//------------------------------// // Chapter 7: Ficus; Credits & Acknowledgements // Story: The Centaur and the Centurion // by McPoodle //------------------------------// The Centaur and the Centurion Chapter 7: Ficus It turned out that Princess Twilight knew precisely how to deal with a rampaging greed-bloated dragon. Also, their fight took place in the Everfree, which is much better at absorbing collateral damage than Ponyville. Afterwards, Twilight joined the others at the emergency ward of Ponyville Hospital, to help fix the rest of their problems. The first of these was Big Mac. A certain species-transforming spell that the Princess had first used during the Breezy migration was trotted out, and soon the sorrel pony was back to his normal shape. Still unconscious, though—Princess Twilight Sparkle was many things, but a miracle worker wasn’t one of them. And then there was the Doctor. In this case, the blue Time Lord pony used the Doctor’s “sonic screwdriver” to “reverse the throughput on the logic gate” in order to transfer the proper mind into the proper body. (“There,” Amy commented to Rory. “That’s the kind of technobabble I’d like to be good at. I bet she doesn’t even know what those words actually mean, but the way she delivers them...” “She’s right here, you know,” the blue unicorn commented lightly.) “I am leaving,” Zecora announced at this point in a very cold voice, and turned to go. Applejack’s eyes went wide, and she raced to cut the zebra off. “Please, Zecora, please don’t think that that dragon’s opinions are the same as our own! Just ‘cause she put a muzzle on you because of yer rhymin’ doesn’t mean we’ve got a problem with it!” “Darn tootin’!” chimed in Granny Smith. “Why, without your verses, you wouldn’t be you at all!” Zecora raised a suspicious eyebrow. “Are these words you are speaking true, or just sayings so I won’t feel blue?” Apple Bloom stepped forward to hug her. “You’re a part of this town, and we love you the way you are.” The zebra looked awkward at first with the physical contact, then smiled slightly as she returned the young mare’s gesture. “With that statement, I am content,” she said. “Come with us back inta town,” Apple Bloom invited her. “There’s probably a big Pinkie party waitin’.” Zecora stepped back and shook her head. “I might be made welcome, but I must return to my home.” Apple Bloom on hearing this leaned forward and whispered something into Zecora’s ear, leading to another heartfelt hug. Then the two finally parted company, and Zecora returned to her forest. While all this was going on, Twilight had talked to the other ponies, ending up with a fair idea of what had happened. The big mystery remaining, though, was Colgate. That look that Twilight saw in her eyes, a look that rightly did not belong to any common pony—and didn’t even belong to Twilight herself a quarter of the time when she really needed it—was evidence in and of itself that something fundamental had changed. She saw that the blue pony had been speaking with a yellow unicorn medic, who had scanned her with a magical beam. “I’m sorry,” Twilight overheard him telling the pony, “but I’m afraid your condition is now deteriorating even faster than before.” “Excuse me, Miss?” the alicorn asked politely. The unicorn looked over at her. “Yes?” she asked. Even after hearing what appeared to be bad news, her expression was still perfectly composed. “I understand that you had some memories hidden away, and now they’re back?” “Yes,” the unicorn replied, hesitant for the first time. “So, now that you remember, who and what are you? If that’s not too rude to ask.” The unicorn sighed. “I’m an alien in a pony disguise. My name is Romanadvoratrelundar—” She looked over at Apple Bloom, who had had walked over after waving goodbye at Zecora, and given her a hopeful grin. “But my friends call me Colgate.” “I understand perfectly then,” Twilight replied. “I’ve done a lot of work with memory spells. I mean, just so long as you’re still my friend Colgate, then I’m alright.” “Yees,” Romana replied, more hesitantly than the last “yes”. She just knew that this was going to get back at her, but she just couldn’t stand to hurt the feelings of the adorable alien before her. Twilight responded with a squee and a hug. Then she saw that the gray pegasus—rather confusingly referred to as “The Doctor”—was reviving. “I’ll let you get back to your work,” she said, disengaging. “Yes,” Romana said once more, this time with a more absent tone, before turning back to her patient. “How many fingers am I holding up?” she asked the Doctor. She was holding a single hoof up for him to see. “Sixteen and a half,” the Doctor answered cheekily. “Close enough.” The Doctor rose to his hooves and looked the other pony in the eyes. “The War,” he said, with all the gravitas that term deserved. “I thought you were—” “Yes,” she said distantly. “And I know that you—” “Yes,” he said, turning away. “I won’t waste your time with reasons or excuses.” She pulled him back to face her with one hoof. “But you had to.” She said this as much to convince herself as to soothe his conscience. He looked away. “Someone had to.” She pulled his head back once again. “And no one else would.” “No.” He took a few moments to make up his mind. “You...you could come with us.” “Yes,” said Amy, barging into the conversation with her husband in tow. “I think it’d be a lot of fun with another Time Lord around. I’ll let you have Rory.” The actual manner of Rory’s completely unnoticed reaction will left as an exercise for the reader. “No,” Romana said decisively. “I said I understood. That doesn’t mean I forgive. Not yet. Probably, almost certainly in a century or two.” Her face softened. “You have to understand—for me, it just happened.” The Doctor stepped back, a smile and a sad glimmer in his eye. “I understand. Look me up whenever that happens. Or look me up to yell at me. I’m good at being yelled at, as Amy here will attest.” “He really is,” Amy said on cue. Romana turned to leave, to be stopped by the Princess. “So...Colgate,” Twilight said. “I would appreciate it if you came with me and answered some questions. Oh, and since I’ve known the memory for names to often be the last to come back, I’m Twilight Sparkle...Princess of Friendship.” She said the last bit with some degree of discomfort, more for being a princess than for being an expert on friendship. “Of course, Your Highness,” the unicorn said with a curtsy. “I need to make some arrangements in town in any case.” As she turned to go, the unicorn saw Applejack staring at her, and she was pretty sure she knew the reason why. “I wish to apologize for my deception earlier, in the cave,” she said. “Naw, that’s alright,” Applejack replied. “It was pretty obvious the way things were going to go from the moment that dragon started out-Twilightin’ the Princess.” “And what is that supposed to mean?” asked the indignant Princess in question. Romana looked quietly around her, at the ponies calmly handling the aftermath of a crisis, and doing a remarkably good job of it. She wondered if she was even needed here. Romana looked about her in awe as she made her way into the rather insignificant settlement of Ponyville. It was almost like she had never been there before. It was a town full to the brim with fairy tale creatures—and earth ponies, which Romana firmly believed should have been classified as fairy tale creatures from the moment she had first met one—and all of them were living perfectly ordinary lives. Ponies ran shops. Ponies lit lanterns. Ponies sang and danced...no, wait, that was just Pinkie Pie, leading the town to the big celebration being held in... “I’m going to make a wild guess and say that it’s my shop that is being trashed right now,” Romana stated for the record. “It’s not being trashed,” Princess Twilight clarified. “Pinkie only throws those kinds of parties for our enemies. And not the decent enemies either—the ones who fight dirty.” “I’ll take that under advisement,” Romana said quietly. # # # The interview in the library went rather quickly—despite Romana asking nearly as many questions as Twilight—and a scroll was soon sent off to Celestia, courtesy of Spike. The baby dragon was rather grumpy over the way that his sending ability had been grossly overused in the past several hours. Also, it was way past his bedtime, but he wasn’t about to admit this as the true cause of his crankiness. He promised to re-shelve the borrowed books tomorrow. “So the Rani wasn’t really a threat to the planet?” Twilight asked as they emerged from “Ponyville Library 2.0”. “Oh, I don’t think so,” Romana replied. “Sure, she could have blown up everything with her TARDIS, but there’s no way she could have done that and survived, and she’s not the type to throw away her life like that. It was an empty bluff.” “And how did you know to borrow my books?” Twilight asked. “Well, I don’t really remember anything before I opened that watch,” said Romana. “But if I were to reconstruct the chain of reasoning, Ponyville was being attacked by mind-controlled plants, that used dragonfire. The first is one of the Rani’s trademarks, and the second is specific to dragons. Given her character weaknesses, that pretty automatically says ‘give her more knowledge than she can handle’.” Seeing the Apple family nearby all huddled together she added, “I’ll see you at the party.” The Princess looked in the same direction, and nodded after a moment. “All right.” Big Mac was awake, but still lying down on a pallet borrowed from Ponyville Hospital. He could have easily stayed there overnight, but the Apples had a strong belief in the healing power of being surrounded by your home and family, so it looked like he’d be spending tonight in his own bed. A rather emotional scene seemed to have just concluded. “Am I...missing something?” Romana asked Apple Bloom as they headed over to the dentist’s office for the big party. The other Apples split off to return to Sweet Apple Acres, assisted by the Doctor and his companions. Apple Bloom sighed. “We all knew this day would come sooner or later, but it didn’t make it any easier.” “I see,” said Romana, although she really didn’t. The banner inside the waiting room proclaimed the subject of the party to be “Ponyville’s Salvation #73”. Although it was rather on the late side, several fillies and colts were present. Also in attendance were: “Sweetie Belle! Scootaloo!” “Apple Bloom!” exclaimed Sweetie Belle. “I’m so glad you’re safe!” “More than just safe,” bragged Apple Bloom. “Look!” “You’ve got your cutie mark!” exclaimed Scootaloo. “Everypony! Apple Bloom has her cutie mark!” The whole crowd shouted their approval. Within seconds, a somewhat crinkled “Apple Bloom’s Cutie Mark” banner was added to the ceiling by Pinkie Pie. (“Well, I knew I was going to use it eventually!” Pinkie noted to Roseluck when it was asked how she could have been able to do that so quickly.) Apple Bloom climbed up on the little window that separated the waiting room from the front office, in order to show off her new mark. Several ponies split themselves off from the party to settle various bets that had been made as to the exact timing of the young mare’s cutie mark. Twilight took Romana under her wing, re-introducing her to each of the other ponies at the party. “Well, you can get this party started now, because here I am!” proclaimed a late arrival. “Rainbow Dash! What took you so long?” asked Twilight. “I just had to get a little flying in now that that stupid dome is gone!” answered Rainbow. “Speaking of which, why did you have to have the top of that force field so low that none of us pegasi could fly? Your brother’s domes are much higher.” “There’s a perfectly scientific reason for that,” Twilight explained. “Shining Armor uses a hemispherical dome, which is simpler to construct. But I believe that a lenticular design can be more easily reinforced. I intend to publish a paper with my findings in next month’s—” “Excuse me,” Romana interrupted, “but I don’t think that would be a very good idea.” Twilight turned quickly to face her. “Oh? And why’s that?” Romana walked over to a whiteboard and picked up a marker with her mouth and drew diagrams of both shapes of shield being discussed, with several points labelled and a couple of supplementary equations added. Putting the marker down, she explained: “Well if all energy-based shields share the same fundamental principles—and I believe they do—then the strengthening you speak of has the unfortunate side effect of creating random power fluctuations. It was by taking advantage of one of these fluctuations that I was able to leave Ponyville. Luckily for you, that particular sort of weakness is one-way only, but a knowledgeable foe could probably break in with a minimal amount of effort.” “Hmm...” Twilight mused, studying the diagram. She used her magic to lift up a different colored marker and work through a few algebraic transformations of the equations, before nodding grimly. “I see what you mean. You know, I’ve asked Doctor Hooves plenty of times about shield construction, and although he was very good at tearing them down, I don’t think even he had your level of in-depth knowledge of this particular subject. However did you...?” The words in Twilight’s throat died as she looked over at the Time Lady. The expression on her dazed face was so vivid you could almost see the reflections of explosions in her eyes, and hear the screams of the damned in her twitching ears. It appeared certain that Romana had once made the same mistake that Twilight had made, and paid far more dearly for it. “I’d...I’d rather not talk about it, if you don’t mind,” Romana said in a near-whisper. It took a few moments for a stunned Twilight to get her voice back. “Alright,” she finally managed to choke out. “And thank you.” Romana closed her eyes for a few seconds, and for those seconds it appeared that she had stopped breathing. Then she opened her eyes, and appeared back to her normal self. “I don’t believe we’ve met your friend Rarity yet,” she said. “Right here, Lady-President-of-an-entire-planet,” the white unicorn who was right behind her said with a curtsy. (Let it never be said that Rarity was the last pony to pick up a juicy rumor. Especially if it involved a title somehow.) “Former Lady President, Miss Rarity,” Romana corrected her with a nod. Of a former planet. “I was wondering if I might purchase a dress from you. I apologize for the short notice, but I’m afraid I’ll have to buy it prêt-à-porter, as I will be needing it within the hour.” “Oh!” Rarity exclaimed faintly. “No, it will be no trouble at all. If you could take a moment to step by my shop—” “Oh, I know which dress I would like,” Romana said. “I saw it in the window on the way here. The white one with the frilly shoulders. This should more than cover the inconvenience.” And saying this, she slipped her satchel off of her neck and mouthed it over. “I...I couldn’t possibly accept this!” Rarity protested. “You just saved Ponyville. And been through a perfectly wretched experience. Giving you the dress is the least I could do.” She slid the satchel back to Romana with a hoof. Romana slid it back. “Yes, it was a wretched and perilous experience, hundreds of years of it. And in all that time, the ponies of Ponyville and whatever other towns I passed through looked after me, and cared for me when I didn’t have the means of taking care of myself. Well, this is my gift in return for your gift. Bearer of the Element of Generosity, I trust you to spend this money wisely, for the benefit of all ponies.” “Oh!” Rarity exclaimed. “Well, that’s different.” She picked up the satchel with her magic and bounced it a little to get a feel for how many bits it contained. “Surely you need some of this, though.” “No,” said Romana, dipping her head slightly. “I’ll be leaving the planet at the end of this party.” “Leaving?!” Rarity and Twilight cried out in unison. “Wait, I’ve got this! I think there’s room for one more sign,” Pinkie’s voice called out from the back of the room. “What about the practice?” asked a lilac-colored unicorn mare. Romana turned to look at her. She opened her mouth for a few seconds, then hesitantly closed it. “I’ve got some memory problems, but I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to know you.” “I’m your assistant, Sea Swirl,” the unicorn said. “Perfect!” Romana exclaimed. “I’m giving you the practice.” “You are?” “You’re all right with that, right?” Sea Swirl thought for a moment. “Yes, I think I can handle it.” “Oh good!” Romana exclaimed. “Good luck!” # # # “I’d better get that dress,” Rarity said, excusing herself. She was soon joined by Apple Bloom. “If she needs a dress, then so do I,” she said. Sweetie Belle was the first to catch the significance of this. “You’re going with her?” she asked. Apple Bloom nodded. “It’s what my cutie mark is telling me. Or I’m telling it. Same difference, I guess.” “I’ve got one of your old party dresses that you tore a few months ago,” said Rarity. “It’s fixed up, but might need an adjustment. Come along.” Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle looked at each other, and then followed after, to stretch out their goodbye as long as possible. It was a possibility that the Cutie Mark Crusaders had discussed more than once over the years—the possibility that their cutie marks might drive them apart. # # # Pinkie Pie got the “Farewell Colgate” sign up, only to overhear that Apple Bloom was leaving as well. For a moment, just a very brief moment, she almost became frustrated. Then she repositioned the farewell banner so it overlapped the cutie mark banner. That way, the words “Apple Bloom” in one banner could be seen to double as an additional subject for the other banner. With that, every last centimeter of ceiling space was now taken. “Yup,” she said to herself with a smile, “you’ve still got it.” At that moment, Rainbow Dash landed next to her. “So, I just heard from Twilight that Colgate’s been a Time Lord this whole time,” the pegasus confided to her. “Are we going to celebrate that, too? And what about those three new ponies I heard about?” “Oh come on!” Pinkie exclaimed. # # # Apple Bloom returned to the party a few minutes later, wearing a simple pink dress. Rarity was with her, carrying the dress Romana had asked for. Also with them were Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. All of them were a bit teary-eyed. Rarity quickly excused herself to seek out Colgate. The trio made their way around the party, Apple Bloom saying her farewells as she went. Finally they stopped before a gray pegasus and a lavender alicorn. “There, there,” said the Doctor, picking up her chin with a wing. “Twilight and I have thrown together something that might lift your spirits.” At this prompt, Twilight presented the former Cutie Mark Crusaders with a pair of small identical boxes made from wrought iron, with large handles for carrying them “earth pony style”. Each was covered with filigree of dancing serpents, and had four interlocking doors on the top that opened outwards. “These are dragonfire sending boxes,” she explained. “You put a message in one of them, and it instantly appears in the other.” “Not quite as good as a cell phone,” added the Doctor. “It was something that I thought might be useful if ponies ever colonize the Moon,” said Twilight. “The Doctor made some necessary changes so it would still work across universes.” “All the same,” the Doctor noted, “you probably don’t want to take it outside the TARDIS once you leave this universe.” “This is perfect!” exclaimed Apple Bloom. She led the other two in glomming the inventors. Amy and Rory laughed at the sight. “So do you have any advice?” Apple Bloom asked Amy as she climbed out of the pony pile. “From one red-haired adventurer to another?” “Never forget your family,” Amy told her with a smile, “but don’t let their memories hold you back, either.” “Keep an open mind,” said Rory. “And an open heart,” said the Doctor. “Or hearts,” added Amy with a smirk. “Any other advice I could give is specific to the Doctor, and you know Colgate better than I do.” Apple Bloom nodded slowly. “Good luck,” Amy said, giving her doppelganger a hug. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” “Which isn’t much,” quipped Rory. “Got that right!” Amy replied with a laugh. “Take care of her, OK?” the Doctor said, suddenly serious. “I think she saw some of the worst of the Time War, of things our people thought they had to do to preserve the universe. I think...I think she needs some simplicity in her life. So stay true to yourself, to your identity as a pony, and as an Apple. As much for her, as for yourself. Even when you find you don’t look much like either.” “Alright,” Apple Bloom said with a nod. “And thanks for everything.” She picked up her sending box in her mouth and tried to find Romana. Failing at this, she returned to the Doctor. “You know,” he told her, “a TARDIS is supposed to blend into its surroundings, to allow its inhabitant to observe history being made without interfering. That’s why the Rani’s TARDIS looked like part of her cave. The only reason my TARDIS looks like it does is because it’s become a trifle...eccentric.” “Oh!” Apple Bloom exclaimed. She walked right up to the large ficus plant that Colgate had brought with her into Ponyville, and stepped behind it. Apple Bloom stumbled into the console room of the TARDIS. Unlike the Doctor’s TARDIS, the color scheme leaned more towards sky blue than brown. The struts and beams were a bright orange in color, and had organic shapes to them. As she had half-expected, the passage through the doors had made her human. She wondered, if she looked into a mirror, if she would see a slightly younger version of Amy Pond looking back at her. “So you decided to come after all,” said a voice. Standing behind the console was a majestic humanoid in a pretty white dress and a blond head of hair, her eyes full of warmth. “Yup!” Apple Bloom said brightly. She used one of the struts to raise herself onto her legs. “What should I call you? Romanadvor...it’s kinda long.” “The Doctor called me Romana. You can call me that too, if you’d like. What’s wrong with ‘Colgate’?” “Colgate’s fine in Ponyville. But it isn’t right. I can’t call you Colgate because you’re not Colgate,” Apple Bloom said sadly. “Not anymore. The real Colgate told me that she’d die if she opened the arch, and she was right. You didn’t even know how to use your horn, did you?” “No,” said Romana. “But...Colgate was not entirely right. She was able to do some things that only I should have been able to do, like getting through that shield. And...I think there are some little flashes of memories, intuitions of how I should feel about this pony or that. I feel...very grateful for what you’ve done for her...for me.” “And this is just the beginning,” said Apple Bloom, stepping carefully away from the wall and over to the console opposite Romana. “But I’m not sure that ‘Romana’ is right, either.” “I beg your pardon?” Romana said, raising an eyebrow. “That’s your birth name, right?” Apple Bloom asked. “Yes.” “But the Doctor and the Rani just have titles. Why is that?” Romana looked down at the console, working her way through the system diagnostic yet again as a way to keep from thinking too deeply about what she was saying. “On Gallifrey, my people were divided into two classes. The Time Lords were of noble descent; they were responsible for the fates of galaxies, and they were addressed by their birth names, names that denoted their rank and stature. The others...well, they were lucky to be referred to by their titles, and not just ‘hey you’. It was the rebels—those who left Gallifrey, never intending to return, who shed their names, and chose the titles that others would refer to them as.” She walked around to stand next to Apple Bloom, her eyes still on her instruments. “Most of them were only after mastery, either over people or over nature. The Doctor was one of the few with noble intentions, more ‘noble’ than the nobles he left behind.” “So which are you?” Apple Bloom asked, looking up at her. “It depends,” Romana said with a small smile. She walked over to one wall of the console room. With a touch, one of the roundels set into the wall pivoted open, revealing a set of hidden controls for her to idly manipulate. “I’ve been one of the Doctor’s companions, I’ve done some good on my own, but mostly, I was a Time Lord, on Gallifrey, trying to improve things from the inside.” She sighed as she closed the roundel. “In that, I was less than successful. But I guess...I am a rebel now.” “So what should I call you?” insisted Apple Bloom, who had tried mixing her walk over to the wall with a bit of a skip. “I...had a title of sorts that I gave myself, but it didn’t work out.” The flat surface of the roundel that Romana had just closed had a large flat mirror set in it, and she briefly gazed into her reflection, her hand lightly brushing across it. In her mind’s eye, she saw not her current face, but that of a tall dark woman with auburn hair and a put-upon look. “The Council had assigned me to spy on the Doctor while ostensibly assisting him in retrieving the parts of a powerful artifact, at the request of an all-powerful being who claimed he needed it to save the universe. Each part was disguised as an ordinary object, with extraordinary powers. “All the Time Lords wanted was the Key: to study it and, if it proved interesting, to incorporate its technology into our own. But I saw whole civilizations imperiled by those pieces, civilizations that my masters would have allowed to perish rather than violate their non-interference policy, and my loyalty shifted to the Doctor. And then...” Romana called Apple Bloom’s attention to the mirror. “Princess Astra was the last of the pieces we needed. She sacrificed her life so that we could complete the Key, only for us to learn that our taskmaster intended the object for evil purposes instead of good. He was defeated and Astra was restored, but that moment when I thought she had died for nothing deeply affected me. “I felt I had to do something, so I regenerated into her appearance, and something between my old personality and hers.” Romana smiled. “It’s something we Time Lords can do at will—similar to the chameleon arch. Although with certain limitations.” “So that’s a princess?” Apple Bloom asked, pointing at Romana’s reflection. “Yes,” Romana answered. “Then you should be the Princess!” Apple Bloom exclaimed. Romana was taken aback. “I...I thought you would object. I got the impression that you gave your princesses a great deal of respect.” “Yeah, but that’s because they deserve it,” Apple Bloom replied. “They serve the people instead of just rule them, like the kings and queens of other lands. That’s why they are princesses. A princess is somepony who has ponies above them as well as below them. They rule ponies, but they also serve them. It’s something you earn instead of just being born to it. So, could you take that as your name, Princess?” “And...and you truly don’t mind? You won’t treat me like a snob, or like somebody impossibly above you?” Apple Bloom shook her head. “Not at all! I knew Twilight before she became a princess, and she explained it all to me. I think you’ll make a great princess! Unless you turn out to be like Diamond Tiara, in which guess you better believe I’ll call ya a snob!” “Thanks,” the Princess said somewhat teary-eyed. “I hope I live up to your expectations.” She walked back to the console, and checked one more set of controls. “Now then, would you like to turn back into a pony, at least until we reach our first destination? All you have to do is go out the door and come back in again.” Her hand hovered over a switch. “No,” Apple Bloom answered without a moment’s hesitation. “I think I might as well start getting used to this whole ‘being human’ business.” She looked the Princess in the eyes. “Trusting each other is a big part of the princess business.” The Princess seemed to be getting nothing but surprises from her new companion tonight. “You...trust me?” she said, putting a hand to her “feeling” heart. “But I’m just a stranger to you.” “Doesn’t matter,” said Apple Bloom. “Like Princess Twilight always tells me, what is a stranger—” “—But a friend you haven’t met yet!” said the Princess brightly, but then her brow furled. “Where did I hear that before?” she asked herself. Apple Bloom smiled broadly. “Right then!” the Princess said with a matching grin. “Let’s see how well he flies!” She started turning knobs and flicking switches with reckless abandon. The outer door closed, and the rotor in the center of the console began to move up and down. “‘He’?” asked Apple Bloom, looking around her. The whole room was making the oddest throbbing sound—like the Doctor’s TARDIS in flight, but not quite. The Princess looked around her. “This place always gave me a ‘he’ vibe,” she said. “You know in school, we were instructed never to leave our TARDISes operating any longer than absolutely necessary, for fear that they will spontaneously develop worrisome eccentricities. I deliberately told this one to stay on even after it repaired itself. Who knows? The old boy might start developing a mind of its own!” “Celestia forbid!” Apple Bloom exclaimed playfully. “So, where should we go first?” asked the Princess, inviting the transformed pony to join her as she fiddled with the time machine’s coordinates. “The Cascades of Orion? The Delphic Spectacle? Good Old Earth? Oh, I know! I’ll take you to—” Credits & Acknowledgements My Little Pony is copyright Hasbro, created originally by Bonnie Zacherle, with the Friendship Is Magic series originated by Lauren Faust and currently run by Meghan McCarthy and Jayson Thiessen. The characters of Zecora, Apple Bloom, Colgate (official name Minuette), Applejack, Granny Smith, Big McIntosh, Winona, Doctor Hooves, Derpy, Lyra Heartstrings, Princesses Celestia, Luna/Nightmare Moon and Twilight Sparkle, Spike, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Roseluck, Shining Armor, Sea Swirl, Diamond Tiara, the Diamond Dogs, Changelings (as they appear in this series, not the general concept of a fay creature that replaces a baby), and the unnamed green dragon from the episode “Owl’s Well that Ends Well” all come from that source, as well as the locations of Sweet Apple Acres, Canterlot, Ponyville, the Everfree Forest, Zecora and Twilight’s tree houses, the group called the Cutie Mark Crusaders, the concept of a cutie mark, bits as units of currency, and finally the Elements of Harmony (aka “the Orbital Friendship Cannon”). I also suspect they do now or will soon own the word “anypony”, so prepare to start paying by the word. Doctor Who is copyright the British Broadcasting Corporation, created originally by Sydney Newman, revived by Russell T Davies and currently run by Steven Moffat. The characters of the Doctor (the Tenth incarnation referred to in this story as “Doctor Hooves” and the Eleventh incarnation referred to as “The Doctor”), Amy Pond, Rory Williams, The Master/Harold Saxon, Davros, Romana (technically Romana II), and the Rani all come from that source, as well as the TARDIS [Time and Relative Dimensions in Space] and everything inside it (including the Cloister Bell), the planet of Gallifrey and the culture of the Time Lords, the Time War, the Chameleon Arch, Nitro-9, the sonic screwdriver and the race of Cybermen. The portrayals of the characters listed above are my own (and therefore my fault if I got them wrong). Young adult Apple Bloom is of course more original than most of the other existing characters, and Colgate’s portrayal is heavily influenced by Rina-chan’s version of the character. Unless I forgot something, any characters, concepts or locations not in the above lists—that are not cheeky pop culture references—are my invention. And what do you know? Here’s the list of all of those cheeky pop culture references now, complete with bonus ranting sections! The exposition dump in Chapter 1 recounted the overall arch plot of Series 5 of Doctor Who. Although Amy is known to have talked with the Doctor about what he does when she and Rory are sleeping (the “Night and the Doctor” set of mini-episodes), the part about her figuring out that Rory remembers being the Last Centurion despite his claims to the contrary is my invention. In fact, the characters of Amy and Rory in general do not quite line up to how they were at any point in Series 5, 6 or 7, mostly because Steven Moffat likes to make his characters suffer. No, this is an idealized version of the pair. The idea that the Friendship Is Magic character of Doctor Hooves is a regenerated or transformed version of the Doctor has been done so many times that I don’t think I could point out the first fanfic to do it, or even the best—although lots of people like to point to “Number Twelve” by Squeak-anon. The brown pinstriped suit Rory was wearing that the Eleventh Doctor looked strangely at was the standard costume of the Tenth Doctor. Hey, I wanted Amy and Rory’s clothes to control what coat color they got as ponies, pony Rory in my head is brown, and I thought using Ten’s suit to pull that off would be funny. “TARDIS nanites”: Doctor Who definitely has healing nanites (“Aliens of London”), but I’m not sure if the TARDIS itself has them. If it doesn’t, it should. The fact that they are necessary is because of a fundamental incompatibility between the laws of the Doctor’s universe and Equestria’s—the standard excuse trotted out by authors as to why the Doctor is a pony in Equestria. Bilbo Baggins is from The Hobbit, or There and Back Again (1937), by J. R. R. Tolkien, which included a dragon. While we’re on the subject of Tolkien, the city of Minas Tirith, from The Lord of the Rings (1954) was the inspiration for the design of Canterlot, which is why Rory makes his “Tolkien vibes” quip upon seeing it. “Equis” is a common fan name for the planet that Equestria is located on. According to canon, it’s either “Earth”, “Equestria”, or not yet named. “Mannequins with kill appeal” is the closest thing to a description that you are going to get from the song “Diamond Dogs” (1974) by David Bowie—the title of the song of course was the inspiration for the creatures in FIM. The idea that dragon magic cannot affect electrum, and that this is the reason why Zecora wears electrum rings, is my invention—as far as I know, those rings are gold in canon, and are ceremonial. (Besides, I couldn’t use gold because I was saving that for the Cyberponies.) Oh yeah, and canonically, we don’t even know that dragons have any magic besides sending fire, and that could very well be Spike-specific. “Rory” is the Anglicized version of the Irish Gaelic Ruaidrí/Ruairí, which does mean “the red-haired king”, and coincidently was the name of several Irish kings in the Middle Ages. Winnychester has been mentioned in a few fanfics as the name of a former capital city of Equestria that became the Everfree Forest after Celestia banished Nightmare Moon. “Stepford Teeth” is a reference to The Stepford Wives (1972), a “satirical thriller” by Ira Levin (to quote Wikipedia) about a town where all the wives are submissive robots. The adjective “Stepford” has since gone on to be applied to anything that looks perfect but turns out to be sinister. “A sword straight out of Arthurian legend”: King Arthur’s in the public domain, so there. The sword in question can be either Excalibur or the Sword in the Stone—most people think they’re the same sword, after all. The idea that Doctor Hooves’ companion is Derpy, and/or that they are married, is practically common knowledge at this point, thanks once again to “Number 12”. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle’s cutie mark stories (and how Scootaloo started flying) are my invention. For Scootaloo, I was dissatisfied with some other proposed explanations, and wished to keep with Lauren Faust’s original intentions regarding the character—that she be permanently disabled, and needs to learn how to live with this (see also the character of Wilt in Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends). A “feather stone” or a flying machine in this case works the same way as a cane for a blind person or a wheelchair for a paraplegic—it doesn’t make the disability go away, and never makes things as easy as not being disabled. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a feather stone in a FIM fanfic before, but I’ve encountered them in fantasy novels before. I’m using the concept of rock-based dragon magic that I nicked from some now forgotten fanfiction (sorry), to solve the problem of how they move their hoards around—pegasi can magically pull anything attached to them through the air, but there’s no reason to think that dragon flying magic works the same way. As for Sweetie Belle, the business with Noffony I was snuck into an appendix of my earlier fanfiction “The Best of All Possible Worlds”. It should be noted however, that that story took place in an alternate universe that diverged from canon early in Season 2, so it’s probable that the Noffony I from that story was not visited by three time-travelling foals. Music-based magic is something I’ve been playing around with in my fanfiction for quite some time now, but giving it to Sweetie Belle is certainly not original to me. Apple Bloom spouting a metaphorical mermaid tail is a reference to The Little Mermaid (1989, Disney). I could have sworn that “Roary the Manticore” came from “Hands” by Andrew Joshua Talon, but apparently I’m mistaken. “I can’t stand it, I just can’t stand it,” at least in my ears, is always a quote by Charlie Brown from Peanuts (1950), by Charles M. Schulz. Lyra in the fandom has traditionally been obsessed with hands and humans, to the point where now the fandom has turned against this trend and like making Lyra the exact opposite. I think what we can say with canonical certainty is that Lyra is excited. About anything, really. Amy thinking the Chameleon Arch (aka the silver pocket watch) made Harold Saxon evil: [Rant Warning] Something I’m rather annoyed/disappointed by in a lot of fanfiction, not just for FIM but for pretty much any fandom, is an inability by the author to comprehend or sympathetically portray the opinions of characters who are wrong or who feel differently about things than the author does. The dedicated Doctor Who fan, learning that a character has a fob watch, will instantly want to see it opened, but it seems perfectly reasonable to me that most humans that know what those things really are would never want to see one used ever again. Nitro-9 is a fictional explosive used by the Doctor’s companion Ace. The specific doctor in this case is the Seventh incarnation, the “fellow with the question mark umbrella”. “Fraxinus” is the genus name for olive and lilac plants, so I thought it an appropriate name for a mad botanist to bestow upon one of her creations. And yes, the Rani is a mad botanist from the Classic series of Doctor Who, one of that rare breed of mad scientist that prefers creating freaks of nature to using science to try and take over the world/universe. I am of the opinion that if a writer were to go to the trouble of properly re-inventing her, she would make a fine one-off villainess for the Revived series. (Or they could continue to create original characters, too—I’m fine with that as well.) Also, I think she fits in very well with FIM, unlike some of the more horrific creatures I’ve seen used in crossover fanfics. I suppose I could unleash my rant on that particular subject if asked nicely. Zecora with a cement muzzle: Alright, I’ll admit it, that was me. It probably took me longer to write her four lines of dialog than most of the rest of the entire fanfic. I hate writing poetry. “The Sphere of Stars” is similar to the barrier between universes often used in other Doctor Hooves fanfics, and a reference to my own cosmology for the FIM universe, which is deliberately Ptolemaic. “The destruction of reality itself” is a reference to a rant by the character Davros in “The Stolen Earth” (2008), written by Russell T Davies. The idea that a Time Lord’s left-hand heart is emotionally cold and the right-hand one is warm: I’m pretty certain that either Four or Romana said something along those lines at some point. Probably while Douglas Adams was script editor—it seems to have his brand of whimsy written all over it. “The mad man with a box”: A title given to the Eleventh Doctor, from “The Eleventh Hour” (2010) written by Steven Moffat. The Herd with a capital-H: Definitely a fandom concept—canon tries not to get that mystical. “Roranicus Pondicus”: Name thrown out as a joke by the Doctor in the episode “The Almost People” (2011, written by Matthew Graham) to refer to Rory’s former life as a Roman centurion. I’m taking it seriously, because that whole scenario was plucked out of Amy’s adolescent fantasies of half-naked Romans anyway. “Second Augustan Legion” is an educated guess as to which of the Roman legions in Britain he was a part of. I am really surprised that none of the Doctor Who episode transcripts and fanfiction I searched through had bothered to work out this very important detail before now, so I am proudly claiming it for myself. It’s almost as if the vast majority of fans of Doctor Who are fans because they’re science fiction nuts instead of history nuts, which is completely and utterly bonkers! [Oh, and Rant Over, I guess.] Romanadvoratrelundar: Full name of the Doctor Who Classic character Romana, who I and tons of other fans would love to see come back in some form in the Revived series. Here, I’ll even link to a variant of Murray Gold’s “I Am the Doctor” theme, tailored to Romana by a lone fan who’s trying to create her own video series with this goal. The idea that she became Lady President of Gallifrey at some point comes from the novel Happy Endings (1996) by Paul Cornell, and was accepted as fact in the Big Finish audio dramas. Cybermen’s weakness being gold dust: This was from the very first appearances of Cybermen in the Classic series. Eventually it became obvious that this was a very lame weakness, and so the Cybermen altered themselves to be immune to it. Princess Twilight needing to know how to deal with a greed-bloated dragon: “The Secret of My Excess” (2011), written by M. A. Larson. Breezies: “It Ain’t Easy Being Breezies” (2014), written by Natasha Levinger. “Reverse the throughput on the logic gate”: Meant to be a variant on the Third Doctor’s “reverse the polarity of the neutron flow”, only this time it actually makes sense. “Princess of Friendship”: Twilight’s title starting with “Twilight’s Kingdom” (2014), written by Meghan McCarthy. The episode included the destruction of Twilight’s original tree house/library. Even if she’s now living in a castle, Ponyville still needs a library, so I’m postulating that sometime between then and the time my story is set, “Ponyville Library 2.0” would have to be set up somehow. “Prêt-à-porter”: French for “ready to wear”, i.e. the clothes you don’t get custom-made from a professional dressmaker. Sea Swirl is a background pony with a similar mane design as Colgate’s. Since Colgate is not canonically a dentist, there’s no way that Sea Swirl can canonically be her assistant. Actually, I have no idea who Colgate’s assistant is according to the fandom. The exclamation “Oh come on!”, as always, will be attributed to Sweetie Belle in the episode “Hearts and Hooves Day” (2012), written by Meghan McCarthy. The name vs. title distinction for Time Lords given by Romana in Chapter 7 is my invention, although it resembles any number of fan theories. Of course, I’ve never heard Romana being called “The Princess”, despite that title working particularly well for her. I always thought her line about basing her regeneration on Princess Astra merely because she looked nice in the serial “Destiny of the Daleks” (1979, credited to Terry Nation [although quite obviously written by script editor Douglas Adams]) was a bit too glib. Romana’s story references the “Key of Time” arc (1978-79, also script edited by Adams), specifically the serial “The Armageddon Factor” (1979) which featured Lalla Ward as the doomed Princess Astra before she was cast as Romana after the departure of original Romana actress Mary Tamm (are you following all this, or have I overloaded your capacity for parentheticals yet?). Of course, this assumes that Doctor Who in this period was made for people obsessed with character growth and continuity, instead of for the lackadaisical “teatime family” crowd. Likewise, the theory about why Equestria is ruled by princesses is one of several that fans have come up with to cover Hasbro’s rather lame actual reason, which is that “Princess Twilight” dolls sell better than “Queen Twilight” dolls with little girls. I mean, as if this were a show for little girls! How to make your TARDIS interesting by leaving it on too long: Another fan theory of mine. “I’ll take you to—” The serial “Revelation of the Daleks” (1985, written by Eric Saward) ended with the Sixth Doctor saying “All right, I’ll take you to Blackpool.” Only, the series was put on hiatus right before the last episode aired, with no certainty that the planned episode set in Blackpool would ever be made (it wasn’t), so the final word was cut off from the broadcast version. Not knowing this fact, I have always thought it was tremendously evocative to end an episode in that way. That, and I have no idea where to send The Princess and Apple Bloom for their first adventure together, assuming I ever wrote one. I mean [Rant Time Again] it’s not like I’d be able to post such a series if I actually wrote it. I wanted to write the origin for an inverse of a typical “Doctor Hooves” fanfiction series, and that means a series set solidly in the Doctor Who universe, where the only Equestrian character is in human form 99% of the time—how can I possibly justify posting that to FIMFiction? Besides, I think I’ve said everything I have to say on this particular crossover. End rant, end pop culture reference list, end Credits & Acknowledgements, and end fanfic. Always remember to properly nest your endings, kids!