"SURPRIIIIISE!" Pinkie Pie melodically shouted, bouncing high in the air with flappy hooves.
"Awwwwwwwww... Pinkie!" Cl-Clank! CRKK! Applejack came to a stop inside the front lobby of Sugarcube Corner, which was decked out with red streamers, apple-shaped balloons, and apple-printed tablecloth. "Y'all really shouldn't have!"
"How could I not!" Pinkie grinned. "After all, you're here, and this is a super special fun occasion!"
"Oh really?" Applejack grinned, eyes bright. "What occasion is that?"
"Why, it's... uhm..." Pinkie's muzzle scrunched. She tapped her nose several times, then gasped: "It's the 'I'm Happy To Have a Friend Who Loves Apples and Harvesting Apples So Much Apple Party Day!'"
"Yeeeehaaa!" Applejack pumped her metal hoof, shattering a chandelier into a punch table below. CRASSH! Sp-Sploosh! "Ain't that a hoot?! That's like Apple Cubed!"
"Heeeheeeheee!" Pinkie Pie giggled, nevertheless sweating a bit. "I-I'm afraid I never took trigonometry!"
"Oh, I never did join the ROTC either. So!" Applejack rubbed her metal hooves together, producing sparks. "How do we celebrate?!"
"With yer friends, of course!"
"Ya brought the girls here?!"
"Nope—but I did wrangle up your next door neighbors!" Pinkie spun and waved across the bright fuchsia interior. "Say 'howdy,' farm folks!"
"Uhhhhhh...." Caramel, Golden Harvest, Daisy, and several other ponies huddled—shivering—behind a thick wall of sandbags and barbed wire, wearing rattling helmets over their little pony heads. "H-howdy, Applejack! It... s-sure is nice to be here for this party!"
"Well, thank y'all kindly!" Wreeeeee! Applejack gestured towards the dessert table. "Want the first bite of cake?!"
"NO! No! Please, Celestia, no!" They squatted behind the barbed wire, hugging each other in utter horror. "W-we're all full over here! But pl-please! H-have as much as you like, Applejack!"
"Well, shoot..." Applejack rubbed her head with a real hoof. "I've heard of wallflowerin' before, but this is just silly."
"Whoops!" Pinkie hissed under her breath. "Bad Pinkie! I forgot to light the candles!"
"Shucks, I can take care of that, darlin'!"
"It's okay, Applejack, lemme just hop to the kitchen and fetch a—"
FWOOOOOOOOOOMB! The loader's flame-thrower unloaded on the large cake, forcing Pinkie to dive for cover. The candles did—in fact—light up, but promptly exploded about three seconds later. When Applejack was done, the icing had been scorched to a charcoal black.
"Hey! Chocolate!" Applejack grinned. "My favorite!"
"Erm... actually it was v-vanilla cream," Pinkie whimpered, fidgeting.
"Oooh!" Th-Thud! Th-Thud! Applejack stomped across the eatery, smashing through two chairs and a bench. "Pin-the-tail-on-the-pony! Reckon yer game?"
"Oh! Absolutely!" Pinkie snatched the fuzzy pink tail, then hesitated. "Uhm..."
"Want me to go first?"
"Stole the words out of my muzzle!" Pinkie grinned brightly, raising the dangling article. "Now, about the blindfold, why don'tcha step down out of that big, stuffy metal suit thingy and I'll just—EEP!" She flinched as Applejack's massive metal claws reached down and... clasped the tail daintily from her grip.
"Heh... dun you fret, Pinkie." Applejack grinned while lowering her eyelids. "Ol' Honest Applejack will just keep her eyes closed."
"Oh... uh..." Pinkie gulped and nodded. "Okay!" A twitching grin. "This can't possibly go wrong!"
"Alrighty..." Whirr-Whirrr! Applejack blindly twisted the controls, pivoting the loader left and right as she licked her lips. "Mmmmmm... trust my mind's eye here... annnnnnnnnnd—" WREEEE! Fwoooooosh! CRUNCHHHHH!
Pinkie flinched as chunks of wood and plaster flew over her figure. When she reopened her eyes, she found herself squinting into pure daylight.
A chunk of Sugarcube Corner's wall lay out in the street. Several gawking ponies stared in, their eyes wide in shock.
"Well?!" Applejack opened her eyes, grinning. "Did I get it?"
Pinkie looked up to see the remaining shreds of the pony poster fluttering to the floor in twenty separate places. "Good enough!" her voice cracked. "Well, th-that sure was a fun fun fun party! Wasn't it?" Her grin twitched and twitched. "Duaaaah! Would you look at the time?! I gotta take Gummy to the vet to get declawed—"
"Ooooh!" Applejack cooed, emerald eyes sparkling. "Lookie there!" Clank! Cl-Clank! "A pinata!"
A random party-goer shrieked and dove out through a nearby window. Shatter!
"Oh... uhm..." Pinkie fidgeted, staring up at the dangling paper mache apple with a pale expression. "You know what? You don't wanna burst that! It's full of... uhm... razor blades and dirty needles! A leftover prank from Last Nightmare Night! Heheheh—I-I don't even know what I was thinking when I—"
"Pffft! The least I can do is put it out of its misery!" Whirrrrrr-Cl-Clank! "Since y'all was kind enough to set up this here shindig for little ol' me!"
"Oh... uhm... I guess that makes sense." Pinkie's eyes crossed. "R-right?"
"I'm gonna smack the dickens outta this thang!"
"Whoah whoah whoah! Sillyjack!" Pinkie held up a tiny wooden bat. "Aren't you forgetting something?"
"What, you wanna take a whack at it first?"
"It's going to be super-duper hard grabbing this pinata bat while you're inside that cramped thingamabobber!" Pinkie grinned, shaking a hoof. "So how about hopping out of it and giving this club a whirl?"
"Heheheh... that's mighty thoughtful of ya, Pinkie, but dun you fret none." Applejack winked. "I got this covered." Crkkkkk-Th-Th-Th-Thak! She extended a thick steel bludgeon from her right forelimb. "Say yer prayers, non-apple!" Wreeeeeeeeee! The entire loaded coiled up, steam vents hissing. "Yeeeeeeeeee-HAAAAA!!!." THWACKKKK!!!
The entire building shook on its foundation. The pinata literally dissolved on impact, along with the stretch of ceiling above it. An enormous hole appeared in the second floor, splattering the room above with the pulverized gunk of over five hundred different candies.
From the chamber above, a pair of figures gasped and squirmed away from the point of impact.
"P-Pinkie?!"
"Pinkie Pie, what in the devil—?!"
"Why..." Wriiiii! Applejack stood up on the machine's hind quarters, lifting her smiling face into the dust-laden room. "Howdy, Mr. Cake! Mrs. Cake!" She blinked, then squinted. "Whatcha y'all doin' in there?!"
"Miss Applejack! Pl-Please! Go away!"
"We're... uh... we're t-testing out a new cupcake mix!"
"Yes! It's... uh... a m-married secret!"
Applejack's face scrunched. "In yer bedroom?"
"Oooh! A new cupcake mix?!" Pinkie hopped up on the apple loader, grinning wide. "I wanna have a taste!"
"NO, PINKIE!"
"J-just go away!"
"Uhm... pr-pretty please, h-honey bun?!"