Seven minutes in heaven

by Boomstick Mick


Crushing on Mash

The foals watched the closet as whatever was going on behind its doors raged on. It was obvious to all of them that nothing even remotely romantic was happening within the closet's boundaries, but all the ways in which Button Mash must be torturing that poor filly aroused their curiosities.

Silver Spoon, on any other occasion, would feel bad for her friend, but she didn't at the moment. As she reflected on her experience with the eccentric and unpredictable colt, she could admit to herself that it wasn't so bad. Well, it was kinda bad, but she wasn't driven insane. Not in the literal sense, anyway. There were a few moments when she thought she would lose it, but she turned out to be okay, and so would Diamond.

She wasn't even thinking of what ever torment was being thrust upon Diamond at the moment. All she could think of was Button Mash. It was so strange that he would set all of this up. It wasn't like he had gone through much trouble to devise this plan of his, but simply having the drive and initiative to formulate and carry it out made her wonder about him. Why did he do it? Did he have so much fun messing with her, he just had to go after Diamond next?

"I'm hungry," said Rumble. He turned away from the throng and approached the counter top across the living area.

Nopony said anything. They were so focused on trying to listen in on the action within the closet that they didn't hear him. Silver Spoon watched him as he walked away, and decided to take advantage of the opportunity. She could swoop in and steal Rumble away while Diamond was in the closet trapped with Button Mash. And to quote Sapphire Shores: it would serve her right! she thought.

Surreptitiously, stifling a mischievous giggle, Silver Spoon snuck away from the crowd and gave chase. Mine! Mine! Mine! she repeated in her mind, as if she were channeling the thoughts of a ravenous seagull.

Suddenly, a thought entered her mind, and a stunning revelation washed over her, causing her to stop dead in her tracks: Button... Did... Did he set this all up so this could happen?

Could Button really have been such a master engineer of such poetic justice? This was almost the same exact stunt that Diamond had just pulled on her: Locking her in the closet with Button Mash so she could be free to make a move on Rumble unhindered! Eyes wide, she turned around and looked stunned at the closet door.

Is he some kind of mad genius masquerading as a buffoon? Why? Why in Celestia's name would he do this for me? I've never been anything but nasty to him... And... He just delivers Rumble to me on a silver platter?

She smiled appreciatively. Button Mash, you're not such a bad guy, after all! Matter of fact, you're actually kinda... Silver Spoon shook her head. Focus! Focus on Rumble! Not much time! She continued eagerly toward the one she admired. It was time to strike while the iron was still hot.

Rumble had already taken his seat and poured himself a cup of punch. He was just reaching out for the platter of cupcakes when Silver Spoon had finally converged on him and dropped her rump on a stool next to him.

He jumped with a start and withdrew from her. Once he saw that it was Silver Spoon, he relaxed and reached again for the cupcakes, but Silver got to them first, and in a flash, Rumble's plate was stacked high with all of the blueberry pastries from the platter. The colt's favorite flavor, to Silver's recollection. He looked at her with wide eyes, astonished by her speed and dexterity.

Silver Spoon froze and returned the gaze, waiting for him to speak first.

"Uhm... Thanks?" he said, looking at the mountain of sweets before him. "How'd you know blueberry was my favorite?"

"Uh, lucky guess, I suppose," stammered Silver Spoon. "You know, because blueberry is my favorite, so I figured you'd like it, too."

Rumble stuffed one of the cupcakes into his mouth with a big smile. "You figured right," he mumbled.

Silver nodded. "It's funny," she chuckled nervously. "All the stuff we have in common?"

"Sure," he replied. "You want some?" he slid the plate over to her.

Silver looked at the plate, but she couldn't eat. There were so many butterflies flying around in her stomach, she didn't have room for anything else. "No, thank you."

"If you're sure." Rumble shrugged indifferently and selected another cupcake from his plate.

Silver Spoon looked in dismay at a clock that was mounted above the bar. two minutes have passed already? She grasped a cup, filled it, then drank. After setting it down, she cleared her throat and said, "So, Rumble?"

The colt's cheeks bulged as he eyed her in response. "Hmm?"

"There's something I have to tell you."

Rumble swallowed, causing his cheeks to flatten out. "Sure, I'm all ears."

"Okay," Silver Spoon said. She took a deep, cleansing breath as she focused herself. "Rumble." As difficult as it was, she forced herself to look into his eyes. The fact that her glasses were fogging up wasn't making it any easier. "Rumble." she said again. "I..."

He tilted his head as he waited for her to speak.

"Rumble, I like..." She wiped the fog from her glasses, and just stared at him, baffled. Something felt off.

"Is something wrong?" Rumble asked, concerned.

Silver Spoon shook her head. "No, I-I just... Huh." Something was indeed wrong. She wasn't feeling that surge of nervous energy - that thrill he always gave her whenever she was around him. That spark just wasn't there anymore. She couldn't explain it. She had him right here, in front of her. It was the golden opportunity that she had always wanted, and yet, she couldn't take advantage of it.

"You like...?" Rumble asked.

"Uh..." Silver Spoon thought for a moment. "Strawberries?"

"Strawberries?"

"Strawberries," Silver Spoon nodded. "I, uh... I lied to you about blueberry being my favorite flavor. I actually like strawberry. Uh, sorry about that, I guess."

Rumble shrugged. "To each their own."

"Yeah, to each their own."

Silver Spoon spent several minutes wondering quietly to herself about what could be wrong with her. She would glance at Rumble and watch him tear away at those cupcakes, not understanding why she suddenly didn't feel the same way about him. She scratched her chin pensively, utterly stumped.

The closet door suddenly flung open, and out flew a traumatized Diamond Tiara, who desperately shoved her way through the crowd. "I can't take it anymore!" she screamed.

Silver Spoon jumped, her thoughts over the unexpected twist in events brought to a grinding halt.

One of the fillies who had been shoved aside by Diamond's warpath frowned. "Hey, you still have one minute left! Is he really that bad?"

"He tried to sing a kiss from a rose to me in that demon language of his!" Snapped the irate filly.

The filly's mouth upturned in a smile. "That actually sounds pretty funn—"

Diamond cut her off with a glare.

The filly faltered under the red-hot gaze. "Bad is what I meant to say..."

"It's not the language of Demons!" retorted Button Mash as he strode out from the dark confines of the closet. "I'm not advanced in Daedric to improv a song from it." He paused thoughtfully. "However, I just might know enough Mandalorian to—"

"No!" Diamond Tiara cut him off, keeping her distance of a room's length between them. "No more of your weird fantasy languages! I can't take it anymore!"

Silver Spoon checked the clock above the counter. "Di, you've been in there for only six minutes. You still have one more—"

"No! I'm not going to spend one more second in there with him! Him and his stupid... Flute thing!"

Button Mash's eyes widened. His jaw dropped. It was as if he had been struck in the stomach. He looked down, and the shadow cast from his brow elongated across his eyes, obscuring them - concealing them ominously. "I can't believe you went there... You... You can make fun of me all you want, but you do not diss the Ocarina..."

Diamond Tiara bared her teeth toward him like a vicious animal. "Oh, I went there!" she snapped. "I went there, took pictures, and I'm back to get them developed!"

Button Mash grimaced. All eyes in the room were glued to him. It was the first time any had ever seen anything other than a whimsically stupid smile on his face. Button cleared the distance between him and Diamond Tiara. He didn't even need to push anyone out of his way as the path that Diamond had cut still remained.

The moment Button was within close quarters of an unintimidated-looking Diamond Tiara, he stood up straight, his head back, his chest out, and he barked in a commanding voice, "MY LIFE FOR AIUR!"

Something gleamed within Diamond Tiara's eyes, as if some kind of switch in her brain had been flipped. She twitched, then took the same erect and upright posture that Button had assumed and howled, "I LONG FOR COMBAT!"

.........

The room was so silent, the nocturnal symphony of frogs and cicadas emanating from the mansion's garden could be heard from within the den.

The light in Diamond's eyes dimmed, then they shrunk to the size of pinpricks. "W-what just happened?"

Button Mash vogued smoothly with his hooves to the unheard rhythm in his head and said, "I'm all in your mind, girl! You can't see me or these Time Lord mind tricks!"

Diamond Tiara scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Uhm, I think you mean, like, Jedi mind tricks?"

Button Mash smirked, raising a sarcastically proud eyebrow. "You've learned well, my young padawan."

It took a moment, but Diamond's own words suddenly registered with her. "Oh. My. Celestia... Your geekiness is contagious!"

"And there's no known cure!" Button Mash guffawed. "Now come, we have much LARPing to do!!"

"No!" Diamond backed away from him, shaking, her eyes wide and wild with terror. "I-I just need a shower! A very long, very hot shower! With herbs, and salt, and possibly bleach... That will... That's sure to cure it!"

Button smiled maliciously as he prepared to deliver the coup de grâce.

"W-why are you looking at me like that?"

Button stood up, clicking his hooves together and growling, "Wir müssen die verbündeten Hund aus der Castle Wolfenstein schieben!"

Diamond's eyes gleamed once again as the geek switch that Button had somehow inserted into her subconscious was flipped. "Mein Leben gehört dir , meine Führer -Befehl" Her eyes again dimmed. The terrified filly shrieked as she turned around and galloped madly toward the room's exit. "Achtung! Mein Leben! Mein Leben!"

The colts, the fillies, Rumble and Silver Spoon all were frozen in shock and bewilderment.

"What..." Scootaloo said, unable to finish her sentence.

"Was..." Apple Bloom put in.

"That?" finished Sweetie Belle.

"Jedi mind tricks," answered Button Mash.

"Jedis don't exist," put in Dinky.

"That so?" Button Mash smiled proudly as he gestured to himself. "A level fifty Jedi stands before you right now. Can you explain that?"

"Level fifty? Wait, I didn't know Jedis had levels."

"They do in Knights Of The Old Republic."

"I don't know what that is."

Button Mash approached Dinky, placed his hooves on her shoulders, and said, "No, you wouldn't, would you? I'd expect as much from a filthy, filthy casual."

"A filthy what?" Dinky tilted her head, as if wondering if she should be offended or flattered at the comment.

"A casual is somepony who..." Button trailed off as his stomach grumbled. "Hungry now." He then abruptly made a Bee line toward the counter where Silver Spoon and Rumble sat - leaving a confused little Dinky with a new word to ponder over.

As he took his seat, ignoring the curious stares and murmurs from all the other party guests, Button selected his preferences from the array of tiny sandwiches which had toothpicks impaled into them, and a particularly large piece of birthday cake.

Silver Spoon watched him for a while before she decided to speak. "So," she said. "is Diamond going to be okay?"

"That's entirely up to her," Button giggled before cramming a hoof full of those mini sandwiches into his mouth. He then continued to talk, despite his mouth being full. Silver Spoon looked away, unsure if the colt was simply trying to gross her out or if he honestly had no concept of proper dining etiquette. "You know, Diamond Tiara has potential, but right now, she's just unpleasant to be around." He swallowed and took a few droughts from his cup. "She makes fun of me at school every chance she gets - you know, for being a blank flank, and for being socially inept? The years of all the harassment I've put with have made me good at acting like it doesn't bug me, but sometimes, it really gets under my skin."

"Oh," Said Silver Spoon. "Is that why you..." She paused and looked to where Rumble had been sitting. He was gone. She looked back and noticed him talking to a couple of fillies. It was obvious that they were being flirty with him, but she didn't care. The riddle as to why she no longer felt anything for him still perplexed her. She pushed the thought out of her mind to return to her conversation with Button Mash. She would have plenty of time to ponder over the anomaly later. "So," she continued, looking back to Button, "is that why you did all of this? And how did you get Sweetie Belle in on it?"

"Sweetie Belle is a talented telekinetic. She was eager to help me once I explained my plan to her. She had her own reasons for desiring a little retribution against Diamond Tiara, as I'm sure you can understand. She could practically smell the magic emanating from that bottle."

"What kind of spell was it?" Asked Silver Spoon with genuine interest. "And what about the other unicorns? Why couldn't they detect the magic?"

"Detecting the remnants of magic is a daunting technique for a unicorn who's still trying to figure out how their horn works. Thankfully Sweetie Belle is pretty advanced for her age when it comes to magic. That girl's cutie mark is going to be popping up on her flank any day now. Princess Twilight may have some competition coming her way." Button paused to sip from his cup. "As for the type of spell that had been cast on the bottle - you'd have to ask Sweetie Belle. She's the one who understands how that stuff works, being a unicorn and all. She's pretty good at detecting magic, so it was easy enough for her to identify it. I suspect that the first bottle must have had a spell that forced the neck of the bottle to point away from Rumble - then the second bottle contained a spell that would carry out the opposite effect."

"I knew it!" said Silver Spoon with a frown. "But you still didn't tell me why you did it."

Button Mash smiled. "Did you make a move on Rumble yet? I figured that you'd take the opportunity."

Silver Spoon stared dumbly. "Y-you mean you really did plan that all out? The part with me going after Rumble, I mean?"

"Well, yeah. I pretty much told you to."

"You did?" Silver tilted her head, perplexed.

"Yeah, I told you with my eyebrows. I just happen to speak a little Delphon."

"Del-what?"

"Delphon," Button repeated. "Its an alien race that communicate with their eyebrows. You're acting like you've never seen an episode of Doctor Who!" Button Mash demonstrated by twitching his brow sporadically with a series of comical gestures.

Silver Spoon laughed. "Is that why you twitched your eyebrows at me before the closet closed?"

"Yeah, I mean, I thought it would look suspicious if I suddenly approached you and whispered in your ear to tell you what was going on. I really didn't think that far ahead. So, hoping that you were on the same wavelength as me, I uttered a quick phrase to you with my eyebrows."

"And what did you say?" Silver Spoon asked, amused.

"Cheese," Button replied.

"Cheese?"

"Cheese."

"Okay... even If I did, in fact, speak that odd eye brow language... How would that have informed me of anything?"

Button Sighed impatiently. "Cut me a break, it's the only word I know!"

Silver Spoon face-hoofed. "You still haven't told me why you did all of this."

"You mean you still don't know?" Asked Button.

Silver scratched the back of her head thoughtfully. "Well, I originally thought you did it out of revenge... But... To tell you the truth, I can't understand your motives now... It feels almost like you did this for me more than for you."

Button said nothing. His only reply was a big, goofy smile, which made Silver Spoon smile. "What?" she said, trying not to laugh. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I did it," Said Button Mash, looking away shyly, "to make you smile. Because you're cute when you smile. Haven't I already told you that?"

The whites of Silver Spoon's eyes slowly grew to the size of saucers, not believing, nor wanting to accept the colt's answer. "I'm..." Their was a quiver in her voice. "I'm nothing but mean to you. All I've done up until tonight is call you terrible names... Why in your right mind would you ever want to do anything nice for me? To make me smile? That doesn't make sense."

"Right mind?" Button laughed as he folded his arms on the table and rested his chin on them. "Who truly is in their right mind? That's such an abstract term. I simply do the things that I do for the reasons why I do them, and I did this to make you smile."

Silver Spoon was still baffled by this revelation. She couldn't understand why, but the colt's answer angered her. "But I'm nothing but mean to you!" she insisted. "You're insane to do anything nice for me."

"Sanity is irrelevant!" Button Mash laughed.

"Stop trying to sound all philosophical!" Silver barked. "You are literally insane. You're crazy. I'm mean to you. I go out of my way every day to make you feel bad. And you do something nice for me, just so you can see me smile? Do you listen to yourself when you talk? Do you know how messed up that sounds?"

The party guests who still lingered halted their games and conversations to turn their attention on the irate filly. Silver Spoon awkwardly looked around the room at all the eyes on her. "I, uh." She couldn't think of what to say. Out of embarrassment, and still caught off guard by Button Mash's intentions, she was speechless. She looked back at Button Mash, who was still smiling at her, and for some reason, she wanted to be anywhere but where she was at the moment. "I, uh," she said again, but much quieter. "Bathroom."

Button Shrugged. "Take your time."

Silver Spoon hopped down from the stool and made her way to the restroom, relieved that all the party guests had resumed their merrymaking.

She exited the den, walked through the mansion's main lobby, and entered the guest bathroom. She washed her face in the marble sink, and gazed deeply into her reflection in the murky, soapy pool of water that had accumulated in the basin - not believing the sudden surge in emotions that were overwhelming her.

She felt hot. It felt like her stomach was twisting and churning in her belly. Her cheeks and ears burned hotter, brighter than that of embers among a bed of smoldering coals. Her chest throbbed in a way that not even Rumble could make it throb. So horrified, so confused, and so surprised by her own feelings was she that she began to weep. It wasn't until she said it out loud that she finally came to grips with what she was feeling, and for whom she was feeling it.

This was no simple crush. No. This was different. This was more powerful. This emotional drive breached and extended well beyond the borders of such a label. She had never felt something this strong for anyone. It was the first time in her life that she felt it, but she knew what it was.

"I'm in love with Button Mash..."