//------------------------------// // We Promise This Won't Be a Novel // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// D-Ding! The bell above the dress shop's door jingled. “Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm...” A mare hummed to herself as she trotted gaily out into the front room. “Welcome to Dredgemane Duds! How can I be of serv—Oh Dear Consus!” She flinched, immediately covering her eyes. “Uhhhh... uhhhhh...” Gulping, she managed a sweaty smile. “H-hello! Sorry! You... m-must not be from around here!” “Jee...” Rainbow droned, standing up to the counter with a glare. “How'd you guess?” “Mmmmm...” The clerk fought a frightened whimper. She side-stepped out from behind the counter, all the while keeping her head turned away from Rainbow. “What... br-brings you to my store on this lovely morning?” “What the heck do you think?!” Rainbow grumbled. “You sell dresses here, don't you?” “Oh, most definitely!” “Seems like if I'm to talk to anypony here, I gotta be wearing one.” She sighed, facehoofing. “And here I thought dressup was the last adventure...” “What might you b-be looking for?” “Anything you've got in size medium.” The mare braved a glance, flinched, then turned away. “Uhm... w-wouldn't you rather prefer a petite misses?” “Unnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnghhhh...” “I'm s-sorry! Did I say somethi—?” “Look. No frills. No thrills. Just something cheap. Plain. I don't care.” Rainbow stepped forward, causing the mare to flinch again. “I need something—anything—that will let me be treated like a sane equine being out there.” “Uhm... very well then.” The clerk gulped. “So, if I'm to understand, you are seeking to blend in here?” “Wow! You Dredgemaners speak Equestrian Basic! What a relief!” “Then we may wish to help you browse our intimates section first—” “Oh for crying out—” Rainbow barked “You mean I gotta wear underwear too?!” “Why... uhm... y-yes, ma'am! It's Dredgemane tradition!” The clerk gulped. “Is... is th-that going to be a problem?!” “What's the deal with you ponies, anyway?!” “Uhm... y-you ever heard of the Great Terrestrial Council of the Second Age?” Rainbow blinked. “Uhhhhhhhh...” “When Chancellor Puddinghat and Smart Cookie had their last meeting with the Earth Pony Council?” “Oh. Uh. Sure!” Rainbow gulped. “What about it?” “Well, legend says that both politicians got into a terrible fight. One walked away with their clothes still on, the other didn't.” The clerk smiled nervously. “Guess who went on to found Dredgemane?” “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” “So... uhm...” The mare fumbled with some measuring tape. “I... s-suppose it would only be proper for me to get your measurements first.” “What's the matter, girl?” Rainbow asked. “Do most of your clients come to your store wearing pyjamas?” “Actually, yes...” “Ungh...” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “This place is going to kill me.” “Maybe if we just go about this by—” The clerk jolted as Rainbow stood straight up in front of her, legs spread. “Eeeep!” “Get it over with,” Rainbow droned, her forelimbs raised to the ceiling. “Ain't nothing on me that's gonna to bite you.” She smirked. “Hard.” The mare stood in stunned silence. “What? Did the founder of Dredgemane not believe in humor either?” “Usually, we just t-tell each other rock jokes.” “Right, well, finish measuring me before I turn you into pebbles.” She gulped and began wrapping the tape around Rainbow Dash. “Yes, ma'am.” “Don't worry,” the pegasus said. “It'll all be over with soon.” The mare measured Rainbow Dash. Finally, after a full minute, she stared at where her hoof rested on the tape. “... ... ...oh dear.” Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “'Oh dear?' 'Oh dear what?'” “Well, ma'am. It's just that... erm...” “You can spit it out. I'm not wearing anything that will stain... yet.” “Th-this is a store for adult fashion, and... uhm...” The clerk giggled nervously. “You're really, really petite—” “Really? That again?” “There's a perfectly affordable shop across the way that sells foal's clothes! I-I'm sure they've got a department with teen fashion—” “Are you shoveling manure?! Is that your job now?!” “Huh?!” “You're just trying to kick me out of here cuz of my fuzziness, aren't you?!” “No, ma'am! Honest! I only mean to say—” “Look. Just find the closest thing that fits!” Rainbow snarled. “I don't care! Throw it on me! Got it?!” Half-an-hour later... D-Ding! Rainbow shuffled, shuffled, shuffled out of the store, wincing with each trot. She stood, sighing, her body clad from head to tail in a disgustingly turquoise prom suit, complete with a fluffy white corsage. Her body fidgeted, her tail flicking awkwardly through a hole in the back. Several locals glanced at her and instantly collapsed in a wave of snickers, giggles, and cackles. Rainbow's ears flattened as she leaned down, shading her face with a hoof. Straightening the saddlebag over her suit, she padded on down the sidewalk. “Hrmmff? Did a traveling minstrel just walk by?” Lancie poked his head out from the bag. “What's gotten everypony in stitches?” “Some poor teenage sap somewhere is going to have a really lousy fall formal—” “Ahhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha!” Lancie nearly fell out onto the stone street. “Knock it off!” Rainbow hissed, her cheeks ablaze. “Seriously! This was all they had!” “Hahahahaha!” Lancie wheezed, rubbing his granite eyes. “Wow, you'll really knock Prom Princess McFreckleburg dead with that number, Sparky! Haa haa haa! Or should I say Sharpie?! Snkkkt—hahahaha!” “Nnnnnngh...” Rainbow groaned, head hanging low. “I feel like a walking strudel...” “You look like a walking strudel!” Lancie cackled, still trying to catch his breath. “Why so stiff-legged anyway?” “Mrrfff...” Rainbow only winced, shaking her legs with each trot. “Come on! Don't be embarrassed! We're partners! You can tell ol' Lancie!” “Uhm...” Rainbow exhaled. “...it's these damn briefs. They had nothing else in my size.” “Yeah? So?” “The suit isn't the only thing made for a stallion, okay?” “Haaaah hah hah hah!” “Grnnnngh...” Rainbow frowned, flapped her feathers through her wing-holes, and flew on ahead. “Let's find your stupid shard, already.” And she glided on ahead. Above the canals of Dredgemane, hidden in the shadows, a dark, feathery shape darted from rooftop to rooftop, keeping up with the turquoise-suited mare from a distance.