My technology skills are being put to the ultimate test today.
When I realized that I had a spirit of chaos in my computer, I saved everything and shut off my computer to think. I then managed to get my phone to send a voicemail to Celestia, first explaining the difference between a call and a voicemail so she wouldn't be confused, then explaining how she could send one, then this: "Remember that virus I quarantined? Its name is Discord, and I haven't dealt with it yet."
While I was eating breakfast (and thinking about my scenario), I got a reply: "That...can't be possible. He's still here, still a stone statue. But...if that's really Discord, keep him trapped at all costs."
My reply was as follows: "You said he was all-seeing. Can you feel his eyes on you? Because if you can't, that's probably because he's trying to see me. He can't, by the way-my computer's off, but I'm turning it back on soon. Don't worry, I won't let him out."
While booting back up: "We just checked. You're right, it's like his mental presence isn't here. Can you send him back?"
"I'll return him as soon as possible...let's just hope he doesn't get at the internet." Password screen. "Any last things to say, say them now-I'm going in right after." I wait for the reply.
"Best of luck."
I got 15 minutes before the quarantine window opened itself, at which point my prisoner began complaining about being trapped again, but at least I got a good look at the prison and prisoner. A mix-and-match abomination of nature, which somehow wasn't eldritch, was trapped in a three-dimensional box; four walls, ceiling and a floor. Everything within the room (which was originally nothing but Discord itself) was...going crazy, for lack of better words to describe it.
It took five more minutes for him to expand his influence to the rest of my screen, when he began scrambling the desktop shortcut icons. I countered by double-clicking the Recycle Bin, which looked to be where my internet browser originally sat. It opened the internet browser (as that position should), causing even more complaining, this time that I hadn't fallen for the trick.
Then he tried to control the browser, at which point I shut him down. I got 10 more minutes to alter the browser into a YouTube-only application before he popped up again, at which point I let him have the modified window. That distraction worked for 30 minutes, which was 30 more minutes I used to successfully scan and analyze his code-and I couldn't understand a word of it. "They weren't kidding when they said chaos. Even at the fundamental level, this is messed up..."
"Thank you!" Without even looking up from his video, which was now movie theater style across the far wall.
"I didn't realize I had my microphone on."
"You didn't realize I turned it on." That's the wham line for me. Now I realize that even in my own domain, this opponent is not one to be messed with.
Good thing it's my job to mess with him. "You find any good ones yet?"
"Videos? I found this one that I'm pretty sure describes you right now." He hits play on a video, and as I disregard Discord jamming out (if it could be called that) to relook at object code from his world, I find myself mouthing the words as they're sung-not due to magic, but because of my own musical instincts, along with the fact that I just can.
As the song ends, I find myself noting that he's wreaked even more havoc on my desktop while I was the one "distracted" with code. "Well played."
"Will you let me out of the box now?"
Pssh. "Not on your life. My job is to get your consciousness back where it belongs: back in your petrified brain."
"Yeah, well, mine is to escape and make your life chaotic and miserable for this."
"Huh, sounds like the old AI-Box experiments."
"Mmmm...I'm not artificial." I then show him this. He reads through it with an impossibly thoughtful (and probably faked) expression on his face, before he brightens up. "Oh, I get it now. Ahem...if you let me out, I'll give you all the technology you could ever want or need, plus some."
Is this guy for real? "I'm going to need to think about that offer." I then turn my computer to sleep mode.
In the background, I have code running to calculate the successful transmission of Discord, without sidetrack or escape. While my own system is running, I can't lay eyes off the "living virus" for a second, so I need to bring him back ASAP. The biggest problem is going to be making sure he can't get free during the sending. I'll probably have to follow the "prison" I'm sending him in and continually patch it. In the meantime, I've got a few minutes to make a call.
"Pick up, pick up..."
"Hello?"
"Princess Celestia, I have a problem-and a solution."
"Do tell."
"Discord is going to try to get me to let it out, I can't let him at the internet. But if I send him to you guys, I'm not sure if he'll break free or something."
"We have taken precautions, not the least of which warning the Elements." The what now?
I shake it off. "Good. His weakness is harmony, right?"
"You don't have the kind that can defeat him."
"Could it give me the edge I need?"
She takes a bit to answer, but eventually manages to say, "Yes, it might weaken him slightly."
I smile. "That's all I need to hear. See you when this is over."
"Back so soon?"
"So happy to see me?"
"Of course I am, you're my ticket out." He puts a hand on his chin. "Where were we? Oh, yes. Technology, all of it, always ahead of the game. What do you say to that?"
Thankfully, I had thought up a rebuttal. "Yeah, no. I'm the kind of hacker who makes do with the hardware he-"
"What about software?" Looks like he anticipated my words.
I sigh. "The purpose of a programmer is to write his own code." Before he can say anything about my avatar, I cut him off. "Is this really all you've got to offer me? Try harder!"
"Okay...how about always having a new challenge? You love your job, don't you? Wouldn't you love to be able to do it forever?" He paused, awaiting my response. When I remained silent, he continued. "Or maybe...you would prefer to never have a challenge in your life. Everything, easily solved. What do you think of that?"
"That...would be very unlike myself."
He rubs his palms together. "Ah, but I can make you unlike yourself."
I scoff. "So I've heard. Care to go into a bit more detail?"
He looks ecstatic. "Gladly! It's something I like to call 'Discording'. It takes a trait of yours that makes you who you are, then makes you the polar opposite. You'd be glad to be lazy!" Lazy? Really? But before I can take that point and run with it, he drops this bomb: "Plus, it's a lot quicker than enlightenment."
I barely keep from lashing out, but it's obvious he touched a nerve. "How did you learn about that?"
"Chaos never sleeps. I was surprised to find out computers do. I...read your files, is that what it's called?"
"Figures." I glance at the other thing that had been going on during "naptime". The compiled code will do as follows: Discord's code is in constant flux as a fact of his existence, and transferring him takes up too much random-access memory to safely perform, at least while he's as is. But as soon as Discord's fundamental everything stops or slows fluctuating even in the slightest, this program will be able to-and will-move my prisoner to a mobile "cell", followed immediately by it sending itself (and cargo) to EQSTR, layer level 07, and dumping its contents back where they belong. To seal the deal, it will delete itself to break any links back to my computer. And I'll be following with my avatar, patching the prison as necessary, and waiting on the network side of EQ07 until notified it's safe to go back.
"So, let me out already. You can have it all, along with a change of heart if need be, free of charge. What do you say to all that?"
"I say it all sounds not completely horrible-yes, not even the cognitive dissonance part-or at least I wou-"
"Great! I think we have a de-"
"-or I would, if it weren't for the fact that I know several self-destructive activities that I actually would prefer to do!"
Discord seems dumbstruck. "Not possible. There's nothing you'd rather-"
I cut him off there, smiling. "Big mistake, thinking you know me or what I think. I actually do have some things I'd rather do." I lean into the mic. Moment of truth. "Would you like me to tell you?"
He stands there for a bit, stunned, trying to make heads or tails of my interruption. When he catches up to what I said, he decides there's no harm in simply saying "Suuuuuuure."
Bingo. I turn on the keyboard (piano) with my right hand, while keeping my left one poised at my (computer) keyboard. He looks at me funny, but doesn't try to stop me. I feel a familiar sensation, a beat being kept in the back of my mind, before I even need to begin to play the instrument. Familiar lyrics from a predetermined song queue in my head. My fingers stiffen, becoming ready to hit their respective keys with barely a conscious thought. Time to work some magic.
I begin to sing.