Ryan looked around at her surroundings for the first real time. She groaned. Everything looked the same. Just forest here and there.
“If not for the lack of fire,” she said sarcastically.
At the silence afterwards, she started her walking again until something else interrupted her.
“Rhyan?” a voiced called from behind the woman. It wasn’t an inquisitive one as when you’re being searched for. She was being directly addressed.
Ryan tensed up but forced it back. It was obvious what was behind her but “out of sight, out of mind.” A human-like voice was normal enough. She sighed. Of course they followed her. Why wouldn’t they? “Go away,” she yelled back without turning around, though lacking any real power in her voice.
“I can’t do that. Under princess’s orders,” the voice called back, apparently trying to make light with a bit of humor.
“Princess?”
“Princess Twilight.”
She’s a princess? Sure, why not?
“Tell her when someone leaves angrily into the forest it means they want to be left alone.” Ryan couldn’t see whoever’s facial expression but she could feel the frown bearing into the back of the head.
“Can’t do that. I’m searching the forest for you. The other two are too.”
“Well, sheriff, I’m sorry your time was wasted because I’m not coming back,” she replied with blatant sarcasm.
“Hey, we’re out here searching for you in a monster-infested forest. We’re doing this because we don’t want to see you hurt.”
“I can handle myself.”
“Just like with the wyvern?”
Ryan clenched her fist. “I won’t make that mistake again.”
“Sure. And what about the rest of the monsters in here? I’ve heard of chickens that can turn you to stone.” Ryan stood silent. “Can you at least look at me if we’re going to talk?” the voice said, impatience coming in.
No. “No,” she said.
“Then I’m coming around you myself.”
Ryan heard the beat of hooves draw closer, prompting. “Don’t…!” she reacted. They stopped. “Just don’t,” she said with a weaker voice similar to the one earlier.
“What’s wrong? I heard you didn’t like us but is it really that bad you can’t even look at us?” she asked annoyed.
“Yes. Just ask some white one from earlier.”
“That was me.”
“...then you should’ve already known the answer to your question. I’m leaving now.” She started taking a few steps forward.
“Wait!” the voice called. Ryan ignored her. “Do you even know where you’re going?!” No response. The voice took on a tone of desperation mixed with annoyance, “I saved your life!”
Ryan stopped.
“What?” she asked.
“I saved your life,” the voice repeated, “When you were attacked and passed out, who do you think took you to Fluttershy’s? Me. So the least you can do is talk to me.”
“…”
“If you don’t want to go back, then just tell me what’s wrong,” she said a little bit softer but not sympathetically.
“…everything,” Ryan responded after a moment.
“Huh?”
“Everything is all wrong,” she said defeated, her strength sapped, “I have no idea where I am, possibly another planet as if that was possible, and it has magic, mythological creatures, and is dominated by the one thing I’m completely terrified of.” The ownerless voice was about to speak up but Ryan wasn’t done. “And now I just completely screwed up.”
“What do you mean?”
“Fluttershy. I snapped at her. Completely broke in half. I don’t know if it was everything finally getting to me when I found out who she was or what but I was angry. She was the only one here who honestly cared for me and I yelled at her and pushed her away. She was my only chance of getting any help and answers and now I screwed up.” She leaned against a tree trunk, arms folded and still facing away from the other. “I don’t know where I’m going. I just want to go home. Back to my routines, my life, my brother.” She let out a shuddering sigh. “Look at me now. Lost, near-crying from stress, and asking for sympathy I don’t deserve.”
“You don’t have to worry about that last one. Call me heartless but I don’t feel much from sob stories,” the voice said bluntly, “But I know when someone needs help. Just talk to me.”
Ryan hung her head at that. That was cold. But she knew she deserved it so she forced herself to take it. “I don’t know what to say…”
“Start from the beginning. Why are you afraid of us?”
“…it started when I was young…” she began. She told her tragic tale to the other in full, leaving no detail out from the difference in intelligence to how it had affected her ever since. By the time she was finished, she was sitting against the tree, arms wrapped around her legs.
Neither of them spoke for a bit until the voice broke the streak. Her voice came from the other side of the tree, seemingly having coming closer during the story. “That’s why you got angry at Fluttershy and Twilight? Looking for something to blame?”
“Yeah,” she said quietly.
“You know you should apologize.”
“I know.”
“Instead of running away.”
“...”
“We can help you, you know. You just need to let us.”
“Kind of hard when I can’t be near any of you without having a panic attack.”
“You’re talking to me right now.”
Ryan let out a dry chuckle. “I can feel my heartbeat against my chest right now. I honestly feeling like bolting but I’m trying to ignore it. The only reason we’re still talking is because I can’t see you. I can just pretend you’re not a horse.”
“Pony.”
“Whichever.”
“…I’m going to come over.”
“What?” Ryan said, her voice rising, “Didn’t you just hear what I said?”
“Let’s face it. You need to get over this fear if you want help.”
“But I-”
“We’ll go slowly, alright? I won’t just jump in front of you.”
“No! You think I haven’t tried to get over this before? I can’t.”
“Have you ever had a talking one that wants to help you?”
“That’s…”
“Didn’t think so.”
Ryan just sat there, a familiar sense of dread starting to flow. Knowing what could be coming didn’t make it better. In fact, it might just be making it worse. However, she knew the horse was right. On every point, not just that one. Sometimes progress took a bit of courage. No, that’s wrong. It always did.
“Listen,” the voice commanded, “If I’ll allow one bit of sympathy, it’s that you creep me out me.” Ryan raised her head. “You’re a giant thing on two legs with grotesque tentacle hooves. Waving a bloody fork at me didn’t help. I actually thought you were planning to eat me for a moment,” she gave a small laugh, but returned to her serious tone, “If I’m here dealing with you then you can deal with me.”
“My fear is much worse.”
“Then more reason to work on it.”
Ryan was silent for a moment. “I don’t want to,” she said honestly.
“I know. I’ll be slow and tell you what I’m doing, alright?”
“…okay,” she agreed hesitantly, even if every other part of her was screaming no.
At the sound of something moving, Ryan tensed up again but she fought it, even if it resisted just as strong. Every single day of being here had taken its toll on her, she knew, and had finally accumulated into not one but two breakdowns, once by Fluttershy and once at Fluttershy, and a third one was surely on the way because of the lack of Fluttershy. But what already happened had happened and the future was hers. She could make amends and then find a way home. But this all required one obstacle to overcome. For once in her life, however, she felt a strength come to her at the thought. Sure it was dotted with her usual assortment of detractors but she had a real purpose rather than a stubborn belief in need of cleansing. Everything she wanted counted on success. She made a declaration to herself. She would win.
And she meant it.
But first… “Hey?” she asked to the nameless voice.
“Yeah?”
“Who are you?”
“Vinyl Scratch,” she answered.
“You already know it but my name’s Ryan. Ryan Wolfe… And I just want to say thanks.”
“Nice to meet you Ryan,” Vinyl said, “Now, you ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Ryan replied, forcing a smile with it.
“Okay, I’m going to come slowly around the trunk from your right but not completely. Just enough to stay out of your sight. Got that?”
“Yeah.”
Vinyl, already standing, started slow progress around the divider and making heavy, audible thumps as her hooves hit the ground. It only took a moment before she could see Ryan sitting stiffly against the wood, head held straight forward.
“You there?” Ryan asked, her voice a note too high. At the confirmation, she asked, “What now?”
Vinyl resisted the urge to um. She actually hadn’t thought too far ahead in how to actually go about doing this. Slow and carefully, right? “I’m going to go to your side about a leg’s length away. I want you to just look at my hooves. Ignore the rest of me.”
Ryan nodded slowly. Then, teeth gritted, she forced her head to the side with a sickly, cautious motion but her eyes lidded. With seemingly great effort at the little motion, she forced her eyes open and focused them on the ground below her but with a pair of white limbs in the top of her field of view. She took in a deep breath and proceeded to exhale it in a series of short, less-than-controlled bursts.
“You’ve got it,” Vinyl encouraged, watching her tone much more than earlier, “How you holding up?”
Ryan drew in another breath and managed, “Better than normal but that’s not saying much.”
The horse said, “I’m going to hold out my hoof. Can you make contact?”
“Yes? Maybe.”
Vinyl lifted up her left hoof, pacing it until it was outstretched towards the human. To Ryan, it was all too close to when a certain butter-colored pegasus did it but that only reminded her of who she turned out to be. And how wrong Ryan was.
Noticing she’d automatically leaned away, she righted herself. Lifting her right arm, she lazily held up her hand, fingers hanging loosely, and moved it towards the hoof as a sinking feeling fell through her, starting with the trembling hand she tried to control. Moving it closer… and closer… and closer… and clo- oh wait, she’d already made contact.
Ryan’s eyes widened more than they already were at the advance. It didn’t feel weird in a physical aspect. Just soft by the hairs that covered it. No, it felt weird due to the simple fact that she was actually touching the thing she feared. But nothing more happened. Should she have expected more? With a bit of courage that surprised herself, she took the initiative to open her hand, grasping onto the hoof as if it were a handshake.
“No offense,” said Vinyl with a tilt of her head, “But that is weird.”
Ryan almost smiled.
Instead, her eyes, already trying to reach up to look at what she held them back from, took advantage of the moment to trace up to Vinyl’s movement. Ryan saw what was in front of her fully and not just out of peripheral. Her gaze locked onto the face that was peering at her thoughtfully. She lasted all of two seconds before the realization hit her. With a brief, air-taking gasp she back pedaled away from the horse, not making much distance and leaning far away more than anything else.
Vinyl frowned as she got the message. She went back behind the tree and out of Ryan’s sight. “Didn’t think it would be that easy,” she said.
“Uh-huh,” Ryan said weakly.
“Well I’d say you’ve made progress. I think we just need to go about this slowly.”
“Uh-huh… So what now?”
“We should go back to the others. By now they probably think I got myself lost.”
“…okay,” Ryan agreed, not looking forward to an inevitable confrontation.
“You want to lead? I’ll tell you which way to go.”
“That would be best.” Ryan got up a bit shakily, still feeling the effects from hitting the stone wall of realization. “Wait,” she started, “Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.”
“Why are you doing this? Like, you’re going out of your way to help me and we barely know each other. No offense, but you don’t seem like a Fluttershy-type person.”
Silence.
“I…” Vinyl started awkwardly, “I just… Ugh, I feel guilty, alright?”
“What? Why?”
“Remember when I said I brought you in after your fight? Well I saw the whole thing.”
“Why should that make you feel guilty?”
“That’s just part of it. I saw the wyvern coming towards you after you yelled. I could have warned you. But instead I froze up. I don’t know why but I just stood by and watched as it sprang at you. It’s my fault you got all messed up. And now I guess I’m just trying to make up for it.”
“…It’s alright. Don’t blame yourself.”
“But it is my fault,” Vinyl snorted.
“No it’s not. And even if it were, I forgive you. We all make mistakes… I know.”
“Thanks,” she said then added, “Heh, look at me now. I’m supposed to be some carefree DJ but here I am taking turns playing therapist.”
“Hey, don’t worry. Call me heartless, but I’m not feeling very sympathetic,” Ryan jested. She couldn’t resist saying that line.
“Ha!” she replied, “Now care to get a move on, Wolfe?”
“Mmhm.”
“We agreed to meet back here in an hour if we can’t find anything. I think I’m late but I did find you,” Vinyl said from behind Ryan as they neared the familiar cottage.
Ryan nodded as she made the mistake of looking behind her to Vinyl for the third time. She whipped her head forward just as fast before any bad feelings could surface. It’s weird, she thought, I can talk to her pretty okay by now but I can’t bear the sight of her. Is my fear really that irrational?
Her thoughts were cut off as she reached the simple door. Now what? The horse answered for her.
“I’ll go in first. Just wait out here for a moment.”
“Okay,” she agreed, somewhat relieved at not having to just waltz in.
“Just admire the nature or something. Celestia knows I’ve had my fair share of that today,” she said before Ryan stepped aside to let her to the door, where she then quietly opened it, peered in, then entered with a shut of the door.
Celestia? Ryan thought. By the way she said it, it sounded like that was a god or someone they revered. Whichever, she dismissed, probably not important right now.
Ryan waited for however many minutes until the door opened again, the familiar voice of Vinyl calling her in. She steadied herself then entered, leaving the soon-to-dusk sunlight behind her in the outside.
Nothing was different about the cottage, obviously, but that didn’t quell the growing anxiousness she felt. It only took a moment to spot Vinyl who, somewhat comically, was covered in a blanket on the couch, trying her best to not look horse-shaped. You had to make do when there’s a lack of trees to hide behind. That wasn’t who she was looking for, though. At the dining table sat the two of them, Fluttershy and Twilight, peering back at her blankly, both of which were humans, though the latter fidgeted uncomfortably as she sat.
They kept up their staring contest in awkward silence until neither side spoke up. “She’s in the room, right?” Vinyl said from beneath her blanket.
“Yeah,” everyone except a more-shy one said, as she just said, “Yes,” a second too late.
“Okay, just checking.”
As they fell on the path to awkward silence again, Ryan finally decided to be the one to start. “So…”
Not much of a start, but a start nonetheless.
“Ugh, fine, I’ll begin,” Twilight said, “Vinyl told us about what happened in the woods. We just want to say sorry-”
“No.”
“Excuse me?” Twilight said, a hint of suppressed irritation creeping in.
“No. Don’t you dare apologize for what you did,” Ryan declared.
Twilight made an offended sound then started, “Why, I-”
Ryan cut her off, “Because if anyone should be apologizing, it’s me.” The two looked up in surprise, Twilight making a quick glance at Vinyl. “I screwed up. I let everything here get to me and I completely snapped. But that’s not an excuse for what I did. I should’ve just listened to you instead of being a complete idiot. I’m sorry I yelled at you, Twilight, and insulted you. I was completely out of line.
“But that’s not all,” she continued, a tone of remorse filling in, “Fluttershy?” She turned to her, who looked a bit uncomfortable at being put on the spot. “I’m sorry. For everything. I’ve been rude and ungrateful to you when all you’ve done is show kindness. I understand what happened wasn’t your fault and was just a misunderstanding. So, I’m sorry,” she finished weakly, not really sure of herself.
The two looked at her for a moment before a mutual, small smile fell across them both. “I think I can forgive you as long as you’ve learned your lesson,” Twilight said, “You, Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy nodded eagerly, “I forgive you.”
Ryan looked at the two in surprise. “Just like that? We’re alright? I mean, that was a horrible apology…” she trailed off at the look she was getting.
“How you apologize doesn’t matter as long as you mean what you say,” Fluttershy said, “I think we can use a fresh start. That’s how friendship works.”
Ryan looked between them. Then she couldn’t help but burst into a wide smile. Then it turned into a laugh. It wasn’t a cynical laugh. It was a joyous laugh that spoke for her. She remembered her own thoughts earlier. Hold a grudge? No, the only grudge she would ever be able to hold was against herself.
“Thanks,” she said, her gracious tone telling more than she ever could with words.
Twilight nodded. “Now then,” she said, “Why don’t we get to know each other?”