At the Inn of the Prancing Pony
Chapter 9: Poor Wand’ring Ones
The trio of ponies sped away from the royal camp for nearly an hour before finally stopping to catch their breaths.
“So... About this minion thing...” Midnight panted between gasps for air.
Firebelle wasn’t the slightest bit winded, although Celestia thought it odd that she had hoofed it the entire way instead of flying. “Oh, it’s just that pegasi have a noted record for leadership. And, well...I’m a Bee. On my father’s distaff cousin’s side.”
“A Bee, huh?” asked the unicorn. “Well. Normally I’d object to being led rather than being the leader but in the world of adventurers pedigree matters for something. I myself am Midnight Sparkle. This is my traveling companion Hope Springs.”
The pegasus walked over to shake Hope’s hoof. “Glad you’re with us. So, are you leaning towards becoming a fighter, or a healer? I’ve heard that the latest trend in adventuring is for earth ponies to do basically everything that used to be done by unicorns, just to work past their tragic pasts.”
“Uh…” Hope stalled. “Can’t I just pull the cart?”
“Well, I suppose you could,” Firebelle mused. “I have heard of adventurers with retainers...and they are usually the ones that end up writing the memoirs afterwards. So I better start you off: Firebelle, daughter of Firefly Jr., daughter of Firefly, Sr. Sister of Firefly III, but I’d prefer if you left her out entirely. I knew from an early age that I was destined for greatness…shouldn’t you be writing this down?”
“Oh, I’ll remember,” Hope assured her. “I’m good with stories.”
Midnight had already turned away and started looking around, gathering an appraisal of the surrounding area. “Oh...Yes, histories. I was abandoned by my father, a very important stallion in the town of Horn’s Reach, and shunted off to live with my...abusive? Let’s go with horrendously abusive uncle. I was forced to live in a cardboard box in the attic for eleven years on a steady diet of gruel and water while Uncle Blueblood spent my inheritance on ‘hooks and blowing balloons’—well, that was what my innocent young ears heard, anyway. If I was really good, I was allowed to eat a little ceiling spackle as a special treat on my birthday. The happiest day of my life was when they put a hole in the box, to let the rainwater in. I shared the box with a rack of expired chemical supplies. Needless to say, Science was my only friend.” She looked at Hope and dared her to believe her story. “Speaking of which, I’m going to need some supplies. I don’t suppose I could take a share of that gold and buy a cart with it, can I?” She turned to look back at the pegasus.
“Well of course we can buy a cart!” Firebelle exclaimed. “How can Hope here be the lowly cart puller without a cart?!”
Midnight snorted and poked at Hope’s side. “She called you lowly. I’d never do that.”
“Well, duh!” Firebelle exclaimed. “You’re supposed to start out lowly and suffering! If I accepted my inheritance then I’d be the third-richest pony in Lampyra, but rich and happy doesn’t get you through the doors at the Inn. Weren’t you listening to a single word that Great-Great Aunt Rigged was saying? I mean, she does tend to drone on and on, and tell you that you have to eat your beets if you want to grow up big and strong, but she does occasionally know what she’s talking about!”
“Beets, really?” asked Hope, crinkling her nose. “I always heard it was alfalfa.”
“Uh, Celestia, I hope not!” Firebelle exclaimed. “I hate alfalfa!”
“Celestia! That was her name...Hope, you’re our new storyteller. Tell me everything you know about Celestia while we walk,” Midnight demanded.
Celestia blanched and nearly tripped. “Uh, well...that might—”
“I’ll do it!” Firebelle said, jumping a bit as she waved a hoof in the air. “I had to learn all about Her. It’s my in to the Inn...get it?”
“That’ll do. Go on ahead. Especially the gruesome bits. The bits where She smites things. All goddesses smite things, yes?” The unicorn asked.
Celestia inwardly winced at each capitalized pronoun. (I should note that capitals are much easier to hear in spoken Equine than in English.)
Firebelle stopped walking to giggle, a giggle that built into a belly laugh. “Rogbog the Overpowering,” she said, to explain herself.
This caused a surprised Celestia to start laughing, too. “Stop hitting yourself,” she said between laughs.
“Stop hitting yourself!” Firebelle exclaimed, rolling on the ground.
“Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!” the two mares cried out joyfully.
“What? I must have missed something—is this one of those things only religious ponies understand?” Midnight turned and walked backwards to better watch the two crazy ponies.
“Celestia didn’t start out as a goddess,” Firebelle exclaimed, using her left wing to wipe the laugh tears from her eyes. “She earned Her status by outsmarting every foe to face Equestria, including gods. The only thing in the world capable of hurting Rogbog the Overpowering was himself. So she tricked him into developing a second personality for his second head, and they beat each other senseless.”
Midnight frowned, before rolling her eyes. “That’s...absurd. Really, you expect me to believe that? Wasn’t She the goddess of the sun or some such? It’d be a much better story if She had to stop the sun from crashing into Equus than give another god some sort of personality disorder.”
“Well I think it’s a good story. What about you, Hope?”
“I’d prefer to be modest, but I have to say I love that one,” Celestia admitted.
“Anyway, I’ve seen the royals raise the sun,” added Firebelle. “So claiming to be goddess of it is kinda like claiming to be the goddess of spring plumage, or something equally unimpressive.”
“True...If my sister can do it, anypony can.” Midnight sighed, resigning herself to listen to them. “So, what else did She do, besides tricking gods?”
Firebelle had to think about this for nearly a minute.
Celestia sighed in disappointment.
“No, hold on, I got this!” Firebelle said, raising a hoof. “She, um...She…”
“She formed…” Celestia prompted.
“She formed the united government of Equestria!” Firebelle said. “Wrote the constitution and everything. Not that that’s very useful nowadays. And She took care of orphans.”
Celestia had to swallow a sudden lump of emotion. “That wasn’t Celestia,” she said. “Luna took care of the orphans.”
“Right, and Luna was the cool one, right? All dark and night and bats? I remember Her,” Midnight said determinedly.
“No, no,” Firebelle corrected her. “Luna was the name of her imaginary friend, the way she kept herself sane against the mental attacks of Discord.”
“Why would a goddess who could literally bring another creature into existence have an imaginary friend?” Midnight pointed out.
“Because She was just a filly then, and Discord had just eaten Her parents,” Firebelle explained patiently. “It’s like I was saying: all heroes start out lowly and miserable, even the ones that end up as goddesses.”
Celestia stayed very quiet, her eyes slowly growing as she absorbed lie after lie about herself and her sister. She knew that the stories that ponies told each other said a great deal about their hopes and dreams...and nightmares.
“But She was smart enough to trick a god, and do a lot more than that. Why would Her imaginary friend still exist after that? She was powerful by then. She could have made Luna real. Why didn’t She?” Midnight insisted.
Firebelle started responding to the first part of Midnight’s statement before she had time to process the rest. “Because She started out normal—aren’t you listening? She studied under Star Swirl the Bearded, and that’s when She became so smart.”
Celestia was all ready to correct Firebelle at this point, to tell her that “Celestia” had in fact trained under her father Clover the Clever...but then she caught herself, and imagined a world where she’d get to have Star Swirl as her father instead of the bitter ex-hero she ended up with. “Yes, yes, that’s precisely right,” she said with a nod.
“Wait…” Firebelle said. “What was that part about making Her...that’s it! That’s where She came from! Nightmare Moon!”
“Nightmare Moon?” Celestia asked chillingly.
“Yes, Nightmare Moon!” Firebelle insisted. “The only foe able to defeat Celestia—created from Celestia’s own nightmares! It makes so much sense that it has to be true.”
“I don’t know,” Midnight said doubtfully. “How could Celestia the Clever--”
“Do not call her that name!” Celestia exclaimed vehemently.
“What?”
“Just...don’t, OK?”
“Okay. Calm down, you two.” Midnight turned to face front again and collected herself. “So. Celestia, regardless of all this other stuff, was primarily a force of knowledge, good, and protection. Yes? If so, Her sigils may act as a harmonic resonance with the current gods, a counter harmony. They all despise Her, why wouldn’t Her artifacts or signs nullify or dull Their frequency?”
Celestia said nothing. She was here, on Equus, not some goddess watching from on high, and she had no power to make magic work, just because a spell was cast in her name. Again, that was only something that a god or goddess could do. But there was no way that Hope Springs would know that, so she remained silent, and prayed to the Nameless Gods that Midnight wouldn’t hurt herself too badly with her delusion.
Firebelle thought over Midnight’s conclusions and then nodded. “That makes sense,” she said. “Just so long as the artifacts you use haven’t been corrupted.”
“Okay. That’s one, but what other dead gods and goddesses are there? There has to be more.”
“There’s the Temple of the Sacrosanct,” said Celestia. “It was established by, um, Celestia to honor all of the pre-Unification deities.” She then grimaced. “Unfortunately, it was demolished during the Uprising. I...the order was given to have it rebuilt, but I never found out if that order was ever carried out.”
The unicorn nodded firmly. “Well...I suppose I will have to use the two I know of then. Celestia and Phyletus.”
“Well, it was located at the western entrance of Whinnychester,” said Hope. “We should pass it on the way to Hoofington.”
“Whinnychester?” asked Midnight. “Never heard of it.”
“She means the Everfree Forest,” said Firebelle.
“We will need weapons for that trip,” Midnight replied.
“I’m way ahead of you,” said Firebelle with a grin. “Just wait until tomorrow, and you’ll see! That’s why I’m the boss, and you’re the minions.”