//------------------------------// // Rainbow Bares All // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// “Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...” “Sparky?” “Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...” “Uhhhh... Sparky?!” “Zzzzzz-snkkt—Shnorrrrrrrr...” “Sparky! Oh, for Pete's sake!” The statue spun around on her back, reared his head, and poked her flank with a pair of stone antlers. “Owie!” Rainbow snapped awake on gliding wings. “Mfnngh! What did you do that for—?!” SMACK! She flew straight into a wooden sign, shattering it to brittle splinters. “Gaah!” Th-Thap! She fell to the ground, rubbing her rear and wincing. “Nnnngh...” Lancie sighed, then gestured towards the overcast sky. “We're here.” “H-here?” Rainbow squinted, fighting tears of pain. “Where's here?” Her head tilted up... and up and up and up. “...huh.” Several columns of smoke billowed into the sky from key locations, adding to the perpetual dull gray haze of the atmosphere. “You were sleepflying, Eisntallion,” Lancie said. “I know that!” Rainbow grunted, still rubbing her sore flank. “Hrmmmfff... Couldn't have been too long. It's not yet sunrise.” “Actually, the sun rose an hour ago.” Rainbow blinked. “Oh. Uhhhhh...” Her gaze followed the smoke columns back down to the earth. There, an inexplicable series of canyons and ravines dug into an otherwise flat plateau of smoke-gray stone. From afar, Rainbow could see the specks of equine bodies trudging back and forth in the dry canals, dragging wagons stuffed full with rocks. “Yeesh... just what is this dump?” “Beats the heck out of me, Sparky. I'm sure we would have found out if it weren't for your adorkable blunderings.” “H-huh?” Rainbow glanced at the shattered sign. Her collision had snapped off the top part, right above “City Limits.” She winced. “Oh. My bad.” “Yes. Very, very bad.” “Like it m-matters!” Rainbow flapped her wings, hovering above the shattered sign. “You're the living compass. Is this it or isn't it?” “Uhhhh...” “Well?” Rainbow glanced back at him. “Is the shard in there?” “I... think so.” “Nnnngh...” Rainbow face-hoofed. “Lancie.” “Well, it's complicated!” Lancie folded his granite arms. “Yes, this is the city. But I'm a little hazy on where the piece is in all this!” “And why's that?” “Take a look around!” “Hmmm?” Rainbow glanced left and right, blinking at the countless hundreds of scattered pebbles in every direction. “Yeesh, that's a lot of rocks.” “Something's throwing me off,” Lancie said. “I don't know what it is, but it's disastorously annoying.” “Could somepony have... uh...” Rainbow shrugged. “...shattered your shard in the time it took us to get here?” “Brbrbrbrbrbr...” Lancie clung to her saddlebag. “I shudder to think. As if being reduced to a talking garden gnome hasn't been emasculating enough.” “Maybe we should get closer so you could... uh... get your noodle going?” “Once more, your gift of master strategies renders me speechless.” “Oh hush.” Rainbow Dash glided ahead, descending into the first of many labyrinthine canals. “Let's see if I can get a feel for where we are.” “So long as you do the talking.” “I certainly didn't plan to sing.” Deep inside the canals, the “city” was fully unveiled. Stone-carved buildings stuck tight to the granite walls, complete with metal extensions and rusted awnings and balcony platforms. The streets were the ravines and the ravines were the streets. The ponies who lived there had taken extra care and hard work to utilize every square inch of the deep trenches dug into the earth. There was only an “intersection” when the criss-cross of steep ravines allowed for it. As a consequence, the pathways and marketplaces were constantly bathed in dull light and dark shadow—made even darker by the explicit lack of sunlight due to the haze above. Despite the seemingly melancholic tone of the place, ponies trotted about at an ambitious pace, rushing to one workplace or another, sometimes pausing to talk pleasantly with one another in front of apartments or on street corners. The equines who dwelled there obviously knew the ravines inside and out, and there was a strangely beautiful ballet to how they threaded through one another, carrying cartloads of stones to random destinations without colliding even once. The majority of the ponies in the streets were sweat-stained workers, making trips between multiple blacksmiths. In fact, there were more forges and metalworking huts than there were of any other kind of building, and the smoke from their shops added to the gray malaise that hung perpetually over the submerged city. It was hard to hear the voices of local pedestrians from the constant clattering and clanging of metal. Rainbow gritted her teeth as she touched down, trotting along the stone street. “Well, this is a city I'm certainly not having any cider-drinking binges in.” “Your one-track mind continues to intrigue me,” Lancie said. “I wonder why they built all of this stuff in the trenches like this?” “Maybe they're all part ground-hog.” “Or just bored out of their friggin' minds,” Rainbow muttered. “Seems like punishing yourself to wanna live in a place so depressing.” “Then you'd be right at home here!” “Hardy har har.” Rainbow gulped. “I gotta find out more about this town.” “Yeah, so?” “Sooooo...” Rainbow glared back at him. “I gotta go talk to somepony!” “Ah.” Lancie smirked and grasped a canvas flap of the saddlebag. “I can take a hint.” He ducked down into the pouch. “Zoop!” “Uhm... excuse me?” Rainbow trotted across the street—flinched out of the way of a speeding cart—then continued towards two mares dressed in simple work gowns. “Hi! Uhm... you mind answering a few questions?” “And so I said, 'Rock stroganoff? Girl, that came from the cesspool!'” “Ha ha ha ha!” Both mares turned towards Rainbow. “Oh! Sorry! How can we help you—Gaaah!” She suddenly shrieked, then spun away from Rainbow Dash, blushing. Rainbow scuffled to a stop. She blinked. “Uhm... is something the matter?” “Y-yes...” The other mare covered her eyes, tilting her head away from Rainbow. “Very much so...” “What, not used to seeing a pegasus?” Rainbow turned around and flapped her wings. “I promise you! The feathers won't hurt you!” “Hmmmmph!” One mare frowned and trotted briskly away, skirt flouncing. “The nerve!” “Savage!” the other pony quickly joined her. Rainbow gawked at them silently. Lancie stuck his head out. “So... didja find out where we are?” “No. They... ran away from me.” “You really should have taken a shower before you flew here.” “Lancie...” “Right. My bad.” The statue yawned. “You and your shower fetish.” He blinked. “Here comes a new challenger! Zoop!” As the statue hid, Rainbow turned towards a canvas-clad stallion pulling a wagon her way. “Hey... uhm, excuse me sir.” She waved. “Would you mind telling me where—” “Ah, jeez!” The stallion skidded to a stop, his wagon full of rocks almost spilling over. “Lady, what's the deal?!” He blocked his face, grimacing. “Are you nuts?!” “I dunno.” Rainbow glared. “I'm starting to wonder...” “Go... g-go inside or something!” The stallion did an about-face and trotted far away from her, wagon rattling. “Have some decency!” “Huh?” Rainbow frowned. “Okay, I give!” Rainbow hollered, hovering above an intersection at second-story level. “Can somepony... anypony tell me where I am?! For real, now!” In response, the air lit up with gasps and shrieks. Stallions in work clothes grimaced. A few mares in dresses gasped. A mother covered her foal's eyes and ushered him down the stone sidewalk. “I'm not diseased! I promise!” Rainbow crossed her heart and stuck a hoof against a closed eye. “I had the pony pox at age four! It's over and done with!” “Ma'am... please...” A stallion in a suit stood beneath her, his face flushed as he stared into the street. “Everypony c-can see you.” “Yeah! I'm sure those marbles atop their marbles aren't ears!” “If you would just... please... have some respect...” “Respect for what?!” Rainbow gazed at all of the flinching ponies. Not one dared to look at her. “Wait a minute...” She squinted. “They're all wearing clothes...” “You're probably not from around here,” a mare said, cowering on a balcony window behind Rainbow. When the pegasus turned towards her, she immediately shaded her eyes. “There's a dress shop just two blocks down. Please, do us all a favor—” “Oh, you've g-gotta be friggn' kidding me—” “We really don't want to call the police.” “Lady, just tell me where I am!” Rainbow cackled. “Dredgemane! You're in Dredgemane, alright?!” The mare slithered indoors. “Now, please...” Rainbow touched down, her muzzle scrunched in confusion. “Dredgemane... Dredgemane.” She tongued the inside of her mouth. “Where the hay have I heard that before?” Lancie stuck his head out. “Sparky! How could you! You should only wear your birthday suits on your birthday!” “Can it, Lancie. This isn't funny.” “Sure it is. You almost summoned the fuzz with your fuzz,” he said, smirking. “Have you—in all your eons of farting—ever heard of a place called 'Dredgemane?'” “No. Is that where we are?” “Apparently.” “Hmmmmmph...” Lancie scratched his stone head, glancing at the buildings and canals. “Doesn't seem like much to write home about,” he said. “Much less a few hundred thousand words.” Rainbow shivered. “What's wrong?” “I dunno...” Rainbow trotted down the block, rolling her eyes at gasping citizens along the way. “I just felt the strangest chill out of nowhere, for some reason...”