”
“Oh, Sweet Celestia...” said Petunia, facehoofing.
“What channel?”
“NeighBC. It was late, I couldn’t sleep, and I was bored.”
“Oh, no...Oh, no no no no no...” said Trey, shaking his head in rapid succession.
“Looks like the rest is up to you now, Trey.” said Petunia. “Now if you excuse me, I have homework to be grading.” she said, shooing them away.
“Can I have my story back?” asked Anacrusis, hoping to catch his grammatical errors.
“Perhaps tomorrow. In the meantime, go home and think about what you’ve done.”
“Was it my misspellings?”
“Out.” she huffed. Trey rolled his eyes, trotting out the door, Anacrusis in tow. He shut the door behind him. Through the little window he could see Petunia reading through his story with small, shallow breaths.
“Come on. Let’s go home.”
“Am I in trouble?”
“I haven’t decided yet.”
“What does that mean?”
“Well...we’re definitely going to have to have a little talk. I’ll explain more at home. After dinner. With Mom.”
***
“He wrote THAT?”
“Flutterheart, calm down.”
“Where has he been learning this? The school board isn’t supposed to teach that yet! What if he’s hanging out with the wrong gang? What if-”
“Honey, listen. It’s no big deal, he just saw some late night TV programming-”
“OH NO! NOT THOSE! NOT THOSE! Those are so ghastly and dirty! Oh, no, Anacrusis is going to grow up to be a deviant!”
“Honey, please calm down. He doesn’t know what any of it is. He just wrote it based off what he saw.”
“Oh. What do we do?”
“Well, clearly it’s time to give our kids the talk.”
“You mean...”
“Yes. The birds and bees.” he said.
“No, not you, Buzzy.” said Fluttershy, shooing away one of the honeybees. She sighed, shaking her head. “I guess...how? How do we even do this?”
“There’s not exactly an instruction manual for this.”
“Maybe Twilight has one?”
“No, but I’ll need to talk to her later as well.”
“Why?”
“Just...stuff. Let’s just hope this isn’t as awkward as when my mother explained it to me.”
“...what happened?”
“I’m not entirely sure, but I have a deep phobia of goats, taffy, and maple syrup in close vicinity.”
“I...ok...”
“Anacrusis, Flutterwing, come here please.” said Trey. They came trotting into the living room.
“What’s going on, Daddy?” asked Flutterwing.
“You’ll see. Just uh...take a seat. We need to talk about a few things.”
“OK!” she said, hopping on the couch. Anacrusis followed suit, the only one with any sort of idea of what was coming.
“You see, kids...” started Fluttershy. “We need to talk to you about...um...about your...You see, when two ponies...they...oh, Sweet Celestia this is harder than it seemed.” she said, blushing, as the kids looked on in confusion.
“You see, kids, we’re here to talk about...the birds and bees.”
“Mr. Buzzy?” asked Flutterwing.
“No...” Trey facehoofed. “I...Ok. We’re here to talk about the changes going on in your body!”
“Oh. You mean, like, growing?”
“Exactly! Growth spurts! And um...Shouldn’t we talk to them separately about this?”
“I have no idea. Can’t we say everything in front of them?” asked Fluttershy, blushing even harder.
“Uh...well...”
“Are you gonna start talking about penis?” asked Flutterwing, just as innocently as could be. Trey, Fluttershy, and Anacrusis stared at her.
“Oh, Sweet Celestia...” said Trey, burying his head in his hooves. “Oh, good God this is going to be difficult...”
“How about we just take them separately, dear?” asked Fluttershy, seeing the potential problems. “It will give us some girl time.”
“Why do you need girl time right now? Oh. Right.”
“I don’t get it.” said Anacrusis.
“Not to worry, son,” started Trey, “Just come with me to your room.”
“Am I in trouble?”
“Oh Good God, no.
“Alright.” he said, as they all went to their respective rooms with their respective parents.
“So you see, son...” started Trey. “tell me what you saw, then I can put some context to it.”
“Well, first there was a lot of kissing. Then the mare-I think her name was Sausage Destroyer-started roaming her hoof around between his legs, touching his penis until it got hard. Like it does when Cherry kisses me. Then she put it in her mouth, and then-”
“WOAH THERE! Ok, son, let’s-”
“And then three other Stallions came in and they were all hard between the legs, too...”
“Oh, Sweet Celestia...”
“Then they all peed some strange white fluid on her face. I think they all had some strange infection.”
“Ok...oh, dear lord, where do I even begin? Ok...so...your peepee is called a penis.”
“I thought it was called a cock. That’s what they called it.”
“That’s a slang term you should never say around your mother. Now, when a stallion gets older he starts experiencing sexual feelings towards other ponies, much like you seem to feel for Cherry.”
“When do they scream out for other stallions to ram them like the dirty sluts they are?”
“Oh good God. Forget what you saw on the TV. None of that is real.”
“Ok.”
Trey scooted closer to Anacrusis, giving his son a side hug. “Look, Son, you’re going to learn about this more in school, but this is part of the process through which babies are made. When you’re excited, blood will rush down there and it will get erect. Then you’re supposed to make love to someone you love and care about, and about a year later, foals pop out!”
“Huh. What about the white stuff?”
“Oh. That’s semen. When you make love for a certain amount of time, it comes out. It’s what gets a girl pregnant.”
“So then why did she swallow it?”
“Oh, boy. How about I just give you a book about this?”
“Oh. Sure.”
“Good Stallion. This has been probably one of the most awkward conversations I’ve ever had.”
“I don’t really feel like I learned much.”
“You’ll understand when you’re a parent.”
“Uh huh. Hey, Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Am I in trouble for writing that story?”
“No, but please don’t do it again.”
“Oh. Ok. Is it bad?”
“Well...it’s not a subject matter for schools, that’s for sure.”
“Oh. Is it a taboo?”
“Well...sex and sexual feelings are a somewhat natural part of being equine. It’s just not a very comfortable thing to discuss, since it’s a private affair.”
“Oh. Sort of like a relationship status?”
“Sure.”
“Alright. I think I get it. I’ll just stick to writing my other stuff.”
“Good idea. Did you have any other questions?”
“Yeah, but i think I’ll let the book answer them.”
“Yeah...this isn’t a conversation you plan for as a parent.”
“I’m sure.”
“Well...I’m going to go check on Flutterwing.” said Trey, hugging his son tight before trotting towards the door. “Oh, and Anacrusis?”
“Yes, Dad?”
“Don’t talk about what you saw on the tv...and for the love of God, please don’t do any of that with Cherry.”
“Sure thing.” said Anacrusis, fidgeting. Trey gave him a gentle smile and headed towards Flutterwing’s room. He poked his head in.
“You got everything in here?”
“Uh huh. I think we’re just about finished!”
“Oh, good! I just finished with Anacrusis, so I think we’re all set.”
“Good. I’ll get started on dinner.” said Fluttershy. Flutterwing, who looked to be in tears, galloped over to Trey, hugging his front legs.
“DADDY! I DON’T WANT TO BLEED!!!” she shouted at the top of her lungs. Trey facehoofed and sighed.