//------------------------------// // Day 1 // Story: "Negotiations" Between a Princess and a President // by KaBar42 //------------------------------// “Negotiations” Between a Princess and a President Chapter 1 Dear President McClure, Under the authority of the Solar Crown, I, Princess Celestia, Sovereign of the Sun demand that you cede power of the United States to become a territory of Equestria. This power change will include your military coming under my rule, your resources and your weapons. Signed, Princess Celestia, Sovereign of the Sun Dear Princess Celestia, Uh… what? Sincerely, President Dante T. McClure Dear President McClure, I demand that you cede all authority and control of your nation, the United States of America over to me. The US will become a territory and state of Equestria. Signed, Princess Celestia, Sovereign of the Sun. Dear Princess Celestia, Yeah… no. I can’t do that. Not only would it not pass, but Congress would also have to approve it. And it sure as hell is not going to pass through them. I am, however, willing to increase military correspondence. Sincerely, President Dante T. McClure Dear President McClure, Then I shall take the US by force. I have one million loyal soldiers willing to serve me and battle for Equestria. I have millions of tons of food stored up and my subjects are willing to go to war for me, to boost my army to an even larger size. We’ve trebuchets and rams. Armored carriages and battle armored stallions. Swords and axes, bows and spears. Unicorn battle mages and pegasi legions. We shall destroy your defenses and lay waste to your men! Sincerely, Your Official Enemy, Princess Celestia, Sovereign of the Sun Dear Celestia, … What in the name of God has gotten into you? You and I both know you hold no candle to the US and have no chance of successfully invading the US. Seriously, where the hell did this sudden change in attitude come from? What happened to the tactical thinking Celestia? Now you’re actually threatening me with iron when I control the world’s largest armory of nuclear arms. And yet you think you can threaten me with trebuchets and rams. Unicorn mages and pegasi legions? One million soldiers? I have nearly two million. And with China having just signed a defense treaty with the US, that boosts our numbers up so much more. We use tanks and helicopters. Planes that fly far outside of the reach of a pegasi. Jets that are far faster than any of your pegasi can fly. We have men that can kill you from hundreds of meters away and you will never even know they are there. Our weapons can reach you at four hundred meters. And yet you still believe that you can invade my country? Sincerely, President Dante T. McClure Dear Mr. McClure, Our magic shall destroy your lines, Discord shall turn your weapons into bubble blowers. You shall be turned to stone. I shall march on the street and take my rightful place as the ruler of The United Kingdom of Equestria! Sincerely, Queen Celestia, Sovereign of the Sun, Ruler of Equus and Its Sub-Planet Dear Celestia, You’ve gone batshit insane. What happened? Now you’re claiming to be a queen and renaming your planet, which the UN and the United Nations of Anima all agreed the planet was named “Anima”. You yourself were the first signatory of the agreement. In fact, you were the person that brought this problem to light. Also, now you’re attempting to claim all of Earth for yourself? Careful, you’re wondering into dangerous territory here, Celly. After Convention 13 was signed, we now have a treaty that if one nation is attacked by non-Earth forces, every other nation will back the nation attacked. You’re sticking your head into the Lion’s mouth. Be wary. Sincerely, President Dante T. McClure Dear Mr. McClure, I do not care for your mortal armies! I am God! The fact that I have allowed you to live this long has shown you just how merciful I am. If you refuse to cede power of Earth to me, I shall squash your pathetic armies! With Regality, Queen Celestia, Sovereign of the Sun, Ruler of Equus and Its Sub-Planet Dear Celestia, You are undeniably absolutely crazy. For many reasons. A.) I do not control the world, I am president of the United States of America and its territories B.) And you are not God. Sincerely, President Dante T. McClure Dear McClure, I AM GOD! I SHALL DESTROY YOU AND YOUR FAMILY! EVERYTHING THAT YOU LOVE SHALL BE CRUSHED BENEATH MY HOOVES. I SHALL WALK ON THE BONES OF FALLEN SOLDIERS AND SUBJUGATE EVERYONE OF YOU PATHETIC HUMANS! YOU SHALL BECOME SLAVES! INFERIOR TO PONIES IN EVERY WAY! With Regality, Queen Celestia, Sovereign of the Sun, Ruler of Equus and Its Sub-Planet Dear Celestia, I’m telling you this as a friend, seek some help. Sincerely, President Dante T. McClure Dear Dante, I DO NOT NEED HELP! With Regality, Queen Celestia, Sovereign of the Sun, Ruler of Equus and Its Sub-Planet Dear Celestia, Yes, yes you do. Sincerely, President Dante T. McClure Dear Dante, I WILL GRIND UP YOUR BONES AND FEED THEM TO YOUR CHILDREN! With Regality, Queen Celestia, Sovereign of the Sun, Ruler of Equus and Its Sub-Planet Dear Celestia, If it makes you feel better, keep thinking that. Sincerely, President Dante T. McClure Dear Dante, I WILL GIVE YOUR WIFE TO MY STALLIONS FOR FUN! With Regality, Queen Celestia, Sovereign of the Sun, Ruler of Equus and Its Sub-Planet Dear Celestia, If your unhinged mind is just going to continue threatening me, please don’t email me again. Sincerely, President Dante T. McClure Dear Dante, I WILL DEFILE YOUR CORPSE! With Regality, Queen Celestia, Sovereign of the Sun, Ruler of Equus and Its Sub-Planet Dear Celestia, Right… I’m going to contact Twilight and tell her to check on you. Sincerely, President Dante T. McClure Dear Dante, I WILL BUILD A CASTLE AROUND YOUR LIVE BOUND BODY! With Regality, Queen Celestia, Sovereign of the Sun, Ruler of Equus and Its Sub-Planet Dear Celestia, Well, I’m going to let you go for the night, it’s already nearly zero-one-hundred here. Sincerely, President Dante T. McClure Dear Dante, DON’T YOU DARE TURN THAT COMPUT- Dante closed the lid of his laptop before he finished, as he slowly lifted himself out of his chair from the Resolute Desk. Stretching his back out as he heard a few pops as he pulled his neck back and forth. Popping the bones in there. “Fucking hell. Sleeping in a fucking foxhole in Afghanistan with mortars exploding around me is more fucking comfortable than sitting at that damn desk all day.” He commented to himself. He yawned as he slowly walked out of the room to join his wife in their room. Celestia could wait until tomorrow.