“The trial of Support Pillar will now resume.”
Assertively, I take the stage again; never show weakness were my words to Skipper not a moment ago, and I plan to live up to them. There seem to be a lot of excitement in the atmosphere however, most notably from the judge and the prosecutor.
“Support Pillar,” Celestia went, her voice ringing in the same angelic pattern as previous, betraying no emotional state whatsoever, “After deliberation, we have found you innocent of the first crime you were accused of.”
First crime huh, whatever your second is I am ready, “Glad to hear it,” I chirped, flapping my still broken wings by instinct, felt odd, a lot less painful than when I woke up, should thank the doctor for that.
“However,” Ouch. The prosecutor’s voice rang so loud, every pony in the room covered their ears. Noticing her mistake the prosecutor blushed briefly before fixing her posture then continuing in a less loud, more stoic manner, “you are still accused of a far heinous crime than the previous one, one that, in my opinion, you should be immediately executed off without even this trial.”
Yeah you wish, whatever happens to you to be so angry about I’ve got nothing to do with it, and I am not about to take the fall for someone else’s mess. I fake a gasp, “how shameful of me to be so atrocious.” The multiple giggles were music to my ears, “Whatever did I do to deserve that title? Please enlighten me.” Guess I am being too sarcastic, I need to stop before someone punches me for stepping out of line.
“You fed on love.”
…. Is she serious? “I beg your pardon?”
“You creatures feed on the love of others, by taking the place of other people loved ones and living their lives, then you feed on that person’s loved one’s emotions. And as the representative of the Princess of Love, I cannot accept that.”
I sat there silent for a moment, feed on love? Did they just ran out of accusations and are throwing whatever they want? “No seriously princess, what are you accusing me of?”
The look I had from every pony in the room spoke volumes, “Oh, You’re being serious.” My reply is definitely getting mixed results. Not good, I need to turn this to my favor and quick.
“Is that admittance of guilt I hear?” The prosecutor said defiantly; one would think that with every guard now taking a step forward and aiming their horns at me I’d be frightened out of my wits, yet my mind was in a different place all together that I didn’t notice the guards at all.
“No,” my voice not carrying its usual confidence, “I am just wondering.”
“About?”
“Well, if I eat love then what do I excrete? Hate or insignificance?”
What happened next was possibly the most insulting thing that could possibly occur, they all started to laugh at me!
After nearly breaking the table with her tapping, the room fell into a snickering and jeering silence.
“Are you saying that you are innocent of that as well?”
“No, your highness,” wow that came out much calmer than what I intended, “I am saying that you are accusing me of something that is biologically impossible.”
“So you are saying that all those testimony about your race feeding on love are false?” the judge appeared truly confused this time.
“I am not saying they are false, I can prove that they are false.” Gasps were heard from the background, really? Doesn’t anyone in this room ever took a biology textbook? Or even did a dissection for that matter?
“How?”
“If you bring me a black board and a box of chalks I can show you.”
A few moments and whispers later, and what I just requested have appeared behind me, now a sensible guy would try to buy some time to come up with an escape, or to actually prove his innocence by some good reasoning or a good excuse. Unfortunately, I am not that guy; I am going to give those ignorant equines a biological lesson they will never going to forget.
“I am going to start my explanation of why it is illogical to sustain oneself on emotions such as love,” I take a chalk from the box, and mimic what the doctor did in front of me when taking the bandages away, I giggled inwardly, it is still doesn’t feel natural for me to do no matter how many times I did it. An aura appeared on the box, I sneered, “Keep the box.”
Then turn to the board and write in big font “Emotion’s edibility debate.” Yieks, I thought my normal handwriting was bad. No matter, I’ll be speaking everything regardless.
“First, I will start by recapping out what is a normal Equine digestive system and how does it work, I will explain it using anatomical diagrams, physiological processes, biochemistry and the such, then I will do the same in explaining what are emotions and how they work through the same process as the previous, finally I will provide the arguments as to why emotions can NOT be edible.”
I write each and every topic that I will be covering in my debate in a list form on one corner of the table.
“Will that really be necessary?” Did the prosecutor sounded frightened?
“Of course, how else will I convince all of you of my innocence?”
I look at the witnesses; five out of six of them were furiously shaking their heads no, while the sixth’s eyes were widening with glee.
“Now as I mentioned, the equine race has the following anatomical features for a digestive system: a buccal cavity, the esophagus, the stomach, the small intestine, the cecum, the colon, the rectum and anus…..”
Half an hour later.
“And that conclude the buccal cavity’s immunological characteristics and a quick covering of its micro-flora as well, moving on to the stomach…”
“WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP ALREADY?” The cyan pegasus from before jumped at me begging, and I just realized that I no longer have room on my board to write.
“For the love of Celestia,” the blue pegasus is now pleading the judge, “we already sent the message about the kidnappings, can’t we let this one go? He’s killing us over there.”
“I beg your pardon,” I say with an annoyed look, “but I am not chaining you to this room, you can either leave or sleep if you wish, I wouldn’t mind either.”
“No, this is a closed court, no one leaves until this is over,” the judge finally stated, and the blue pegasus returned to her seat in defeat, “however I agree with her, most of what you said, although fascinating, is also unnecessary for your argument, I would suggest skip ahead for the important stuff.”
“Hmm,” I reflect on what she said for a moment. “I can skip the anatomy, physiology, immunology, and microbiology recap, but I still need to explain the biochemistry of nutrient processing within the digestive tract, it’s important.”
The nods confirmed that I need to “skip” ahead and just focus on the important stuff.
“Alright, as we all know the nutrients are usually composed into three categories, protein, sugars, and lipids…….”
3 hours later:
“And that concludes the metabolism of nutrients within the body.”
I have been writing on the floor for the past two hours so it all look like a big mess of charts and plans and scribbles, I start writing next on the dais where the judges are sitting.
“Now I will start with emotions, I will try to keep this as light and short as possible,” I assure, but since half the jury is asleep, I think no one would mind if I stretch this a little.
“Now emotions are a combinations of nerve signal transductions, neuro-hormonal and hormonal messaging that are carried out throughout the entire body. I will explain only one emotion which is love to save time, now love is combination of adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and vasopressin, as well as other hormonal fluctuations that can be considered inter-sex differentiations.”
“Wait, that’s not right.” The prosecutor jumped.
But I jumped back, “How rude, were have you learned your manners miss prosecutor? Kindergarten?”
That took her aback, “But…”
I quickly interject, “No buts, and because of your impoliteness I would like that all of you would refrain from asking anymore questions until I am done.”
The prosecutor grumbled and sat back while giggles were heard in the background, I simply huffed and returned to my monologue.
“Now as I was saying, the first act of love is lust and it starts with adrenaline….”
An hour and a half later:
“….And that conclude our interpretation about the physiology of love, now to understand why love is inedible we have to reevaluate what is edible and what is not from the view point of the biochemistry process known as metabolism that I explained earlier…”
An hour later:
“…..So you see the problem is really with the fact that no real energy is being created with love as a whole process, which means it cannot be used in the anabolic processes of a body, now to understand more about energy we need to check the molecular mechanism of enzymes….”
An hour later:
“….So the fascinating aspect is that this process costs less energy than was previously calculated, so it is quite significant to understand the biological catalysts known as enzymes….”
Two hours later:
“…. And that is how amino acids interact between each other in order to yield the catalytically property of enzymes within a reaction, it is important to note that this process have a more hidden quantum side to it that I am about to explain….”
An hour later:
“…So by using this formula in calculating the bonding force of the atoms we can see clearly that it is not a process we can ignore, because of that it is no longer a question of physical characteristics but a matter of numbers….
An hour and a half later:
“…. And finally by using the Pythagoras theorem you can just as easily prove that it is impossible to feed on love.”
I gave a big sigh of relief, then turned toward my class, “Are there any ques…” Oh no! Not again!
Why every one of my lectures ends up with my entire audience asleep? And the prosecutor’s drool is making a pond, Eww!
I can’t possibly have been talking that long; I mean, okay, maybe I used up the board, the floor, the dais, the wall behind the dais, the ceiling, all the way to the…front door.
Okay, maybe I went overboard a bit, but it can’t be that bad, I mean the sun is still up, I couldn’t possibly have talked for more than an hour, or two at tops.
Wait a second. I can use this to my advantage.
I opened the door a crack and took a peek.
Lucky! No one’s there. We can escape.
Now I just have to swallow my pride and get Skipper before anyone wakes up. The moment when I turned however, the purple unicorn who used statistics in her testimony was looking at me with the broadest smile I have ever seen on a pony’s face.
Panic griped me, what does she want? Could she be planning to stop me from leaving the room? Will she vaporize me where I stand? Will she…?
“That. Was. Amazing!!”
Whaaa…?
“I never knew that Changeling science was so advance…”
She listened to my debate? And liked it? Have I found the One?
“…I mean I had my suspicions about energy transfer in enzymes…”
Stop staring at her ass, stop starring at her ass, damn it STOP STARING AT HER ASS.
“…But then you backed everything up using mathematical analysis and that literally blew my mind… Are you staring at my rear?”
“Uh, no?” Suddenly a green energy hit her from behind and she fell unconscious.
NOOOO!
Why must my search for love be so cruelly interrupted? Who dared to harm the One?
“Hey,” I frowned at my brutish rescuer, who was giddily “What did you do that for? I wanted to debate her, and or possibly marry her. Not smack her on the head!”
“But didn’t you say to follow in your hoofsteps if I wanted to live?” She reply to me with equal surprise.
“You could have been gentler!” How hard was it to tackle her and take her with us? She could be useful, but then I wouldn’t be able to flirt with her, maybe I can use Stockholm syndrome? Am I that sadistic?
“I panicked, Okay!” Skipper replied defensively, but a sudden loud groan from the judge caused us both to jump in each other’s… hooves. Okay, time to go, “Maybe we can continue this somewhere else?” Skipper agreed with my thoughts.
“Alright,” I told her while shoving her through the door, “but don’t think you’re getting out of this easily.”