It’s been a month now and still no sign of a screw-up, I’m not sure whether I should be relieved or very afraid! I’m leaning on afraid, because I know the second I relax, bucked up things will happen…
You ever get the feeling like things are different but they sort of aren’t? Er, I don’t know how to describe it but something is different about Ponyville but everything is the same, maybe it’s change or something. Speaking of change, I need to change the colour of my bedroom wall, the grey is downright despressing.
There’s Cloud Kicker! I wonder if she’s scored any mares or stallions recently? I heard rumors she might have scored Hot Streak, only one of the hottest mares in Ponyville..nay, Equestria.
“Hey Kicker!” I greeted
“Hello, Lightning Bolt” CK said
“Since when did you call me Lightning Bolt?” I asked
“Since when did you call me Kicker?” CK asked
“Er…I always have, DUH!” I replied
“So, er, what do you want” CK said rather rudely
“Geez, was just coming to say hi, Kicker” I put up my hoofs defensively
“Well, hello” CK said before leaving
Well that was weird, when did Kicker get this weird? And when did she change her shampoo? She isn’t using her favourite Cloud Shampoo made from the clouds of Cloudsdale among special flowers made for Pegasi by Pegasi.
Something stinks and it ain’t the lack of Kicker’s shampoo, maybe I should go see Firefly and see if anything happened recently for her to be this way.
When I found Firefly, she didn’t seem to notice me coming to her, maybe she has a lot on her mind or maybe…Maybe what?
“Sup, Firefly my darling” I greeted my marefriend
“Hello, Lightning Bolt, what do you want?” Firefly didn’t look up
“You call me by my full name now? That’s odd” I muttered
“Well, Lightning Bolt, it’s good I found you because I’m breaking up with you” Firefly said the dreaded words
“WHAT?” I’m sure I didn’t hear that right
“I. AM. BREAKING. UP. WITH. YOU! GET IT IN YOUR HEAD YOU IDIOT!!” Firefly yelled at me
“B-But why?” I stuttered
“Because I don’t know you anymore, all you want is sex and I can’t get it with you around and you’re boring and I have had enough! Goodbye!” Firefly said shortly before disappearing
"W-Wait! Firefly!" I called her but she disappeared
Wha—this can’t be happening! Where did I go wrong? Our relationship surely wasn’t just after sex was it? NO! We had fun times, like the gala and that date and…it’s true, that’s all we’ve been doing!
Don’t cry…don’t cry! Hold your tears, you’re a stallion not some…Rarity!! Sorry Rarity, no offense!
“LIGHTNING BOLT, WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME!” Twilight’s voice yelled in my ear
“What?” I looked to see Twilight
“Listen I need your help—“ Twilight started
“Firefly broke up with me” I interrupted her
“What?” Twilight asked
“Firefly broke up with me, said she didn’t know me anymore and it was all about the sex…or at least trying to do it” I repeated
“I’m so sorry to hear that Gavin, but there are bigger things than this, namely a changeling infiltration, all the town except us and our friends have been taken and replaced and I know where the cocoons are” Twilight said
“Fine, where are they? I need to vent some frustration on somepony” I asked
“That house over there” Twilight pointed somewhere to my left
We assembled at the house just as we saw Derpy Hooves being replaced by a changeling.
“Alright, Who ordered the Knuckle sandwich with a side of broken teeth fries?” I said to the fake ponies
“…” The changelings didn’t answer
“Well, refunds can’t be accepted and I can’t take this back but tell you what, since we’re all hungry, Me and my dear friends will give you a knockout of a all-you-can-punch buffet” I cracked my hooves (Don’t know how you do that but screw physics!!)
“His jokes are worse than Pinkie Pie’s” Dash commented
“HEY!” Both me and Pinkie shot back as Dash
“Girls…and Gavin-“ Twilight started
“Lightning Bolt” I corrected her
“and Lightning Bolt, we need to sort this problem now” Twilight finished
Approximately 167 seconds later…
Well that was Pathetically easy, all the changelings were bound in Pinkie’s Bubblegum cannon that did not come out of her flank thank you very much!
“All right, now tell us where your dear Queen is!” I asked a changeling
“Twilight!” Spike came in holding his breath
“Spiky-wikey!” Rarity said
Spike then spat out a Crystal ball…well that’s weird…what’s the fax machine gonna pull out next? An M16? Actually can he please do that, so I can shoot somepony?
“Greetings Elements of Harmony and Lightning Bolt, it’s been a while hasn’t it” A voice I knew at once came from the ball
“Queen Chrysalis! Back again are we?” I said
“No, it was just a free changeling doll trapped in a crystal ball, of course it’s me! It’s been so long since our last meeting and you didn’t even send a card, maybe a “I’m sorry you sent me flying to the other side of the planet with the power of love” card? No respect for a mare’s feelings, no wonder Firefly broke up with you” Chrysalis taunted me
“That wasn’t her was it? It was one of your bug-faced goons wasn’t it? You sunk that low have you? HOW DARE YOU DO SUCH A SCUMMY LOWLIFE ACT!” I argued
“Oh, but let’s be honest, at least I told the truth, and I have something of yours, your true friends are with me along with the Crusaders, if you ever want to see them again, I suggest you come to the Changeling Kingdom!” Chrysalis invited us
“What do you want Chrysalis?” Twilight asked
“Isn’t it obvious? Revenge, lots of it, I have a big enough freezer for lots of it as I hear it’s a dish best served cold!” Chrysalis replied
“If you want Revenge, I can tell you I have no revenge, bit what I do have are skills over the course of 34 chapters, if you let our friends go, I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t let them go, I will look for you and I will find you…and I will KILL you!” I threatened her
“Are you done?” Chrysalis asked
“Now that the stupid reference is done, I’ll translate that into this: Run and hide flankhole, cause when I find you, I’ll rip you apart and squash you like the bug you are Chrysalis!” I gave her a slit-throat gesture
Chrysalis merely laughed in the crystal ball and smiled evilly
“My revenge will be here soon, so do hurry on over, I’m sure dear Firefly will be heartbroken in more ways than one if you don’t hurry” Chrysalis came back with a threat of her own as she held a knife towards Firefly
“Listen here! YOU TOUCH ONE HAIR OF HER MANE AND I WILL KILL YOU SO GORY THAT THIS FIC WILL BE R RATED AND HAVE A GORE TAG! YOU HEAR ME?! AND THEN WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD ON MY WALL AND MAYBE CLOUD KICKER WILL USE IT TO GET THE PERFECT CONQUEST! THE REST OF YOU WILL BURNT TO A CRISP BUT NOT BEFORE I MAKE YOUR DEATH SLOW AND VERY PAINFUL!!” I lost my cool
“Hahahahaha, good luck” Chrysalis bid farewell
Grrr…. I’ll get that bug-brained loser, and this time she doesn’t escape and if she does hurt anypony I’ll go through with my threat and I better start now!
“Wait, Gavin!” Twilight called me
Sorry Twilight, but I need my friends back and I ain’t waiting…
Queen Chrysalis was on her throne, she just finished her conversation with Lightning Bolt.
“The poor fool doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into, when he arrives, he’ll have a nightmare of a time facing me! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!” Chrysalis laughed to herself
“You won’t get away with this!” Firefly shouted through the cages
“Oh, I will! And you two will have front row seats to your friend’s demise as well as the Elements and without their Elements they can’t possibly hope to blast me and without that foalsitter and that big brother of hers, love won’t save them this time nor will Celestia because she's too tied up with her own problems to save you!” Chrysalis gloated
“Bolty always pulls through and the Elements do as well! They’ll kick your flank again” CK retorted
“We’ll see about that, changelings. Suck them dry of their friendship and love” Chrysalis ordered
CK and Firefly could only watch as the changeling surrounded them…