//------------------------------//
// Chapter 8: Listening at Keyholes 
// Story: Agent Con Mane in Doctor Ironhoof (Under Revision) 
// by Fairytail 
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	Fear was an agent’s most constant companion. It was his first enemy on the field and his final test. Fear was an equalizing force of nature that brought a pony’s mortality to the forefront of the mind. For in the end all agents would eventually be killed by fear. No agent ever feared death, and missions were carried out with the expectation that the agent would not return alive, but nevertheless the fear would prevail- not in the guise of death, but a mirror. The mirror of fear reminded every agent that no matter how good at his job he may be, he is still but a pony. And it was Agent Con Mane’s turn to stare helplessly into the mirror, reflected by the shimmering red eyes of the spider that crawled up his shoulder.
It took all of his willpower and all of his years of training to keep him from tightening his muscles and flinching in fear. Joe breathed slowly and calmly. He forced his muscles to relax. With the stillness of a statue, Joe focused on his horn. It shimmered with an emerald green light that danced on the walls of the room. The sudden change of lighting disturbed the spider as it coiled back. Joe immediately stopped the spell before he could startle the spider any further. And so Joe waited. He patiently laid down and watched the grotesque arachnid make its way up his foreleg. Sweat covered every inch of his body and he could feel his rapid heartbeat in his throat. The spider had made its way to his shoulder. Joe focused on regulating his breathing. The spider slowly moved its spindly legs one at a time. Up and down, up and down, rhythmically matched to Joe’s expanding chest. Joe felt like he had been lying in that bed for hours, his back marinating in a pool of his own sweat as he fought this war of attrition. Finally the spider placed a leg on Joe’s pillow. His eyes were inches away from its large, black body. Jow counted in anticipation each leg that stepped onto the pillow.
Once the menace was clear from his body, Joe didn’t waste a second. He magically grabbed the entire pillow, spider and all, and rocketed it off the bed. The pillow landed on the floor but the spider sailed across the room and landed in an open box of unfinished donuts that sat on Joe’s desk. Joe turned his magic to the nearby lamp and flooded the room with light. The startled creature instinctively bit into the donut it was perched upon. Joe watched in horror as the once delicious baked good became a petrified, donut shaped rock. It immediately occurred to Joe what it was he was up against. It was a Medusarantula. 
The Medusarantula hopped off the desk and landed on the floor. He saw the creature scurrying in a panic across the floor towards the door which was suspiciously left cracked open. With the reflexes of a rabbit, Joe dove to the floor, grabbed his pillow and trapped the spider under it. Joe slammed his hoof into the center of his pillow as hard as he could. He could feel the spider’s body crunch underneath the weight, accompanied by a squishy splatter. Adrenaline pumped throughout Joe’s body and he continued to pound his hoof into his pillow several more times. Scrunch! Scrunch! Slish! 
Joe fell back on his haunches and breathed heavily. He looked towards his bedroom door. He knew he’d never leave a door unlocked, let alone ajar. Coupled with the fact that Medusarantulas were only native to the Everfree Forest, it was clear that somepony wanted to spoil Joe’s island vacation. And he had a pretty good idea of who it was.

“Really?” Governor Claymold said in bewilderment, “A Medusarantula? How frightening!”
Joe sat comfortably in Claymold’s office the following morning. They shared a pot of coffee which had a little too much Janeighcan spice for Joe’s taste. A discarded newspaper sat to the side with the page opened to a headline that read ‘Drowned Body of Local Photographer Found Washed up on Beach. Authorities Suspect Suicide.’ At a small desk at the far end of the room, Desire was scribing some official document or another. Joe couldn’t help but notice that she wore too much eyeshadow and that she sat in her chair crooked-- most likely do to her uncomfortable tail extensions.
“Well as you can see I’m alright.” Joe said to Claymold, “It’ll take more than a creepy crawly to get rid of me.”
“How very brave of you, Mr. Mane. I’m so glad you’re ok.”
Joe flicked away a rogue bang that had fallen over his horn. He had tried to slick back his mane that morning but his efforts were already undermined by the morning humidity. He looked to the office entrance where he hung his favorite black dinner jacket on the coat rack. He was reluctant to drink coffee with only a white dress shirt and a bright red bowtie but it was far too muggy for a jacket. Joe placed his mug down on the table a conservative distance from the edge.
“You don’t need to worry yourself about me. We got more important things to talk about. Governor Claymold, would it be possible for me to see your files on Cockatrice Key and Doctor Ironhoof?”
“Certainly, Mr. Mane!” The Governor looked quite pleased with the prospect of being helpful, “Desire? If you could grab the files for me please?”
“Of course, sir.” The secretariat said as she stood up from her work. She walked into the back room of the office, once again exaggerating the wiggling of her hips and the waving of her tail. Once she was through the door, Joe turned back to Claymold who was already pouring himself another mug from the pot in the corner of the room.
“What do you know about the island?” Joe asked.
“Nothing out there but an old gemstone mine.” Claymold looked up towards the ceiling while still pouring coffee into his mug. “Doctor Ironhoof runs the place like some sort of concentration camp. I’ve heard some funny rumors but nopony has ever complained officially.”
Claymold was so lost in his troubling thoughts that he accidentally over poured his coffee. The piping hot drink scalded his hoof and he nearly dropped the porcelain mug. He safely put the mug back with an embarrassed half-smile and cleaned the mess with a nearby rag. Joe tried to keep his composure but he couldn’t help but silently chuckle.
“There’s also a Dragon from what I hear.” Joe continued, trying to keep the subject going.
“Just a local superstition, I assure you.” Claymold returned to the table with plenty of coffee. “The nearest Dragon nest is deep into the mainland.”
“Yeah you’re probably right.” Half-heartedly replied Joe who was now far too afraid to even attempt to touch his coffee, “Still, if there is a Dragon there, the files should tell us.”
On cue, Desire returned from the back room. Her eyes, complete with overly applied makeup, drooped in disappointment. Her single hot pink highlight fell in front of her face in shame.
“I am so, so sorry, sir,” she explained, “but both of the files you asked for are missing.”
“Both of them?” exclaimed Claymold, “Who had them last?”
“Strange Ways.” she confessed apologetically.
“Alright,” the governor said under a heavy sigh, “Thank you anyway. That’ll be all.”
“Of course, sir.”
Desire vanished behind the back door yet again and Claymold looked at Joe like he accidentally had run over Joe’s cat.
“Well that’s some rotten luck.”
“Luck nothing.” Joe said casually, “I would have been more surprised if the files hadn’t disappeared.”
“Oh!” Claymold suddenly stood up from the table with a jolt, knocking it on the way up and disturbing Joe’s coffee in the process. Joe reflexively turned away from the mug in the event that it spilled which, thankfully, it did not. “That reminds me, Mr. Mane. The parcel you ask for from Canterlot has arrived. But I don’t understand. What is this strange contraption?”
Claymold trotted over towards a small, wooden side table near the entrance of the office. An impressive collection of envelopes and packages decorated the piece. Claymold grabbed a small packaging envelope from the top of the pile which had already been opened. He removed from the package a small electronic chip. It was smaller than a postage stamp and just as thin. He placed it down on the coffee table in front of Joe, prudent as to not damage the delicate chip. Joe levitated the device in front of him and smiled with satisfaction.
“A new app for this stupid watch gizmo.” Joe held out his hoof so that his expensively crafted watch stuck out from behind his sleeve. He carefully inserted the chip into a tiny slot on the side of the watch and turned one of the dials. “It’s a Trace Magic Detector, or TMD, specifically modified to detect even the smallest traces of Shadow Magic.”
“I don’t think I quite understand, but if you say so.”
“Now I gotta dash.” Joe walked over to the coat rack and put on his dinner jacket. The snug fabric instantly enhanced the already impressive Janighcan heat. Just as Joe was about to open the door leading back out to the lobby of Equestria House, he stopped. “Actually… Would it be possible for me to exit through that door?”
Joe pointed towards the door on the other side of the office that Desire had disappeared through previously. Claymold was bewildered by the request but he gestured his approval with his hoof. “Well certainly, I suppose. Go right ahead. Desire can show you the way out.”
Joe nodded his head in thanks and went through the other door. As soon as the door opened, a canary yellow figure jumped in surprise and quickly turned towards the nearby filing cabinets. She rustled aimlessly through some files obviously pretending that she had been busy for hours. Unfortunately for her, the bluff did not work.
“Listening at keyholes, Desire?” Joe said with sarcastic disapproval, “That’s a rather nasty habit.”
“No,” she said flustered, “I was just… looking for those files.”
“No, don’t bother. It’s not important. I’d hate for you to spend the rest of the day looking for them.”
Desire closed the cabinet drawer and turned towards Joe with a delicate smile.
“Not at all, actually. I have this afternoon off.”
“Hey, what a coincidence! So do I!” exclaimed Joe who wasn’t even bothering to cover his intentions. “How about you show me around the island?”
Desire smiled coyly and played with her pink highlight with her hoof. “What should I say to a sudden invitation from a strange pony?” she teased.
“How about yes?”
“How about maybe.”
“It’s a date then!” Joe said happily, “I’ll pick you up around three? Maybe?”
Joe leaned a hoof against the filing cabinet and leaned his face close to Desire’s.
“Yes, Maybe.” Desire leaned in and gently touched her nose with his.
“Good.” Joe said as he suddenly pulled away from the intimacy. Desire shook her head in amusement and wrote down on some nearby stationary.
“I live up in the mountains. Take Harmony Road until you reach Everfree Lane. To your right you’ll see a dirt road. Take that road up the mountain. House number 62.”
Desire ripped the stationary off the pad and hoofed the written directions to Joe. He carefully placed the paper in his pocket and nodded towards Desire.
“I’ll see you there.”

An hour later, Joe returned to the docks to meet up with Sky Blazer and Anavua by his fishing boat. Once all three of them had met, Joe examined the boat.
“And this is the boat you took Strange Ways out on to Cockatrice Key, Anavua?” Joe asked.
“Aye, Captain,” Anavua answered, “That it be. It is with this ship that I sail this sea.”
“And where did Strange Ways put the rock samples?”
“Right by where your hoof is, was the pile. The rocks we found on the Dragon’s isle.”
“Good. Stand back.”
Joe turned the plated dial that surrounded the face of his watch. Joe could feel the cool metal against his skin suddenly warm. The deviced vibrated minutely. Sky and Anavua watched in intrigue as Joe placed his hoof near the spot where Anavua had indicated. His watch suddenly started to beep. The watch continued to beep in a steady rhythm. When Joe pulled the watch away from that part of the boat the beeping stopped and it continued again once Joe pointed it back where it was.
“Just what in the world are you doing?” Sky asked in confusion.
“It’s a Trace Magic Detector.” Joe explained. Joe stared at his watch. The hands and numbers had vanished from the clock face and were replaced by a digital reading. An archaic formula of runic symbols and mathematical equations danced on the screen. Joe could feel the year he spent out of practice identifying magical formulas catch up on him. He thought back to his training and study in order to identify the formula. “There, you see! Strange Ways was right! Those rock samples from Cockatrice Key were magical! But Professor Granite told me they were just worthless rocks.”
“So he’s either a bad professor, or a poor liar.” Sky mused.
Joe studied the runes and symbols before him and deciphered their meaning and significance in his head. As the pieces of the puzzle began to logically collect, Joe made sense of the formula’s variables and theories.
“And not just any old magic!” Joe said with confidence, “Take a look at these readings!”
Joe stretched his hoof out near Sky Blazer. Even though the Pegasus’ impossibly dark shades, Joe could see that he came to his inclusion far faster than Joe did.
“Dark Magic,” Sky concluded, “The same kind that has been interfering with the New Lunar Republic’s defense shield.”
“I don’t know about you…” Joe said while staring across the Ponibean horizon. The salty air blew through his mane and ruined any previous attempts that day to straighten it. “But I think it’s high time we paid Cockatrice Key a visit. Anavua, can I count on you to get us there?”
The hesitation on Anavua’s muzzle was apparent. The manic braids of his mane turned crestfallen and limped in front of his muzzle so that his quivering eyes hid behind the curtain.
“It is a miracle I made it off that island once before.” said Anavua with dread, “It would not be wise to tempt fate any more.”
Joe stood square in front of Anavua with a look of determination. He reached out both of his forelegs and pressed them against Anavua’s shoulders.
“Listen, Anavua, there is no Dragon! Now I need you to guide me to that island!”
“I see you are a pony that knows no fear.” Anavua said while looking deeply into the strong, determined eyes of Con Mane. With a deep and resolute sigh, Anavua brushed the weeping willow braids out of his face. “I’ll be ready to set sail tonight. I'll be here.”
With a powerful flap of his wings, Sky went airborn. His dark grey wings levitated him in place with little effort. The feathers were regimentally preened and the firm tone of the muscles danced with each flap.
“Good,” said Sky, “Now that that’s settled I’ll notify the NLR. Their beginning to worry that our shield won’t hold for much longer. One more powerful burst of that Shadow Magic and the entire barrier could crumble. It’d leave us completely vulnerable. Because of that I can’t take any chances. I’ll pull some strings and try to see if I can provide you with some backup.”
“That’s fine,” Joe said, “but you’re not going to convince Princess Luna without some hard evidence. I’ll have to go it alone.”
The tide changed as morning turned to midday. The tiny speckled dots of other fishing boats could be seen far into the horizon like spilled pepper on the blue waves. Seagulls salted the sky above. The simplicity of island life was much like the ocean itself. The beautiful brightly colored fish swam near the surface. But in the depths slept the horror that nopony dared to mention. Joe knew that this horror lurked just beyond the visible horizon. As the rolling waves continued to taunt him, Joe’s thoughts turned towards the ancient sea charts and the warning that was often scribbled on the side: ‘Beware! Here there be Dragons.’
“Alright then,” Joe said more for his own sake than the others, “we’ll meet back here after dark. Be ready to set sail.”
Sky Blazer took off- his tail a trail of fire. Anavua turned his attention towards the boat. He checked to make sure the engine held plenty of lightning inside. As for Joe- he futilely attempted to tidy his mane, straightened his favorite red bowtie and took off down the road. After all, he had a date to go to.

Joe focused on the rhythm of his hooves against the rocky, unpaved mountain road. He had hiked a decent distance up the trail and despite the complaints emanating from his out of shape stomach, he kept an optimistic pace. He had forgotten how much his large frame missed being able to let loose in the open air. If it weren’t for his slight cramp and the aversion to producing too much sweat, Joe would have considered galloping. The air was far too pleasant to waste on shortened breath plus he would miss out on the spectacular view of the Janeighcan resorts below him. And besides, Joe thought to himself as he groomed his mane, no stallion would dare arrive at the house of a beautiful mare drenched in sweat.
The trail slowly veered left around the side of a rock face and Joe momentarily grimaced at the sun’s sudden decision to play a cruel game of peekaboo. The sunlight was especially cruel that day since it had no clouds to compete with. Janeighca’s cloudbusters must have really put their hearts into it this morning, Joe thought. Joe imagined local Pegasi rising up early and eliminating the clouds early so that they could return to their base and spend the day enjoying eclairs. Joe’s cramping stomach rumbled loudly.
Joe’s thoughts returned to his donut shop in Canterlot. He pictured the small little diner on the corner of Celestia Street and Harmony Avenue with lights turned out and absent of the smell of freshly baked donuts for the last few days. Joe couldn’t help but wonder- wait. Something was off.
Lost in the streams of consciousness, Joe failed to notice the Earth Pony walking towards him in the opposite direction. His mane and coat were horribly unkept. He wore very dark sunglasses and his gait was slow and cautious. Tied around the poor fellow’s neck was a small, battered old tin cup. A few bits in the cup jingled sweetly with each step. As the blind pony drew nearer, Joe readied a few gold bits from his jacket. The bright sun harshly glared off of the blind ponies glasses. Joe approached the stallion taking extra heavy steps to announce his presence. The blind pony stopped and smiled cheerfully.
“Would you please spare a bit for the blind?” the poor fellow asked politely.
“Here.” Joe said as he tossed the extra bits into the tin cup, “Get yourself something nice.”
“Most appreciated.”
“You just be careful walking down this mountain, bud. It gets a little slippery towards the bottom.”
the blind pony nodded his head in appreciation. “Do not worry about me, I have a keen sense of balance.”
“Do you know how much farther I have to go to reach the cottages atop the mountain?” Joe asked.
“Ah, if you plan to head up that far I should warn you. There was a landslide the other day. I hear the road is blocked.”
The blind pony pointed his hoof up the mountain road. Joe’s eyes twitched slightly at an irritating sparkle of light that continued to reflect off the sunglasses.
“Strange… She never mentioned that.” Joe said as he rubbed his eye.
“You could always try to levitate them away with your horn but they may be heavy. Why don’t you walk with me a ways? I know a way around the back of the mountain.”
“Hey thanks. It’s a rare to see pony these days with that level of kindness.”
“It is only because you showed me generosity, my friend.” the blind pony replied, “I am only following the old teachings.”
“Funny. I don’t remember the old teachings saying anything about secretly carrying knives around strangers.” Joe charged his horn and magically lifted one of the traveller’s front hooves off the ground. Strapped to the back of the hoof was a small, sharp blade attached to a swivel mechanism. “I also don’t remember telling you I’m a Unicorn.”
The nefarious pony snarled in anger and smacked his other hoof across Joe’s horn. The feedback of having his spell interrupted made Joe recoil in pain. The assassin flicked his freed hoof and the blade swiveled outward. With a bloodthirsty growl, he made a leap towards Joe. Joe caught the charge in his forelegs and both ponies tumbled into the dirt. The knife barely missed cutting into Joe’s neck. As the two struggled against each other, Joe rammed his head into the assassin’s temple. The assassin’s black glasses flew off of his face and a cut left by Joe’s horn bled out. He lifted his hoof for another stab with the knife but Joe tossed his weight and threw off his killer’s balance. Joe punched his opponent's chin with the force of a Dragon sending him flying towards the mountain wall. The killer stumbled to his hooves and glared at Joe with eyes of hellfire. As Joe got to his hooves he prepared to use a spell but was distracted by one of his hooves not touching earth. Joe was backed against the cliff. He reacted quickly and steadied his hoofing as small disturbed rocks tumbled several feet down the jagged cliff. Heavy hooffalls caught Joe’s attention. The assassin was already charging at him at full gallop; his knife readied for the kill. The distance was closing and Joe didn’t have room to dodge, Joe shut his eyes and charged his horn and wrapped his magical field around the nearest object he could in hopes that he could block the attack.
Then he heard the assassin yelp in panic. Joe looked to see the killer’s eyes shut tight as he stumbled awkwardly on his hooves. The attacker’s reduced speed gave Joe the time he needed to get out of the way. The other pony’s eyes were still shut but he still stumbled forward towards the deadly drop. Joe thought to do something but it was too late. The loose rocks underneath the pony gave way and the pony fell. He fell off the cliff and his body bounced and shattered against the jagged rocks below until his broken corpse fell into a ditch forested with thick shrubbery. Joe looked to see what it was he was levitating. It was the pony’s sunglasses, reflecting the sun’s blinding light.
“Oh.” Joe said exasperated, “I see.”