Because Ponies Are the Size of Cats and They Love to Cuddle

by shortskirtsandexplosions


Buses

"So, when did y'all meet this 'Aynrandy' feller?"

"Hmmm?" I glance down at my lap. Applejack's seated on folded hooves, her innocent green eyes reflecting my face. "Oh... well..." I stare out the bus windows as we descend into the heart of the Sprawl. "Seven or eight years ago."

"Land's sakes! Yer practically soulmates!"

"Ew..." I giggle. "Please, don't say that."

"Why not? He's yer friend, ain't he?" Applejack smiles. "I think it's just fine and dandy that y'all manage to work at the same place and be next door neighbors."

"Uh huh..."

"It seems to me like some sort of 'you scratch my back' and 'I scratch yers' sort of a relationship."

"Meh."

"Y'all don't think so?"

"I spent the first two years getting used to his grating laugh," I say. "Then the next two years after that trying to avoid his constant flirts and come-ons."

"Shucks. What in the hay brought that on?"

"One drunk weekend party on Enceladus. We were on a cruise, and—well—to make a long story short, I left the playful dolphins behind and he never did."

"Reckon I don't get it."

"And I reckon you shouldn't have to. Let's just say that—after a very bumpy ride, a ride that Ayn likely wishes was bumpier between us—we've settled for just friends." I squirm where I sit. "Mmmm... more or less."

"'Love and tolerate,' I always say!" Applejack smiles.

"I always thought you said 'yeeeeha.'"

"Snkkkt-heeheehee!"

"... ... ...what?"

"Nothin'."

"No, come on. Out with it. What?!"

"Just... snkkkt..." She holds a hoof over her scrunched muzzle and smiles up at me with teary eyes. "The goddess-awful monotone with which you choose to say that! Heeheehee!"

I stare at her. I blink. "'Yeeeeeeeeeha?'"

She guffaws, rolling over on my lap. I have to hold her to keep her from rolling onto the floor of the bus. Heads turn and squint curiously at us.

"Uhhhh..." I smile crookedly. "'Giddy-up, partner,'" I drone. "'Time to circle the wagons.'"

"Haaaaah hah hah hah hah!" Applejack hugs herself, a squealing, giggling mess. "Oh Celestia! Oh goddess above, I'm gonna fertilize myself!"

"Not on my lap, you won't!"

"Ahem..." She clamps her jaw shut, though a snicker or two still slithers out. "J-just pullin' yer leg, sugarcube. Snkkkkt!" She hides her reddening face with her dark blue hood. "Ohhhhhh my sides hurt! My sides hurt somethin' awful!"

"How about this." Petting her, I lean down and murmur into her hooded ears. "Keep it down for the rest of the ride, and I'll let you open the first of the twelve bags of Chex Mix I brought for the picnic."

Applejack sits up straight like an antenna pole. "Ahem." She sweats slightly, limbs locked at attention. "Prim and proper! Just you take a gander! No squirmin' to be seen here! Uh uh!"

A half-dozen or so bus riders chuckle at the pony.

"She's not so goofy once you get to know her!" I say, scratching her head with a proud smirk. "In case you're wondering, I won her in a raffle. You shoulda seen what the other person won. I'll give you a hint, it's not nearly as southern."

More chuckles.

"Sugarcube..." Applejack squeaks out the side of her muzzle. "Do ya mind...?"

"Hey, I'm not the one eating Chex Mix today."

"Honestly, though, such sass..."

"That's your favorite word of the day."

"Well, all of yers send me trippin' over myself." She tilts her head up at me, squinting upside down. "'Southern?'"

"What about it?"

"What in tarnation does it mean?"

"It's your accent, silly," I say, fussing with a few loose strands of hair. "You sound like you're from the South."

"The south of what?"

"New Mobile, of course. Venutians from the Southern Hemisphere are avid farmers." I frown as I fuss more and more. "Seriously, Applejack, your mane!"

"What about it?"

"Did you sleep in a cave full of blow driers overnight?! Ungh... gimme a second..." I reach into the backpack seated next to me, fumbling for a brush.

"What's the big heapin' deal?" Applejack chuckles under her breath. "We're gonna be on the outside, sweatin' in the purple daylight anyways!"

"So?!" I hold her tiny body steady and proceed to brush back her golden threads, straightening her ponytail. "No sense in you looking like you just rose from the dead!"

"Actually, darlin', I think that'd be you this mornin'." She gigglesnorts.

"Hardy har har. Just sit straight and let me fix this."

"I'm tellin' y'all, t'ain't nothin' to fix!" She sighs in a grumbling tone. "I swear, yer worse than Rarity!"

"I barely understand that, but somehow I still feel insulted."

"Really, though, you even take about as long to get ready for the day as her!" Applejack shrugs as I continue straightening her mane. "I wasted nearly forty-minutes sittin' on my keister, waitin' for you to port me on over here!"

"So what if I need to freshen up in the morning?"

"Ah... I knowwwww what it is." She chuckles. "You just wanna present me all neat and sparkly-like!"

I pause, nearly dropping the brush. "Huh?!"

"Don't 'huh' me!" She smirks up at me. "Deep down yer thinkin' that this here picnic's like a cat or dog show! And here you are groomin' me up nice to win the best ribbon!"

"That's... th-that's not true at all!" I cackle.

"Heheheheheh..." She chortles. "Yer just dyin' to show me off to all the other ponies and their humans!"

"Pfft! Please." I fold my arms. "I just don't want you looking silly, that's all!"

"Heeheehee... yer soooooo red right now!"

"I am not!" I grimace. Through the corner of my vision, I see a young couple smirking at me. "Sh-shut up!" I bark, making them chuckle. "You get an adorable talking horse of your own and see how it is!"

"Uh uh uh! None of that!" Applejack looks up at me. "No need in gettin' yer invisible tail in a twirl."

"Nnnnnngh... yes yes, I know."

"And I ain't yer little pet, ya hear?"

"That I definitely know."

"Good." Applejack sits still... for about five seconds. Biting her lip, she looks nervously up at me. "But... erm... I-I still get to have some of that Chex Mix later, r-right?"

"Yes. Yes you will." I reach down and pet her.

"Hmmmmm..." She smiles, her eyes shut and her tail wagging.

I roll my eyes. Within seconds, we feel the th-thump of the hoverbus touching down. "Whelp, this is our stop." I hoist the backpack over my shoulder. Applejack hops down onto the floor. "You sure you don't want me to carry you?"

"Thanks, darlin', but I can't be held on a pedestal forever!" She trots gaily out the bus' exit with a proud smirk. "Besides, I could use a stretch before we get to the park!" She's gone from the bus for three seconds—when there's a horrible, shrill dog bark from right outside. "Whoah nelly!" She dashes back in, scampering and clawing and paddling at my lower left leg.

With a sigh, I bend over and scoop her up. "There... better?"

"Y-yup..." She gulps, shivering in my arms as I carry her out of the bus and safely down the street to where the park stretches widely between monuments and skyscrapers. "I... uh... f-fancy stretchin' my legs once there's some grass beneath my hooves."

"You'll get no argument from me."