//------------------------------// // A Feeling of Fear - 1 // Story: A Feeling Of // by Nuke //------------------------------// We left Hollow Shades as soon as we were done getting the house settled. The only things Speck took were her grandmother's barrette, her dad's pocket-watch, and a few photo albums that were stuffed with every single picture in the house. All of the furniture and kitchenware was donated, anything that we couldn't carry that Speck wanted to keep was mailed back to Ponyville, and the house itself was put up for sale. We caught the train back to Canterlot Mountain, and I sent a letter to the Cakes telling them I was extending my vacation. After everything that happened in Hollow Shades, I needed even more time to unwind. A trip to Canterlot, I thought, would suffice: a relaxing couple of days in the city, a little time spent with the princesses in the castle, hopefully run into Twilight so I could ask her a few things about pony magic. Hooves clop and wings flap as Speck bounces around me while I walk through the train station plaza in Canterlot Mountain. She constantly tugs at my shirt or taps my hands with her nose. "Anon, can we go look around before we leave? I want to see if I can find another hat!" I grab her nose and shake her head from side to side as we stop walking. "Down here? I don't know, Speck. I think they might have better hats up in Canterlot." She looks up at me and stares at my face. It takes a moment to register, but she catches what I'm implying. "We're going to Canterlot!?" She screeches, sits on her haunches, and starts batting my hand with her hooves. "But, wait... What if they don't have any fedoras? What if that one really was one-of-a-kind!" "Well, I don't see that as anything other than a blessing. The hat looked awful on you anyway. Ponies don't have the proper attire for a hat like that." Speck looked absolutely precious in that hat, but I wasn't about to tell her that. I hated that hat more than I hate anything in this world. "We're going into every hat shop we pass once we get to Canterlot," she says as she pouts and stomps her hooves. "Of course, sweet one." I scratch her behind the ears before she perks up and jumps on my back. "Then what're we waiting for?! Mush!" I look over my shoulder. "S-sorry. I meant, mush please." I roll my eyes as I start walking across the plaza and down the left-most path, towards the magical elevators leading up to Canterlot. In all of my time living in Equestria, I have been subject to very little magic, surprisingly. Ponyville doesn't have a large unicorn population, so what little magic I do see is simple telekinesis. Speck climbs off of my back as we wait for the elevator platform to descend. It descends fairly quickly when no ponies are standing on it. Speck and I, accompanied by a few other ponies, step onto the platform as it lands. I don't look at them or try to spark up any conversation. Elevator etiquette is important. I am nothing, if not a man that prides himself on my social mannerisms. Up we go, as the elevator ascends toward Canterlot. I find it strange that such a platform that travels to such a precarious height above the mountain town has no physical guard rails. None of the ponies on the platform are pegasi. Speck would probably try to throw me off if I tossed her over the side. My curiosity will not be sated today. Speck tugs at my shirt as she tries to climb into my arms. She grunts as she struggles. I look down at her as she keeps trying. Usually, she would just fly up and cling to me. I don't know why she doesn't bother to use her wings. She sticks her tongue out and hops up against me, clings to my clothes, and then falls backward onto the platform. The other ponies on the elevator stare at us. I shrug and continue watching her. Her hooves press to my hips as she gets ready to try again. She looks up and meets my eyes. Her tongue still sticks out of her mouth. "Want some help?" I reach for her tongue and try to grab it, but she notices and slurps it back into her mouth. She shakes her head in response to my question. "No, no. I've got it." She crouches a little bit and jumps again, using her wings to give her an added boost. Her forelegs wrap around my neck. She takes a moment to get comfortable before wrapping her hind-legs around my hips. "See? I got it." I smile and laugh a bit, stroking her mane and placing my free hand under her rump to give her a little bit of support. She blushes brightly and hides her face in my neck. "Really, Anon? In public?" Her whisper is as faint as the wind. I raise an eyebrow and look down at her. One of the ponies aboard the platform clears their throat. "Move your hand, sweetie." I don't understand what's going on. I have one hand on the nape of her neck, told hold her against me, and one on her rump to prop her up. Dropping my arms to my sides, I feel her squeeze me tighter. She snickers and nuzzles into my collarbone. "You'll have to wait until tonight for more of that business." She looks up at me with a seductive grin. I smile awkwardly and look away. Is she serious? I thought this world was pure, and clean, and innocent. A mistake of my own, I assume, since I have never researched how ponies reproduce. If Speck is implying what I think she's implying, I'm afraid I won't be able to do that with her. Intense, loud laughter cuts my thoughts off as my cheeks burn. Speck's face buries into my chest, her laughs muffle, and my shirt becomes a little wet with her tears of laughter. She grabs my cheeks with her hooves and squishes my face as she calms down. "Why are you getting all flustered? Did you think I meant something weird?" "Maybe?" "Did you really think I was serious?" "Kind of?" "I was extremely serious. You'll have to wait until tonight to see what I meant." We fall into a strained, painful silence. The elevator stops as we finally reach the top of the mountain. As I step off of the platform, Speck climbs off of me and starts trotting at my side. As we walk through the short tunnel from the elevator into Canterlot City, Speck stops. Her eyes widen with awe, and her wings stretch in excitement. "Anon... It's beautiful." Speck, from what I know, has only ever been to Hollow Shades, Ponyville, and Fillydelphia. I have never been to Fillydelphia, but I do know that Canterlot is much more breath-taking. It has grand architecture, hundreds of fancy ponies dressed up in elegant garb, and an amazing cultural scene. I follow Speck as she trots aimlessly through the city, past cafes and shops and theaters. "Anon?" She looks up at me and smiles, her nubby fangs flash at me. "Yeah?" "I want to dress up." "Lead the way, then." Gleefully, she trots up a curving road that leads out onto the main street. Looking around excitedly, she spots a hat shop and makes a beeline for it. I follow her inside, only to find that she's managed to snag a dozen or so hats and drag them over to a set of mirrors. I walk up behind her as she puts a bowler hat on. "What do you think?" I shake my head. She removes the bowler and puts a top hat on. "That's nice, but it's not really a casual kind of hat." She nods in agreement and tries a gatsby on. "That's cute, for a street urchin." Her nose wrinkles and she throws the hat off as quickly as she can. She puts on a beret. "I would gladly remove kebab with you. Fortunately for us, kebab is not present in Equestria." The reflection of my little bat-pony shoots me a worried look. I wave my hand for her to try the next hat on. She puts on a black and red baseball cap. White letters across the front read "top bat." She grins at her reflection and puts several more on top of it. "I am the toppest bat." "That's a little conceited, don't you think?" "It's true though." I can't argue with her. In my book, she is the best. "I still don't think the hat is a good idea." She tosses the tower of hats aside and grumbles. "I give up, then! I can't find a hat that you like, even though I like all of them!" She turns and stares at me in dismay, her mouth hanging open in a huff. "Go ahead and pick one out that you think looks good on you." "Anon, I would gladly pick a new hat out if this shop had a fedora. Of which there was only one in all of Equestria. The one you threw under a train!" "It didn't look good on you. It was an awful hat." I bend over to pick one of the top bat hats up and place it on her head. "Wear that one." "I don't want that one!" She swats it off her head. "Alright. I guess we can leave then." I turn to walk out of the store, but Speck's hooves catch my hand. As her nose and her lips press into my palm, I look down at her. "I'm sorry I got mad." "It's alright. You want to go look at dresses?" She nods with a soft smile as we leave the hat shop and continue up the road. Speck, from what I've learned about her in the short while I've known her, is not a fancy mare. She is down to earth, and silly, and a bundle of batty joy. Deep down, I know she doesn't want to look at dresses. She only agrees to please me. The fact that we're together, and happy, is enough to please me. Regardless, we enter a small dress shop nestled between a theater and a saddle store. At my behest, Speck tries on every dress I pick out, as she refuses to select any on her own. I pick out a few poofy and frilly dresses, something one would wear to a ball or a gala, and a few tighter, more slimming dresses, not that she needs to be slimmed. Every single dress I choose is rejected, but she at least tries them on. "They don't have anything I like here. Can we go?" I ignore her for a moment as I continue looking at the dresses. One in particular catches my eye, and I pull it from its rack. Off-black silk, trimmed and hemmed with turquoise threading, and small diamonds flecked throughout. It seems loose, but not overly so. Casual wear, but not completely informal. It reminds me of the night sky. "How about this one?" Speck looks up as I turn to her. Her eyes widen as she carefully touches it with her hooves, almost like it was a fragile dream, ready to shatter at the most abrupt disturbance. She doesn't hesitate to take it from me and put it on. I help her pull her wings and tail through the designated holes and take a step back. As she admires herself in the mirror, I press a hand to my chin. I can tell she loves the dress, but something's missing. She does a little turn, giving me a short time to notice that the dress brings every aspect of her looks out. Anyone would drop dead from her looks alone. Checking her saddle-bags, I find the barrette she had taken from her mother's bedroom. She tips her head back as I clip it into her mane. Against her turquoise mane, its cerulean color stands out from behind the two black bats attached to it for decoration. "Much better. What do you think?" "I... I love it, Anon. It's perfect." She looks up at me through the mirror, tears in her eyes. She is a beautiful mare without the barrette and dress, and she knows it. Her beauty is amplified tenfold right now. Something - I don't know what - comes over me, and I fall to my knees to hug Speck. I hug her as tight as I can and sway gently with her. This beautiful little pony, who has gone through so much in such a short period of time, is truly captivating. "Are you okay?" Clearing my throat and standing back up, I nod. "Good. Can we get the dress?" "Of course." She grins and starts giggling like a little filly as she bounds toward the front counter. The mare at the counter looks down at Speck, and up at me as I approach. "In all my years working here, there has never been a pony that has looked good in that dress." She probably says that to all the mares that shop here. "Silly little story behind it. Apparently it was designed by the owner's great-great-great-great-grandmother, or something, but was never actually sewn. She said she wouldn't have been surprised if the dress sold the day after she brought it here. Of course, we refuse to sell dresses to ponies unless they look good in the dresses. Store policy." "So, how much?" The mare shifts her gaze from me to Speck and back again. She rests her cheek on her hoof and hums softly, pondering something. This goes on for several minutes, with Speck bouncing in anticipation. "One hundred and fifty bits should do it." A little expensive for a dress they've just had sitting around for years. Yet, as Speck looks up at me with an excited grin, I can't help but reach into my bag. I sigh inwardly as I pull some coins out. If memory serves, this is going to gouge a little too heavily into the month's budget. I would ask Celestia for an advance on my monthly allowance, but I don't want her to feel like I'm taking advantage. After all, that feeling was one of the main reasons why I got a job with the Cakes. I suppose I could ask them for extra hours at the shop, but it's highly doubtful they'd actually make me work them. Since I met Speck, they've let me off earlier and earlier while still paying me for a full day. Kind of strange that a bunch of generous colorful horses could make me feel bad. A hoof presses gently to my arm. "Anon? It's alright if we can't afford it." She bears a concerned look that nearly breaks my heart. I know she isn't concerned over whether or not we can get the dress. She's worried about me spending more than we can afford. The money I get from Celestia and the Cakes is more than enough to live off of, for a single person, anyway. Adding Speck to that, it's still enough, but I enjoy getting her the odd little gift here and there. "We have enough, Speck. Don't worry." She gives me a reassuring smile. I'll just scrimp and save for the next two weeks, make sure Speck has enough to eat, and... I catch her orange eyes as I nervously shift my gaze to her. She slips the dress off, sits on her haunches, and holds it up to the mare at the counter, who has stayed quite silent during this little conundrum. I could try haggling, but she doesn't seem to be the kind of pony to put up with that nonsense. Speck, unfortunately, is ready to accept defeat and get on with the day, as she places the dress on the counter and smiles in a way that hides her upset. Beside the dress, I place a stack of coins. She'll be upset if I don't buy it, because she loves it, and she'll be upset if I do buy it, because I'll have to go hungry for a little while. Knowing my luck and good fortune, it's better to buy the dress now and suffer later, just in case something happens at the castle. "Are you sure?" Speck looks as if she might cry. I nod and scratch her ear as the mare at the counter folds the dress in a way that it won't wrinkle or show creases. She places it carefully in a bag with the store's logo printed on it before handing it to me. She takes the stack of coins, but leaves several on the counter. I catch her eyes as she smiles softly and nods. "Special discount. Enjoy the dress." I thank the mare and walk out of the store with Speck. I can feel the disappointment she feels, knowing this purchase left a massive dent in our funds. No words are exchanged between us as we walk through Canterlot City. She makes sure to stay a little ways in front of me, presumably so I can stay oblivious to her feelings. I wouldn't put it past her to be conflicted over how to feel about the dress; I just hope she'll come to love it and understand that I'll suffer at my own fault to make her happy in a fleeting moment. We turn down a road that leads toward the mountain, almost in the direction we came, though we head a little more north. I almost forgot why we came here. I still need to talk to Twilight. "You said you needed to go to the castle, right Anon?" "Yeah." Speck darts behind me with a grin on her face and starts headbutting my legs. "Then hurry up, slowpoke! I want to see Princess Luna again!" I roll my eyes and quicken my pace as she gallops ahead. Good to know she wasn't upset for long. *** The air outside the castle is cool. A light wind dances around, keeping the noon sun's heat in check. The gardens are beautifully groomed, with statues of important figures of days long passed placed perfectly in the grass. Even the birds and butterflies perched in spots that seemed made specifically for them. Speck closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before looking up at me. I tap her on the nose as we approach the castle gates. She shies behind me as we approach the guards, who glare at the two of us. "State your business." I reach back to Speck and turn my palm to her. She places her muzzle in my hand and nuzzles gently. "We're here to see Princess Twilight." "Name?" The first guard glares, trying to get a look around me. The second stares up at me with a smile as she questions me. "Anon." "And her?" "Speck. Does your buddy have a problem with bat-ponies?" Both guards look taken aback as I start to get aggressive. Speck licks my hand, probably to tell me to calm down. I wipe my hand against her cheek and resist the urge to vomit. "N-not at all, sir." They both back off and call for the gate to open. We step into the courtyard and carry on towards the castle, but stop in front of a large fountain. "Anon? I thought you were friends with the princesses. Shouldn't the guards know about you?" "They do. Most just don't like me, being so different and all. Probably doesn't help that I gained the princesses' favor by dropping out of the sky." "Oh." She sits quietly as she explores the grand landscape of her mind, eyes focused on some far off adventure. I decide to join her, more-so in spirit, for a little bit. Unfortunately, my journey is cut hardly a moment after it begins. "Should we go inside?" "Yeah." "Can I wear the dress?" I nod and pull it out of its bag and kneel down to start helping her into it. "What were you thinking about?" "You." "What about me?" She spreads her wings as he get them through the slits on the dress. "How different you are from ponies, but you don't have ponies giving you death-stares." She flicks her tail as I pull it through a hole in the back of the dress. "Yes, but ponies are much more likely to flee in terror when I walk by. I just need you to ignore other ponies and keep your chin up. You have friends in Ponyville and Hollow Shades. Plus, you have me." Speck bumps her head into my stomach as I start to stand. "Good." We carry on from the fountain, following a paved path that leads up to the large doors of the castle. Two more guards stand in front of it, and I, unfortunately, recognize one of them. A high-pitched whine sounds from the guard. Speck and I stop a few feet away. The guard on the left stares at the guard on the right, whose face is flushed as she whines. She could stand to work on her discipline, but she does well enough since I am not lying on my back, being crushed by her armor. "Nonny," she says, finally taking a breath. "Pingpong." "Speck." The little armored wizard smiles at my bat-pony. "Pingpong." She smiles back. "Generic Guard Number Seven-Sixty-Two." The guard nods as I address him. His parents had a cruel sense of humor. They were also very important ponies in whatever circle they chose to associate with. "So what're you two doing here, all the way from Ponyville?" Pingpong bounces in place, probably expecting that I came to visit her. "Just came to visit. Figured I'd come see my favorite guard." She stops bouncing and turns her head to stare at the other guard. He lifts an eyebrow and shakes his head. "Is it me?" Pingpong asks as she turns back to me and Speck. "Of course." She squeals and latches onto my leg. "Open the door!" She shouts at the other guard. He tries to object, but she shouts louder, "Open the door!" He grumbles and pushes it open. I walk inside with a heavily armored leg and a surprisingly not-jealous fancy bat-pony in tow. Making my way, slowly, through the entrance hall, I come upon another set of large doors. Thankfully, the guards here give us no trouble and push the doors open to reveal a massive room. Tapestries hung from pillars flanking a large red carpet that leads up to a throne. And atop that throne sits one elegant, motherly pony. That pretty pony princess rests, curled up on a cushion with a book held in her ethereal grip. Had it not been for Pingpong's loud armor and my footsteps echoing through the throne room, she would never have known we were there. We stop our approach at the foot of the steps leading up to the thrones. Pingpong lets go of me and quickly bows, and Speck does the same. Celestia has never let me bow to her. I am nothing special, yet she treats me as such. "Anonymous! How nice of you to come visit. A little unexpected, but what a nice surprise." I flick Speck's ear and tell her to stand as Celestia dismounts the throne. She approaches us. "What can I do for you?" I shrug in response and look around at the throne room. "There's a lot you could do for me. I've always wanted to be a king, maybe have an entire country's coffer at my disposal. Would you mind if I took over?" "Are you serious?" Speck whispers in disbelief as she taps her hooves against the floor nervously. She probably thinks Celestia's about to smite me. Pingpong giggles at Speck's display. "I would grant that wish without hesitation, Anonymous. I trust you are here for more than just another silly attempt to usurp my throne? Has something happened to the house, Anonymous?" She squints at me and frowns. "Do we need to donate another house to you?" "No, but I wouldn't mind something bigger, made of pearly white stone, resting on the side of a mountain." "You can't have the castle, Anon." "Oh, darn." I snap my fingers as she tries to hide her smile. "Well, anyway, I came by to see Twilight. Had a little run-in with someone in Hollow Shades, and they asked me to send a message to her." "She'll be in the library, as usual." I kneel beside Speck and scratch her ear. "I'll be back in a little while. Will you be alright without me?" She nods and smiles as she nuzzles my wrist. "Wait! I wanna go with you!" Pingpong screams and latches onto my leg once more. Speck shrugs and smiles. "Go do what you have to do, Anon. I'll see you later." I scratch under her chin and give her a light kiss on the lips before turning to leave. Celestia can give her a grand tour of the castle, and possibly run into Luna. I'll most likely be with Twilight for the duration of our visit. ~~~ Speck watched with a frown as her friend left. Princess Celestia cleared her throat, causing Speck to look up at her. She smiled warmly at the bat-pony, who just looked away with an awkward smile. "How have you been, little child of the night?" Speck opened her mouth to reply, but all that she could muster was a series of squeaks and scree's. "What's the matter, bat got your tongue?" Celestia giggled at her own joke as she turned from Speck and approached a door to the left of her throne. She signaled for Speck to follow, and led her down a long hallway. "You've been awfully quiet since your arrival." Speck blushed and tried to hide it. Celestia made her absolutely nervous, and she didn't know why. "You were quite talkative with Sister at the Summer Sun Celebration. Why hide your voice now? You don't need to be afraid, little bat." "I'm not afraid of you," Speck muttered under her breath. Celestia chuckled to herself as they walked through the hall, stopping at another door at the very end. The princess pushed it open, and led Speck outside. The little bat-pony's jaw dropped as the most beautiful garden she had ever seen opened up to her. The dark colored grass that flanked aurora-borealis-colored brick walkways was accented by flowers of all colors of the night and stars. A large ivory fountain resting in the middle of the garden flowed with glistening water. It was breath-taking. "Welcome to the Garden of Space." Tears welled up in Speck's eyes as she was overwhelmed by the beauty of the garden. The light of the midday sun reflected off of the diamonds flecking her dress, as she and Celestia trotted along the walkways of the garden. Celestia led Speck to a small ivory bench, where they sat together. "Luna has told me about you. She was so excited to see one of her stars at a Summer Sun Celebration." Speck hid her face in her hooves, somewhat embarrassed that a princess was talking about her. Celestia placed a hoof on her shoulder. "You are intriguing. A bat-pony that stays awake during the day. I am not aware of many that do that." "It's all his fault." Celestia snickered as Speck looked up from her hooves. "You've been around for a long time. I have a question." "Yes?" "Do you know the stories of Angels?" Speck tapped her hooves together and bit at her bottom lip. "I do." "Do you... Do you believe in them?" Celestia looked up to the sky for a moment, focusing deeply on some event long past. "In all the hundreds of years I've been alive, I have never seen a single one. But you know what?" Speck looked up at Celestia, who looked down at her with a warm smile. "I've believed in them ever since I was a little filly." Speck held her hooves to her chest as a smile played upon her lips. "Why do you ask?" "I think he's an Angel," she said as a tear rolled down her cheek and she sniffled softly. "He's taken care of me, just like how Angels took care of ponies in the stories." Celestia moved from the bench and started trotting toward the castle. "Why don't we ask him what he thinks?" ~~~ I found Twilight sitting in the royal library, with no help from Pingpong. The two exchanged a hug before we all sat down in the light of a dim oil lantern. Twilight, as it turns out, had been reading her raw copies of Elements of Harmony: Legends and Facts. Five books I have already read, but received no conclusion from. I don't want to pry, but I am curious. Maybe this will be my lucky day and she'll offer to let me read them. She catches me eyeing them and scoots them out of my reach. "Are you alright, Anonymous? Is there a reason why you've come looking for me?" "A few reasons, actually. First off, I was asked to give you the regards of one Illusa Lulamoon." "Lulamoon..." She rubs a hoof on her chin and looks up. "Trixie's descendant?" I shrug. "No clue. She's the great-great grand-daughter of someone you used to know, I guess." "How do you know her?" "She did some fortune-telling at the Summer Sun Celebration. Gave me and Speck quite a scare." "Interesting," Twilight mutters as she peers at Pingpong. Pingpong smiles and squeaks like a squeaky toy. "Anyway, I also wanted to ask you for some help, or advice. I'm not really sure which." I throw my journal onto the table and flip it over to a page I wrote a little while after meeting Speck. "I can't read this." "I know. You aren't meant to. Read what's below all of that." Twilight takes the book in her hooves and looks over it. I know she won't be able to read what I wrote, but she should be able to read what's written under that. Speck doesn't know that I know she's been writing in my journal. I don't even know how she found it, or how she's managed to write in it, despite my best efforts to keep it away from her. "She thinks you're an Angel?" "It's all she talks about. I've heard the stories dozens of times, so it makes sense that she'd think that." I sigh and cover my face with my hands. "And then there's everything that happened with her mom, and how she wasn't going to let go until she met an Angel." "Are you sure you aren't just over-thinking this?" "I don't know. I feel like it's the only reason why she's with me, and if she finds out it isn't true, she'll leave." "That isn't true, Nonny!" Pingpong pipes up. "I can tell! The way she looks at you, there's no way she'd only like you based on her belief that you're an Angel! There's nothing you could do to make her not love you, short of stealing her food." "You're right, I guess. I shouldn't have to worry about hiding anything anymore, right?" "Right! Like about how you're terrified of bats, which somehow hasn't transferred to bat-ponies, and how you really don't like pineapples!" "Sure?" "And how you're still unsure if you would stay in Equestria, or travel back to Earth if given the chance!" "I'm not going to ask how you know that." Twilight snickers softly, but quickly shoves a hoof in Pingpong's mouth and points behind me. I stare at the two before turning around. Speck stands beside Princess Celestia. A small frown forms on her face as her head tilts. My heart skips a beat. How long have they been standing there? How much of our conversation has Speck heard?