//------------------------------// // Chapter One: A Million Tear-Stained Eyes // Story: Bricks in the Wall // by _NAME_ //------------------------------// Chapter One A Million Tear-Stained Eyes “’Go on wit'out me, Sky! I… I’m done for…’ ’No! Come on Lieutenant! You can—‘ ‘Vrrooomm! Screech! ‘Captain Sky, are you still here?’ ‘Oi, Ace, I'm ovah ‘ere!’ ‘Oh, thank Celestia, Captain! Quick, we’ve got to go! They're comin' this way! We gotta move!’ ‘Really? Shit! I can’t—‘“ “Pinkerton!” I froze at the sound of my name, as did the actions of Captain Sky and Ace. “Did you just say what I think you did?! Where on earth did you hear that word?!” My mommy's voice was angry. I was in trouble. Ears flat against my head, I fearfully peeked over my shoulder, looking for the mare who had yelled at me. I opened my mouth to try and answer, but before I could, I was scooped up by hooves much larger than me. I dropped my action figures, letting them fall to the floor as my mommy carried me over to the couch and set me down, taking a seat beside me. She looked at me, her face stern. “Pink,” she whispered, “Pink, where’d you hear that word?” I couldn’t meet her questioning gaze. I knew I was in trouble. Mommy only used my full name when I did something really bad. I stared past her, finding extreme interest in a stain on the cushions of the couch. I didn’t want to get in any trouble. I didn't even know why mommy was so angry in the first place. I glanced back up at the pink mare in front of me, and began fumbling with my hooves, thinking of something to say. “Umm... W-what word are you t-talking about mommy?” I asked her finally. She looked at me for a moment, and then her expression softened some. “Ohh, Pink,” she cooed, “You don’t even know what you did was wrong… I’m sorry that I yelled at you, sunshine.” She smiled. “You’re not in any trouble.” She patted my head reassuringly. I blinked. “Okay,” I said simply. She wasn’t mad at me so that was good enough for me. With that done, I scooted to the edge of the couch and climbed back down to the floor to continue playing, but mommy picked me back up again and put me back beside her. “Not so fast, Pink,” she said, ignoring my wail of protest, “I still want to know where you heard that word.” I looked back up at her. “What word?” Mommy sighed, visibly deflating. “Where did you hear…" She paused, her eyes glancing elsewhere, "...shit…?” she whispered finally, barely even audible. “Oh…" I thought for a moment, not immediately sure where I had heard it. It had been only a few days ago, I remembered... I had been playing int he living room, just like today, when... "Oh, I remember!" I told her, a smile crossing my face. "I heard that from you, mommy!” Her face scrunched up in surprise. “Ohh….” She didn't look very happy. I don't think that was the right thing to say. “I'm sorry!” I squeaked, “That's one of those special grown-up words, isn't it?" Tears began to well up in the corners of my eyes as I looked into mommy’s dark green ones. “I just… I heard you say it one day and…and I just thought th-that it sounded cool! And… And… Please don't be angry, mommy! I-I…” I leapt into her lap, and hugged her tightly, whimpering softly. Mommy croaked in alarm, fumbling for a response. “Oh…” she started, “Um, Pink, sunshine, don’t worry. You didn’t know any better.” She stroked my mane reassuringly. “It is a bad grown-up word. Little colts like you shouldn't ever use it. Just promise me you won’t say it anymore, all right? Can you do that for me?” She pulled me away from her shoulders, and gently kissed my forehead. “Mama was wrong in saying it, okay?” She set me back down on the couch beside her, watching me with concern. “Alright, Pink?” she repeated. I rubbed at my eyes, itchy from the tears that were hiding in them. I was relieved that she wasn’t mad. “Okay mommy…” I sniffled and looked back up at her. “You're still gonna let me go to school tomorrow, right?” She chuckled and ruffled my mane. “Of course I’ll let you go, silly. Can't let you miss your first day of big-boy school, after all.” She smiled and gave me another hug. I flung my arms around her, playfully returning the hug. "Thanks mommy! I'm so excited!" “Oh, I just know you’ll have such a great time there, Pink. It’s a great place! You’ll make all sorts of new friends and learn so many things!” She nudged me playfully, her eyes bright with mirth. “You’ll be a big colt tomorrow.” Mommy smiled at me, and I smiled back. “Now go on and play with your toys. And remember,” she added, “no more bad words, alright?” I silently nodded at her, slid off of the couch, and wobbled back over to my toys. As I sat back down, mommy picked up a newspaper from the table and began reading it. Once, I had asked her to tell me what she was reading, but she didn't want to tell me. It all looked boring anyways. No colors or anything. Too many words. My toys were lying on the floor where I had left them. All two of them. Captain Sky and Ace. The both of them weren't much, but I managed to make due. Captain Sky was a white unicorn stallion, standing proud and tall in shining gold armor, just like a real captain in the army did. He was made out of some hard plastic, and was a lot more durable than his companion. Ace, on the other hand, was a small, soft, crudely-made doll that only barely passed as a pony. He was a small, blue pegasus stallion. While he wasn't as nice looking, or as professionally made as Sky was, I loved them both equally, despite their differences. Well… As a matter of fact, I probably liked Ace a little bit more than I did Sky, but that was only because mommy told me that daddy had made him for me before he had to go away, stitch by stitch. I didn’t remember daddy very much, but mommy told me about him sometimes, and he seemed very nice. My eyes wandered to a picture hanging on the wall of the two of them, laughing at some unknown joke. Daddy was a blue pegasus, just like Ace was, except that daddy was wearing some glasses in the picture. Whenever I asked mommy where he was, she always told me that he had to leave to do something important and brave just after I was born. He was in the army, she said, just like Sky was. I hoped that he at least had some shiny gold armor like Sky's. That would be pretty cool. I sat there for few moments, studying the picture of the two of them, until a thought crossed my mind. Turning, I looked at mommy, who was still on the couch, reading the newspaper. “Mommy,” I asked her, “do you think daddy will still love me when he gets back?” Her eyes peeked over the top of the paper, wide with shock. Quickly setting aside the paper, she scurried down to the floor and sat next to me. Her earlier, joyful expression was gone, replaced with worry and confusion. Whoops. I guess that wasn’t a nice question to ask either. “Pink…” Her eyes wavered and glistened. “Baby… Oh, of course he’ll love you…” She stroked my mane, trying to alleviate her own sadness more so than mine. She took a deep shuddering breath, and dabbed at her own eyes. “Wha-What would make you think he wouldn’t love you? He loves us both, so, so much…” She scooted closer, wrapping me in a hug. I let myself be embraced, unsure what to do or why she was being so emotional. After a few moments, she let me go, but still held me in her forelegs. “Oh, Pink…” she whined, her voice full of anguish, “Oh Pink, babe. Sunshine, he’ll love you with all his heart, don’t you ever forget that… He’ll be so proud when he gets back and sees what a big, strong colt you are!” She chuckled. “He’s just gone away for a while… I-I miss him every day, and I know he misses us too… Oh, Pink…” She squeezed me again, tighter this time, her assurances degrading into incoherent murmurs. We sat on the floor for a while, rocking back and forth as she held me, though I think it was for more her benefit than mine. Occasionally, I heard whimpers of words like 'why,' 'sorry,' 'love,' or 'Pink,' but the rest of her mumblings were too disconnected for me to pick up. I was completely at odds with the situation all the while. Mommy had never acted so… strange before. I didn’t understand what was going on, much less what I should be doing. I had obviously said something very wrong. Maybe I had said another bad word and didn’t know it? That would make sense, I suppose. Tentatively, I hugged her back, our pink coats meshing together, and she glanced up at my face, her eyes glistening with tears on the verge of breaking loose. My gray eyes looked into her green ones, and the tips of her mouth lifted slightly, forming the beginnings of a smile. She planted a kiss of the bridge of my muzzle, but then looked away again, quiet sobs racking her body. I frowned. This still wasn’t right. Mommy was supposed to be happy, not… like this! I glanced around the room, looking for anything that might help her or make her feel better. Eventually, my eyes fell on her cutie mark, and an idea formed in my head. I blinked. “Mommy… what does your cutie mark mean?” I felt her grip on me slacken at the question. She wiped her face and glanced down at me, confusion dancing in her eyes. She held my gaze a few seconds longer than before. “Pink… What are you—” Three knocks sounded from the door, cutting her off mid-sentence. She broke away from me, patting my head rather forcefully. “Stay right there, sunshine. Mama’s gonna find out who’s at the door, okay?” She took a deep breath, steadying herself, and smoothed down her mane and coat in an effort to look more presentable. After wiping her eyes quickly, she took a second to turn back and look at me. And then, as another series of knocks came from the door, she turned her attention back to the matter at hand. She smiled brightly, calling out sweetly, “Just a second!” to the visitor, and trotted over to the door, flinging it open, greeting the new arrival. I quickly lost interest with what my mommy was doing, and went back to playing with Ace and Sky. Before I had been interrupted several minutes ago, they were being chased by a horse of nasty, icky mares with cooties and things. I could only imagine the horror and destruction that would ensue if they were caught; make-overs, dress-up, tea parties, and Celestia only knows what other girly things that would be forced on the two stallions. A few seconds of silence passed by in relative peacefulness, but before I could really get into playing with Ace and Sky again, a wail of complete and utter despair came from the other room. It was a spine chilling, hair-raising moan of hopelessness and misery that echoed around my ears for a few moments, something I didn't think I could ever forget. It was the cry of a mare who just had most everything she knew and loved stripped away from her in an instant. My concentration broken again, I looked over at the door to see what the commotion was. Two white unicorns in golden armor were standing in the doorway, looking at everything in the house but mommy, who had backed up against the far wall, a look of grief on her face. I was confused for a moment. I didn't recognize the two stallions, and they didn’t look all that threatening, so I wasn’t sure why mommy was so scared. It was… You know, come to think of it, Captain Sky looked a lot like the unicorns at the door. I glanced down at the doll in my hoof, and then back at the adults. The unicorns were holding a small box out to mommy, who didn’t seem to want to have anything to do with it. The stallions both looked nervous and noticeably upset, though not as much as mommy. One was shaking and kept his eyes firmly planted on the ground as if trying to ignore mommy’s wails. I wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, but I had more interesting and pressing matters to attend to anyway. I held Sky up to the unicorns, comparing them side-by-side. They were practically a perfect match, though Sky filled out his armor much better than the visitors did. They almost looked too young, too small and scrawny to fit properly in the golden breastplate and helmet. Still, there were two very real unicorns from the military standing just inside my house. I never imagined I would see a soldier up close, let alone have two visit my house. “Wow…” I muttered, as I clutched Sky to my chest, in awe at the soldiers. I glanced down, and Ace’s small, black button eyes caught my attention, the light glinting off of them. I picked him as well, holding him just as tight as Sky. The blue pegasus doll was already beginning to show signs of wear and tear, despite his relative newness. It was starting to fray around his stitches, bits of cotton poking out in a few places. His coat was fading from his original dark blue to a light pink, for some odd reason. Even one of his wings was beginning to tear away from his body. I had always played with both Ace and Sky about the same, but the unicorn was professionally made, so I was sure that made a difference in his durability. Ace was already beginning to fall apart, though I didn't really care. I clutched both of them to my chest the same, grinning wildly. It was so cool that two real life soldiers were here at my door! I looked back at mommy, and the unicorns that looked like Sky. Mommy had finally taken the box and was gazing at the top of it, her eyes empty except for tears that dripped down her face. On top of the box, there was a battered looking cap and a bent pair of glasses. The stallions were saying something to her, trying to calm her down. Curious, and despite mommy’s orders, I slunk closer, ears attentive, hoping to hear what the strange ponies were talking about. As I approached, mommy collapsed to the floor, breaking into hysterics. She embraced the cap from the top of the box, crying into it. The box itself fell to the floor with a soft whump, its content spilling out onto the floor. The unicorns began speaking louder, trying to be heard over my mommy’s incessant cries. My ears perked up as bits of their conversation reached me. “We’re so very sorry ma’am, we can’t…” “…knew him well. He was a good stallion, I’m told. This was a terrible…” “…wasn’t anything left to bury…” “Please accept this letter of condolence from the Princess herself…” “…this war is hard on all of us…” “…should be receiving your first check in…” Mommy was still sobbing on the floor, deaf to the soldiers’ words, so the two of them eventually gave up on trying to talk to her and spoke quietly between themselves. Eventually, one of them cautiously stepped fully into the house and snuck over to mommy who was still bawling into the hat. He awkwardly bent down, and smiled at mommy, and she collapsed into his arms, sobbing into his shoulder. He looked surprised for a moment, but then relaxed, patting her reassuringly on the back. I turned my attention to the box that had fallen to the floor, everything withing now able to be seen. I inched closer so that I could see the objects with greater detail. The thing nearest to me was a medal of some kind; a small, purple-colored, metal sun. I picked it up and turned it over in my hooves, feeling its cold, untarnished surface. I wasn’t sure exactly what it was so I set it aside, and went through the other objects. There was a canteen, a few papers with big words I didn’t understand, a folded Equestrian flag, and many other things that didn’t interest me. My eyes skimmed over the rest of the items before settling on a photo. I picked it up and looked at it. A young pink mare and an equally young blue pegasus stared out back at me, smiling at something unseen. I only recognized one pony in it. The pink mare was mommy. I wasn't sure about the other. Meanwhile though, the young unicorn was still trying to comfort mommy, though he yielded no results. Her cries drowned out any attempts he made of trying to quiet her down and she held him in a tight grip, refusing to let go. His partner watched from the doorway, concerned, yet slightly amused by the scene in front of him. By now, my interest had been piqued enough for me to want to know what was happening. I crept over to the three, unnoticed by any of them. I could tell by his face that the one unicorn had no idea how to help mommy, just like I didn’t. His hooves hovered over her body, shaking with indecision as if he was unsure what to do with them. I’m sure he didn’t want my mommy sobbing into his shoulder. He didn’t see me approach, but as I did, I could hear the faintest whispers of his voice as he spoke to her. “Shhhh…” he murmured, “It’s all alright, don’t worry…” Hesitantly breaking my silence, I spoke as well, “He-hey, Mr. Unicorn…” I stumbled over my words. “Wha-w-what's going on…?” At the sound of my voice, the stallion froze and slowly turned around. Seeing me, his face drained of color, if that was even possible, and his hooves violently pushed mommy away from him. He quickly stood up, and backed away from me, shaking his head vigorously, as if he was terrified at the very sight of me. “Oh, sweet Celestia, they have a foal!” he cried out in distress, tears welling up in his eyes, “Oh, no… She has a foal; he had a foal… oh... Oh Celestia…” Tripping over his own hooves, he half ran, half fell over to the door, and to his partner who was also not meeting my gaze. “Oh Celestia!” exclaimed the first unicorn, still panicking, “I-I can’t do this anymore! Every day it’s the same damn thing with every widow we visit!” He covered his mouth with his hoof, biting back his tears. “I never— I didn’t sign up for this! To tell these mares that…that they'll never see their husbands again! It’s… It’s fucking bullshit! I… I can’t… Oohhh…” He whimpered for a moment, his energy suddenly giving out. He glanced at me again, his eyes wide, and then shoved past his partner, leaving the house. I sat there in shock, bewildered at what just happened. I looked at mommy who was still lying on the floor, stroking the hat, and then looked at the lone unicorn standing at the door. He matched my gaze, his eyes clouded with gloom. He sighed and glanced down at the ground, hiding his face with his helmet. He muttered under his breath, “Dammit…” When he looked back up, his eyes were resolute and a smile danced on his face. He gulped audibly. “We’re-We’re sorry, ma’am, for the bad news… We’ll…. We’ll leave you alone now…” He turned to leave, grasping the door in his magic, cast one forlorn look over his shoulder, and shut the door, leaving the foyer in darkness. The clicking of the door’s latch echoed in my ears for a moment before leaving me in silence, save for the whimpers of mommy. She had curled up into a ball on the floor now, completely ignoring her surroundings. She was still crying into the hat. Today wasn’t a good day so far. It hadn’t gone right at all. Faintly, I could hear some voices, yelling, shouting coming from outside. The two guards weren't happy either. Things weren’t right for anypony. “Mommy… Mommy, what happened…?” I crept closer to her, wishing that I knew what I could do to fix this. She didn't respond, seemingly avoiding my question. I wasn't sure she even heard me. She sat there, stock still, numb, and unmoving, unable to do anything but clutch the hat and cry. My mind was reeling, still trying to process what had just happened. Mommy wasn’t her normal happy self today. I didn’t know what was wrong. Or what I could do. I stared at her, struggling to think of anything to do, something to say, but my mind was blank. I wasn't able to do anything, and she was obviously in pain. I could only sit there and watch her. Things were wrong. So very wrong. Even I could see that. But everything had happened much too, and I could barely think straight. Finally, my mind drifted to the question I had asked before, before the unicorns showed up, before mommy became all sad again. I couldn’t think of anything else. “Mommy…” I tugged at her leg, a little harder than normal. She gave a choked cry and looked at me, her eyes red and puffy, and her face streaked with tears. She didn't say anything. “Mommy,” I continued, “you never told me what your cutie mark meant...” Her eyes came into focus as I asked the question, as if she had just realized that I was there. I was almost scared by her appearance; she didn’t look anything like the mommy I normally saw, but I knew it was her. A bit of mascara ran down from her eyes, making her eye sockets look sunken and dark. Her normally flat, bluish-gray hair was beginning to unfurl in places. Her eyes themselves looked empty and devoid of life. Just a little over ten minutes ago, we’d been sitting on the floor, without a care in the world, but now all of that was turned upside down. Shattered. And she just continued to look at me. Her eyes were seeing me, but her mind wasn’t registering that I was there. She looked confused, as if she wasn’t sure if she had heard something or not, so I repeated my question. Her eyes widened in realization, and she truly looked at me. Her lips rose in a feeble smile, before falling again. “Pink…” A sigh escaped her mouth, and her eyes shimmered with water again. She lifted me into her lap and gripped me tightly. We were silent for a moment, only a small sob occasionally escaping her lungs. “Pink, I…” She broke off, a shuddering moan stopping her from talking further. For a moment, green eyes met gray eyes, and she stroked my mane, running her hooves through my hair. She smiled. “What my cutie mark means, Pink, is that I will always love you. I… I will always take ca-care of you and I will never ever let you out of my sight.” She paused again, planting a kiss on my snout. “I won’t let anything bad happen to you, my sunshine. I won’t let anypony hurt you. Mama’s gonna keep you right here, safe and warm…" She fought back another sob, and shut her eyes forcefully. "I love you so much, Pink. I love you… Everything will be alright, don’t worry…” She lapsed back into tears once more, and clutched me tight. I hugged her back. I think she needed it. “I love you too mommy…”