At the Inn of the Prancing Pony
Chapter 10: Cloud Cuckoo Land It Was Not
Celestia awoke in the shade.
This was a curious thing. It was a standard trope after all, that everypony would always be awakened by Celestia’s sun, whether they wanted it or not.
Celestia looked up longingly in the direction of her sun. She wondered if it missed her.
And then a melon spontaneously impaled itself on Midnight’s horn.
“Oops…”
Midnight opened her eyes and started flailing at about the same time, trying to get the melon off while flushed red with shock and something else.
“Hey, Firebelle! Those your minions?”
The pegasus groggily raised her head. “Who said that?” she asked.
“Up here!”
Firebelle craned her neck upwards. “Who?”
“It’s Cousin Cumulous!”
“Oh hey, long time, no see!”
“So, are they or are they not those minions you always bragged about getting?”
“Oh! Yup!”
“Good! Then breakfast’s on the Cloud.”
A high pitched whine began to make itself heard, as the melon on a red faced and scowling Midnight’s horn began to glow with blue light.
“Uh oh,” warned the as-yet unseen voice from above. “I think that one’s broken.”
Hope raised a hoof to help, until she recognized the building spell and instead found a spot behind a nearby bush.
Firebelle groaned. “Do I have to fix everypony’s problems? Hold on…”
That move of course put her at ground zero when the melon finally detonated.
The sharp crack left everypony’s ears ringing as many chunks of fruit were deliberately fired upwards, the heat leaving Midnight literally steaming. “No!” she exclaimed. “You do not wake a noble unicorn by dropping a melon on her! I will not accept this as the new state of affairs!”
“Naw, this ain’t no New State of Affairs! This here is the New Pegasus State of Lampyra. That unicorny minion of yours ain’t too bright!”
Firebelle meanwhile was just coming around, her face stained pink from the exploded fruit. She was flat on her back, and one wing was outstretched. “Why are the little buggies flying backwards?” she asked herself.
Hope re-emerged from the bush. “Are you alright?” she asked Firebelle, one hoof outstretched to help her up.
“Are you even going to ask about me?” asked Midnight.
Hope glanced over her shoulder. “You look like you’re ready to kill somepony. Which for you is the very picture of health!”
Firebelle stared at Hope’s outstretched hoof with a look of fear. “Cumulous!” she ordered from her prone position. “Send down some shoes and a cloud for these two! And get a proper breakfast together for when we get up there.”
“I swear, if that’s code for ‘arrest my newfound allies’ I will pull your ventricles out through your throat,” Midnight declared.
Firebelle whistled. “Midnight, you’ve officially been promoted.”
At that, the unicorn perked up, trotting closer. “Promoted? That sounds better, what am I being promoted to?”
“Pony in charge of taunting our enemies while Hope and I do all the actual fighting.”
Midnight very briefly looked like she was about to do something violent, but abruptly she took on a neutral expression, and turned away.
“Fine. Breakfast time, right?”
By this time a yellow-green pegasus with a green-yellow mane and tail had descended to the ground from atop a small fluffy cloud. Spread out before him were eight light blue hoofslippers. “Put these on,” he said as he kicked them to the ground. “And don’t lose them! We’d have to pay a wing and a tail to order replacements.”
“Yeah. Sounds great,” Midnight said with a false smile, reaching up to tuck her mane behind her ears, before slipping on all four and carefully but firmly stepping up onto the cloud as best she could. “Any safeguards if these things slip off?”
“Tie them on really tight with twine?” the pegasus asked rhetorically. “Or yell really loud. Yeah, that’s probably your best bet—yell really loud while you’re falling.”
Hope quietly put on her shoes and joined Midnight on the cloud. “Cumulous?” she asked.
“Yup!” the pegasus replied.
Midnight looked the greenish pony up and down. “And how in Equestria did you end up named after a cloud?”
“Uh...well, my ma’s far-sighted, see, and she sort of mistook the blanket for my fur.”
At this, Midnight couldn’t keep herself from laughing, shaking her head and looking back out towards the horizon. “I can’t...really? It wasn’t passed on through the generations, or...just...blanket color?”
“And jus’ what are you implying, Miss?” the pegasus asked darkly. “Are you casting aspersions upon my kinfolk?”
“No, no, of course not. My name is Midnight. A time of night that implies complete darkness. I was neither born at night, nor am I black coated. We all have silly parents,” she says, waving a hoof.
“Oh. Well, that’s alright, I guess.”
Hope looked over at Firebelle, who was still on her back, although her left wing had been pulled back out of sight. “Are you coming up with us?” she asked.
“No,” said Firebelle with a small smile. “I’ll come up after you. My...wings could use the exercise.”
Hope noted that one eyelid seized up when she said “wings”. “Alright,” she said cautiously.
“Now hold on everypony,” Cumulous said, as he launched himself into the air. “I don’t want to come back and catch you.” He flew under the cloud, and began to push it upwards.
Midnight nudged Hope with a hoof. “Tragic backstory written all over that filly’s failure to fly. She’s got a leg up on us, or should I say, a wing.” She snorted.
Celestia looked coldly at her. “I am not in the habit of mocking things that cannot be controlled,” she remarked. And then she turned away, and put her amiable mask back on.
The ponies on the cloud stood silently, as below the sound of belabored wingflaps could be faintly heard far below.
# # #
A few minutes later, the small cloud finally joined the substance of the larger one. Hope and Midnight stepped forward and looked around.
The variety of cloud architecture never failed to impress Celestia. There was a basic form dictated by the limitations of the building material, but aside from that, everything from modest mock temples to circus tent-like structures to grand mansions to rival anything built for a unicorn were on display.
As the pair of ponies were busy examining these features, a panting Firebelle finally hauled herself up onto the cloudtop. She reached back to cover her back with her blanket, when a shadow fell over her.
“Cover yourself at once!” commanded a matronly pegasus, who just then landed between Firebelle and the others, her outspread wings completely blocking her from sight. Like Firebelle, she was a warm pink in color, although her mane only had the blue tone from Firebelle’s mane, and not the red. In size she completely dominated Firebelle, and even towered over the average-sized Cumulous.
“I was doing that, Mother,” the small pegasus whined.
“And who gave you permission to come up here, anyway?” the large pegasus demanded.
There was a pause, for what was almost certainly a dramatic eyeroll. “May I please visit with some guests, Mama?”
“Why of course!” the mother pegasus agreed brightly. “It’s always good to see that you’re making friends, instead of brooding over at Bee Villa and plotting to throw your life away at that beastly Inn!”
Firebelle walked past the other pegasus to join the unicorn and earth pony. “Midnight, Hope, this is my mother Firefly Jr. Mother, these are my minions. They’re going with me to the Inn.”
Firefly’s glare looked hot enough to melt tungsten.
Midnight grinned, bearing the glare without so much as a flinch. She then bowed to the matron. “Midnight Sparkle, Heiress to the Westermarch. A pleasure to meet you, and an honor to visit your esteemed city.”
Firefly was taken aback. “Well! The...the pleasure is all mine, Mademoiselle. Welcome to my humble little…”
“Autocracy?” Firebelle suggested darkly.
She got a swat upside the head for this remark. “City-state!” Firefly finished. To Cumulous she said, “Stage Five. Now.” This caused the green pegasus to fly away like a gnat in a hurricane. “It’s just a minor little project of mine,” she explained warmly, spreading her wide wings to encompass the trio of remaining ponies. “An attempt to see what can be accomplished by concentrated effort. It’s what my distant ancestors the Bees were attempting before Fate intervened.”
“Like the fabled Pegasus cities of old, hmm?” Midnight added, letting herself be guided.
“Yes, but the key is scale! The members of the Heptarchy were far too large for proper centralized control. My goal is to have a personal relationship with all of my citizens, so I may better direct their lives, not only for the good of the Cloud, but also to best help them to realize their potential as individuals.”
“Oh yes,” Firebelle growled, “a place for every wellbodied pony.”
Firefly looked down upon her small daughter. “I’m glad you came to visit,” she said in a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “But why exactly are you here?”
“Oh, well to reunite with the family, of course!” Firebelle replied with equally false cheer. “And perhaps to pick up a few supplies.”
“The family’s not available,” Firefly said quickly. “They don’t need to know—”
“That I’m still alive?” Firebelle replied, sucking all air out of the immediate vicinity.
“I believe that I can provide a solution to this little...conflict, here...” Midnight pondered, while circling the two related pegasi. “See, I was abducted by my Uncle, in a crude power grab, and am on the run. I can promise to see that, shall I ever gain my rightful position, that my people never bother yours. This diplomatic outreach would be reason enough for us to be here, yes? No need to confront old problems, or family feuds. You are resupplying a noble on the run out of good will, and their companions may as well be given due accommodations. How does that sound, my good friend, and fellow noble?” She said all this casually, still walking slowly around them. Then she noticed something that had changed. “What happened to all of the houses?”
Indeed, a party of fast-acting pegasi led by Cumulous had just re-shaped every one of the buildings to match the Classical style popularized by Pegasopolis in pre-Unification era, presumably to conform to Midnight’s prejudices and thereby gain her aid.
But her words had just destroyed all desire to obtain this aid. Firefly turned her head sideways as she processed Midnight’s speech. “So let me see if I have this straight,” she said slowly. “You’re embroiled in a unicorn noble feud, the sort of feud that inevitably leads to the suffering and even slaughter of earth ponies and pegasi such as myself. You are heading to the Inn of the Prancing Pony, a quest that will inevitably lead, not only to your own death, but even more needless suffering and slaughter of anypony who gets in your way. And finally, I am a noble because I say that I am, not because of any dry-as-dust paper bloodline, which in your eyes probably makes me a peasant! And finally, you are consorting, aiding, and abetting my ex-daughter in an activity which I, as a reigning monarch, have expressly forbidden her, which constitutes a clear act of treason according to the laws which I wrote and which are sacrosanct so long as you are standing upon my dominion. Is there any reason why I shouldn’t drop you onto the nearest rock upon your arrogant, addled and pointed head?!”
Hope noticed that Firefly had said “and finally” twice. She thought it the better part of valor not to point this out.
“Cumulous!” Firefly ordered.
The pegasus was instantly before her. “Yes, Mistress?”
“Put all the buildings back.”
“But I just…”
“Now! They don’t deserve the deluxe treatment anymore.”
Meanwhile, Midnight’s jaw was still open as she contemplated the sheer failure of her attempt at political negotiation. Recovering, she looked away, trying to gather her thoughts.
“I’m here to buy supplies,” Firebelle said quietly. “Let me do that, and you’ll never have to see me again.”
The veins in Firefly’s temples were visibly pounding. The blood vessels in her eyes were all shot, and as she slowly turned her gaze from one pony to the next, her neck popped from one position to the next as if operated by a rusting mechanism. Her eyes finally stopped on Hope. “Well,” she asked, snorting scalding hot air at her through her nostrils, “have you got any reason for me not to pronounce sentence upon you all?!”
Celestia thought for a moment if there was anything she could do to defuse the situation. But she couldn’t really come up with anything, and decided instead to do something she’d never do as Princess.
“All this anger isn’t good for you,” she said in a very simple voice. “I think you need a chill pill.”
“DEATH!” Firefly screamed, her mane actually igniting. “DEATH TO EVERYPONY!”
Pegasi scattered in every direction.
“No, Hope is right.” Midnight turned back to face Firefly. “Can’t believe I’m saying it, but the earth pony is more right about this than I am. Now shut it.”
A single cool blue bubble inflated from Midnight’s horn and wrapped around the raging pegasus, solidifying in a perfect sphere that rested gently on the clouds.
“Lightning! Hurricanes! Ten-thousand meter high tsunamis of death! Death! Death!” Firefly raged from within her bubble. And indeed, lightning bolts were racing around inside the shield, trying to break out. They hit the pegasus several times, but as was usual for her breed, bounced harmlessly off of her hide. Eventually, the bubble began to fill with water vapor from her powers running out of control. Once the pegasus was obscured from view, she stopped shouting.
Midnight waited patiently. Other pegasi gathered around her, gaping up at the bubble in awe.
Finally, the vapor began to disburse, being collected together into small disks under Firefly’s slowly tapping hooves. She looked coldly down at the ponies, her breathing rate steadily decreasing.
Most of Firefly’s subjects decided at that point that it might be safer to not be impressed upon their leader’s memory at this moment, and slinked away.
Finally, with a loud snort, her expression went neutral, and Midnight released her.
Firefly turned around, and walked away. “Do...whatever,” she said. “I don’t care.”
By this time the cloud city had been returned to his chaotic glory once more.
“So, what do you need?” asked Firebelle.
“Me?” asked Midnight. “I’m surprised that worked. Anyway, a cart, food...daggers and maybe a sword or something? Oh and an empty barrel.” She pulled the earth pony aside. “Hope, you know...things. She’s got a country here to rule and you probably can convince her that I didn’t just try to wreck it. I really don’t want every cloud to have an assassin behind it,” Midnight turned away and looked down at the land, leaving the other two to handle the rest.
Hope looked over at Firefly for a few seconds. “I think she still needs to cool down a bit.” She then turned to her daughter. “Rope,” she told Firebelle. “Lots of good strong rope. Trust me on this one. And no weapons for me.”
“Alright,” Firebelle said doubtfully. “But don’t blame me if we two have to keep saving you as a result.” She led them to a large cloud structure shaped like half of an enormous pipe planted into the clouds. “Now hold on a second while I get my willow tincture prescription refilled at the chemist’s.”
Midnight sighed and waited, after a few moments she turned to Hope.
“How do you know so much?” she asked with a frustrated tone. “Every other earth pony I’ve ever met has been scared to so much as speak in my presence, yet you’ve not only corrected me regularly, you’ve been right. I followed up on the electro plating thing, and it’s feasible. Not entirely easy, but feasible. Who are you, Hope Springs?”
Celestia, sitting on the cloud, gave Midnight a smile to rival that of the Sphinx. “I’m not fond of the word ‘no’. It just never sounds right on my tongue. Now ‘yes’ on the other hoof...you practically have to smile in order to say ‘yes’. Oh and by the way, you’re sitting in front of the only fully-stocked chemical supply warehouse we are likely to encounter on our entire journey.”
Midnight studied the tan pony, while nodding slowly. “Yes. Alright. Well, I guess that’s all I’m going to get out of you short of bedding you for more information. Thank you, Hope. I’ll be right back.”
She then spent nearly an hour gathering enough chemical and scientific supplies to make most cities jealous. Also enough to deplete the warehouse almost to a critical level.
Celestia meanwhile spent the time brooding. “Seventeen,” she said as Midnight and Firebelle rejoined her.
“What?”
“Never mind. I suppose I should find Firefly now like you said. Are you alright getting the rest of the supplies?”
“Are you only seventeen years old?” Midnight asked instead of answering, a smirk upon her lips. “No way.”
Hope laughed. “I remember seventeen,” she said as she walked away. “And every one of them regretted it.”
# # #
It took three trips with the largest of the detachable clouds to lower all of the purchased supplies to the ground. The final cloud returned to Lampyra with the cloud-walking shoes.
“I don’t want to even think what Mother is going to do with all of the money we just gave her,” Firebelle remarked.
“We didn’t pay your mother,” Midnight pointed out.
“Oh yes we did,” Firebelle replied.
At that moment Firefly flew down to land beside them, Hope resting comfortably upon her back. “Are you sure you won’t consider my offer?” Firefly asked her passenger.
“No, I’m afraid not,” Hope said, gracefully disembarking. “My cause is much more important.”
“I still think you’re doomed,” Firefly said with a resigned tone. “But I’ll definitely keep your words in mind. Seven years!”
Hope smiled enigmatically. “Twenty eight, surely.”
“It’ll be seven, just you wait!” She turned to Midnight. “May the winds watch over you,” she said curtly, then launched herself skyward.
“Nice seeing you, too,” Firebelle said quietly to herself.
“I’m sorry,” said Hope. “I tried my best but…”
“No, it’s alright,” Firebelle said. “She staged my funeral before I left the last time—’so at least you’ll be able to see how much we cared.’ There’s no way you would have swayed her.”
Midnight sighed, and put a foreleg over Firebelle’s back. “Listen...my family might not be evil, and I might not be good at dealing with them, but maybe...maybe it’ll get better.” She cringed. “Sorry, I’m crap at the whole ‘encouraging friend’ bit.”
Firebelle smiled warmly. “Midnight, I decided to demote you,” she said gently. “I think we’re better off without a designated taunter.”
“Thanks,” she chuckled, letting go and hitching herself to the cart. “I’ll just be the designated nag.”
The other two ponies laughed good-naturedly, as they headed off towards the western border of Unicornia.
“‘Twenty eight years’?” asked Midnight a few moments later.
“Private conversation,” Hope said curtly.
“I bet it was how long it would take her to conquer the whole of Equestria if she followed all of your advice,” Midnight teased.
Hope looked away and pursed her lips.
“Sorry, sorry, I’ll shut up now,” she sighed, looking back to the front. “Every day I get worse,” she mumbled.
“Liberating,” Firebelle announced. “She surely would have called it ‘liberating’ rather than ‘conquering’.”
“And I just realized that we never got breakfast,” Midnight moped.