For the sake of silliness, this will be today's theme song-
alright you gotta RUN LIKE THE HOUNDS OF HELL ARE RIGHT BEHIND YOU AND DONT LOOK BACK.
As the mob of crazed ponies get closer and closer to you, you decide to take the calm, rational, cool-headed way of solving this probl-
"BAD DAY BAD DAY BAD DAY BAD DAY BAD DAY!!!!"
...and by that I mean you start to run for your life and scream like a mad stallion. The crazed mob gives chase as they all shout,
"HE HAS THE PRECIOUS DOLL, GET HIM!!"
You pick up the pace as the mob starts chasing after you as you scream at the top of your lungs,
"CURSE YOU LADY LUCK! CURSE YOU TWILIGHT SPARKLE! CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYP- I MEAN DOCTOR! CURSE YOU LUNA! CURSE YOU ALL TO THE ENDS OF THE UNIVERSE! IF I SURVIVE THIS, YOU'RE ALL GOING TO WAKE UP COVERED IN CHICKEN FEATHERS AND SMELLING LIKE DIAMOND DOG DUNG!"
MEANWHILE AT CANTERLOT CASTLE
Princess Luna feels a chill run up her spine, Celestia takes notice of this and asks
"What's wrong sister?"
Luna looks at her sister with a smile at her concern and says,
"Tis nothing dear sister, just a chill."
Celestia nods her head and goes back to eating her dinner. Luna also begins to eat, but a troubling thought enters her mind,
But why do I feel a sense of forbidding dread... I'm locking my door tonight.
MEANWHILE ON THE TARDIS
*shiver*
"Oh, a sense of forbidding dread! I haven't felt that since that time I hid the last heir of an empire from that crazed King's magic."
Derpy responds, "I remember that! That foal was adorable with her little pink wings! Why did we have to leave her in the forest a thousand years later again?"
BACK TO YOU
You've been running for a good 15 minutes now and you're starting to lose stamina as you swear you can feel the crazy mob's breathing down your neck. You've tried everything to throw them off; diving into alleys, teleporting to random places around town, you even hid in a dumpster! But yet they still find you! You run down another alley and are about to get out when you see that it's a dead end!
Oh you have got to be bucking kidding me!
You look around nervously as you hear the crazy mob getting closer. You're about to dive into a dumpster (again) when you hear someling shout,
"THERE HE IS!"
You look at the alley entrance to see the crazy mob coming in (somehow only barely fitting into the tight and narrow space) and getting closer... You're about to cry for your mommy, *ding* when you suddenly get a great idea...
You think about using the staff or FUS RO DAH, but then you remember that you just got this disguise and don't want to blow it so soon so you just RUN!!!
You're about to charge up a Fus Ro Dah to clear out the alley, when you remember that the Hooded Offender is the only one who knows how to use that and since you don't feel like having to blow your new cover on day one, you decide not to abort the attack.
At the very least, I want to last until day eighteen before my cover's blown... if I survive that long that is. Whatever Twilight did to this doll must be super strong if it has the whole town under its spell- Gah! Focus bug, if you don't find a way out of this situation now, you'll be nothing but bug soup! Come on bug, think, think, Think... *ding*Brainblast!
shout, LOOK IT'S THE DOLL! IT TELEPORTED! to distract them.
These ponies are acting like zombies, and not the slow stupid kind of zombies, their running ninja-zombies! But if one thing playing Dead-sun Rising, Resident Weevil 4, and Left 2 Die has taught you, it's how to survive against fast ninja-zombies.
First off, find a gun... oh wait, they don't have those in Equestria (stupid arms agreements), and you really shouldn't kill them anyways, so... Get to higher ground! You use your parkor skills to clammer onto the rooftops, away from the ravenous horde below. Thinking you're safe, you take a breather when you hear "GIMME! It'll look great next to my collection of plastic human dolls!"
You turn around in time to see Lyra flying towards you wielding a hook-shot. She slams into you and the two of you fall through the thatched roof of the building you were standing on.
With a new plan in mind, you quickly and secretly put the cursed doll behind you as you point behind the mob and shout,
"LOOK IT'S THE ALMIGHTY DOLL! IT TELEPORTED USING ITS GODLY MAGIC!"
The crazed mob all turn simultaneously to look behind them. Taking advantage of the distraction, you grab the doll in your mouth before using your awesome Pony Creed-style parkor skills to climb up onto the nearby roof. You can't help but think as you climb up the wall,
These ponies are like zombies now! Well... not the slow ones like in "The Trotting Dead", they're more like those running zombies that always got me the first time around in the many zombie games I've played, but, if my experience from playing "Dead-sun Rising", "Resident Weevil 4", "Left 2 Die", and "Dead Island" has taught me anything, then it's how to survive fast-walking zombies. First I"ll need to find a gun- Wait, guns aren't real... and I probably don't want to kill anyling anyway, cleanup would be a-
Your thoughts are interrupted when you spot some ponies about to look up so you dive behind a chimney.
I seriously need to find either some holy water or a nice big bonfi-
"GIMME THAT DOLL!"
Your thoughts are interrupted when you hear Lyra's shout. You turn around to see Lyra flying towards you wielding a hook-shot before she slams into you, causing the two of you fall through the thatched roof of the building you were standing on. As you fall though the ceiling, a piece of rubble lands in your mouth. Your eyes widen in surprise as you start to chew and think,
Why does this rubble taste like... gingerbread?
You take cover in Sugarcube Corner/some other building. It goes as well as this.
You get up from the rubble to see Lyra knocked out next to you with her hook-shot next to her. You're about to take it when we see it was broken in the fall. Seeing through the window that the mob is still looking for you, you decide to use that to your advantage. You pick up Lyra and her broken hook-shot and shove them into a nearby closet before nailing the doors shut (luckily there was alot of wood, hammer, and nails nearby). After that you board up the windows and you push a shelf in front of the door. After you're work is done, you spot some Cherry-changas on the counter. Remembering your promise to Nightshade, you put 3 into the inventory ("3 Cherry-changas" added to The Inventory) and are about to get the bits to pay when you hear,
"HE'S IN THERE, GET HIM!"
"Stay back! I got a chainsaw! Rang-rumm-rumm-rumm-rumm!"
I REALLY wanted to avoid hurting anypony, but now I have no choice!
"PSYCHO CRUSHER!"
You spin-smash though one of the boarded windows and the few ponies unlucky enough to be behind it as you land on your hooves and make a mad dash for safety (while ignoring the pain-radiating bumps on your head from doing that move), but your suddenly get surrounded by the crazy mob! You look all around you in fear as the ponies get closer. Suddenly, a pegasus mare you don't know with a pink mane walks out of the crowd and says,
"Now mister, this can go one of two ways. One ends with us getting our precious doll, and the other ends with you in a bloody puddle. Your choice..."
You gulp in fear, and you do the stupidest thing you can think of...
With the pack of stark raving mad ponies bearing down on you, Twilight abandons you to your fate...or rather she noticed her friends nearby and stopped the Filly Fooler from looking at the doll.
You decide to do something drastic since you're not in any shape to fight. You pull out your vice grips and put the doll's head in them.
You: Everypony Stay Back, or the Doll Gets it!
Herd: GASP!
Lyra: No!
Bon Bon: Don't hurt that amazing and incredible doll!
You: I'll do it I swear!
Roseluck: You Monster!
Mayor Mare: You will get the chair for this!
Big Mac: Eyup!
You: Why are you the only dude here?
Big Mac: Snarl
You: Anyway, why fight over this poorly made piece of junk?
Twilight: HEY! My Brother Gave Me That!!!
You: When you could have this (Pull out Awesome Luna Plushy that Nightshade was cuddling with and asleep)
Herd: Whoa!!! (All there eyes begin to lose their insane look as they sparkle in awe at the beautifully crafted Luna doll)
Berry: It's so beautiful
Lily: This is the first time I've ever felt true joy
Daisy: Wow, is that in mint condition?
DFV: She's just the cotton image of a weak pathetic wanabe!
You: Whoa, what's up with you?
DFV: Nothing...(Pouting)
Suddenly, everypony in the herd loses consciousness with a peaceful smile on their face including Twilight and her friends
You: Whoa! Didn't expect that...This Doll is Awesome! Thanks Doctor! Wonder why he called it just a plushy though?
DFV: Rule number one, the doctor lies
You: Oh Yeah...Wait! Are you telling me you've been a Doctor Whoove's fan this whole time and you didn't say anything?
DFV: I'm in your head, and I try to like the things you like my friend...I try...
Did she sound a little...saddened? You'll have to find out later
You whip out your vice-grips and put them on the doll's head before screaming
"Everypony stay back or the doll gets it!"
The pink-maned pegasus mare in front of you (and the rest of the insane ponies) recoil in fear as they all gasp. The mare in front of you (who's apparently the leader) shouts, "NO!"
You then hear Bon Bon say,
"Don't hurt that amazing and incredible doll!"
You look around nervously and say with a hint of insanity in your voice,
"I'll do it, I swear!" and tug on the doll's head with the vise-grips to emphasize your point. You hear another mare that sounds like someling you know, the mayor, and... a stallion(?) shout,
"You Monster!"
"You'll get the rope for this!"
"Eyup!"
You look at the big red stallion in confusion and ask,
"Why are you the only guy here? Is half this town mares or something or are you... you know.. a really-?"
*Snarl*
"Anyway, why fight over this poorly made piece of junk...?"
"HEY! My Brother Gave Me That!!!" Twilight protests. You ignore her and continue,
"When you could have this!"
With one hoof still on the vise-grips (which are holding on to the head of the doll), your other hoof pulls out the Luna Plushie (that Nightshade was adorably cuddling with while asleep).
"Whoa!!!" The mob all says simultaneously as the insanity in their eyes is replaced with sparkles as they stare in awe at the beautifully crafted Luna doll.
"It's so beautiful!"
"This is the first time I've ever felt true joy!"
"Wow, is that in mint condition?"
It's merely the cheap image of a weak pathetic wannabe!
Recognizing the dark whisper, you think,
Whoa, what's up with you?
Nothing fool... The DFV pouts in your head.
Suddenly, everypony in the mob loses consciousness with a peaceful smile on their face (including Twilight and her friends).
"Whoa! Didn't expect that...This Doll is Awesome! Thanks Doctor! Wonder why he called it just a plushie though?"
Rule number one, The Doctor lies.
"Oh Yeah... Wait! Are you telling me you've been a Whoovian this whole time and you didn't say anything?"
I'm imprisoned in your head. I try to tolerate the things you like... I try...
Did she sound a little... sad-?
Why don't you have anything useful like "The Start of War" by Mule Tzu or "The Prince" by Marechiavelli in this spaciously vacant skull?
And she's back...
After putting the now dubbed "Knock-out Luna Plushie" into the Inventory, you try to think of a way to get rid of the evil doll when you see...
You still have to destroy the ugly doll that is still radiating tainted love. You need to KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!
Hey look, there's Spike.
After that as you continue to run, you sight a young purple dragon, is then you shout
"Plan Delta ST-456-M"
The dragon look to you confused and then you shout
"Throw your magic fire, it's a emergency!"
The dragon nodded with the head and a burst of green flames came out from his mouth, and you try to throw the magic doll to the flames of Mordor or the most similar thing
........
Meanwhile somewhere else, in Canterlot the doll appeared just in the middle of the throne room, in front of Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and Cadence
"What a strange present from my faithfull student... I don't know why but I like it... I will call you miss CuddleDoll"
Say Celestia, but as she was going to take the doll, Luna take the doll instead with her hooves
"No sister, this doll will be mine!"
Shouted Luna as they begin to fight for that doll. Meanwhile Cadence as the princes of love could detect a strange love power from the doll
"Auntie, this is not a normal doll" Say Cadence worried looking the doll
"Of course, because it will be my doll" Answered Celestia
"No! Sister it will be mine!" Say Luna
"Never" Shouted Celestia as her horn begin to glow
Spike.
Hey, it's that dragon again. And Dragons breathe fire. Dragon... fire... dragon... fire... dragon fire... *ding* That's it!
You run towards Spike (while jumping over a few unconscious ponies) and shout,
"Spike! Execute Plan Delta ST-456-M!"
The dragon look at you confused causing you to roll your eyes before shouting,
"For the love of Luna... Breathe your magic fire, it's an emergency!"
The dragon looks at the knocked ponies behind you in surprise before then turning to you and seeing the serious look on your face. You guess he believes you now because he nods his head and a burst of green flames come out from his mouth. You throw the cursed doll to the flames of Mordor (or the mlp equivalent of that) and it bursts into ashes as it hits the green flames. You smile at that and tell Spike,
"Good job Spike, you just saved this town from Twilight's mind control spell!"
Spike looks confused before saying,
"Why would sending Twilight's doll to princess Celestia stop her 'Want It Need It' spell?"
You chuckle and say,
"Cause Spike- *crack* YOU SENT IT TO PRINCESS SOLAR FLANK!!!"
Spike looks confused at your nickname for Celestia, but shrugs and say,
"Yeah, I send the princess Twilight's friendship reports by my fire, so the doll probably went the same place."
Your eye twitches in fear as you say,
"I think... I just doomed all of Equestria..."
MEANWHILE BACK AT CANTERLOT CASTLE
The doll appeared just in the middle of the throne room, in front of Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Princess Cadence as they were in the middle of a super-important discussion of strategy (Translation: they were playing "Uno"). Celestia says,
"What a strange present from my faithfull student... I don't know why, but I like it... I will call you miss CuddleDoll!"
Just as she's about to pick up the doll, Luna suddenly snatches it in her hooves and shouts,
"No dearest sister, this doll shall be mine!"
Meanwhile Cadence, being the princes of love, could detect a strange love power from the doll and says to Celestia in worry,
"Auntie, this isn't a normal doll!"
"Of course, because it will be my doll!" Answered Celestia
"No sister! It's mine!"
"No mine!"
The almighty goddesses of the day and the night then proceed to pull the doll with their magic in a foalish tug-of-war as they repeatedly shout "Mine!". Cadence rolls her eyes as she begins to charge up a love cancellation spell, but can't help but think,
Why do I get the feeling that Bugze is involved with all this somehow?
BACK TO YOU
You look at all the unconscious ponies and spot the 6 mares waking up. As you're about to decide what to do next...
Celestia appears to clear up the mess which causes you to bolt to the nearest hiding spot while screaming, "SOLAR-FLANK IS ANGRY! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE IN FLAMES!!!"
Unfortunately, said hiding spot happens to be someplace painful and/or messy. You hide for a few moments before see Twilight walking away in resignation.
You're overjoyed at this since she's the leader of the Deadly Five, but either,
-Your conscience gets the better of you when you see how upset Fluttershy is
You look up and see Princess Celestia above with an angry look on her face and glowing with energy. Having not heard the name she declared, you jump to conclusions (and back in surprise) and scream,
"SOLAR-FLANK IS UNDER THE DOLL'S MIND CONTROL!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES BEFORE WE ALL DIE IN FLAMES!"
And with that you jump into a trash can... that happened to have broken Colta-Cola bottles in it, but the coat and pants acted as psuedo-armor and you're too terrified to notice anyway. After a few moments, you risk a peek out of the top to see Celestia say something to the mares before flying off and Twilight says something to her friends before walking off in resignation. You're about to cheer in vindictive joy at this, but when you see the sad look on Fluttershy's face, you can't help but sigh and follow after Twilight to see what's wrong...
For after the the doll has been dealt with: when Celestia confronts Twilight, you observe the conversation through the window.
"I'm a bad student!" wails Twilight "I missed a friendship report, and I'm so so sorry! Please don't send me back to magic kindergarten!"
"Well that's harsh. But you know, if Twilight gets sent back to kindergarten, that means she won't be able to kill me! you think to yourself "This could be a good thing."
"That's not why I'm disappointed in you Twilight. Friendship is many wonderful things, but consistent is not always one of them. I don't expect you to send me a report every single week." Celestia tells her "What I am disappointed about is how you attempted to create a problem, just so you could solve it. Though I doubt you'd do anything like this again." her smile returns.
"No Princess, never again. So... you're not mad?"
"No Twilight, you've learned a valuable lesson from all of this. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to do some... Princess-y things... yes. My precious!" she grips the smarty doll and teleports away.
"Darn it! you curse to yourself "Can't ONE thing go my way for once? you sigh defeatedly "Buck this, I'm going to bed."
You stealthily (for real this time. You actually managed to not stumble or accidentally make loud noises for once) follow Twilight back to the library and run around to put your ear onto the window to hear their conversation...
"But... but... I'm supposed to send you a letter about friendship every week. I missed the deadline. I'm a bad student! I'm... tardy!" Twilight wails. "I completely understand if you put me back in Magic Kindergarten..."
Wow, that's harsh... But if Twilight gets sent back to kindergarten, that means she won't be able to zap me anymore! you think to yourself, This could be a good thing!
"That's not why I'm disappointed in you Twilight. Friendship is many wonderful things, but consistent is not always one of them. You are a wonderful student, Twilight. I don't have to get a letter every week to know that." Celestia tells her
"What I am disappointed about is how you attempted to create a problem, just so you could solve it. Though I doubt you'd do anything like this again." her smile returns.
"No Princess, never again! So... you're not mad?"
"I could never stay mad at my most faithful student."
"Darn it!" You curse to yourself "Can't ONE stinking thing go my way for once?"
You sigh in defeated annoyance before saying,
You then remember that you're at the window when you made your outburst. You look inside to see the mares (When the hay did they get there?) and Celestia start to turn towards you, so you panic and teleport outta there...
ONE TELEPORT LATER
And back to the clubhouse onto the sleeping cot! You sigh in happiness as you start to get ready for bed, but as you do you can't help but think...
After all that, Twilight's friends vouched for her and she was let off easy. For mind control. For causing mass disorder and chaos. And for deliberatly disturbing a certain someling who was "new" in town. Seriously!? You yourself were accused of those things and you earned a wanted poster and the wrath of Equestria's Five most dangerous mares you've ever met, and all Twilight got was a scolding from a pseudo parent?! That's not remotely in proportion when a person gets in trouble for something! The legal system is a big massive bust! And the ones who run should feel bad! Celestia should be ashamed!
After all that, Twilight gets off easy? For mind control, causing mass disorder and chaos, and for deliberately disturbing a certain someling who was "new" in town? Seriously!? I get accused of those things and get a wanted poster and the wrath of a Kingdom and all Twilight got was a scolding from a fat-flanked sun goddess?! That's not fair at all! The legal system is a big massive bust! And the ones who run it should feel bad! Celestia should be ashamed!
You sigh as you take off your clothes and get on the cot the CMC put in for you, you close your eyes and go into a dreamless sleep...
THE NEXT MORNING
You wake up the next day (you think it might be about 10:00 am judging by the position of the sun) and as you put on your clothes, there's only one thing you have on your mind...
Time to go job hunting!
Outro:
What do you do?
