Dear Flash Sentry:
You had your five seconds of fame. Now get back to the sex dungeon.
Your eternal master, Princess Celestia.
Dear Princess Celestia:
I've decided to implement a few... changes. They are going to change everything we know about Equestria and of your former student, and I am quite certain that many ponies are going to be extremely angry about them. Thus, I am very excited about the future, and I am certain you shall be as well.
Your loving daddy, Eternal President King Hasbro The Almighty.
P.S.: Issue a decree stating that Luna is no longer allowed to sing. I want to see how everypony reacts.
Dear Twilight Sparkle:
You wouldn't happen to have some saiyan blood in you, by any chance? Because I haven't blown up a planet in days, and I do need something to take out my problems on.
Sincerely, Lord Frieza.
“So, do you think this is the last key?” asked Rainbow Dash.
The six ponies looked towards the necklace that Discord had given Twilight. They then looked at the crystal box which lay before them.
“Shut up!” said Twilight. “I'm trying to figure out how to do this.”
“Yes,” muttered Rarity. “Because obviously you don't have the brains to figure this out yourself.”
“SILENCE THOU KNAVE!!!” Twilight yelled. “WATCH THY TONGUE, OR WE SHALT TOSS THY ASS INTO THE DUNGEONS!!!”
“Wow,” said Pinkie Pie. “Tirek stole all your magic but he didn't take a single bit of your bitchiness. And here I was thinking that all that magic was going to your head or something.”
“Yup,” said Applejack. “She's all-natural bitchiness.”
As Twilight listened to her friends, she made a mental note to have them tossed into her “Dungeon of Fun.” She then mentally facehoofed as she realized that she no longer had a Dungeon of Fun.
“Okay,” she said finally. “Necklace, Tirek blew up my house. Help me kick his ass!”
As she finished, she threw the necklace straight towards the last keyhole. As it flew through the air, it metamorphosed into a key, which fell into place. Then, a bright flash of light blinded everypony.
When the light flickered out, the six ponies floated in the air surrounded in a rainbow glow. Their manes and tails had gained new colors and grown to unbelievable lengths, and their bodies were covered with markings similar to their cutie marks.
“Oh come on!” yelled Twilight. “I wanted something cool, not this lame-ass gay pride makeup!”
“I think it looks cool!” said Pinkie Pie.
“My mane is so awesome!” said Rainbow.
“It could be better,” said Fluttershy.
“My mane and tail!” yelled Rarity. “None of my dresses go with this! I'm going to have to redesign everything!”
“Eh, we've been through this,” said Applejack. “Remember our Gala dresses?”
Twilight ignored her friends as she took a better look at everypony. She had to admit, her new form wasn't nearly as bad as she thought it would be. Indeed, she had changed the last out of the six. The others were not quite as fortunate.
As much as she hated to admit it, Rainbow Dash's new look was pretty cool. Fortunately, the same could not be said for the others. Applejack and Pinkie Pie didn't look too bad, though Pinkie's color scheme was an eyesore. Rarity and Fluttershy weren't so lucky; their huge manes were absolutely ridiculous.
“All right,” Twilight said finally. “What do we do now?”
“We go out and kick Tirek's ass!” yelled Rainbow Dash.
“But we need a theme song first!” said Pinkie Pie.
“Shut up, junkie,” said Twilight. “Besides, what kind of theme song could possibly fit a team as gay as ours?”
“Twilight, stop,” said Rarity. “We cannot call ourselves anything like that. After all, we are now Equestria's last hope, and we need to make the best first impressions we can as we-”
“Here's our new theme song!”
As the song finished, the other ponies stared at Pinkie blankly.
“Um,” said Fluttershy, “It's... nice?”
“Absolutely dreadful,” said Rarity.
“There's no way I'm saving the world with that song,” said Rainbow Dash.
“Somepony kill me please,” said Applejack.
For a moment, Twilight said nothing. She then sighed and looked into the distance, where she knew Tirek would be waiting for them. She briefly wondered whether it would be preferable to have him kill them all. On the other hoof, she'd never be able to get in bed with Flash Sentry.
“All right,” she said finally. “Let's just get this over with so I can get a new place somewhere far away from this cesspool.”
Meanwhile, far away, Tirek laughed as he blew up another random home. However, he stopped his rampage as he sensed something.
If he wasn't mistaken, there were several high magic levels heading his way.
There were six of them in total.
And they were all incredibly flamboyant.
Dear Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack and Spike:
You got off lucky. We had to suffer under Celestia's rule for centuries before we could have our own thrones.
Your heavily-resentful princesses, Luna and Cadance.
Dear Fax Machine:
Don't think that just because you can sit with us you're our equal. I'm still going to use your useless scaly ass to send my mail.
Your eternal ruler, Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Dear Princess Cadance:
As I now have my own castle, I am now entitled to a couple of new sex slaves guards to protect it. You may start by sending over that sexy Pegasus Flash.
Your favorite sister-in-law, Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Dear Princess Twilight:
You're my only sister-in-law. And Celestia has already claimed Flash Sentry for herself. Get your own guard.
Your least-favorite sister-in-law, Princess Cadance.
Dear Twilight Sparkle:
See? I promised you that the next necklace I'd give you would be much more special than the first one. And I kept my promise, so I'm a good friend.
...Can I have a throne now?
Your best friend in the whole wide world, Discord.