“Discord...”
Sticks and stones may break bones, but words usually don’t. No, they are more like rapiers - they stab fast and hard, wiggling in the heart cavity. Drawing out the last syllables into a sigh can only be compared to following it up with a dagger, tenderly stabbing in the gut of conscience. A pouty expression was a telltale sign of both weapons having been submerged in the deadliest poison - guilt.
Discord got the full package, crossed hooves and disappointed head-shake included. The Draconequus wasn’t allowed to make more parallels that could artistically describe what they felt like, as the author decided to keep it all PG. Needless to say that only added insult to injury.
The worst part? The treatment was uncalled for! Of all the times the mischievous spirit relished in the thrill of causing tiny, itsy bitsy instances of Chaos without Fluttershy noticing, his friend chose the worst possible moment to accuse him of breaking his oath to do no harm without a doctor’s degree.
“B-But Fluttershy!” moaned Discord, crawling on his knees behind the pegasus who turned away from him. He gave himself an additional pair of legs just for emphasis. “It wasn’t me! I promise, I swear!”
“Discord...” sighed Fluttershy in a small voice, the single word cutting through the draconequus’ heart like a hot knife through butter. “I thought you knew better than to lie to your friends. We are still friends, right?”
Discord threw away his flat heart and dagger replica and slinked in front of Flutterhyshy, eagerly nodding. “Yes, yes, we are! That’s why I’m telling the truth! I have a son and he did the Chaos, not me!”
Fluttershy turned around, flaring her wings in mild irritation. “Discord, enough is enough. It’s one thing to lie, but joking about parenthood is even worse. How could you try and blame somepony else for something only you could have done?”
The spirit of chaos smacked a lion paw to his muzzle with a snarl. He pulled his face down with force, stretching it to a point where it escaped his grasp and snapped back into an angry scowl.
“Of all my friends, and I have many by the way, I thought that you would believe me! Even Twilight knows I’m being truthful! You know, in fact, we should go see her! I’ll show you Disorder and then we’ll see who should feel bad about their deeds!”
With a snap of a talon the two got unceremoniously teleported in front of the majestic castle. Discord angrily kicked the doors in, single-handedly pumping a shotgun that appeared out of thin air before barging into the building.
“Oh my,” gasped Fluttershy, looking around frantically. She’d never seen Discord this angry before. Even when she forgot his made-up birthday.
* * *
Twilight stood stock still in the middle of her throne room. She was thinking hard, as that seemed the only thing she could do without disturbing the little intruder between her hooves. The alicorn suspected that the tiny chaos spawn was actually playing her, pretending to sleep and beginning to cry whenever she as much as budged from place.
I have to write to the Princess. She has to know we’re in big trouble. Where in the world is Spike? Why am I even standing here? So what if this colt, uh, Disorder, wakes up? Ugh, Discord did this on purpose! They both did! Twilight scowled slightly, darting her eyes to the small figure beneath. That’s it. Enough is enough! Ponyville had to suffer Tirek and doesn’t deserve chaos on top of all that! Come on Twilight. You can do this. You raised a dragon from infancy for Pete’s sake! You know how to calm a foal down. Even if he’s just joking, you can handle him. You’re a Princess. Yeah! Come on!
Feeling confident and determined, Twilight raised a forehoof, immediately wincing at the soft moan and sob from below. Disorder squirmed in his little nest, his hooves grasping meekly at thin air. Twilight’s rational mind received a sucker punch from her deeply repressed motherly instincts and she let slip a coo before quickly taking back control of her body with a violent head shake. This was no time to be a romantic uni- alicorn who had secretly wanted her own little bundle of joy ever since the Cake twins were born.
Twilight put her leg back where it belonged and sighed. Her melting heart mucked over her irritation as the defenseless foal snuggled up to her hoof. This felt way too right to her. Disorder’s face stretching into a smile felt so right and warm. His little wet snout nuzzling her inner thigh was-
Twilight, listen. This isn’t even a foal, got it? It’s a tiny representation of Chaos itself. Those adorable little hoofsies can level mountains and turn ponies upside-down. That cute, itsy-bitsy muzzle spouts-
Ever seen a yawning foal? Adorable, right? Twilight saw only a few in her lifetime, each and every one of them causing her legs to wobble and face melt into a smile. Even with her limited expertise, she knew deep in her critical-mass-approaching-heart that Disorder took the cherry, cake, silverware and most likely everything else that wasn’t bolted to the floor.
It started innocently enough, with a small squirm and groan. Slowly the tiny lips parted, stretching the muzzle wider and wider with a squeak that could defeat Sombra on its own. His hoofsies stretched forward, bumping into Twilight’s larger ones and kneading into them with the lightest of touches. It was around that time someone could scream “FINISH HER” in a blood stained font and it wouldn’t seem weird or out of place.
The fatality involved the colt’s whole body. Like a small coil, the foal unfurled itself, the mismatched wings quivering like Twilight’s fluttering heart. The high-pitched squeak trembled and died down into content smacking, leaving the regal Princess in a warm, floppy mess.
Twilight lowered her head and nuzzled the tiny body. Her logical mind was flipping tables at her, but the mother was strong in this one. All the years of caring for Smartypants and Spike paid off as she expertly adjusted the baby, shifting herself to a prone position wrapped around Disorder. Her wing instinctually cuddled the foal closer to her side and the alicorn sighed wordlessly.
She would regret this little moment in a few chapters, but you didn’t hear that from me.
* * *
Discord observed the heart-warming scene from the throne-room’s door frame, waiting for Fluttershy to catch up. All his anger dissipated as he saw his step-son masterfully mess with Twilight’s head. He would treat him to a good-old pair of ski-goggles later on.
“He deserved it,” snickered the draconequus. He turned around just in time to see Fluttershy trot into view. Pressing a talon to his mouth he pointed towards the cuddling couple, bracing for the inevitable.
“OH M-fffmmmffmmff,” yelped Fluttershy, the lion’s paw holding her muzzle tightly shut taking the brunt of the pegasus’ excitement. The element of kindness struggled brutally for freedom but held no chance against the elder and stronger creature.
“Shhhh,” warned Discord, looking back to his son and current babysitter. The two looked great together. It was a pity he could not summon a sculpture to commemorate and vandalise the moment. “He’s asleep Fluttershy, and I think that you owe me an apology before I let you talk to my son.”
Fluttershy piped down, her tail swishing nervously. Her eyes darted between Discord and the most amazing tiny draconequus she had ever seen. She had to meet it, talk to it, care for it, she just had to!
“Mff swwwy,” murmured out Fluttershy, dabbing a hoof at the crystal tiles.
“Pardon me, what was that? I swear I heard those words before,” teased Discord, letting go of the blushing pegasus and leaning in closer. “Repeat, please?”
“I-I’m sorry, Discord. I really am,” whined Fluttershy, trying to look past the sleek figure and towards the tiny creature lying under Twilight’s wing. She stared at it like a bird of prey, whinnying in frustration as the mean draconequus always floated his muzzle into her’s.
“Oh, gosh darnit,” cussed Discord in a PG manner, “I swear, those words ring some bells. Somewhere, nearby. But they are a bit off. They, hmm, lack a tiny bit of, I don’t know, guilt, maybe? A dash of embarrassment at disbelieving a good friend, hmm?”
With visible difficulty, Fluttershy unglued her gaze from the foal and looked at Discord. She immediately shrunk under his demanding stare and murmured out another apology.
“Yes, that’s more like it,” smiled Discord, nodding. “Go on, go on.”
The Pegasus flapped her wings nervously, hiding behind her mane. If it wasn’t for the three butterflies on her flanks, her special talent would surely be ‘meeping out words so inaudible you’d think they weren’t there but you’d be wrong’.
“Ah, yes, yes, thank you! And no, I’m not angry. I just wanted to forgive you! It feels nice after all,” smirked Discord, wrestling Fluttershy into a hug. “Don’t worry. Friendship cannot be undone by a single instance of a friend questioning the authenticity of another party’s statement or claims to being a legal guardian for a minor that is capable of exerting super-natural powers that stand in direct violation of Civil Magical Usage Law declared a thousand years ago but not really.”
“S-So, umm, you know,” said Fluttershy briskly, squirming in Discord’s embrace but trying to be polite and still sort of remorseful about her earlier behaviour. “D-Do you think you could introduce me to, uh, um...”
“You don’t even remember his name? How rude!” hissed Discord, putting Fluttershy away and slowly stomping towards Twilight and Disorder.
“Y-You never told me- hey, wait,” whispered Fluttershy, slinking behind the draconequus. “C’mon, don’t be a meanie, tell me his name, please? Please please please-”
Discord had to admit one thing to Fluttershy. She and Disorder shared the same persistence and subsequent irritating nagginess that went beyond any sane creature’s capacity for patience. Even the lord of chaos felt a pang of annoyance when Disorder found it amusing to meow in his ear on their way from the frozen north all the way to Ponyville. Maybe it was the actual cats that had smacked against his head time and time again, but something about his demeanor had screamed, “I’m gonna have my way regardless of how long it takes.” That same kind of persistence now made Discord regret not having the power to zip-up Fluttershy’s mouth and throw the fly away.
* * *
Despite his nap being cut short, Disorder was as lively as ever. Still having to stay in the castle sucked big time, but the visitor his dad brought along had been more than amusing. She was a pegasus that asked a lot of questions about him and couldn’t keep her hooves to herself. Her name was Fluttershy and she was everything his father had told him she would be.
“You’re such a cute little foal, yes you are,” cooed the tender pegasus, gently stroking the belly of Disorder. “Such a nice little colt, so calm and well-mannered.”
If it wasn’t for the expert belly rubs, Disorder would have left the mare with a pout. His ego was hurting against the insults blatantly thrown at his face, but those hooves were just so soft and caring that it was impossible for magic not to be involved. He didn’t know if he liked it more than Aunt Twilight’s downy wings. Either way, he’d still try and ask her to stuff those feathers into a pillow for him later.
“Daddy, when will we go outside to make more Chaos?” asked the colt, wiggling around as Fluttershy discovered a particularly tickly place.
“Oh, uh, yeah,” gulped Discord, nervously scratching the back of his neck with a claw. “About that, son-”
“You need to fix it,” interrupted Twilight, frantically scribbling on a piece of paper held in her telekinesis. Now that her mind had managed to claim back her body and reinforce her will with a few solid slaps across her muzzle, she’d finally got to writing to Princess Celestia about the incident. “You can’t be doing Chaos in Ponyville. Or anywhere else for that matter.”
Disorder squawked, his eyes wide in fear. He shot his father a confused glance only to see his drooping ears and apologetic frown.
“No,” he whispered, wrestling himself from under Fluttershy’s hoof and trotting over to Twilight. “Auntie Twilight, you’re joking, right?”
“I’m afraid not,” huffed the Princess, rolling the scroll and looking around her throne room. “But we’ll talk about this in just a moment. Where in the hay is Spike-”
“Auntie! That’s unfair!” moaned Disorder, following the Princess as she began looking for her assistant. “I can’t do chaos? Not even a little bit? Why? I’m not hurting anyone!”
“No,” replied Twilight, bluntly. She trotted briskly through the majestic, if not overly ornate crystal hallways. “Did you even look at the ponies your Chaos touched? They are mortified!”
“But I was just having fuuun!” moaned Disorder, trying to cling to the alicorn’s hoof but being shaken off every time. He looked back to Fluttershy and Discord who silently tagged along, looking for support. “Daddy, Auntie is being m- m- meeeean!”
“Oh, I know, son,” sighed the draconequus, rolling his eyes at the obvious. “Your Auntie is a total buzzkill.”
Twilight shot Discord an angry frown, turning towards the giant ball room she had fashioned into the new Ponyville Library. “A buzzkill? I’m the bad mare for trying to keep Ponyville in one piece? Suuuuure.”
“Hey, last time I looked outside, it wasn’t my nine thousand-something power level that had given Ponyville a new moat!”
“It was your fault to begin with!”
“My point still stands. And I was the victim there, you know that very well, Twilight Sparkle!”
“Victim? Victim?! How in the world-”
“Stop it, both of you! Not in front of the foal!” interjected Fluttershy, her voice surprisingly strong against the bickering immortals. She protectively wrapped Disorder in her wings and cradled him, the tiny chaos being silent and pouty. “I’m sorry, Disorder. Aunt Twilight and Daddy Discord were just having a loud talk. Weren’t you?”
Fluttershy could be scary if she wanted to. It was a passive ability triggered when her friends or innocent woodland creatures were in danger. Her stare, usually reserved for unruly beasts, made the two look away and dab at the ground awkwardly, murmuring out their agreement.
“Good,” she sighed, rocking the teary-eyed colt in her embrace. “I’m sure everything will be alright. Don’t worry, Disorder. I’m sure the Princesses will find a way for you to still do the things you like. It’s not like Discord is being an angel all the time anyway.”
“Fluttershy, I don’t think-”
She had no chance of speaking to a Fluttershy engaged in momma mode. Her wings were flared and her eyes were focused on Twilight so intensely they would give a gorgon a run for her money.
Not wanting to put her immortality to the test against Fluttershy’s instincts, Twilight put on a wide, fake smile. “I mean, sure, we’ll try and figure something out,” she nodded stiffly.
The alicorn did her best to ignore the triumphant grin on Discord’s face and quickly looked over her improvised library. It was sadly void of books, all that she saved only filling a cabinet or two. Most of it was still stacked in a pile, Spike had apparently not been tending to his duties with enough diligence.
“Where in the world did that dragon go to?”
* * *
‘Ponyville is a mess’ was an understatement so horrendous it made Discord chuckle. Free from whatever power warded his chaos inside the castle, the draconequus flexed his powers by adding a few innocent accents of his own to the already impressive landscape crafted by his son.
“Discord! Remove those… snake streamers. Please,” hissed Twilight, hurriedly pacing past a small berry bush peppered with small coffee beans. Wish I had time for coffee, mentally groaned the alicorn, hopping over a cluster of foamy bubbles in the watery road, a nice cup of joe would either help me deal with all this or put me out of my misery...
“Aunt Twilight? I really can’t do any more chaos?” asked Disorder, perched between Fluttershy’s wings.
“I’m sorry, Disorder,” apologised Twilight, scanning her surroundings for the purple scales of her assistant. It was both helpful and irritating that all the ponyville houses were ground-level flat at the moment. “I will need you to reverse it all as soon as I send my letter to the Princess.”
“Reverse it? As in, take it back?” gasped the tiny chaos being, grasping Fluttershy’s neck harder. “B-But why? It’s so much more interesting this way!”
“I think so too!” perked up Discord, floating beside a fuming Twilight. “Considering the landscape around, Ponyville fits in perfectly into the ‘levelled by an OP alicorn’ theme!”
“Not. Now. Discord,” growled Twilight through grit teeth, her wings flaring in anger.
“Oh my! Twilight, have some decency! Not in front of the foal!” mocked the draconequus, scooping up his son and covering his eyes with a lion’s paw. “I know I’m devilishly handsome and that it is your body’s natural reaction, but I haven’t given him the talk just yet. Cover yourself up, for Pete’s sake!”
Fluttershy rolled her eyes and Twilight did her best to ignore Discord altogether, trying to remember if Spike said anything about going anywhere. She was so engrossed with her paperwork she didn’t notice the baby dragon most of the time, except when he wasn’t around and she needed him. Right now was probably the worst possible moment for him to go visiting someone or shopping… or doing something that wasn’t sending a very urgent plea for help to the Princesses.
* * *
Rainbow Dash was a heavy sleeper. Being as athletic as she was required a lot of practice and effort, all of which had to be paid off in solid sleep and a balanced meal schedule.
Her usual day started off with a stretch and small wake-up-warm-up that got her body going. Wing-ups, some squats, a weight or two while rapidly trotting in place were no biggy. A quick shower later she could relax over a tofu salad which she painstakingly prepared the day before, trying her best to make the bland meal have a bit of bite. The spices she used made it taste a bit better than the day before, but she had to admit to herself that she’d probably have to rely on her significant other to do the cooking. Some day. When she’d want to settle down and be boring.
Training right after food was unhealthy, so the pegasus usually lounged around with a book or watched her pet tortoise go about his daily routine, an activity that let her train both her patience and concentration.
Exactly an hour after breakfast, she burst out of her apartment to get down to training proper. With how the area around Ponyville looked, she had a lot more space to practice her speed and endurance. It would probably be fixed by some fancy spell later on, so she had to make the best of it until then.
Rainbow was about to start her routine when a feeling told her something was not right. The sky was unusually void of pegasi and birds. Even smoke from the houses below was absent. Looking down made her gasp and nearly stop flapping her wings in shock.
Ponyville was as flat as a pancake, with all the roads replaced by soapy muck. The ground all around had a black and purple checker pattern on it. The lampposts around town were flexing and stretching into all kinds of bizarre shapes.
“Okay, so I guess this is what ‘Discord gets stoned for good’ day looks like,” smirked Rainbow, cautiously observing a key of what she could only guess were flying ‘No Texture Found’ signs. “At least the castle seems to be alright… And Twilight seems to be on top of things too.”
* * *
“Hey Twi. So when are we stoning Discord?”
The question startled Twilight so much she misstepped. One thing led to another and it was her first Ponyville Winter Wrap-Up all over again, only this time, instead of ice, she frantically danced on a road made of soap.
The checkered ground zipped past at breakneck speed, the alicorn unable to halt her momentum even with her spread wings. She closed her eyes shut as the road neared its end, ready for the inevitable plowing through the ground muzzle-first.
The wind still howled in her ears when she hesitantly opened an eye, surprised at her distance miscalculation. Looking down she suddenly remembered that physics and generally understood reality had no footing in the realm of chaos, letting her continue the soap-propelled journey through the black and purple grounds. The speed was startling and made her eyes water, forcing the mare to shield herself with a wing. She was rapidly climbing a small hill, equal parts afraid and curious of what the skewered rules of friction and gravity would do to her.
Turns out that gravity and momentum worked just fine in the regard of vertical movement. As soon as the ground begun sloping down, Twilight felt the foam at her feet dissolve, leaving her flailing in the air like a trebuchet missile. Air friction took a break for the time being, letting her zoom past cloud level and marvel at the cotton field drifting away from beneath her.
The sun was beautiful from her vantage point, the pink fluff making it seem like it was dusking already. Or maybe it was?
Twilight quickly lost track of time in her ever-climbing journey which already was leaving a majestic condensation trail in her wake. Judging by the angle it was at, she was slowly reaching the apex of her journey, although Celestia knows how far from Ponyville she was already.
Far away in the distance, a rainbow-colored trail burst from the cotton cloud blanket, making a right angle straight for her. It was gaining on Twilight fast.
Before the alicorn could sigh in relief and relax a tiny bit, she felt a weight settle itself on her back, straddling her wings, causing them to fold out fully to her sides and glide slightly.
“See, Auntie? This is fun!” declared Disorder with a wide grin, nuzzling into Twilight’s neck. “I told you chaos is fun! Wanna play a game? Dad told me you’d love it! It’s called ’Grand Theft Alicorn’!”
Twilight only managed a gulp before the mismatched hooves on her wings pushed down on her joints, making her dip straight back into the pink clouds. She closed her eyes and screamed, her mouth immediately stuffed with cotton candy as the two breached the puffy surface and plummeted towards the ground.
Spitting and gasping for air, Twilight had the misfortune of looking straight at the rapidly approaching checkered earth. Even with discordian physics, a harsh mass of ground to the muzzle had no way of being a pleasant experience. Just as she was about to turn into a pancake, her tiny driver pulled up violently, smoothing out the trajectory enough for Twilight to extend her hooves and grab purchase.
Her hooves were immediately wrapped up in foamy bubbles, the wet feeling returning to the frogs of her legs. She didn’t seem to have slowed down and the howling wind nearly made her go deaf. Still…
There was a certain thrill in all this. Beneath the mind-numbing fear of hitting a tree or another pony, or even Disorder deciding to stop the ‘fun’, she was breathless at the feeling of momentum. This was probably the closest she ever came to being as fast as Rainbow Dash. Hay, she was most likely the fastest ground-bound pony alive!
Oh, wait, I’m an alicorn now. I do have wings. Technically, I’m no longer ground bound and whyinthehayarewenotstopp-