I ran my hand over my other arm. I was finally dressed, finally had my wallet, and was trying to pick out a scarf to tie my neck together. I honestly had no idea where I was, lost in the urban jungle of Canterlot's shopping district. "...Hmm...." I held my head low, scanning the thicker scarves. "...This is...okay." I carefully tucked my head under my right arm and grabbed a thick cotton scarf with my free hand. "...Yeah...this looks good."
I threw the scarf over my shoulder and hurried through the crowded shop, ponies staring at me openly. They weren't trying to be subtle and I really couldn't blame them. I was a human being first off, in two parts, walking around in a cheap pink shirt and a pair of cream slacks, all the while trying to buy a scarf in a store filled with late Hearts and Hooves day shoppers. I made my way to the counter, mumbling to myself. "...What did I do in my life that I ended up here?"
"Probably something magic." The pony behind the counter stated, "...Probably...something...magic...."
I set the scarf down on the clean white counter. "Yeah...."
The pony behind the counter nodded, sliding the scarf over the scanner. "Was it a mare?"
"...Yeah...."
"...Get her flowers...." The pony levitated the scarf behind my neck. "You'll get a blowjob, no problem."
I held my head in place as the mare wrapped my neck up, letting me seat myself well. "Well, she doesn't have a head."
The mare shrugged. "Then anal...you'll get something good...." She tied my scarf around my neck and nicked the tags. "Actually...flowers might not be the best idea. No mouth, no eating, so...."
"She has- uh... it's complicated." I tried to shake my head off, luckily my head was well anchored, leaving me half normal once again. The only odd thing was I was wearing an absolutely ridiculous outfit, and a scarf in thirty degree weather. "Flowers would work...you know a--"
"Bolshi's, across the street. There's no sign, so it's usually pretty empty, but that dragon knows flowers." The mare pointed out of the window. "Tell her Weaver sent you."
I nodded, nearly tipping my head off my shoulder. "I- Whoa, okay...yeah, I'll be sure to tell him."
"Her." The mare corrected. "She's...complicated."
"Dragon in Canterlot is already complicated." I mumbled. "And look at me...what about me isn't complicated?"
"...Customers." The mare groaned, pointing to the door. "Later dude...."
I stepped out of the bustling shop. "Alright...now...uh...." I looked around the plaza, a pony version of a strip mall, scanning for the some unmarked shop. And hidden behind another store's banner sat a small black door with two narrow green windows.
I hurried across, nearly stepping on a trio of foals bolting around. The plaza was packed with ponies, only the occasional other species hanging about. It felt odd, for all the humans I'd seen in Canterlot there were barely any hanging about, it was majorativly griffon with only the occasional human or hybrid pony dawdling about.
It made me feel like a giant, most of the ponies only coming up stomach to chest height compared to me. I towered over them, wading through the sea of ponies. Little by little I crossed the plaza, taking hold of the black door and slowly pulling it open.
The smell of plant fibres wafted in from the dank dark shop. The place was extremely cramped, dark, damp, and sporting a creature in a hood behind a small counter. A puff of blue fire shot up from a momentarily visible pipe, sending a swirl of smoke past a glowing set of blue eyes. "...What?" The creature asked, pushing an arm out and digging a claw into the counter.
I swallowed hard, looking around the darkened shop. "Uh...Weaver sent me."
The strange hooded creature blew a stream of blue fire from its mouth and the pipe it was chewing on. "Hmmm, what color?"
I looked back towards the door. "I don't know...."
The dragon creature grumbled angrily. "...Who is this for?"
"...Two mares."
"What are they like?" The creature asked, blue fire lapping from her scaly blue mouth. "How significant?"
"We're pretty serious...and one is sweet, quiet, the other is loud...fiery--"
The dragon held a claw out, it's spindly hand veiny and wrinkled. "Alright...just...stand there." The dragon creature reached under the counter, quickly plucking a few flowers and setting them on a bright wrapping paper. She huffed softly as bright white flowers settled down and died under her touch. "...A gift...a trade, your--"
"Look...if I pay extra can you skip the cryptic stuff? I've had-" I undid my scarf and pulled my head off, "-a hell of a day."
The dragon let out a quick huff, pulling her hood back and revealing a powdered white face with bright blue scales. "...See this?" She pointed to her head, a large gash in the webbing of her head fin. "I've had this for forty years, I've had this longer than you've been alive. This is what happens when you skip the cryptic--"
"Triple."
The small dragon huffed angrily. "...The things I put up with." She dragged a claw over the stems of the strange dark dwelling flowers. "These are safe to eat...just for the record. I know you've--"
"Yeah...I've been with a mare.... I thought it was kinda weird at first too." I nodded, my stump of a neck limiting my nodding potential. "Hey I brought you these lovely roses- and you're eating them." I joked, watching the dragon work on the bouquet.
"...Indeed." The dragon sliced the stems of the strange flowers, cupping the stems and blowing a rush of blue fire into the flowers. I stepped back, watching as the dragon blew swirls of orange and blue into the pure white flower, swirling the colors around the center of the flower and causing the stem to change from hunter green to a bright pleasing navy. "There...they should taste like mint and icy spearmint.... Hint of citrus."
I stared at the now colorized flowers. "Um, wow...what are--"
"Secret." The dragon hissed, tapping her fingers on the counter.
I slowly dug my wallet out. "Uh...sure, but how--"
"Secret." The dragon stated, holding her hand out, creepy claws tapping against her scaly palm. "Ninety bits...you said--"
"It's fine." I put the required bits on the counter and took the flowers. "But...how do you even--"
"Secret." The dragon groaned, "Look...if I told you...I'd be out of work. They grow in the dark, I've had a lot of practice making these, and they're edible, not for you probably...you're a monkey creature...not an--"
"I get it!" I shouted, picking my head up off the counter. "Jesus...you're not the only- ...You're not the only one with a bunch of crazy magic around them! I mean, fucking hell, I've got two mares one's just a head, the other just the body, I'm in two pieces, I've been teleported, so drunk I used the head as a fuck toy, I mean...Jesus, if magic was anything like radiation I'd like like a Chernobyl baby!" I shouted, slamming my hand into the counter.
The dragon dropped the bits into a small copper register. "...Long day?"
I wrapped my scarf around my neck. "Extremely!"
The dragon pulled her hood back on, "Hmm, well have a good one...." She hissed, slinking back into the darker corners of the shop.
I wiped off my face, clutching the bouquet of bright flowers to my chest. I hurried out, a small bell jingling as the door swung shut. I ignored it, still a bit flustered and dazed from my sudden decapitation. I hurried down the road, not wanting to catch anyone else I knew while wearing the stupid shirt I was forced to buy.
I had almost no idea where I was going, my route home completely based off some number I was given. But the more I thought about it and the less drunk I felt, I quickly realized Cosmic had managed to plant herself on one of the richest areas in Canterlot, undoubtedly selling the artifacts we'd pilfered or lying to Celestia and getting some government paycheck.
And as soon as I'd found myself on a noble street, filled with primp and proper ponies watching the pink shirted, scarf wearing freak trudge down their street and towards what appear to be a manor. "Huu, god damn it..." I mumbled, spotting the right address, plastered on a miniature castle with a walk up the size of a soccer pitch. "...What the hell...I mean...seriously?" I grumbled, my quiet small town life torn up and thrown down the drain as Cosmic took the wheel. "This is outlandish."
I hurried up the steps, flowers crumpling against my fist. But, it was my second Hearts and Hooves day, and I wasn't going to let it go by as uneventfully as the first. And I really would feel bad for dropping Cosmic and Dust off cold, considering that this would be her first Hearts and Hooves since I plucked her from the woods.
I stepped up to the door, lacking a key I knocked on the door. A soft clatter from inside made me flinch, my head wobbling slightly. Something felt wrong, shallow. The air felt colder and my palm started to sweat over the paper the flowers were wrapped in. I shifted about, my feet stuck in a set of horridly thin flip flops.
The door creaked open, revealing Cosmic peeking outside. "Jason...got ya' head back?"
I swallowed hard, Cosmic's head at a strange level. "Uh...yeah, are you alright?"
Cosmic sniffled softly. "...I'm...I'm good, really good...." She wiped her eye with a hoof, making my heart jump. "Are those fer' me?"
I felt my stomach twist. "Um...yeah.... Where's...where's Dust?" I asked, waving my hand towards the house. "...I got a bunch for the both of you."
Cosmic lowered her head, stepping back and pulling the door open. She stood there, one piece, a large blue scar wrapping around her neck. The roots of her mane and tail were starting to come in orange and her dark grey coat was starting to grow over the scar. "Jason...I'm good...I'm normal again...." She did a quick twirl, her voice quavering away from her hot blooded accent. "I- I'm back, three hundred bloody years...and I'm finally--"
"Where's Dust?" I asked again, stepping up and walking inside. "Is she--"
Cosmic stepped back, her steps a bit sloppy. "Jason...she's not...around anymore." She stepped onto my feet, leaning her neck against my. "She's gone...but I'm finally--"
I dropped the flowers, "No...oh god no!" I shouted, stepping back. "Cosmic, she- how is she gone!?"
Cosmic took a few steps back. "...But- Jason she's part of--"
"No!" I shouted, "I- ...You- fuck!" I screamed, grabbing my head. "I didn't even get to say goodbye!? Are you- she- the hospital!" I shouted, leaning against the wall. "Cosmic...how- you couldn't wait!?" I screamed, spinning around. "How--"
Cosmic flattened her ears. "Jason, this is my body! I need to be--"
"It's not just yours! It wasn't just yours!" I screamed, pointing at her scar. "You're telling me you and Dust were one person!? That's- I'm sorry." I groaned, spotting something in a box. "Oh god...I'm sorry." I brushed past Cosmic.
"Jason...what the heck are ya doin!?" Cosmic yelled, running after me. "Don't you do it!"
I grabbed the blade that severed both our heads, the steel vibrating with latent energy. "Cosmic...there has to be a better way." I held the blade by it's sides. "Cosmic...I'm sorry."
Cosmic stared at me. "Jason...if you do that, I will kill you. I'm not joking, if you do that I will light you on fire and dance in the ashes!" She screamed, her horn starting to flare up orange. "I'm not joking here! Jason...I want this...I love you, I'm whole...why can't you just be happy for me!?"
I shook my head, raising the blade high. "It's not just you...I'm so happy for you, but I can't let someone die in this. There has to be a better way!"
"There is no better way!" Cosmic screamed, thrusting her head towards the floor. "We're one creature, one of us is going to die!"
I shook my head, my scarf shaking. "Mirror pool, magic, something we stole from Storm Side! There's another way, and we're gonna find it!" I shouted, pulling my arms down and severing her neck along the scar. The blade thudded heavily into the floor, Cosmic's head rolling off and onto the floor. The color in her hair faded back into the solid grey. I fell to my knees, pulling the blade out and throwing it aside. "Oh god...I'm so sorry." I picked up Cosmic, her eyes closed, looking dead. "Oh god...don't be--"
"Was?" The head mumbled, opening its eyes and revealing a stunning icy blue. "...Where am I?" Cosmic asked, scanning the room, her voice no longer her own. "...Jason?" She asked, looking up at me. "...Is that what you look like?" The severed head coughed softly, growing a soft pink blush. "Well...to have a kiss from such a cute colt...however strange you may look...."
My eyes darted between her two blue eyes. "Cosmic?"
The body reared up, slamming her hooves into the floor and splitting the wood. She scratched at the floor, causing wood to chip off under her hooves. She walked back, steaming in place.
I looked back down to the head in my hands. "...Uh...Who--"
"Dust...." the head cooed, turning away and laying her cheek against my fingers. "...I'm glad to actually see you...and...thank you for saving me. It was getting a bit dark." Dust spoke, her accent smooth but her words clunky. Her voice was near perfect, reminding me of my time in Amsterdam and a sweet Dutch girl I once knew. Her voice made my heart ache, the blush on her cheeks making me grow a bit warm and her soft blue eyes trying to keep from staring at me and only occasionally darting back and glancing at me before fluttering away.
I stared in awe, realizing exactly what I'd done. "Oh god...well.... I guess I'm not on fire--" I was cut off as the freshly switched body rammed into my, knocking my head off. I rolled down my back, slamming nose first into the floor. "Fuck- Jesus!" I shouted, my head rolling back as my body lurched back and fell flat.
Dust squeaked softly as I held her up off the floor. "Hello!?"
"I'm okay...." I groaned, slowly setting Dust's head down next to mine and settling myself upright on my neck. "I brought- flowers." I groaned, rubbing the bridge of my nose and hazily reaching for the flowers. "I'm...really sorry Cosmic." I groaned, reaching for the angry body, rearing up and trying to bash me.
Dust stared at me, both our heads level, both of our bodies fighting. "...Jason...thank you."
I felt my cheeks burn at her soft gratuity. "Uh...yeah."
Dust's horn lit up, hovering the flowers over towards her. "Hmm, they smell nice." She cooed, nipping one of the flowers and pulling it off the stem. "...Taste...." She cooed, "And what a taste...." She grew a bit pink. "I feel so spoiled."
I stared in awe at the blue eye'd head. Never had I imagined such a different mare being trapped just far enough to way to connect. But now, looming behind me, slowly reeling a hoof back, stood Cosmic, now confined to a headless body and ready to buck my head. "Cosmic...." I whispered, closing my eyes and preparing for the hit. "....I love you."
A hoof tapped against the back of my head, the sound of wood grinding as she stopped herself. Cosmic's hooves tapped hard against the floor, thankfully not kicking me. "She loves you too." Dust stated, chewing on a flower. "She's extremely mad...and you're going to get hurt, but we love you." Dust mumbled, blushing softly. "Oh...oh my...." Dust giggled to herself. "She just realized she has the vagina now...."
I froze, feeling a hoof roll my head to the side. "Wait...wait what?!" I felt myself roll over the floor, Cosmic kicking me towards a door on the other side of the room. "Wait!" I shouted, my body jerking in place. "Wait, Cosmic wait!"
"Happy Hearts and Hooves." Dust cooed, levitating my hand to her head. "Thank you...my hero."
"That's great!" I shouted, "But who's going to save me!?"
"...Not I. I'm actually looking forward to this...a unique experience to say the least."