//------------------------------//
// Alarms 
// Story: Because Ponies Are the Size of Cats and They Love to Cuddle 
// by shortskirtsandexplosions 
//------------------------------//

	BREEP!  BREEP!  BREEP!  BREEP!  BREEP!

"Nnngh... guhh..."

BREEP!  BREEP!  BREEP!  BREEP!  BREEP!

"Mmmmnghhhh..."  I stir.  I clench my teeth and clench the bedsheets.  "Nnnngh..."  One eye squints at the blaring alarm as its crimson numbers flash "6:00am" in sequence with the constant siren sound.  "For the love of Zoram..."

BREEP!  BREEP!  BREEP!  BREEP!  BREEP!

"Gnnnghh!"  I fumble one arm under the covers, grasp a pillow, and fling it straight at the bedside assassin of slumber.

It flies straight through the holographic clock.  BREEP!  BREEP!  BREEP—!

"Damn it!"  I roll over, gripping my ears.  "Cram Neptune up my holes while you're at it!"  Finally, with an audible whimper, I sit up in bed, blinking blearily.  The alarm still pounds in my ear.  Grumbling, I stretch my aching legs and stand up straight.

At last, the alarm stops bellowing.

I sigh long and hard.  My whole body collapses, and I fall back to bed.

Instantly, the alarm starts up again.  BREEP!  BREEP!  BREEP!

"Unnnnghhh..."  I trudge forward and off the bed.  "Friggin' technology..."  As I stumble past the vanity, I see the flicker of the Article from where it's attached to the wall.  "Nnnngh... n-not now, AJ.  Gimme a sec or two..."  Thusly, I make my way into the sonic shower and wake my body up with some real skull-splitting vibrations.

Half an hour later, I'm walking back to my room, brushing my hair out.  I squint blearily down at the hoodie.  The pouch is bulging.  I reach in and snatch a crumpled piece of paper.  Flicking on a light, I struggled to read.  It says "Rise and shine, sugarcube!  Cockadoodle Doo!" in Applejack's hoofwriting, followed by what can best be described as horsie smiley face.

"What in Zoram's smeg does 'cockadoodle doo' mean?" I grumble, only now starting to lose the vestiges of sleep and grumpiness.  "Must be some... pony word for pony love... or something... meh..."  I scribble a hasty response, begging for ten minutes, then stuff it back into the pouch before yanking on the Article's tag.

I resume brushing my hair and fixing my face.  Several tangles and combstrokes later, I'm ready.  I walk back to the article, unplug it from the wall, and prepare to tug the strings along the hood.  I pause, blinking, glancing down at myself.

"Heh... whoops..."

I wander to the closet, throw on some pants, a shirt, and a jacket.  Once done, I return to the hoodie, stifling a yawn.  I pull at the strings.  The room lights up with extradimensional brilliance.  The moment I see the golden shape of her ears, my heart jumps, and I instantly forget the anguish of early morning—replaced swiftly with a warm smile.

"Howdy!"  She glances up at me, her eyes bright as midday.  She does a double-take, and holds a hoof over her muzzle.  "Snkkkkt... my, aren't we a sight this early in the morn!"

"Nnnngh... Don't rub it in," I mutter, fighting back another yawn.  "Only thing up this early are zombies and Mexicans."

"Mexicans?"

"Space Mexicans."  I fall to my knee and spread my arms.  "But enough of that.  C'mere, you."

"Uh uh uh uh—" She holds me back at forelimb's length.

I blink.  "Well, this is a new twist.  You afraid of catching human cooties all of the sudden?"

"T'ain't like that, darlin'.  Just..."  She chuckles, gesturing at a huge, bulging pooch beneath the hoodie.  "I come bearin' fragile cargo."

"Why, AJ!"  I smirk mischievously.  "Looks like somepony's been sleeping with her barn door left waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay open!"

"Oh, go soak yer fat head!"

"Already did, girl."

"I meant that I brought the goods for today's shindig!"  She reached under her shirt, yanking.  "Mmmmf!  Suddenly this th-thang is tighter than one of Rarity's corsets!"

"Here, allow me."  I carefully lift the front of her hoodie.  Fwoomp!  An orange net full of apples rolls onto the floor.  "Well, would you look at that?"

"That'll make our time at the park extra sweet!"  She winks her emerald eyes.  "Ain't no picnic unless you got one of these golden delicious treats to munch on!"

"Uh huh..."

"Somethin' distractin' ya, sugarcube?"

"Yeah."  I continue squinting at her fuzzy orange tummy.  "You've got no belly button."

"...!"  She yanks her hoodie down and tilts her freckled nose up.  "Oh yeah?!  Well... uhm... y-y'all got no tail, but you dun see me makin' a big fuss out of it!"

"Actually, we do."

Applejack blinks awkwardly.  "You d-do?"

"Well, for a short time, as a fetus in the womb.  But it vanishes before the time of delivery, along with tax exemption."

"Golly, I didn't suspect I'd be havin' to smile and nod this dag gum early."

"Nnnngh..."  I stand up and shuffle towards the center of the apartment.  "Don't say the 'e' word."

"I dun get it!"  Applejack hops down from the chair, throws the bag of apples onto her flank, and pads after me on the carpet.  "Why ain'tcha bright eyed and bushy-tailed?"

"Because we fought back the cyborg squirrels in 2448..."

"The body a size of a manticore and all the perk-me-up gadgets ya can shove a stick at and still you're like Apple Bloom on the first day of school!"

"It's not that simple, AJ," I mutter as I wander to the kitchen pantry, open it with a wave of the hand, and grab a packet of coffee grindings.  "We humans run on caffeine, e-mails, and late night talk shows."

"Well, maybe y'all should try waking up at the crack of dawn more!"

"Not every carbon-based lifeform lives on a farm like you, Applejack.  Besides, if we did, twelve-year-olds would be licensed to drive fertilizer-spreading meteorites."  I make one move for the coffee machine and immediately trip.  "Gah!"  I look down, sputtering.  "AJ?!"

"Heeeeeeeeeeeee..."  She rubs up against my ankles, her blonde tail flicking.  "I-I just can't help it!  I'm so glad to see ya once again, darlin'.  And I'm so cotton-pickin' stoked for the picnic we'll be havin' today!"

"Yeah, well, at this rate you're gonna give me a concussion."  I reach one hand under her belly and lift her up to the kitchen table opposite from me.  "Let's save the hard contact sports for the park."

"Oh?  We've got some games planned?"

"Yeah," I grumbled, fiddling with the coffee maker's settings.  "Plutonium Football with ponies.  We'll use Ayn's head and punt it between the capitol spires of Ganymede."

"Yer buddy's bringin' Maud Pie, ain't he?"

"Mmmmhmmm..."  I press the "start" button.  "That's the plan."

"Any idea who else will be comin' to pay a visit?"

Ding!  I pull the pitcher out and pour myself a steaming mug.  "Five... maybe six people."

"Any idea who they're bringin'?"

"No."  I glance at her.  "Don't you know?"

"Reckon I'm clueless, darlin'."

"Well, Equestria doesn't exactly sound like New Atlanta."

"Beg yer pardon?"

"Meaning it's not a giant overpopulated asteroid of twenty-billion blue collar mutants floating across the Kuiper Belt."  I take a sip of the morning ambrosia and lean back against the refrigerator.  "If somepony in Ponyville or Hoofville or Horsetown or whatever village in Equestria got one of the Articles on your side, wouldn't you figure it out really quickly?"  Another sip.  "I mean, there're only so few hoodies out there being part of this experiment—even after the Professor expanded it."

"Heh heh heh..."  Applejack sits back on her haunches and gives me a bashful smile.  "Sugarcube, how many times do I have to remind ya, darlin'—I live on a farm."

"Jee... how could I forget?"  I point.  "You totally didn't get those velociraptor thighs from spinning-bird-kicking your way across Street Fighter Seventy-Two: Championship Arcade Volume Seven."

"Wha—?!"  Applejack blinks.  Her freckles disappear in a sea of red as she suddenly hikes down the edges of her hoodie.  "Now just what in th-the hay is th-that supposed to mean?!"

"God's Hooks!"  I gesture towards a holo-clock and slap my mug of coffee down onto the floor.  "Look at the time!"

"Now just a gul-durn minute here—"

"Better get going or we'll miss the hoverbus!"

"So wh-what if I'm well-built in the back end?!"  She pouts, huffing, red-faced.  "I'll have y'all know that Bucky McGillicutty and Kicks McGee have givin' their darnedest for the farm!"

"We'd better take the express route!" I say, hoisting a stuffed backpack over my shoulder.  "That way, we avoid the mag-lev training hauling ore from the moon's core.  It'll be faster that way."

"I ain't budgin' until we talk this here nonsense out!"

"Save it for the bus trip."  I hoist her up in my arms, grab my hologloves, and make my way for the apartment exit.  "You can buck me into traffic if you like.  More dramatic that way."

"Now listen here—"  She pouts while she's cradled in my arms.  "Just b-because you're super sweet and polite-like to me most of the time doesn't mean y'all can get away with sassin' me like a schoolyard bull—"  A few of my stray fingers find their way behind her left ear.  She instantly stiffens, her eyes twitching as her right leg spasms against me.  "Ooooooh... ear... ear ear ear ear..."

"Mmmmhmmm..."  I smirk as I carry her out the door and lock the apartment shut behind us.  "My little putty..."

"Oh my stars..."  She smiles drunkenly, her green eyes rolling back.  "I-I swear I'm seein' purple!"

"That's just Jupiter, silly pony."

"Duahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."