Ponies buying contraceptives – 28 days later
There are two kinds of ponies working in a Never-Eleven Store. The first kind is the old, grumpy, bitter ones who never really got life going, or just didn't have the energy to do something with their precious life. At Ponyville Never-Eleven, thats Mr. Quick N'Cheap. He's a unicorn with beige fur and light grey mane and tail. He's getting a bit bald, though he tries to comb over it, and he's beginning to get wrinkles.
The other kinds is the young, uneducated, naïve ones who just work there "temporary, until my band gets discovered/my modelling career kicks off/Until I know what to do/Life begins for real or whatever". You know the type, dull haircut, doesn’t really want to be there, and a fur to match that feeling. At Ponyville Never-Eleven, that's the hero of our story.
Quick N’ Cheap almost never gets sick, but on those occasions, the young colt that usually works back in the inventory gets to take over behind the counter. Business are pretty slow those days, since he doesn’t have the natural aggression of Mr Cheap.
His name is Gibson, and for those who doesn't know him, he’s Button Mash’s older brother, and Love Tap's oldest son.
To Gibson, there are three types of customers. The boring ones, (that’s those who buys their stuff and gets out.) the annoying ones (that’s friends from school or…well, basically mares from school who walks in all like “hiii Gibsoooon! Can we get this cheaper ‘cause where in you claaass?” and stuff like that. Colts are a tiny bit less annoying. But only a bit. They are more like “HI BRO! I CAN TAKE THIS SODA FOR FREE, CAN’T I? Ah, COME ON MAN! We’re BROS!”) and the SCARY ones. The scary ones are the customers who knows mom…and always wants to “chat” a bit. And of those scary ones, there is one that’s WAY more than scary.
And of course, she comes in today.
*ding-ding*
A white mare with a deep-blue mane enters the shop. She walks directly up to the counter.
“Well, how do you do, Gibson! I must say, it has been some time since I saw you around. You know, I was invited over to your house yesterday. I was hoping to see you there, but your mom said you were out.”
“…Hello Miss Rarity. Yeah…I was…out.”
“Oh. ...Out with some MAREFRIEND perhaps? You do look like the colt that goes around a bit, don’t you, darling?”
“No... I... was just…out.”
“Oh, but you can be honest with ME! I’m not going to snitch, I promise. You know, I was out the other day, with a very nice stallion. Oh, the poor boy couldn’t take his eyes of me. I told him ‘Darling, I appreciate that you undress me with your eyes, but please put my clothes back on, I’m freezing!’ ‘Oh’ he said ‘but in that case we must go back to my place to HEAT things up’ Ha ha ha, do you get it? HEAT things up? Oh, I bet you youngsters do it all the time.”
“Ehrm…Ehrm… CAN YOU…Ehrm…PLEASE BUY YOUR ITEMS WE’RE…ehrm…CLOSING IN FIVE!”
“Oh, yes yes, you are right dear. We don’t have all day, do we? Well, as I said, Yesterday was VERY nice, and now I need to buy some more condoms.”
“OH BU…ehm… yes, Miss… they’re over here.”
Gibson has a face that says ‘please shoot me now’.
“Ah, yes. But you see, I’m going to need a little help. I don’t usually purchase my contraceptives here, I usually buy them in a special store in Canterlot. Have you been to the Condomeria? They sure have everything! They even sold a TYPE that tasted like hard apple cider! That was a total lie, I say they tasted like pear!”
“….”
“And there was this type that glow in the dark. But what’s the point of that? I mean, if you need to light up the condom to find a stallion in a dark room, then I think you have a bigger problem than you think you have..”
“Miss…please buy what you…”
“Not to mention the fact that the essence that was supposed to make it glow was peeled of in the action! Such a turn-off to find small white turds of smelly stuff all over your…”
“MISS!”
“Oh, yes yes… You are right, we must not let other customers wait. Now let see… Thin…Phrench ticklers… Black…Green? No thanks… Strawberry…yeah, why not…XL! Oh, that will be… No, not this weekend. Well, I’ll have ten of the thin, and ten of the Phrench ticklers.”
“Eh…This one… and…this one…then…eleven bits…please.”
“Thank you! Oh, but I must ask you though, how flexible are they?”
“Uh?”
“How flexible? How much can you stretch them?”
“Strech? I guess… pretty long?”
“Well, darling, I need to know exactly how long. You see, tonight I have a date with my special dragon, and his…thingy…is rather peculiar in its shape. And if the condom isn’t stretchable enough, it will only cover half. And in that case, it’s more likely it will fall off. How big is yours?”
“Miss, PLEASE, I DON’T…I don’t really think that’s something I want to talk about…”
“Oh, come on! The stallions I know LOVES to brag about their size! …mostly it’s just talk anyway…”
“...Well, I don’t!”
“Oh, so you got a big one then!”
“Yes…NO! I mean…I AM NOT COMFORTABLE TALKING ABOUT MY...Ehrm.”
“I see… you just show it and let your ‘member’ do the ‘talking’?”
“What? NO! I never… I mean…We…
“Oh, but DARLING! Don’t say you are a virgin? A nice, good-looking colt like you?”
"...Miss...Please...I don't really like having this conversation."
Silence.
"So you are a virgin then?"
"NO! I mean... "
"I'm asking if you have been with a mare... or perhaps another colt, I am not a mare of prejudice. But that is quite the necesarry information, if you only been using condoms for masturbation, I'm afraid you can't help me. Besides, if you have, it is such a waste of bits."
"...I have been with... a mare...yes..."
"Just one? Well, I guess that'll do. You did use a condom, I hope?"
Gibson just wants two holes to open in the floor. One to move Miss Rarity to Tartarus, and one to move him far away from Ponyville.
"...Yes..."
"Good. Then I assume you can answer my question?"
“They are…stretchable…you won’t have…that problem…”
“Ok, thank you!"
Rarity levitates the packages to her saddle bags when she gets a worried look and produces them back. She read on the package but can't find what she's looking for. She turn her eyes back to Gibson. He is looking longingly through the windows. Perhaps there is a crazy pony with a gun running amok in Ponyville that will be coming bursting through the door now, ready to shoot him? Please?
"Ehrm, Gibson, if you don't mind, I have one last question. Are they lubricated enough?”
“I'm sorry... Lubricated?"
"Yes, lubricated. You know, making it slide easier into the..."
"YES I KNOW...how it works... and Miss… it says here on the package that they are..”
“Yes, yes…I see that. But I asked, are they lubricated ENOUGH? You see, some mares, in spite of what you read in clop-fiction, doesn’t get a lubrication during arousal, or at best pretty late in the act, no matter how turned on they are. And therefore I’m asking you, are these condoms lubricated enough to just enter, or do I need to buy some additional lubricant?”
“Eh…Eh…Eh…Eh…”
“On the other hand, forget it. My little Spikey-Wikey is EXCELLENT with his claws. I just let him do the work."
*ding-dong*
Two young mares from Gibson’s class enters the shop. Rarity pays for her items and turns for the door, facing the girls.
“Well, so long, and thanks for all you help. I must say your knowledge about condoms was very thorough. Oh, girls… I say you must keep an eye on this one. He’s got a BIG one.”
Giggling. The white mare exits. Gibson’s face looks like its saying ‘Don’t shoot me. It’s not quick enough’.
…
Two blocks away from the store, a light taned mare with brown hair set up in a ponytail is waiting for the white mare. She takes a small microphone and a transmitter out of Raritys mane.
Rarity frowns at her friend.
“Well, I hope you are satisfied. I must inform you, that I did everything I was supposed to do without even blushing!”
“I am impressed. But…you didn’t say the P-word!”
“My dear Love Tap, a lady has her limits!”
“Well, you did say “lubrication”, I give you bonus points for that, but… no. You did not complete the mission. You lost our bet, and now you have to do this at the pharmacy as well.”
The two mares starts to trot down the street, side by side. Rarity looks at her friend, and frowns.
“Love Tap, darling, please remind me never to participate in a wine-drinking contest with you again.”