//------------------------------// // A // Story: Apple Loader // by shortskirtsandexplosions //------------------------------// "You gettin' enough fresh air back there, Rarity?" Applejack asked, smiling in a bouncy trot. "Oh, most assuredly, Applejack." Rarity reclined inside the wagon that Applejack was drawing down a country road outside Ponyville. The full sun was out, so the unicorn was adorned in thick shades and a broad-rimmed sunhat. To top it off, Spike stood in the very back of the cart, holding an umbrella over Rarity's head with one hand and fanning her with the other. "But you mustn't be concerned with me! You've already done more than enough for my tender, delicate self!" "Awwww hayseeds..." Applejack rolled her eyes with a smirk. "Are y'all gonna go on about that again?" "And why shouldn't I?" Rarity sat up with a pouty expression. "You saved my life, Applejack! How m-many occasions does that make it in the entire time that we've known each other?" "Reckon I don't take no stock in quantifyin' what a friend should do for another friend." "Well, you've certainly outdone yourself this time." Rarity gestured at her lower left leg which was bandaged and propped up on a pillow towards the front of the wagon. "This most recent calamity almost cost me the ability to trot! And yet, thanks to you, darling, I've gotten a new lease on my fashion and modeling career!" "I would especially have hated to see the latter go to waste!" Spike said with a rosy-scaled grin. "Nopony should ever have to limp on the runway, especially a pony as beautiful and gracious and magnificent and—" "Spike, dear, less drooling and more fanning." "Er..." Spike wiped his chin and whiffed the fan faster against Rarity's face. "Y-yes, Rarity." Rarity continued on. "I mean it, Applejack! The way you just galloped into the Carousel Boutique and swept me so heroically from certain peril! Why, if a handsome stallion had done anything remotely like that, I assure you..." She giggled and swooned under Spike's umbrella. "I would assuredly be engaged by now!" "Shucks, Rarity." Applejack smiled bashfully while pulling the wagon over a hill. "I only did what I'm sure all y'all would have done for me in the same situation." "Well, it's certainly not a situation that bears repeating." "Answer me one thang." Applejack turned to squint over her shoulder. "Just what in tarnation caused all of yer furniture and sewing kits to come to life and attack you in the first place?!" "Unngh..." Rarity tossed her head back. "Trust me. You do not want to know—" "Isn't it obvious?!" Spike smirked. "Sweetie Belle was practicing an Intermediate 'Bring to Life' Spell that she learned from Twilight's library, and it backfired!" Rarity glared at him. "Erm..." Spike gulped. "At least... th-that's what a little parasprite told me." "Hah! No kiddin'?!" Applejack snickered. "And here I thought it was just another one of ol' Discord's dag-gum pranks!" "Ahem. Truthfully, it was the result of my sister's ill-wise exercise," Rarity said, nose upturned. "But you needn't worry! Sweetie Belle has been appropriately chastised for her actions. I'll have you know that I've grounded that precocious little filly indefinitely. What's more, she's forbidden from practicing magic for a month!" "Awwwww... don't be too hard on her, Rarity!" Applejack smiled, trotting. "You should be proud that the lil' rascal's got that much juice in her magical noggin'! Why, each day Apple Bloom gets better and better at her alchemy shtick, and I couldn't be prouder!" "Applejack, the day that your darling little sibling accidentally makes a potion that transforms farm equipment into sentient assassins, I can only hope you are as forgiving!" "Well, I'm just glad you weren't too terribly hurt." Applejack snickered. "Gotta say—you haven't lived until you've drop-kicked a gallopin' sewing machine into submission!" Spike chuckled. Rarity rolled her eyes under her shades. "Well, I'm glad you found some enjoyment in the whole mess. It makes what comes next all the more gratifying." "Just what in the hay did ya ask me to drag y'all out here for anyways?" Applejack asked, squinting into the sunlight. "Not that I'm complainin'! I enjoy some fancy time out with my friends anyday, but gettin' this much sunlight just ain't like you, Rarity." "Just trot a few more steps, Applejack!" Rarity clasped her forelimbs together, fighting back a delightful squeal. "Take us around the bend until you see it!" "Until I see what?" Applejack's green eyes twitched, and she came to a skidding stop, along with the rattling wagon behind her. "Whoah nelly! Uhhhhhhh..." She tilted her head to the side with a curious expression. Before them, parked on the edge of a green field, was a big bulky object shrouded with an olive green canvas tarp. A huge white tag dangled off the corner of it, labeled with the name "Applejack" in ridiculously elegant font. "Rarity, sugarcube? What's all this?" "A very good question indeed." Rarity cleared her throat and smiled back at Spike. "Ohhhhhhhh Spikey Wikey? If you would be so kind." "With pleasure!" Spike jumped down. "Do leave the umbrella, dear." Rarity magically levitated the parasol above herself as she gestured at the dragon from where she reclined. "Now go on. Mmmm—Just like we rehearsed." "'Rehearsed?'" Applejack frowned. "Now, Rarity, you know I dun take kindly to surprises." "Well, you are certainly going to take a liking to this one!" Rarity squirmed with anticipation. "As a matter of fact, I have full faith that it shall transform your entire life for the better!" "Hrmmmm..." Applejack squirmed as she detached herself from the wagon. "I wouldn't bet on that..." She sighed lengthily, bearing a tired smile. "But I can tell yer chompin' at the bit to unveil this thang—whatever it is. So let's get the whole thang over with!" "Oh please, darling! A certain ceremony is in order! Ahem..." Rarity smiled delicately at the dragon beside the canvas tarp. "Spiiiiike?" "Applejack of Sweet Apple Acres!" The whelp bowed low, scales glinting in the sunlight. He paused, fumbled with his wrists, and produced a note-card that he proceeded to read from: "'For your courage in the face of certain magical danger, for your selfless loyalty to your fellow friends, for your constant and unwavering intestinal fornication—'" "That's fortitude, Spike!" Rarity hissed. "Well, don't blame me!" the dragon hatchling hissed back. "I can't tell if I'm reading a speech or a bunch of elegantly drawn seagulls!" He instantly winced. "But... th-they're very pretty seagulls!" Applejack chuckled. "Yes, well..." Rarity shaded her face, blushing. "Do carry on, spike." He finished the rest of the note: "'And for your religious thrashing of a rampaging herd of animated sewing equipment, I, Rarity of Carousel Boutique, do graciously and gladly give this to you: a token of my appreciation, a well-earned trophy for Ponyville's most humble and altruistic hard worker!'" "Heheheh..." Applejack turned, smirking. "Y'know, Rarity, a cup of coffee woulda worked just fine and dandy!" "Oh hush—Spike?!" "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand—" Spike yanked the green shroud with one claw, exposing a tall mess of golden metal bars and silver hydraulic motors that glinted in the sunlight. "Voila!" The resulting blink of Applejack's eyelids could be heard across a twenty meter radius. "Uhhhhh... erm..." "Eeeeee!" Rarity clapped her hooves, grinning from ear to ear. "Do you like it? Hmmm? Do you?!" "I... uh..." Applejack took her hat off and rubbed her scalp. "I'll be darned if I even know what it is." "Wh-what?!" Rarity blinked. "Isn't it obvious?" "Rarity, sugarcube." Applejack smiled politely at her. "This is sweet of you n'all, but I think I've done outgrowned my own jungle gym." "It is no such thing!" Rarity pouted. "It's a... a..." She grumbled in frustration and shouted, "Spike?!" "R-right! Uhhhh..." He crawled under the machine's chassis, staring up between the metal legs. "Says here it's a 'Crystal Powered Servomatic Apple Loader 4000!'" "A crystal poofy what now?" "An apple loader, Applejack!" Rarity said, beaming. "State of the art! Fresh from the factory!" She giggled inwardly. "And it's all yours, darling!" "Uhhhh..." Applejack navigated a perpetual wince as she stared up, up, up at the hulking thing. "I s-see..." "Haven't you always wanted one?" "Reckon I've never heard of one." "Surely, you j-jest!" "What's it supposed to be?" Applejack tapped the thing with one hoof. Cl-Clank! "Somethin' to do with apples? Am I supposed to insert them somewhere?" "No, silly, you're supposed to harvest them with it!" "Harvest apples?!" Applejack guffawed, fanning herself with her hat. "Rarity, darlin', I've got Bucky McGillicutty and Kicks McGee for that!" "Well, this will m-make it a whole lot easier!" "You mean it'll just Flim-n-Flam up what Big Mac and I already do all good and natural-like!" "Honestly, Applejack!" Rarity sat up, winced from her leg, and squinted down at her. "You've wanted this thing for a long time now!" "Have I?" "Haven't you?!" Rarity gestured with a hoof. "Every day that I've visited your farm as of late, I see that large catalogue of yours sitting open to the page with this very same Apple Loader on it!" "What catalogue?" "The Shears Rosebuck Catalogue! You know the one! It's on the table outside on your front porch!" "Heh heh heh heh..." Applejack slapped her hat back on, blushing slightly. "Rarity—I hate to break it to ya, darlin'—but the only reason the family keeps that catalogue outside like that is because it's on the way to the outhouse!" "Huh?" Rarity blinked. Four and a half seconds later—"Oh! Gross gross gross!" She curled her forelimbs to her chest, wincing. "No wonder there were so m-many pages missing!" "But this sure is... uhhh... swell of you to do," Applejack said, trotting around the mechanical yellow beast. "Thinkin' of me n'all—" She froze in place, then glared Rarity's way. "It didn't cost y'all a fortune, did it?" "Don't be ridiculous. And even if it did, such would be a trade secret, darling." "Nnnnngh... Rarityyyyy..." "Oh please, don't ruin the moment! It's my gift to you for being such a dear friend, not to mention saving my life from magical sewing equipment run amok!" Rarity sighed with a calm smile. "Seriously—if you must know, a lady such as myself has her connections in the Canterlot business world. It wasn't quite the money-sink you think it is, so don't despair." "Well..." Applejack breathed easier, staring up at the dormant thing. "Alrighty, then." "Aren't you going to try it out?" "Rarity, sugarcube, I ain't kiddin'!" Applejack sighed. "I have no need for a dag-gum... apple bucking buddy!" "Why, it's far more intricate and useful than that!" Rarity smiled. "Why don't you step inside and give it a whirl?" "Y-you mean I'm supposed to get inside this here doohickey?!" Applejack grimaced. "Well, it most certainly won't get inside you!" "Come on, AJ!" Spike tugged on Applejack's tail and pointed up at the machine. "Rarity poured her heart and soul into this! Would you wanna break her heart?" The dragon grinned. "I know I wouldn't." "Hrmmm... that much is mighty obvious." "Just give it a whirl!" he said. "I promise it won't hurt you!" Applejack sighed and sighed harder. She hung her head with folded ears. "... ... ...okay." "Mmmmm!" Rarity squealed, rocking the wagon. "Fabulous! N-n-now careful stepping into it! Why don't you let Spike give you a hand, darling. Or a claw, as t'were." "I got it," Applejack growled, crawling up into the hollow of the loader's vacious exoskeleton. "Although... uh..." Her drawl echoed off the bars, bars, bars. "Reckon I don't know where my hooves go—" "Into these braces, see?" Spike pointed. "Where the loader's legs are—" "Oh, so those are what those are!" "Yeah! That's the whole idea! Jee, AJ, what'd you expect?" "I dunno. Thought it was... some sort of fancy tripod or what-not—" "And slip your tail behind there—That's it!" "Ooomf!" Applejack winced, ducking her head forward. "Kind of cramped in all this mess—" "Oh!" Spike climbed up on a bar and reached in. "Better let me take your hat." "What in tarnation?! Spike—!" "There!" The dragon hopped down with the article in question. He smirked. "And just slip your last leg in—like that! And hey! Snug as a bug under a rug!" "Yeah, well, this bug feels doggone silly," Applejack grumbled. She fidgeted inside the metal restraints, her body braced to look like a living pony stuck inside the shell of a larger, metal pony. "What now?" "Uhhhh... according to the manual, you hit the actuator button." "The what?" "That red switch right there." "Don't I need magic or somethin'?" "Nope! The crystals do all the mana-channeling for you! That's the beauty of it!" "Uh huh..." "Tell her to turn it on, Spike!" Rarity insisted from the wagon. "R-right!" Spike cleared his throat. "'Turn it on, Spike—'Er... I-I mean—" "I get what you mean. Ahem. Here goes nothin', y'all." Applejack tapped a red switch. Vrmmmmmmmmmmm-Bzzzzt! Tesla coils located at the rear of the vehicle sparked to life. Crystal nodes strobed across the central reinforcement pylon. Whirrrrrrrrrr! With tufts of steam, the hydraulics and servo motors came to life. Cht-Chtung! Chtung! Applejack squirmed—and as a result the hulking metal legs clattered and thudded in the soft soil. Thoom! Th-Thoom! "Land's sakes..." Applejack sweated nervously. "Sure is a noisy little clanker, ain't it?" "Little?" Rarity smirked. "Applejack, darling, this is the largest model they have to offer! The brochure says that it can shake all the fruit off of a single tree in less than twenty seconds! It makes Romantic Era weapons of war look like tin toys!" "Well, I ain't fixin' to be wagin' no police action across my orchards! So maybe this was a bad id—" "Please! Don't put the wagon before... erm... yourself. Ahem." Rarity gestured daintily with her hoof. "Why don't you—as you say—'give it a whirl?' Hmmmm?" She smiled pleasantly, eyelashes fluttering. Applejack gazed down at Rarity from the machine. Gradually, her freckled grimace gave way to a loose sigh as she caved in. "Mmmrrrrrmmmffff... if y'all insist, Rarity. Move aside, Spike." "Heh, way ahead of you... or aside of you..." Whirrrrrrrrrrrr! Cl-Clank! Clank! Clank! Cl-Clunk! Applejack thundered around with the machine, "trotting" in a wide circle, making the soil of the dirt road and the wheels of the nearby wagon shake with each monumental step. Clank! Clunk! Clunk! Clank! "Hmmmm..." Applejack's face scrunched up, her golden bangs flouncing airily with each step. "'Hmmmm?'" Rarity leaned forward from where she sat. "Is that a good 'Hmmmm?' or a bad 'Hmmmm?'" "Reckon I don't know yet..." Applejack's brow furrowed above a serious expression as she stepped and marched in a earth-dragging circle. Clank! Clank! Cl-Clank! "She certainly moves faster than I expected..." "Hey, Rarity!" Spike pointed. "AJ called it 'she!'" "Oh, Marvelous!" Rarity clapped her hooves. "That means she's getting attached already!" "That means a whole heap'o'nothin'!" Applejack frowned. "I'm just... gettin' my bearin's is all!" Whirrrrrrr! Th-Thud! She came to a wobbly stop, then raised a forelimb, causing the left metal arm of the loader to extend outward(VREEEEEK!), rotating between several random tools, hooks, and grapplers. Cl-Cl-Cl-Clakk! "Why's it gotta be so heapin' complicated, anyways?" "Well, surely there was a manual that came with it. Wasn't there, Spike?" "Uhm—" "Awwww shoot, you mean I gotta read a whole encyclopedia in order to use this thang too?!" "Well, it's all part of the experience, darling," Rarity said. She smiled. "I have every confidence that—with this device—you'll be increasing the surplus of your apple harvest by tenfold overnight!" "Yeah, not to mention makin' a royal ruckus overnight! Heavens to Betsy! The way this thang rattles on, I'll be summoning a whole band of neighbors with torches and pitchforks at my front door!" "Now now, Applejack, don't dramatize. That's my job." "This was mighty kind of you, Rarity, but—I really dun think I can make much use out of this—" "You've barely slipped it on!" "The way you say that makes it sound like an evenin' gown!" "How about this?" Rarity smirked. "One week." "Huh?" "Keep it for one week. Try it out. See how you like it." "Rarity..." "One week! That's all I ask!" Rarity's lips curved more. "And if you still don't like it, then we will call it a wrap and I won't think any less of you." "Hrmmmm..." Applejack sighed quietly, then smiled. "Shucks, who am I to rain on yer generosity parade?" "That's more like it!" "But I ain't promisin' anythang!" Applejack pointed, causing a metal leg to thrust forward. "After all, there's no tellin' just what Granny and Big Mac will think of this behemoth takin' up so much selfish space in the barn!" P-POW! Rarity and Spike jumped as Applejack accidentally fired a grappling hook that flew for the full length of one hundred feet before dragging into the earth. "...huh... well ain't that fancy?"