Filthy Rich’s head was throbbing.
Under normal circumstances he was an organized pony with a plan for any contingency up to and including having to do business while enduring truly monstrous hangovers. It was an important and time honored tradition in the grand halls of Hayle University to make sure that a suitable tolerance was cultivated before any portion of ones brain became devoted to pointless knowledge like ‘how to run a business’ or ‘how to fake knowing things long enough to pass’ and he was fully prepared for his train journey to Canterlot with a massive cup of very strong coffee, an absorbent breakfast and a practiced aura of ‘no, I am not okay and you asking will not help, so please be quiet’.
It HAD been working right up until his train car had become suddenly filled to capacity with boxes of pastries and cakes and a normally friendly pink mare that had so innocently asked for a sip of what she had probably assumed was his hot chocolate.
That had been two hours ago.
He had long since completely exhausted his repertoire of titles and honorifics from ‘Miss Pie’ to ‘Pinkamena’ and even to ‘Pinkie Chan’ in his attempts to actually get a word in but for now he was just going to go with ‘the thing that will not shut up.’
“So anyway, like I was saying,” the pink blur continued as she zipped from one stack of boxes to another seemingly to make sure the labels were still in order, “Princess Twilight is launching her big work outreach program now that her trial run is done and so I have to throw a party for the team but it’s a prison so I don’t know how good I should make the party because otherwise you’ll have ponies outside trying to get into the prison but there’s only one way to do that and the party is only for a few hours so they’ll have gone to prison for nothing so that wouldn’t be very fun.”
“Miss Pie,” Filthy Rich moaned as he massaged his temples, “do you know what hubris is?”
“Well sure I do silly,” Pinkie laughed, “but I don’t really like flatbreads very much. Give me a good muffin or bagel any day. Ooh, or a cupcake, I love cupcakes, I even wrote a song about them.”
And with that, Filthy Rich’s face just stared in wonderment as she began her song and his brain checked out. He didn’t care where his thoughts went, anywhere was better than here.
---------------
The scandal that rocked the pageant world.
Filthy Rich glared at the headline plastered across his desk for a few seconds before throwing it into the waste bin.
The mother who sold her foal for a crown.
Another paper, same damn story. Bin it.
Has the nefarious Mane-iac has really taken the throne? Find out in..
Wait… What?
Filthy Rich sighed and leaned back in his chair as the tiny colorful book sat in his hooves. He reasoned that he must have grabbed it by accident when he bought every paper at the newsagents just hoping to read something to take his mind off what had happened. Did he really have to resort to reading something meant for foals just so that he didn’t have to think about Jade’s betrayal or those disgusting stallions any more?
A glance at the long since overflowing waste bin confirmed it. The only thing anypony in Canterlot was talking about was ‘the cabal’ , ‘the ring’, ‘the blahblahsinistername’ or whatever they wanted to call the judges and he couldn’t really blame the papers for giving in to the demands, even if they were clearly starting to run out of material and were just cannibalizing each other now.
If he had to look at that damn photo of Jade striking Diamond in that Manehattan restaurant one more time.
The trial was set for the next week and preparing Jade for it had taken up all of his time from the moment he’d stepped off the train. He had thankfully managed to broker a deal where his little Diamond wouldn’t have to testify if Jade pleaded guilty and testified against the other judges. She’d jumped at the deal.
The very idea of Diamond testifying seemed to make her terrified. He wasn’t sure if that was a protective instinct or self preservation but either way she’d agreed and that meant that he had nothing to do now but wait.
“Jade,” he muttered to himself as he poured himself a scotch, “what have you done?”
*BANG BANG BANG!*
His train of thought was interrupted as a loud knocking erupted from his study door followed by a very worried looking maid trotting in and standing to attention despite the fact that she was clearly hyperventilating, most likely from having run here at full speed if the disarray of her uniform was any indication.
What was her name? Cotton Swab? Cotton Ball? Something like that. At some point he would really have to learn his servants names, Jade had always handled the help and the house in the past.
Jade had basically run everything in his life that wasn’t his work.
“Please Mister Filthy Sir,” she gasped out once she’d caught her breath, “you must come quickly. Miss Tiara has locked herself in the bathroom and we can’t get her to come out.”
“Do you have any idea why?” Filthy Rich asked as he put down his drink and tossed the comic into the bin, “how long has she been in there Cotton?”
“A little over two hours now Mr Filthy,” she answered with a grimace, “we realized something was wrong when she didn’t come out after the first hour and we can’t get her to answer. We tried everything we could think of but all we could hear was the shower running, then I came to get you as soon as we got word you were home.”
That was all the details he needed to hear and he was already out of the study and galloping toward the foyer before he was even aware of it. He had almost gotten halfway there when he suddenly came to an abrupt halt as he realized something about the size of his house, causing Cotton to crash into his flank as she failed to react in time and sent them both sliding splayed out across the marble surface.
“Miss Cotton,” he asked apologetically as he got to his hooves and helped her up, “which bathroom exactly is it?”
---------------
How could he possibly have an entire guest wing that he didn’t know about?
It had taken him five wrong turns that looped him back to where he’d started but the sound of the shower faucet gave Filthy hope that he was finally approaching the right place.
Now he just had to deal with the fact that he’d accumulated a large reserve of terrible premonitions about what he was going to see when he opened that door. A state that he fully intended to rectify as he galloped around a corner and came upon a small army of unicorn servants desperately trying to undo the enchantments on the lock that were preventing the door from being opened.
They barely had time to look up from their work and register that their employer had bellowed for them to “GET OUT OF MY WAY!” before Filthy had skidded to a stop and with his back to the door, employed an earth pony skill that he hadn’t used since his teenage years when he was helping his family’s oldest business partners with his father.
There was a great crash as his legs sprang out and obliterated the fine hoof-carved door, turning what had once been a great mahogany barrier into a pile of splinters save for a few stubborn remnants attached to the bent hinges and the lock, which hovered in mid air, still dutifully rooted in space where it’s bolt should have been firmly in the wood that used to be the doorframe.
As if to relieve it of it’s misery, he turned the latch on the inside and it dropped to the ground as its enchantments shut off.
The bathroom itself was a mess of steam that had coated every surface in condensation and turned anything past a hoofs length into an indistinct blur littered with debris from the door. Filthy Rich didn’t care and walked blindly in the direction of the loudly running water that roared over the much fainter but distressing sound of a sobbing filly.
The white abyss of the mists soon ended as he came upon the door to the shower and reached out to shut off the cold water, the hot water reserve having expired some time ago. The faucet squeaked in relief as the pressure was finally stopped and allowed the mists to part enough to reveal a soaking wet and shaking pink filly who had curled herself up in a fetal ball and was clutching a reddened washcloth for dear life like it was a comforter.
All the fur around her cutie mark was gone and the skin had been rubbed raw and bleeding. Clumps of her bloodied fur were scattered around the shower and clogged parts of the drain.
“It won’t… it won’t come off,” Diamond sniffed, having cried herself out long ago and been reduced to a snotty mess, “I.. I-I scrubbed and scrubbed but it wo..wo (hic)..won’t c-come off.”
At a loss for words, Filthy Rich scooped up his shivering daughter in his forehooves and hugged her as tightly as he dared to do as she heaved sobs onto his shoulder.
“My darling little Diamond,” he whispered to her as her shaking started to slow down, “why would you ever want to ruin your beautiful fur or your cutie mark. It doesn’t matter what those stallions did or said to you, they’re gone now and they’re never coming back. You’re safe now, I promise.”
“B-b but,” Diamond sobbed, “I.. I dun want my cutie mark anymore,” she hugged her father tighter as she once again started to shake uncontrollably, “If I (hic), if I never got this stupid thing then Mu.. then Mum.. Mummy would still..”
Her sentence was cut short as she started bawling again in earnest, banging her little hooves against her father’s barrel as all he could do to comfort her was to hold her closer. They sat there for several long minutes as Diamond heaved and blubbered incoherently and Filthy Rich just took it all in and realized with a growing dread in the pit of his stomach that for all his wealth, he was completely unprepared for raising his daughter on his own.
Finally, as the last of the mists dissipated to reveal two sodden ponies shivering and covered in tears and mucus, servants moved into the bathroom and started to wrap them in warm towels while others held hot cocoa at the ready should they be needed.
Diamond Tiara cried herself to sleep that night.
Filthy Rich was unable to find any sleep at all.
---------------
“And like I was saying,” the still caffeinated pink mare rambled, “it was really a neat coincidence that you were the first pony to get a Pinkie party with my party cannon because you just turned up out of the blue the day after it arrived and were totally able to afford the damages it caused at the train station.”
Filthy Rich snorted as he was snapped back to consciousness by a sudden change in the pace of the train.
“Thanks for that again by the way,” Pinkie continued on, oblivious to the fact that her audience was still mostly zoned out, “I should totally be able to finally pay you back next year. Who knew that icing and boilers don’t mix well? Not me, that’s for sure, you’d think they’d get along really well because baking and boilers both start with the…”
*TOOOOOOT!*
Pinkie Pie abruptly stopped talking and pressed her muzzle against the window as the train lurched to a stop at Canterlots main station.
“Well then Richy,” Pinkie giggled as she bounded up onto her hooves from her seat, “it’s been fun talking to you, have a nice time at..” She stopped and thought about it for a second, “say, you never did say where you were going didja, somewhere fun I bet.. ooor somewhere businessy, or somewhere bisfunnery, wait, is that a word? I should ask Twilight, or...”
Filthy Rich held up his hoof to stop her again, “Yes, it was lovely talking with you again but I have a private matter that I must attend so I’m afraid we must part company.” He paused as something he’d heard earlier amid the neverending storm of words came back to him, “Um.. Miss Pie, where was it that you said you were hosting this party for Princess Twilight?”
“Canterlot Correctional Facility. Why do you ask Richy?”
“Oh, no reason,” Filthy replied with a resigned sigh.
---------------
Why are these expensive magical light crystals so bright?
“Uuuuugh,” Diamond Tiara moaned and squinted as she waited for her turn in the bathroom, “why did this seem like such a good idea last night?”
“I don’t know,” came a slightly raspy and strained reply from Silver Spoon as she fitted her toothbrush into it’s hoof adapter, “it seems to be an inevitable part of college life if the movies are to be believed, maybe having a tolerance built up was our plan. I wouldn’t put it past us to plot against our future selves for that advantage.”
“Wow,” Diamond moaned as she smacked her lips, “past us are either morons or evil geniuses, I’d like to think it was the former but we seem to have picked up this vocabulary from somewhere and I seriously doubt current us could have been bothered.”
“You girlth’ are lightweight’th,” laughed Twist as she emerged from the shower looking like she’d been up for hours and trotted out, “do yourthelve’th a favour and don’t tou’th anything Aunt Bonbon makes with blath’ter in the name. Now that’th real thugar.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way Twist,” Diamond groaned and rubbed her throbbing head, “but go die in a fire.”
“Awwww,” Twist chirped as she stuck her head back through the doorway and wiggled her glasses, “at leath’t you care enough to be thpethific. Thower’th all your’th by the way.”
“Me standing in water is the exact opposite of you lying in fire,” Diamond growled as she trudged over to the faucet, “I don’t know how you can be this used to hangovers, I wouldn’t think all night sugar binges were your kind of thing.”
“Well no,” Twist replied from the common room, “but in Auntie Bonbon’th houth thugar ith practically in the air it’thelf. We make everything on the premith’eth you know.”
“Tha thinds,” Silver gurgled before turning back to the sink to spit out a mouthful of toothpaste, “that actually does sound like a fire hazard Twist, especially given how hot your ovens must get.”
“Nah,” Twist chuckled as she made herself comfortable on the couch, “We have fantath’tic ventilation, the thugar moth’tly get’th about becauth it juth’t followth Auntie and me. Thomething to do with earth pony magic but all I thee ith a lot of extra th’weeping and laundry I have to do.”
“Hah,” Diamond chuckled from the shower, “I wonder if that means that we could slap a spreadsheet or pie graph onto Silver’s butt and it would just stay there forever without help.”
“It just might,” Silver shot back, “self importance and egotism do seem to have become firmly attached to yours.”
“No,” Diamond giggled, “I’m looking at my butt right now and the only thing that’s stuck to it is your jelly Silver.”
“Well then,” Silver laughed, “I guess I’d best give you some of my raspberries to go with it.” She then stuck out her tongue and made a very brief ‘thhhp’ing noise before she realized that she still had toothpaste in her mouth and had just blown it down her front and onto the floor.
“Bleh.”
Diamond Tiara and Twist burst out laughing as a mortified Silver Spoon turned red before rushing back to the sink to rinse her mouth out.
“Thpeaking of magic though Diamond,” Twist asked, “ithn’t it thupoth’d to be really bad for a pony to deny their thpethal talent? Mith Cheerilee thaid that you could get theriothly thick from magic buildup or thomething like that.”
“Yeah,” Diamond sighed, “but it’s not like I could get back into doing contests even if I wanted to. Mum’s cheating was a really, really big deal and it’s not like I don’t practice my abilities in how I hold myself anyway.”
“I thupothe,” Twist replied, “but why the lie? It’th not like we’d think any leth of you thinthe you’re not the one who did it.”
“Ponies just..,” Diamond sighed, “they just can’t know because it wouldn’t take them long to figure out who I was and if they knew I’d get.. I’d get those damn looks again. Like they can’t decide if I’m just some pathetic victim or..,” her hoof started shaking at the thought, “or even worse, some horrible villain.”
“Why a villain? You did nothing wrong.”
“I don’t even know, alright,” Diamond shot back, “for some reason there was a complete reform of the entire pageant circuit following it. The whole show shut down for an entire year and my mother was the public face of it. It doesn’t matter if I did anything wrong or not because my name was like a dirty word to them.”
“Wow,” Twist pondered, “they muth’t take pageant ruleth really theriothly in Canterlot.”
---------------
“Please, where are my glasses, I can’t see without my glasses.”
Diamond Tiara could only just barely hear her friend whimpering behind her while she shielded her from the group of her classmates that were slowly encircling the two of them to trap her with the unicorns that had blasted Silver’s glasses off and sent her to the ground with a clump of thrown mud.
“Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight!” the surrounding children chorused with slowly increasing volume.
“What the heck is your problem you jerk?” Diamond demanded of her friend’s attackers as she continued to position herself between them and Silver, “what did she ever do to you? Or to anypony?”
“Oh, I do apologize,” a smug purple colt laughed, “but it really was your fault she got hit like that.”
“What?” Diamond snarled.
“You moved,” he sneered, “you ducked out of the way far faster than I’d ever expect a girl to… well no, but certainly faster than I’d ever expect a dirt pony to move away from their destiny.”
“How DARE you,” Diamond seethed as she started to really see red, “You shut your mouth right now or...”
“Then again,” the colt laughed as he ignored her words, “I guess you should be well practiced at dancing out of the firing line by now, after all, you somehow managed to not get sent to prison with that FILTHY half-breed mother of yours.”
The colt continued on, unaware of the threatening posture Diamond had taken or the fact that every other student in the quad had started to back away from him.
“Did you REALLY think that just because you can do some little twirls that you belong on the same stage as unicorns and pegasi?” he jeered, “my sisters ended up crying for WEEKS after your stupid little stunt got the entire circuit shut down. Dirt pony can’t compete fairly so she has to get down in the mud with the judges for an edge. Well then,” he levitated up another clod of mud from the garden, “I’ll give you all the DIRT you could ever..”
THWACK!
The colt was abruptly silenced as Diamond’s rear hooves collided with the side of his jaw, sending him bouncing and tumbling across the quad leaving a trail of blood and teeth in his wake until he came to a sudden, crunching halt when he thumped into the tree in the center.
He struggled to his hooves and turned achingly around to face the blurry pink demon that was currently attacking him, he lit his horn to defend himself but a blow to the base of it sent him into a feedback loop and he clutched his head in agony until a kick to his barrel brought him back to reality.
“What’s the matter,” Diamond growled at him, “don’t you like dirt?.. There’s nothing wrong with a good bit of dirt, it’s awesome for any meal,” she picked up his head by the mane and slammed it back down into the grass, “here, TRY SOME!”
Diamond laughed a joyless, sinister laugh as he struggled desperately to get his face up out the mud. “Aww, what’s the matter?,” she teased, “is that dirt just not refined enough for you, well, let’s fix that.”
“Please stop,” he begged through his tears and the taste of copper, “I’m sorry.”
“And here,” she continued as she dragged him by his mane back out onto the concrete, “we have some much more processed dirt, I’m sure it’ll be more to your liking.” Diamond growled and picked his head up again.
She was almost certain she could hear Silver yelling from across the quad for her to stop before she heard the crack.
---------------
Diamond Tiara couldn’t bring herself to think about what her father was hearing behind the great doors.
Instead, she just kept her head down and concentrated her view on the carpet in the foyer of the principal’s office. She’d been here far too frequently since she’d been considered well enough to return to school. It had mostly been because she’d yelled at the teachers for looking at her like some kind of leper but the incident today…
That was another matter altogether and she’d known it from the moment she’d realized she was standing over a colt that was barely moving and she was just shaking with anger that she could barely remember the source of but otherwise unmoving.
“No Mr Rich,” Principal Hard Measure continued, “modern medicine being what it is, I’m sure that Ivory Keys will make a full recovery, assuming that his family can get over their… ideas about race long enough to enlist a zebra to regrow the boy’s teeth. He should otherwise be running around again none the worse for wear in a few weeks.”
“I am SO sorry,” Filthy Rich apologized, “I promise you that this won’t happen again.”
“Oh, I know it won’t Mr Rich,” Hard Measure replied, “because I’m afraid that your daughter will not be continuing her education here at this school.”
“Wait, please don’t..”
“Oh, don’t worry Mr Rich,” Hard Measure interrupted, “she is not being expelled because of this one incident and it will not be going on any permanent records, they’re children, this kind of nonsense happens all the time. The problem here is that after Miss Tiara’s almost entirely justified little demonstration, the other student’s parents are somewhat overreacting to the… and I quote, ‘threat that earth pony strength represents to their children.’ It’s a load of old rubbish if you ask me but they apparently don’t like having the playing field be tipped the other way when their kids don’t have all their magic yet.”
“That’s a load of horseapples,” Filthy protested, “you can’t seriously think that.”
“Oh, I know it is just as well as you,” Hard Measure sighed, “but ponies are less than rational creatures at the best of times and if I fight this, I will soon find myself minus a job and replaced with a puppet that would likely do far worse. I can assure you Mr Rich that I don’t like this any more than you do but my hooves are tied.”
“So what exactly do you expect me to do then,” Filthy Rich sighed, “with all the nonsense lately it’s not like I can send her to a public school without a swarm of paparazzi descending on her.”
The educator turned his head to explain but was unable to get a word in as Filthy started to pace about and ramble angrily.
“And what of Silver Spoon and the other earth ponies here, do you expect them to do the same? This can’t be right and I’m going to fight them on this, I’m sure the Silver’s will back me on it and so will the Peach family. You just watch, I’ll stop that bunch of...”
“MR RICH PLEASE!”
Filthy Rich found himself stopped mid-rant as the normally very reserved Hard Measure raised his voice in such a manner that all other sound in the room was temporarily obliterated by it. He sat back down and hung his head like a chastised foal.
“Now as I was going to say Filthy,” Hard Measure continued in his usual voice, “I have already discussed this matter with the other parents and ah… one moment please,” he paused and placed his hoof down on the intercom button, “Miss Triplicate, could you please send Mr Silver in, we’re ready to see him now.”
“Yes Mr Measure,” came the nasally reply over the speaker.
“Wait,” Filthy asked, “you mean that Scabbard actually took the time to come down here… himself?”
“Yes old friend,” came a deep tenor from behind Filthy, “it’s great to see you again after you disappeared into your work, I was afraid that you were becoming something of a recluse.”
“I could say the same to you Scabby,” Filthy smiled up at the massive grey stallion, an imposing figure in a tailored suit who could only be matched for sheer physical presence by the eldest son of the Apples, “and I do wish this meeting could have been under better circumstances but it’s still so good to see you.”
“Yes, I wish it could have been as well,” Silver Scabbard sighed, “but the fact that I found the time to come here myself should tell you that this is not a casual matter Filthy. I am pulling my daughter out of this school and I should recommend you do the same.”
“But where would I send her?,” Filthy asked, “there aren’t any schools in this town where she won’t be recognized. Silver Spoon would probably be noticed soon enough too, she was in that stupid photo in the restaurant too so it wouldn’t take long.”
“I know that,” Scabbard chuckled, “I wasn’t thinking of keeping her in Canterlot any more at all. In fact, I talked it over with Mr Measure here and we both agreed that it would be best to give her what you and I had. And to give the same to little Diamond too.”
Filthy Rich pondered the proposal for a second, a smile slowly growing on his face as a rush of memories came flooding back to him.
“But where would they live?,” Filthy asked, “It’s not like we have permanent residences in Ponyville ourselves any more.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Scabbard reassured him, “I’ve arranged for Spoon to stay with my sister for a time and it’s my understanding that they have something of a housing surplus there right now. There were apparently some rumblings that Celestia was looking for a residence in Ponyville but nothing really came of it and the speculators were left holding the baby.”
FIlthy suddenly leapt up and embraced his old friend with all his might, it took Silver Scabbard a second to react but he draped his hoof over Filthy’s shoulder and returned the hug.
“Well then Mr Measure,” Scabbard nodded to the smiling principal still sitting at his desk, “it would seem that our business is concluded for all but the paperwork.”
“It would certainly seem so Mr Silver,” Hard Measure replied, “I’m sure that we can have the papers to you and Mr Rich within a day or so.”
“That’s good, you do your office proud,” the great grey stallion smiled, “and I hope that you’re going to have a word with the parents of the Keys boy about the kind of language they use in front of him. I’d hate to need the time to have that discussion myself.”
“Um..,” Hard Measure gulped, “y-yes, I’ll pass that message along.”
Silver Scabbard turned back to his friend who had now broken off the embrace and was beaming as he started recalling all the adventures they two of them had grown up having in the sleepy hamlet of Ponyville.
“Oh my Celestia,” Filthy suddenly burst out laughing as he put his hoof on the door, “Scabby, do you remember that night we found the Apple family’s special cider reserve and drank, like, half of it.” He lost his composure and held his chest to hold in the giggles.
“No, my good friend,” Scabbard laughed as he pushed the door open, “I do not… and THAT is how we know it was worth the hiding we got the next morning.”
---------------
“Huh,” Twist said, “I didn’t think that all earth ponieth were that Th’trong, I mean, I’m an earth pony and I don’t theem to be.”
“That’s because you live in a town full of them,” Silver Spoon interjected, “you have a skewed sample size. Wierd as it might sound, we really were the biggest and baddest kids on the playground back in Canterlot.”
“Theriothly?,” Twist asked, “you two were the… Oh my Theleth’tia.” She started to grin widely at the thought of it.
“Yeah yeah,” Diamond cut in, interrupting Twist from her impending daydream, “don’t go getting too excited. The pegasi and unicorns in our class have magic now and we’re hardly athletes.”
“Th’till,” Twist giggled, “ith that why you dethided on your firth’t day at th’chool here that you’d pick on the th’rongeth’t filly you could find.”
“Um, yeah,” Diamond gulped as she recalled an extraordinarily uncomfortable conversation she’d had with Applebloom a month ago after she’d made Sweetie Belle cry in which the normally friendly yellow filly had split a rock in half as a final warning, “S-something like that.”
“Gueth I can underth’tand why you’d want to feel powerful when you got a freth th’tart,” Twist said as she started to think about what Diamond must have felt like, “Applebloom’th couthin went through the thame thing and at leath’t you guy’th never bogwath’hed me.”
“Did she now?,” Silver smirked, “I guess that explains why Bonbon wouldn’t let us into her store for a month after Babs left. And also why Aunt Sterling wouldn’t let that girl into the house.”
“So anyway Twist,” Diamond said as she rolled back over onto her hooves from the couch, “now that you’ve heard my explanation, do you still want to try burying the hatchet and being friends?”
Silver leaned in expectantly.
“Well, I don’t thee why not,” Twist smiled, “provided that you girlth don’t dethide to act like jerkth again then thure, thith wath a lot of fun.”
“Fantastic,” Silver beamed, “I’m sure that won’t be a...”
“Hold up,” Diamond interrupted, “I still totally reserve the right to mock Snips and Snails when they’re being stupid... or gross... or both.”
Twist rolled her eyes mockingly and sighed, “well, DUH.”
“Then it’s all settled,” Silver giggled as she held up her hoof to shake on it, “Friends?”
“Thure, Friendth,” Twist smiled back and put her hoof in with Silver’s and Diamond’s.
They held their hooves in a circle for a few seconds before Twist nervously spoke up.
“Thoooo..,” She asked, “Are we thuppothed to thpit on our hooveth or thomething?”
---------------
“Boys are SO freaking GROSS!,” Diamond Tiara cursed as she stepped out of the shower for the second time that morning, “spit brothers is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Dumber than ballista cutie marks?,” Silver giggled, “because I’m pretty sure that’s in another ballpark entirely. It’s your own fault anyway, you’re only supposed to spit on your hoof, not drool down your front.”
“Well freaking excuse me for not taking the time to master the fine art of hocking loogies,” Diamond shot back, “I just have better ways to spend my time.”
“Speaking of the time,” Silver replied, “we’d best hurry along or we’re going to be late for breakfast.”
“Ooooh,” Twist salivated at the thought of real food, “what’th for breakfath’t?”
“I went ahead and ordered pancakes,” Silver explained, “I’m pretty sure that’s the traditional cure for a night of binging on sugar.”
“Yeah,” Twist said with an eye roll, “I don’t think that’th the kind of hangover pancaketh are for. Th’till thoundth good though but... theriouthly?”
“I don’t get it,” Diamond asked, “What other kind of hangover is there?”
---------------
Bonbon moaned and rolled over in her bed hoping against all odds that she could find a position to lie in that would stop the constant throbbing in her head.
Inevitably, this proved futile, especially given that some sadist had apparently decided that Bonbon could do with more sunlight and opened her curtains.
“Uuuugh,” she groaned and turned back over again to face her guest, a mint green blob that Bonbon was currently putting serious consideration into running through with the first sharp object she could find as payback for getting her so drunk last night. ‘No, that would never work,’ she thought to herself in defeat, ‘how am I supposed to stab her with her own stupid head?’
“Be honest,” she asked the blob as it slowly came into focus as her neighbour, “are you actually the devil or just his emissary?”
“Oh come on,” Lyra giggled as she whipped the covers off Bonbon and offered her a hoof to get up, “you’re the one who was acting all squirrelly when you came home last night and I had to get the big secret out of you somehow.”
“Yeah,” Bonbon sighed, “but telling me your aunt died so that you could trick me into toasting her with Berry’s special stock? That’s low even for you.”
“Well,” Lyra laughed, “if it’s any consolation, I feel suuuper guilty about it so I let myself in with your emergency key and just put on some pancakes for you. Now come on, let’s get you up so that we can put some food in your belly.”
“Lyra,” Bonbon groaned as she took her friend’s hoof and managed to struggle up into a sitting position, “am I hearing the fire alarm right now?”
“Um… noooo,” Lyra laughed nervously, “you must be imagining things again Bonny.”
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If there was one thing that could be said for the ponies of Canterlot, they really knew how to make a great cup of Coffee.
As such, Filthy Rich was feeling much better even despite the fact that Pinkie had managed to talk him into helping her carry her supplies to the prison. They were currently sitting at the only cafe’ close to the facility while they waited for the guest areas to open for the day.
“Are you sure you don’t want to try any of this cake Richie?,” Pinkie asked him as she offered her teaspoon, “it’s not quite up with Sugarcube Corner but it’s still really good.”
“No, but thank you for asking Miss Pie,” Filthy chuckled, “I couldn’t dream of taking any when you paid so much for it.”
“What are you talking about silly?,” Pinkie giggled, “there’s no such thing as too much for good cake. It’s totally worth the…” she stopped as her eyes fell down upon the check and the thirty bits she owed, “Well, okay then, maybe I was wrong about that.”
“The power of a captive audience,” Filthy explained as he pointed to the prison which was just starting to open it’s doors, “no joke intended of course. Well then, let’s be off, you have a party to set up and I have to go talk to Jade.”
“Wait, are you talking about Jade Scepter?,” Pinkie giggled.
“Well… yes,” Filthy answered with a nervous grimace, “do… do you know her Miss Pie?”
“A little,” Pinkie smiled, “but I don’t think her and the others are due back here for quite a while, assuming that there isn’t another pony with that name in there. How do you know her Richie?”
“She’s… she’s my wife Miss Pie,” Filthy gulped, “h-how exactly did you meet her?”
“Oh,” Pinkie beamed, “she’s the foremare of the group that Twilight’s had cleaning off graffiti from all over Ponyville. I’m surprised you never ran into them but they pretty much just have ponyville park to do today and then they’re coming back here for the party. You might as well help me out with the setup then huh Richie.”
Filthy Rich made no reply. He just sat in his chair frozen in a look of shock as the color slowly started to drain out of his face.
“Um,” Pinkie nervously smiled, “what are the chances of you picking up the check here, because I don’t have thirty bits on me.” She then pushed the remaining half of her cake over to him and grinned at him hopefully.
Filthy’s eye started to twitch.
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Twist should have been annoyed at Silver for all but begging her to help out with her lemonade stand on a Saturday. She, by all rights would have been justified in ditching shortly after helping with the setting up but there were three things that gave her pause.
The first was that Silver had offered to give her an even cut of the days net profit, which would probably be a fair bit given that there was quite a crowd gathered in the park, the second was that breakfast had been AWESOME and she felt kind of indebted for it even if Silver clearly didn’t consider it anything out of the ordinary and then there was the third thing…
She was personally delivering food and drink to a real princess.
Some part of her knew deep down that she had served Twilight in the past back when she was the town librarian but there was just something about the general pomp and atmosphere that changed when you added wings. Every foal in town had probably had the same visceral reaction and most likely had only been able to define the change in high pitched fanfilly squeels.
“Thank you Twist,” Twilight smiled as the gangly filly placed a pitcher of lemonade and a small stack of paper cups on her table, “I’ll pay you just as soon as I deal with my crew leaders,”
“Okay Printheth’,” Twist smiled back as she watched a dirty looking mare and stallion talk to Twilight from behind a pair of guards.
“Hey Twist,” Diamond suddenly gasped out as she galloped up from behind her and skidded to a halt, “I know that it’s super cool to be serving the princess and all but we’re getting seriously swamped back there with all the ponies watching princess Twilight.. um.. watch ponies.. and we really need you to help out.”
“Thorry,” Twist replied, “I wath juth’t waiting for the printheth to finith her meeting tho th’he could pay but her credit’th probably good ithn’t it. I’ll juth’t… Diamond… what’th wrong?”
Diamond Tiara had fallen down on her haunches and was staring open mouthed at the princess and her entourage, she made a few squeaking noises but otherwise had seemingly stopped.
“Um.. Diamond,” Twist giggled and waved her hoof in front of Diamond’s face, “Equeth’tria to Diamond. You’ve theen the printheth’ before, thee even invited uth all into her tree that one time, remember?”
Diamond still didn’t move. She just sat there as her trademark tiara fell off her head and landed with a clatter as her eyes started to fill with tears.
Twist followed her eyes back around to where the mare talking to the princess seemed to have taken notice of the two, she stared at Diamond and back over to Twist, her barrel started to visibly expand and contract as she hyperventilated and her pupils shrunk to pinpricks.
“QUICK, SOMEPONY STOP HER!,” the guards yelled out as the mare suddenly turned and bolted into the town without a word. A flight of pegasi in armor came up from behind the treeline and took off in pursuit of her.
Twilight started to panic as she watched the scene before her unravel and one of her foremares seemingly took any chance of her outreach program succeeding with her as she disappeared from custody. What in Equestria could have spooked her so bad?
The princess’s thoughts were interrupted by the soft sound of a foal whimpering behind her. She turned around and was greeted by the sight of Twist worriedly trying to rouse a pink filly from her shock.
“Hey,” Twilight reassured the pink filly, “it’s okay, she can’t hurt us, my guards will protect you. You have nothing to be afraid of.”
The pink filly sniffled and choked out a single word.
“M-Mom?”