"Mahaha!" Discord laughs aloud as he hangs upside down above the large red stallion. "There you are! Finally! I've been looking literally everywhere for you!"
The being of chaos slithers down through the air to Big Mac's side.
"So very sorry for the bumpy ride, my good pony. My magic has been on the fritz lately, you see; it sends ponies one way and me the other... Quite counterproductive! Usually I'd be enjoying such a chaotic thing but, well..."
"NISCORD!" Big Mac nazely shouts as he takes a step back, interrupting the embodiment of disharmony.
"That's my name, don't wear..." Discord begins to taunt, raising a claw to his chest proudly, but then he blinks and looks back at the farmer.
It is only now that he notices that the red tuft of fur around Big Mac's nose is, in fact, not fur, but instead blood.
Lots and lots of blood.
... Discord is quite amazed that any blood still remains inside of the pony's body.
"Nou gosh narn NAKE!" Big Macintosh continues to shout at Discord. Though his body and mind wishes for him to stop talking and simply rest, the curse placed upon his tongue compels him to keep yammering. "Nou no nood non nof na NISH! Nss nole!"
The draconequus stares at the talkative stallion for only a moment longer before a snort escapes his snout. Tears leave his eyes as the giant creature keels over backwards into a fit of the giggles.
"H-hahaha!" Discord laughs loudly, scaring away all the nearby creatures of the forest with its intensity. "G-good graces! Where on earth did I send you?!" Discord asks in good cheer, wiping a tear away from his eye. "The middle of a boxing match? Inside of a building being demolished? Rarity's bathroom?" Another set of the giggles begins to burn inside of Discord's chest, but with a quick clearing of his throat he soon extinguishes said flame. He then straightens himself out and becomes just a tad bit more serious.
"Here," the chaotic creature states raising his claw, readying to snap it. "Let me get that for you..."
Snap
In a burst of yellow magic, Big Macintosh's face and body are both soon rid of injury. The blood vanishes, and so too does his pair of black eyes...
... That's not all that vanishes though.
Discord blushes a deep shade of red, almost rivaling the farmer's coat. All the while, the red pony keeps on talking away, though he has taken notice that his voice is now a few decimals higher.
"Oops..." Discord mutters with a weak chuckle. The master of chaos lifts up his claw and prepares to snap yet again. "Er... l-let me get that for you, madam."
Snap
In another flash of light, Big Macintosh's stallionhood is quickly returned to him.
"There we go!" Discord cheers. "Good as new!"
"... two faced lying, deceiving, conniving, self-indulgent, damn snake! You..."
"... Aaaaannnddd he's still ranting," Discord says aloud, more for his own sake then Big Mac's. He floats through the air to the restored stallion's side. "Aren't you supposed to be the 'quiet' one? Well... the red quiet one, not the yellow quiet one?"
"... turned me into a blasted dog, which I won't admit I kinda enjoyed, but you're a horrible, manipulative, egota-"
Snap
"..."
Discord smiles.
"There. Much better!" He says as he throws away a TV remote, the words 'Mute' now clearly visible above Macintosh's head. "Now then... we need to talk.
"I heard what you said to my dear Fluttershy today, my good sir," Discord begins as he sits upon a tree trunk... the tree was still in one piece; he was just sitting on the tree at a ninety degree angle. "Now, I'm still a novice when it comes to this whole 'friendship' business, but I'm going to assume that what you said was bad, thus I shall respond appropriately...
"... But it seems I already have, even if it wasn't my intention..." Discord's body droops ever so slightly. "... I think you've suffered enough today, haven't you?"
Big Macintosh, though his lips still flapped soundlessly, nods his head slowly as he brings his still tear stained eyes to the ground.
Discord raises an eyebrow at this, but says nothing.
"... It was not my plan to get you injured as so. The most I would have done would have been to play a not so mean spirited prank on you and call it a day..." The spirit slithers down from the tree to stand in front of Big Mac. He looks down at him with a crestfallen face. "... I'm sorry that you got injured because of me..."
A moment of silence passes, which Discord ends with a nervous cough.
"... Well then, I guess I have no other business here," Discord awkwardly replies, rubbing a paw behind his head. "Um... do try to not insult my friend's rather generous behind again and we'll be squared. Deal?"
The stallion says nothing... which doesn't surprise the master of chaos. He snaps his claw a few times until the remote reappears, which he then presses the 'Mute' button on once again.
"... darn varmin. I'd oughta..."
"..."
Discord groans rather loudly, his sympathetic nature all together evaporating.
"Good grief," he grumbles angrily. "What does it take for a pony to accept an apology?! Look!"
With the snap of his fingers, a handheld mirror appears in Discord's paw. He thrusts it into Mac's hooves.
"I fixed your face! What more do you want from me?!"
Big Mac, still talking up a storm, angrily glares at Discord before he brings his attention to the mirror.
For the first time that day, Big Macintosh finally stops talking.
... It only lasts for a solid ten seconds, though.
When he speaks again, his words gain a sudden cutting edge.
"... You damn monster..."
Again Discord wilts as he looks towards the ground.
"I said I was sorry for whatever the hay happened to you," he replies, a little bit of his earlier anger resurfacing. "What more do you wan-"
The spirit stops his response, however, as he returns his attention to Big Macintosh... and discovers that he isn't speaking to him.
Instead he is talking to the mirror.
At his own reflection.
"You damn monster," Big Macintosh repeats to himself, glaring angrily at the red stallion in the mirror. "How many ponies did you hurt today? Huh? How many ponies did you make cry? How many friendships did you just buck up?"
"Um..." is all Discord can say as he watches the scene unfold.
The mirror begins to shake as Big Mac's foreleg wraps upon the item even harder.
"What right did you have to even think such terrible things?!" He begins to yell, his eyes watering yet again. "Huh?! What kind of self-respecting pony thinks such things about the ponies who are supposed to be his friends?! What kind of self-respecting pony does what you did to Miss Cup Cake?! Or even Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash, for that matter?!
"What right did you have to go behind your supposedly friend's back and say such nasty things about her?! Because you felt obligated?! Because you didn't want anypony to get hurt?! Nope... you did it because you were too much of a bucking coward to say it to her face! So what if Miss Dash would have never listened to you? You could have at least tried!! But you thought you could get away with it, because you're always so quiet... bah! Coward...
"You could have avoided hurting those mares too if you'd just talked to them prior about not being interested... but nope, you thought it was better to lead them on! 'Oh, I'm too shy to express mah feelings'... horseapples! That's no excuse and you bucking know it!
"A-and then you hurt the Mayor and lost Caramel as your friend a-and... and..."
The mirror begins to crack in Big Mac's 'grip'.
"... And you're too much of a coward to face the one pony who can help you... Applejack's bound to be worried sick about ya, yet you think running will solve your problem. You're an idiot, Big Macintosh. Eeyup... the most you're doing is filling that pony's head with doubts...
"Only a monster does that to his own kin; only a monster hurts family...
"... But you were always a monster, weren't you?
"You hide things from your friends and family.
"You played with mares' hearts.
"You can't say anything nice, so you choose to never say anything at all!"
The cracks along the mirror's surface are too numerous to count now. Only a single one of the stallion's light green eyes can be clearly seen in the shattered reflection.
"... You watched your Ma and Pa die, and the hurt that brought to your family...
"... yet, of the two of them... you chose to only mourn one."
The mirror gently drops out of its now slack grip, smashing to pieces on the ground.
"You're a monster, Big Macintosh. Shouldn't be a surprise to anypony but yourself."
A heavy silence fills the forest. Big Macintosh continues to mindless chatter to himself as Discord simply watches.
"... Wow," the spirit of chaos finally says after awhile. "Somepony is crawling in their skin today. Don't think I've ever met a farmer so into the emotional hoopla before but... wait."
Discord stomps over and lowers himself down to the stallions eye level. He looks intently into the pony's eyes for a moment before looking downward towards his mouth. The spirit's eyes dart back and forth between the two before he grips Mac's red furred mouth with his griffon claw and holds it in place.
Discord then inserts his tongue into Big Mac's mouth.
The stallion reacts in the very gentlemanly manner of screaming at the top of his lungs, but Discord's lips clamp tightly around Big Mac's own and muffles the noise.
After an intense few seconds, Discord removes himself from Big Mac's personal space and wipes his lips with his paw.
"Ah. I understand now."
"I-I... I-I didn't... think..." The thoroughly violated feeling stallion begins to whimpers lowly to himself.
"Oh don't flatter yourself," Discord is quick to respond with a grin. "... my poison joke afflicted stallion. I'm already taken... I just needed a taste to see what kind of 'joke' that normally delightful flower of mine was playing on you this day. Seems the answer is 'a rather nasty one', I'm afraid."
Big Mac's eyes widen.
"Y-your flower?" he asks, something vaguely sounding like hope appearing in his words. "Can... c-can you cure me?"
Discord shakes his head.
"Sorry; one of the plants used in the known cure is called Discord's bane... it doesn't do anything, but I feel morally obligated not to associate myself with the stuff."
"O-oh..."
With his paw, Discord raises up the stallion's chin. At first Big Mac winces, but after opening up one of his eyes he clearly sees that the draconequus is only smiling at him.
"I do know who can cure you though. Let's head that way now, shall we?"
Big Mac blinks.
"Y-you'll help me?"
Discord simply smiles a little bigger as he flutters backwards, landing firmly on an electric scooter that had materialized behind him. He slips on his helmet and riding goggles as he jesters for the stallion to sit behind him on the rumbling pink thing.
"But of course," the spirit says with a chuckle. "I do still owe your sister and all of her friends an act of kindness after they showed me one after I betrayed them for, bleh, Tirek... Now, come along. I don't trust my magic to take us all the way there, so I'm afraid we're going to have to go the old fashion way.
"... Or maybe the new fashion way. I forget which era I pulled this thing out of..."
"B-but," the stallion stuttered. "I... I need to talk to somepony! I-it burns my mind when I don't..."
"Oh I'm quite aware," Discord replies passingly, waving a claw. "I may have been a tiny bit tipsy off of the chocolate milk when I designed the plant, but I'm still quite versed in its many curses. Have no fear..."
With the wave of his claw, two giant ear plugs appear in Discord's ears.
"I'm always well prepared!" he finishes by shouting loudly.
"But I'm gonna run out of things to say."
"WHAT?"
"I said that I'm going to run out of things to say!"
"WHA-, one sec." Discord removes the ear plugs. "Now then... WHAT?"
"I-I don't think I have much else to say to you," Big Mac replies weakly. "There's only so many times I can tell a guy with little to no redeeming values that I think that he's a snake before I run out of ideas."
Discord pauses... then chuckles.
"Oh don't worry. I've got that covered too. It's partially why we're not going to Zecora's!
"... That and I don't want you talking to her.
"Like... at all."
____________
"Stupid freaking death castle with your stupid freaking leaching properties with your stupid freaking lack of a kitchen and your stupid... colors.
"... And stupid freaking Tirek for blowing up our stupid freaking house with all our stupid freaking stuff like my stupid freaking comic collection which I stupid freakingly saved up for for stupid freaking years... UGH!!"
Spike was not a happy dragon.
By no stretch of the imagination was he a happy dragon.
Like Twilight, he had been hard at work all week long. Spike had expected such a thing would happen once the dust had settled on their last big adventure, and especially after they found their new home...
Spike just didn't expect that their new home would be such a freaking pain in the spiked butt.
"Stupid stupid stupid," the young drake complained as he pulled his wagon full of scrolls through the entrance hallway. The scrolls were all various notes and testimonials Spike had gathered throughout the day as he made his way around town, trying to discover any other odd things happening thanks to the Friendship Castle's weird death causing properties.
Having completed his long task, Spike would have loved nothing more then to simply relax as he patiently waited for Twilight's return. He had expected her to be here when he came back, of course, but the princess's disappearance didn't hamper Spike in the slightest.
No... he was already well hampered enough for other very good reasons.
"Can't stupid freaking sleep because outside noises keep stupid freakingly echoing in here... Can't stupid freaking concentrate on anything because all the stupid freaking walls look stupid freaking delicious... Twilight won't let me have a stupid freaking taste... UGH!!
"... Any freaking thing else you want to throw at me today, Equestria?! Huh?! Any, freaking, thing, else?!"
Honk honk!!
Spike blinks as he turns towards the closed castle doors.
"... Wha-"
And then Discord smashed the outwards opening doors inwards with his scooter, sending splinters everywhere.
One of said splinters lightly touches Spike's scroll stack, causing the entire pile to explode outwards and scatter itself across the hall.
Spike only twitches an eye.
"Yeah... s-should have figured... heh."
Discord tilts his vehicle sideways, sliding to a stop on two wheels right before the stairs. While he remains on, Big Mac groggily slides off and collapses on the floor. He huffs loudly in between calling Discord names which the dragonequus promptly ignores.
"Hello there my good Spike," Discord greets in good cheer as he flutters off the scooter towards him. He pulls out his ear plugs. "Is sparkle butt here today?"
Spike, after settling on what level of angry he wished for his voice to convey, opens his lips to speak but is quickly cut off by a talon.
"No need to answer that," the spirit interrupts. "I saw her Sparkle Boom a few hours ago; I already know that she's not here."
The dragon huffs.
"Then why did you ask?" Spike asks grumpily.
Discord grins.
"No particular reason. Now, Spike... hold on a moment. Big Macintosh!"
Big Macintosh rises to his hooves. He shakes his head before craning his neck over and looking at Spike. The two of them stare at each other for a moment before a loud popping noise distracts them. They look over to Discord's discarded scooter, which has now transformed into a giant mirror.
Mac, being the closest to it, is the first to notice that the mirror isn't normal.
A normal mirror would show a red, tired, depressed looking stallion.
This one showed a yellow, happy, carefree stallion instead.
"B-breburn?" Big Mac asks confusedly.
Spike can only stare blankly. He looks over to Discord...
... who now has his 'alicorn princess' costume on.
"Spike?" Discord asks in a disturbingly accurate rendition of Twilight's voice. "Take a letter."