Theme:
First things first, write a resume:
Name: Baker Sylvester Tennant
Species: Chan Unicorn (You can't exactly say you're a changeling and since you have a horn, can do magic, and can't fly anyway, you're a "Unicorn" by default)
Residence: Appleloosa (previous), Ponyville
Skils: Video gaming
Knowledge of movies and video games
Patching stuff with duct tape, WD-40, and vise-grips
Sewing
Putting up signs
Can speak very loudly
[DWC can insert more skills that I've forgotten/left out]
Previous Jobs: "Patcher"
Gamer
Sweeper
DeliveryliPONY
Priva
Errands and oddjobs around Appleloosa
Special Needs: Has a condition that requires limbs, back, and lower half of face to be covered and gives pure blue eyes as seen in the accompanying Doctor's Note
You decide that the first thing you should do before you go job hunting is to write a resume. Hopefully if you write a good enough one, the ponies you ask for jobs won't kick you out as soon as you walk in. With that idea in mind, you take out the Doctor's pen and rip some paper out of the notebook. You set the piece of paper down and you begin to write your resume:
Name: Baker Sylvester Tennant (B.S.T for short)
Species: Chan Unicorn
Residence: Appleloosa (previous), Ponyville
Next of Kin: One filly, Nightshade
Skills: Video gaming
Knowledge of movies and video games
Patching stuff with duct tape, WD-40, and vise-grips
Sewing
Putting up signs
Sweeping
Can speak very loudly
Pranking
Limited hoof-to-hoof combat knowledge
Running
Singing Rock
Previous Jobs: "Patcher"
Gamer
Sweeper
DeliverylinPONY
Privat
Errands and oddjobs around Appleloosa
Foal Sitter
Special Needs: Has a condition that requires limbs, back, and lower half of face to be covered and gives pure blue eyes as further explained in the accompanying Doctor's Note
Keep pears away from him, can't stand pears, but will eat bananas or desserts ESPECIALLY Cake.
Vegetarian
You nod your head in satisfaction at your resume before putting it into your overcoat pocket and you climb out of the clubhouse. When you reach the ground you begin your walk to town hall where you hope there's a 'Help Wanted' bulletin board like back in Appleloosa.
Of course, this one will probably have other jobs in it aside from just fixing jobs like back in Appleloosa.
You smile fondly as you remember all the times you had to go to the 'Fix-it' Board in the middle of Appleloosa. You would always find something new to patch everyday... and how it was usually Carrot Top who needed something fixed.
I swear that mare can't go one day without breaking something. It's like she does it on purpose! And I thought I was clumsy...
You laugh at how ridiculous it would be for someling to purposely break something. You continue to go down memory lane as you walk towards town hall...
You head towards town hoping they have some 'Help Wanted' posters.
You see a bulletin board with multiple requests, you see a few interest ones and
take them with you.
However, you feel a sense of dread as you leave town hall
"Its gonna be one of those days isn't it?" you mutter to yourself as you countinue forward.
Nightshade pops up and says
N: Hey Daddy, why don't you get a job fixing stuff like you did back in Appleloosa? (she says while holding your duct tape)
Well if there is one thing you are good at besides causing a mess, it's fixing it. Besides, this town gets wrecked on it's own on an almost daily basis, there's got to be some sort of Fix It group around. Go to the town hall to find out where.
You: Great Idea honey, now get back to your room while we're in public
N: Ahhh, but I'm not tired anymore, I wanna play with my friends (whining)
You: Sigh...not right now honey...
She grumbles and goes back inside as you feel a little guilty.
Night Shade seems to be more and more active since she is popping out of the inventory more often. You should really get her a dress or something to cover up her wings so that the deadly 5 or Luna don't recognize her so she doesn't have to stay in there all the time.
And it does make you happy that the Cutie Mark Crusaders are now her friends. You feel...fatherly pride.
Also, you see a poster showing a sale of costumes for Nightmare Night at a place called Barnyard Bargains. Whoa, Nightmare Night is only in a few days? You smile as you decide to get Nightshade a costume later to make up for making her go back in the satchel.
You: I can't wait to see her all dressed up with her friends.
DFV: Hmph...what does she need friends for when she's got her parents?
You: OK, that's the third time you've claimed motherhood over her, how exactly is that possible? You're a voice in my head, how could we have...you know...?
DFV: You're an idiot...(stops talking)
You: Oh come on...fine be cryptic
Town Hall Receptionist: Umm...excuse me. Are you talking to me?
You: No...(you leave it at that)
She just shrugs and and asks you what you want.
20 MINUTES LATER
As you're walking towards town hall, Nightshade suddenly pops her head out of the Inventory adorably and asks,
"Where are we going Daddy?"
You chuckle at how adorable she looks and say
"Well sweetie, Daddy's going to town hall to get a job. We can't survive on cereal, Granola Bars, and dried fruits forever now can we?"
Nightshade nods her head dumbly and says,
"I guess so Daddy... Hey I know! Why don't you get a job as a job fixing stuff like you did back in Appleloosa?"
You smile at Nightshade as you think,
That's actually not a bad idea. If the Deadly Five live here, then this place must have it's own 24/7 Fix-it crew. Besides, if there's anything I'm good at besides video games, kicking fillyfooler butt, and messing things up, it's fixing things.
You then give a big smile to Nightshade as you say,
"That's a great idea sweetie! Now, do your daddy a favor and go back to your room."
Nightshade puts on her big-eyed pouty face and whines,
"But I'm not tireddddd, and I want to play with my freeeeiiiinnnnndddds!"
You sigh like any parent would when their foal whines, and you say with sympathy,
"I know you do sweetie, but until daddy gets enough time to visit Zecora to get some transformation potions, you're going to have to stay away from the public view until then, so go eat those cherry-changas I promised you, okay?"
Nightshade give a sad sigh before saying in a overly exaggerated tone,
"Finnnnnnn-wait, Cherī - CHANGAS! Subarashī! Okage de papa! Watashi wa anata o aishite!" (CHERRY-CHANGAS! Awesome! Thanks Daddy! I love you!)"
With that she ducked her head back into the Inventory ("0 Cherry-changas" remaining). You sigh in defeat at your daughter's behavior, but can't help but think with fatherly pride,
Even though her new surge of energy is probably gonna get her in trouble, I'm just so proud that she's made friends with the CMC. I know! I'll buy her some clothes for when I sign her up for school! Even though she'll be around *growl* colts... Cherilee was right, Nightshade needs social interaction. I'll sign her up for school after I get a job. Besides, it's Sunday so the schoolhouse is closed today anyway.
With that thought in mind you start to get closer to the town hall, and you notice two posters. One talks about how a sale of costumes for Nightmare Night at a place called "Barnyard Bargains". You look at the poster in surprise as you think,
Whoa! It's gonna be Nightmare Night soon!
Changelings typically love Nightmare Night as it's one of the few times they can openly be changelings without being squished on site. You start to smile as you think,
I know what I need to do. I'll take Nightshade shopping to this "Barnyard Bargains" place and get costumes!
You nod your head at the idea before proceeding to look at the second poster, and well... it looks weird.
"What the hay?"
The only thing the poster says is in big bold letters. It says...
THE NIGHTMARE COMES
Your blink your eyes to see if you're actually reading the poster right, but when you open them the poster is gone!
What in the.. .Where'd that poster go?! What could 'The Nightmare Comes' even mean? Hmmmm, I should tell the Doctor about this later...
With that thought in mind you go back to walking towards the town hall. As you enter the town hall you start talking out loud as you remember the costume sale,
"I can't wait to see her all dressed up with her friends."
Suddenly you hear a dark whisper in your head say,
Hmph... what does she need friends for when she's got her parents?
Your eye twitches in annoyance at the unwelcome voice as you say out loud,
"OK, that's the third time you've claimed motherhood over her, how exactly is that possible? You're a voice in my head, how could we have... you know...?"
You blush red as you mumble off awkwardly. You hear the DFV scoff and say in a sad/superior tone,
You're an idiot...
You wait for her to continue, but when she doesn't you sigh in annoyance and say,
"Oh come on... Fine! Be cryptic! You're even more cryptic than Clockwork from Finny Phantom, you know that?"
You then realize that you've been facing the receptionist the whole time you were arguing with the DFV, so she's now giving you a strange look before asking in a slightly reluctant tone,
"Umm... excuse me. Are you talking to me?"
You chuckle nervously before giving her a blank look and saying
"No..."
And with that you walk awkwardly away from her desk and over to the 'Help Wanted' bulletin board. The receptionist just shrugs her shoulders before going back to her magazine. You sigh in relief that she didn't ask any question and you look over the bulletin board.
"Hmmmm...nope... nope... yes... yes... nope... yes... nope... etc."
You grab all the jobs that interested you, sadly this town doesn't have a Fixing crew, so there goes that idea. So you grab the other jobs, but as you're walking out of town hall, you suddenly get a sense of dread as you feel a chill slither up your spine. You shake it off, but you can't help but say,
"It's gonna be one of those days, isn't it?"
As if on que, the sky suddenly darkens and it begins to pour. You sigh in annoyance as you say.
"It's gonna be a long day..."
And with that, your day begins...
SEVERAL FIRINGS LATER
Why must my life suck so much?
You ask yourself this question for the millionth time that day as you walk aimlessly down a dirt road. You're probably wondering why you're so down in the dumps. Well you see, you got fired... from every signal job you took. Literally.
Every.
Signal.
One.
You start to list off the jobs you got fired from as you walk down the dirt road...
Become a lawyer bent on purifying a flawed legal system. Your first case: in defense of the Hooded Offender!
first you try to be waiter, but maybe because Lady Luck you stumble with another waiter and in a domino effect, you send flying almost every dish and you end fired.
Next you try sending mail, after all if that grey pegasus can, you could do it also, but in the first house, one dog that seems very similar to one of your ex-lackey Diamond Dogs, bite you in the ass and eat all your mail and after you explain this to the boss you are fired.
There is a job in a church, but after you put your hoof there you think something is strange like if you suddenly are in the lair of some dungeon boss. And then you see what you think and hope is a copy of Discord statue, one pony with a tunic and a hood come near you and tell you it's the church of their great god Discord, you try to put sense in him, but he kick you out of the church for blasphemy to his god.
After that you think, maybe a lawyer to defend the offender, but that is something you can ask to your fans so you decide to try something else.
The next job is as Firepony, as you try to put off fire, but the hose is very powerfull and you end knocking out the filly fooler that was flying around there casually and they fired you again.
Work as a janitor in a dentist's office, but get fired after scaring off the patients by (badly) singing "The Dentist Song" from Little Shop of Horrors.
"Lets see, I was fired from dentist office janitor for scaring off the patients by singing "The Dentist Song" from My Little Shop of Horrors. Kicked out of the Firepony Brigade because I accidentally knocked the fillyfooler out of the sky when I tried to use the fire hose to water the plants of those Earth Pony mares I almost crushed. In all honesty, that's actually my favorite firing heh heh..."
You snicker as you remember the shocked look on Rainbow Dash's face before being hydro-blasted into a brick wall. You then continue your listing...
"Lets see, I was also fired from a cult that was worshiping Discord. How they haven't been arrested and put into the dungeon yet is beyond me. I was also fired from being a lawyer because apparently screaming 'OBJECTION' in court is not how that works. And I also apparently need something called a 'law degree."
You stop walking to do hoof quotes before continuing walking down the dirt road,
"I got fired from a fancy restaurant called 'Le Fancy Food' after I caused a domino effect by tripping on the other waiters, which in turn caused a waiter to land on a table, which in turn sent all the other tables flying though the air like leaves, which in turn made the building collapsed because a table slammed into a support beam, which in turn caused all the other ones to fall..."
Strangely enough when you got fired, a pony with a short black mane and tail wearing a black t-shirt with the words 'Jerk' on it patted you on the back and said, "Nice! You took that stupid overpriced place out way better than the way I thought of! Well, that's off my revenge list... Mwahahahah!"
"Yeah... that was strange. At least I was able to stuff a slice of Tiramisu into my mouth on the way out."
You shake your head at that pony's weird laugh as you continue to list off your "jobs",
"Also got sacked from the mail service after I accidentally sent my boss's love letter to his crush... who was a married mare... who's husband is close friends with my boss's mother... yeah, now I know why they call it 'going postal'."
You have a new scar to vouch for you.
"And finally..."
You suddenly go into flashback mode as you remember when you got fired from the Ponyville guards...
Try to join the Town militia, but get kicked out of basic training because you kept emulating the destructive/violent methods and attitudes of loose-cannon enforcers from action flicks like Dirty Marery Canterhan or Maretin Riggs
SOME BASIC TRAINING AGO
""Okay recruits! For today's training exercise, Caramel will pose as a stallion who has locked himself in his own house after his marefriend broke up with him and won't come out. Now proper procedure for-"
You ignore the captain's lecture as you charge forward and ram into the door shoulder-first knocking it (and you) down. While on the floor, you proceed to roll on the ground and fire off stun spells like Maretin Riggs from "Lethal Armament" until you reach the stairs. You get up and declare,
"Dead or alive, you're coming with me!"
as you dash up the stairs and down the hall while firing off more stun spells along the way. You finally buck down the door before whirling around and pointing your glowing horn at the "perp" before saying:
The "perp" stammers in fear as he nervously says,
"But- I- I wasn't thinking that! I was thinking why is this guy acting like a-"
"Remember when I said I'd kill you last?" you interrupt.
"WHAT?! Nopony said anything about kill-"
"I LIED!" you scream as you tackle the "perp" through the window and you both land on the stack of hay placed outside. As you get back up you look down at the "perp" and say,
"You're a disease, and I'm the-"*KA-BOOM*
The house explodes behind you! It would later be revealed that during your indiscriminate stun spelling, you ruptured the gas pipe and knocked over some matches, but for now you'e startled and knocked down by the explosion. As you get back up you say,
"Oh Luna, I didn't know there would be explosives! I totally messed up my cue to walk away like a badflank as my overcoat billows in the wind! Can I have a redo?"
You turn to the others to see the other 2 recruits looking at you in shock while the Captain glares at you in pure teeth-clenching rage. You look at her in concern for a few moments before you say,
"Ohhhh... Is this the part where you order me to turn in my badge and then I solve the case on my own and get my badge back?"
BACK TO PRESENT
You shake your head in embarrassment as you say,
"Note to self: Action movies are not an accurate representation of real life... Even if my life is like an action flick at times."
Eat "linner" which, considering your supplies and budget, is one of your boxes of Multigrain Cereal (while thinking about how there's a word for "Brunch", but not for "Linner" or "Lupper: or anything like that) before being found by Applebloom who invites you to the farm.
And with that you finally list finish listing off all the times you got fired today. You notice that it's late afternoon so you sit down in the shade of a nearby tree, look both ways to make sure noling is watching, and proceed to take out a box of multigrain cereal ("4 Boxes of Multigrain Cereal Left") before pulling down your face mask to start eating. As you much on your "meal" you think,
Let's see, I can't be a clown; too much make-up and noling trust clowns anymore since those gritty and scary Batmare movies came out. Can't be a Doctor, don't know how to travel through time or use s sonic screwdriver. Can't be a painter, would gain the attention of those guys back in Prance and that would be bad...
You get a brief flashback to being chased down a street by anarchist mimes covered in splashed paint and wielding baguettes while throwing various cheeses at you.
Hey how come there's a word for brunch and not linner? I mean it makes sense-Focus bug. Love doctor... maybe... nah, too cliche. Maybe a teacher... nah one foal's enough. I'll have a heart attack if I have to take care of more then one kid at a time. Plus it'd be awkward for Nightshade to say "Hi, my daddy is the weird pony wearing Doctor Whooves clothes". You know, I bet there's a linner in Manehatten, those ponies are always making up smart words- dang it bug focus!
With that, you pour what's left of the box into your mouth, get up and continue to walk down the dirt road. After awhile you see your destination on the horizon. You sigh to yourself as you see your last chance of being able to support yourself and your daughter financially... and most likely your death as well, for you see the one place that will lead to a painful death...
Lady Luck bucks you over by giving you a stable job as a farmhoof/patcher... At Sweet Apple Acres
There it is... Sweet Apple Acres. Even though I'd probably die screaming there (or at the very least swinging knowing the hick...), I've bucked apples before, farms typically have things that need patching, and with all those apple trees, if a barrel of apples were to disappear into the stomach of a filly with a huge appetite...well that's fine by me. Besides, seeing as how the CMC's clubhouse is technically on their property, I'm gonna be running into them sooner or later anyway...
You take a deep breath as you say,
"Alright... let's get this over with..."
And with that you walk towards the farm...
Outro:
What do you do?
